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  1. #1
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    Bisexual Acceptance

    Hey All,
    I have always thought myself straight with a passing visual interest in men, but I have just spent the last few hours looking at naked Men on tumblr and come to the realisation that I must be bisexual.
    I love Girls and I have never slept with a man, but I love looking at men online and find them physically attractive.
    The reason I write this is because for the first time ever (I've looked at men before) I don't feel guilty or feel bad for looking at them and instead am thinking 'I really like this, this is who I am'
    I've actually just joined this forum to write about this, as I have never had such a clear realisation before. It feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
    Has anyone else experienced this as a sudden realization and what happens next?
    I don't think I will be telling anyone in my real life, but all of a sudden the thought of someone knowing doesn't really seem so bad anymore.
    Interested in others who might have gone through this.
    Thanks

  2. #2
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    Re: Bisexual Acceptance

    Yea, you sound a lot like me. I've always viewed myself as straight until my mid 30's when I started watching gay porn, and the older I get, the more I want to have sex with a man

  3. #3
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    Re: Bisexual Acceptance

    I'm super happy to hear you've resolved some of those constricting feelings you'd been holding onto!

    I guess I've kind of had a similar experience. It's not one-to-one but.....
    For a long time I had considered myself asexual. There's a host of reasons I suspect lead to me not really experiencing sexual attraction prior to that point but at one point I visited Rule 34 to see how ridiculous it gets (and it gets soooo ridiculous to the point of being funny) and I saw a picture that managed to turn me on.
    This was when I was, like, 20. And so it was... strange to realize I was sexual when for the longest time I didn't think I was.

    But what was particularly tough to wrestle with was that I also started experiencing sexual and romantic feelings for other people. I had experienced some romantic feelings prior to that but never with strangers. And now I kind of develop crushes really easily.

    I've never moved beyond exploring myself so I can't really tell you where it goes from there.

    It's at times kind of a pain. Because now I get crushes on guys and it's so much more nerve wracking to think about starting something with them. Because a lot of them end up doomed because they're straight. It wasn't something I had to deal with before.
    And like, if I wanted a relationship, I feel like I could find spaces where that wouldn't be an issue. But having the random crushes gets annoying since it's so much harder to resolve them.

    Going by my experience, I think where you go from here is just allowing yourself to explore. Taking your new understanding and facing your feelings directly. And that doesn't have to mean anything drastic. Just that you can give yourself the room to feel those emotions and do what you want with them rather than putting energy into rationalizing them into something else.
    ⣀⣤⣶⣿⣯⣅⣀⣤⣶⣿⣯⣅⣀⣤⣶⣿⣯⣅⣀⣤⣶⣿⣯⣅⣀⣤⣶⣿⣯⣅

  4. #4
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    Re: Bisexual Acceptance

    I've known I was bisexual from a very early age when my brother and I began having a sexual relationship. Otherwise I kept my bisexuality closeted and to the world I was "straight." I wanted to engage in some same sex activities in college but feared it being known. After my divorce a dear close straight friend of mine of nearly twenty years made his move on me and we are now in a relationship

  5. #5
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    Re: Bisexual Acceptance

    Congratulations Mybopeibea!

    For what it’s worth, I remember when I admitted I liked guys. In retrospect I knew it years before, but it was still an eye-opening experience, and quite frankly it was the scariest part. I’m one of those people who doesn’t like labels, so I didn’t really call myself bi; I just liked what I liked, and that was it. (Today I identify as full-on gay, but that’s another story for another time.)

    You didn’t mention if you’re in a relationship or not. But if/when you get a chance, I would recommend trying out being with a guy. For me, that was probably the most eye-opening part of all. It’s so different from being with a girl, and I never expected I’d be so into it. Plus it took my life in so many new directions I never would’ve expected before... and I mean that in a good way!

  6. #6
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    Re: Bisexual Acceptance

    Hi Guys,
    First I want to apologise for not coming back on here and continuing the converstion. As I mentioned I joined this form to speak about my revelation.
    Second, thank you so much guys for answering me in a very informative and welcoming way. When I made that post it was like a weight lifting off my shoulders but in the days after I felt a little embarassed and confused.
    I think I have come around again to being totallly happy with my realisition: The male physique really turns me on. I've seen videos of naked men that are like watching poetry in motion. I dont believe I'm gay but I'm definitely not straight.
    Briacon429: No I'm not in a realtionship. Finished with my Girlfriend of 2 years in the Summer but we are still great mates.
    To be honest the desire to bring a man to my bed is definitely there, but it would have to be someone I absolutely One Million percent trusted.
    This is a new (and actually quite exciting) experience for me.
    I promise I will be logging on and watching this thread and others from now on, if anyone would like to continue this conversation?
    Thanks for the welcome

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    Re: Bisexual Acceptance

    Quote Originally Posted by mybopeibea View Post
    This is a new (and actually quite exciting) experience for me.
    I promise I will be logging on and watching this thread and others from now on, if anyone would like to continue this conversation?
    Thanks for the welcome
    I’m glad to hear it. Enjoy the experience!

    If you want to talk, I’m available whenever. You can always PM me if you want. Good luck on your new adventure!

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    Re: Bisexual Acceptance

    Quote Originally Posted by Briacon429 View Post
    I’m glad to hear it. Enjoy the experience!

    If you want to talk, I’m available whenever. You can always PM me if you want. Good luck on your new adventure!
    Thanks Briacon429

  9. #9
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    Re: Bisexual Acceptance

    Quote Originally Posted by mybopeibea View Post
    Hey All,
    I have always thought myself straight with a passing visual interest in men, but I have just spent the last few hours looking at naked Men on tumblr and come to the realisation that I must be bisexual.
    I love Girls and I have never slept with a man, but I love looking at men online and find them physically attractive.
    The reason I write this is because for the first time ever (I've looked at men before) I don't feel guilty or feel bad for looking at them and instead am thinking 'I really like this, this is who I am'
    I've actually just joined this forum to write about this, as I have never had such a clear realisation before. It feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
    Has anyone else experienced this as a sudden realization and what happens next?
    I don't think I will be telling anyone in my real life, but all of a sudden the thought of someone knowing doesn't really seem so bad anymore.
    Interested in others who might have gone through this.
    Thanks
    I have struggled with my sexuality all my life. In my early teens and into my twenties, I had some exploring with guys. Never had sex with one though. I have been married to my wife for 30 years, and have come to the realization that I am bi. I would not cheat on my wife, but finding a place when I could get a massage from a man, who didn’t care about me popping a boner would be awesome. I’m glad you have come to realize your sexuality so early in life. I wish I could have, I’m sure it would have saved me years of turmoil. Would love to share some of what I struggled with if you like. PM me if your interested. Good luck and best regards.

  10. #10
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    Re: Bisexual Acceptance

    Thanks Stropie,
    Not sure where to take it next but these last few days have been really interesting.
    I used to surf the net for naked girls and when I found men I'd move on (slowly)
    Now I'm surfing for men and dont feel any need to move on. In fact it's amazing, because I'm not censoring myself I'm actually even finding out what kind of men I find physically attractive.
    I never did that before.
    The novelty might wear off? but at the moment I'm enjoying this journey.

  11. #11
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    Re: Bisexual Acceptance

    What do you think made you not experience sexual attraction?

  12. #12
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    Re: Bisexual Acceptance

    Quote Originally Posted by SeaCore View Post
    I'm super happy to hear you've resolved some of those constricting feelings you'd been holding onto!

    I guess I've kind of had a similar experience. It's not one-to-one but.....
    For a long time I had considered myself asexual. There's a host of reasons I suspect lead to me not really experiencing sexual attraction prior to that point but at one point I visited Rule 34 to see how ridiculous it gets (and it gets soooo ridiculous to the point of being funny) and I saw a picture that managed to turn me on.
    This was when I was, like, 20. And so it was... strange to realize I was sexual when for the longest time I didn't think I was.

    But what was particularly tough to wrestle with was that I also started experiencing sexual and romantic feelings for other people. I had experienced some romantic feelings prior to that but never with strangers. And now I kind of develop crushes really easily.

    I've never moved beyond exploring myself so I can't really tell you where it goes from there.

    It's at times kind of a pain. Because now I get crushes on guys and it's so much more nerve wracking to think about starting something with them. Because a lot of them end up doomed because they're straight. It wasn't something I had to deal with before.
    And like, if I wanted a relationship, I feel like I could find spaces where that wouldn't be an issue. But having the random crushes gets annoying since it's so much harder to resolve them.

    Going by my experience, I think where you go from here is just allowing yourself to explore. Taking your new understanding and facing your feelings directly. And that doesn't have to mean anything drastic. Just that you can give yourself the room to feel those emotions and do what you want with them rather than putting energy into rationalizing them into something else.
    What do you think made you not experience sexual attraction?

  13. #13
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    Re: Bisexual Acceptance

    Quote Originally Posted by Anrysse View Post
    What do you think made you not experience sexual attraction?
    It was really a perfect storm of different things.

    Part of it is the nature of my attraction from the get go. I just naturally have a lower sex drive than most men. And the way I experience attraction is more similar to how women typically seem to experience sexual attraction, which is that they need a context or a sense of personality before they start experiencing attraction. Even when I watch porn I can recognize and be turned on to an extent by hot people having sex but without some kind of explanation for the sex I have a difficult time getting off. And I don't need much. The title of the video or a little blurb in the description painting a picture of the scenario is enough. And frequently if I don't have a story to go off of I'll just invent one myself.

    Another component was my parents, but not in the way you'd likely expect.
    My parents were not sex negative. It'd be more accurate to describe them as sex 'neutral' or sex 'null'; moreso my dad than my mom. My mom had perfectly healthy sex talks with my sister and my understanding is that my mom thought that my dad was having them with me. My dad expected me to be the one to initiate those conversations and since I didn't 'Show any interest' we never talked about it.
    Eventually I did have some sex talks with my mom, but they were mostly about women's sexuality; stuff like what a period is and various mechanisms relating to reproduction.

    But in the absence of sex positivity from the home, the void was filled by the sex negativity of American culture. All this talk about virginity, abstinence, and doing everything to avoid stuff that was 'too sexual' sent the clear message that sex was a largely shameful and taboo thing. And when people can't talk about a thing, people can't learn about the thing. I fostered an incredibly effective avoidant behavior of anything relating to sex.

    Tying in to the previous two points was--well it'd probably be best to just explain it.
    When I was younger, like five, when I got stressed I would fondle my penis. That's not terribly unusual. But it's not exactly socially acceptable and apparently I did it in the middle of kindergarten one time.
    I think my mom handled it about the best that anyone could expect but because of the insipid nature of my culture I put negativity into it. All my mom would do is ask why I was touching my penis. And I didn't really know why I was doing it, but I could tell I wasn't suppose to do it.

    But it lead to me going off the deep end. I basically tried to forget I even had a sex. I never looked at my dick. I just pretended it wasn't even there. I sit when I pee so I didn't even interact with it for that.
    So a lot of boys discover masturbation because their dick ends up rubbing against something for one reason or another and it feels good so they keep going. But I'd basically removed that method of discovering some of my sexual side from the equation.

    Trying to forget I had a sex really was a powerful tool for locking down sexuality. When I started getting random erections during puberty I thought there was something wrong with me but I was too afraid to talk about it so I just hid it. And I believe I was very good at hiding it too, otherwise I probably would have had a sex talk.
    It wasn't until years later when I saw a symbolic representation of the Egyptian god 'Min', who has a constant erection, in a mythology/symbology book that I realized other men had erections too. Which is sad. It took stumbling on a piece of mythology for me to realize something so basic about reality.

    I was also homeschooled so my contact with other people my age was extremely limited. In addition... The homeschool market and organizations were largely fundamental-christian based. So whether my mom actively sought out christian influence, I suspect mom didn't, that is what I got. And so of course talks about sex would be incredibly unlikely or slanted in a negative direction; from non-parental entities.

    I think that covers most of the bases. There're a few minor details here or there but I think this shows my core reasons for not experiencing sexual attraction. My low/particular sex drive, paired with avoiding sexual content, and avoiding exploring my body, created an environment where there was nothing sexual to elicit arousal or attraction.
    Think of it like feeling grief. If you never put yourself in a place where you can experience loss you never have to deal with the feelings so you never become aware of them.

    It wasn't until you prompted me to formalize my thoughts, but I don't think I'd ever seen a remotely realistic representation of an erect penis, other than my own, prior to that day I went to Rule 34. I'd been so good at avoiding the subject of sex that I went 20 years without seeing that.
    ⣀⣤⣶⣿⣯⣅⣀⣤⣶⣿⣯⣅⣀⣤⣶⣿⣯⣅⣀⣤⣶⣿⣯⣅⣀⣤⣶⣿⣯⣅

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    Re: Bisexual Acceptance

    Quote Originally Posted by Briacon429 View Post
    Iím glad to hear it. Enjoy the experience!

    If you want to talk, Iím available whenever. You can always PM me if you want. Good luck on your new adventure!
    Hello,

    I read your posts and I would like to know if I could talk about my sexuality with you.
    I am 44, straight, but I always fantasised about making love with a man.
    But I am too afraid to do it.
    Yesterday I had a man who wanted to come to my place. But at the last minute I decided not to give him my house number.
    What should I do? I so much want it.
    It makes me crazy.

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    Re: Bisexual Acceptance

    Quote Originally Posted by lawrence View Post
    Hello,

    I read your posts and I would like to know if I could talk about my sexuality with you.
    I am 44, straight, but I always fantasised about making love with a man.
    But I am too afraid to do it.
    Yesterday I had a man who wanted to come to my place. But at the last minute I decided not to give him my house number.
    What should I do? I so much want it.
    It makes me crazy.
    You sound like me 39, straight but curious. I want to fool around with a man, but if it came to it, I would probably chicken out

  16. #16
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    Re: Bisexual Acceptance

    Quote Originally Posted by lawrence View Post
    Hello,

    I read your posts and I would like to know if I could talk about my sexuality with you.
    I am 44, straight, but I always fantasised about making love with a man.
    But I am too afraid to do it.
    Yesterday I had a man who wanted to come to my place. But at the last minute I decided not to give him my house number.
    What should I do? I so much want it.
    It makes me crazy.
    You need to find a guy who is understanding and wants to get to know you first! I remember I wanted it so much too...and did find a guy who took it slow and made me very comfortable!

  17. #17
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    Re: Bisexual Acceptance

    Quote Originally Posted by Shelby29 View Post
    You need to find a guy who is understanding and wants to get to know you first! I remember I wanted it so much too...and did find a guy who took it slow and made me very comfortable!
    you? .....................

  18. #18
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    Re: Bisexual Acceptance

    Quote Originally Posted by lawrence View Post
    Hello,

    I read your posts and I would like to know if I could talk about my sexuality with you.
    I am 44, straight, but I always fantasised about making love with a man.
    But I am too afraid to do it.
    Yesterday I had a man who wanted to come to my place. But at the last minute I decided not to give him my house number.
    What should I do? I so much want it.
    It makes me crazy.
    You can absolutely talk to me about it. Like I told Mybopeibea, you can PM me anytime... or you can send me a public comment like this one. Or you can find me on my othher social media (because I use the same username across the board).

    Obviously a lot depends on your personal situation... I assume you’re single? But one way or another, your nervousness is totally normal at this stage— and at later stages, for that matter— and I can completely relate. Anyway, yeah, hit me up & we can chat!

  19. #19
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    Re: Bisexual Acceptance

    Quote Originally Posted by Briacon429 View Post
    Congratulations Mybopeibea!

    For what itís worth, I remember when I admitted I liked guys. In retrospect I knew it years before, but it was still an eye-opening experience, and quite frankly it was the scariest part. Iím one of those people who doesnít like labels, so I didnít really call myself bi; I just liked what I liked, and that was it. (Today I identify as full-on gay, but thatís another story for another time.)

    You didnít mention if youíre in a relationship or not. But if/when you get a chance, I would recommend trying out being with a guy. For me, that was probably the most eye-opening part of all. Itís so different from being with a girl, and I never expected Iíd be so into it. Plus it took my life in so many new directions I never wouldíve expected before... and I mean that in a good way!
    Could you elaborate on this? You identifying full on gay now and how you went from "I like what I like" to where you are now? I'm curious about this since I'm dating someone now who I envisage going through something similar.

  20. #20
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    Re: Bisexual Acceptance

    Quote Originally Posted by pbr92 View Post
    Could you elaborate on this? You identifying full on gay now and how you went from "I like what I like" to where you are now? I'm curious about this since I'm dating someone now who I envisage going through something similar.
    Well, I can definitely tell you my story... though I canít guarantee how profound itíll be!

    Looking back on it, I probably mistook being gay with being effeminate. Nothing against guys who are like that... itís just not really me. In retrospect, I always kind of knew I liked men, even back when I was a kid. I just didnít fit the stereotype: I didnít care about fashion or shopping or any of that stuff. I was way more into things like science, football, and eventually beer. And above all, I did date girls, and I never thought it was awkward (even though I kept a secret stash of gay porn, which I never revealed to anyone).

    Eventually I broke up with my last girlfriend. Iíd been with her for years off and on, so I liked being single for a change. That was the first time I felt like I could really play the field. I played it safe at first, but the more time went on, the more I wanted to act on my urges. So I finally hooked up with a guy.

    Iíll never forget my first kiss with that dude. It felt so right and so natural, like I hadnít realized what I was missing! And the same thing goes for gay sex. I actually never hid his stuff from my friends and familyó so for better or worse, I donít have a good coming-out storyó though I still tried to avoid the word ďgayĒ. I just didnít identify with the people I saw on T.V. and the Internet. I even tried to avoid the word ďbiĒ though it seemed pretty close to were I was at that point.

    After about five years or so, it occurred to me that I hadnít wanted to be with a girl that whole time... nor did I ever feel the need to be with a girl ever again. And over time, Iíd started relating to the stereotypically gay stuff more and more. So I figured that probably meant I was gay!

    To this day, Iím still not into fashion or anythingó so I guess Iím still myselfó but I do frequent gay websites like this one. Plus Iíve met a lot of other people like me, which has gotten me more passionate about things like fighting for our rights. So now Iíve marched in my share of pride parades (which was something I swore Iíd never do) and Iíve gotten more tied into the LGBT world than I ever thought Iíd be.

    Donít get me wrong, Iím not saying anyone should necessarily be like me. Itís just how I ended up where I am now... for whatever thatís worth!

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