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  1. #1
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    I can't find any happiness in my life because I'm single

    I'm in my late 30s already, just recently ended a serious relationship and the breakup and loss of our future together is devastating to me.

    Once again I'm single and miserable. I'm beginning to realize that this "hetero" lifestyle that I've always wanted (settling down with a guy and having kids) might never actually happen. And it just depresses me. It's so damn hard to find a partner in the gay community and I just cant seem to find any way to be happy if I end up being single. It feels so lonely and unfulfilling to me.

    How do you guys who are 30+ dealing with being single? Are you ok it? Have you found ways to be happy with it, or are you just used to it?

    I live in a big gay city and while there are of course many single guys, a lot are also married and even having kids via surrogate. I just wish I were one of those.

    I just cant get used to the idea of being alone and also fulfilled in life...

  2. #2
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    Re: I can't find any happiness in my life because I'm single

    i went to pieces after my divorce. I went to therapy. Now im with a great person. Get happy with yourself first

  3. #3
    Slut Briacon429's Avatar
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    Re: I can't find any happiness in my life because I'm single

    Quote Originally Posted by novastar View Post
    i went to pieces after my divorce. I went to therapy. Now im with a great person. Get happy with yourself first
    Same here (basically). I went through a tough breakup about 10 years ago, albeit not a divorce, and it took me a while to deal with that “loss of a future together” to use Fallinlove’s words.

    As fate would have it, I met my now-husband when I was on the rebound. I wasn’t expecting to get in another long-term relationship, and neither was he, because he was frustrated with his own love life too. Yet that’s when the stars aligned. The same thing can happen to you!

    Btw, I don’t agree with that part about a “hetero lifestyle”. Your lifestyle is what you want it to be. Some people feel a strong urge to get married and have kids, but a lot of other people don’t. That has nothing to do with being gay or straight; it has everything to do with what you want out of life. (Granted, straight people have it easier when it comes to conceiving a child, but the desire is no different.)

    Just do what works for you— and if you’re not sure what that is, then your single life is a good time to try things out. Sooner or later you’ll find someone who wants the same thing as you do.

  4. #4
    Old Man Jay Is UnLoveable 72-Jay's Avatar
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    Re: I can't find any happiness in my life because I'm single

    Quote Originally Posted by fallinlove
    How do you guys who are 30+ dealing with being single? Are you ok it? Have you found ways to be happy with it, or are you just used to it?
    I'm beyond my 30's, and I've .always. been single.
    Yep I'm ok with it, maybe simply just a matter of being used to it since its always been that way. Its a simple matter of the fact that I am basically unloveable/unfriendable.
    But also on top of that I'm really better off just staying single anyway...


    Quote Originally Posted by fallinlove
    the breakup and loss of our future together is devastating to me.
    Quote Originally Posted by novastar
    i went to pieces after my divorce.
    This type of thing is why I say that I'm better off staying single...I truly believe that I'm one of those people who would die of a broken heart
    ...that all said, I do believe in long-term/committed/monogamous relationships, and even daydream about such . . but in reality it ain't gonna happen for me

  5. #5
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    Re: I can't find any happiness in my life because I'm single

    Shortly after my divorce...immediately after wifey moved out, actually...a close straight male friend of almost twenty years made a move on me and now we are happily together. You never know what life brings

  6. #6
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    Re: I can't find any happiness in my life because I'm single

    Quote Originally Posted by novastar View Post
    Shortly after my divorce...immediately after wifey moved out, actually...a close straight male friend of almost twenty years made a move on me and now we are happily together. You never know what life brings
    Wow! that is one of the top THREE happy endings in the real world I've ever heard! Good for you. Be Happy and treat your partner like gold.

  7. #7
    JUB Addict ballcaphair's Avatar
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    Re: I can't find any happiness in my life because I'm single

    I'm bi and I'm under 30, so probably anything is possible. I cannot imagine monogamy and that may be who I am and who I will be. One my my guys and two girlfriends, all of whom are aware of my lifestyle, say they love me enough to stay hooked forever. My feelings run deep for each of them, but if and until I come to terms with me, I've told them that I am a blind alley. I think I know love and feel it, but it's a wonderful, but dim light in the distance and I'm unsure I'm headed in that direction. I do not envy those who are in love. They make me happy and brighten the world. I find happiness in all of this. I'm a romantic entirely and glad of it.
    See how beautiful we are and blessed, too. Together we are excellent.

  8. #8
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    Re: I can't find any happiness in my life because I'm single

    the daydream about a real relationship shouldn't just dissipate. in fact it could happen at any time. I completely to your comment about dying of a broken heart. I think a person can survive multiple broken hearts. but I know I never want another one. no thanks.

    And your comments about staying single REALLY hit home. I'm not sure what I am trying to say be maybe......you're not alone, truly NOT alone for all the comfort that may bring. I meant well. I really did. hang on. Mr. or Mrs. RIGHT may be right around the corner. also, they may not be. just keep hanging in as long as you can my friend

  9. #9
    too late... Harke the Boeotarch's Avatar
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    Re: I can't find any happiness in my life because I'm single

    Quote Originally Posted by fallinlove View Post

    How do you guys who are 30+ dealing with being single? Are you ok it? Have you found ways to be happy with it, or are you just used to it?
    He died 5 years ago. He was everything I could have ever wanted from a friend and a lover in this life and Mo(o)re.

    Still see the man I was with before him (going there tomorrow) and have various fb´s mostly around Amsterdam... but after this I want to be alone for a long time... perhaps for ever.
    Last edited by Harke the Boeotarch; December 12th, 2018 at 06:00 PM.

  10. #10
    Old Man Jay Is UnLoveable 72-Jay's Avatar
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    Re: I can't find any happiness in my life because I'm single

    Quote Originally Posted by GayCuriousSub
    Quote Originally Posted by novastar
    Shortly after my divorce...immediately after wifey moved out, actually...a close straight male friend of almost twenty years made a move on me and now we are happily together. You never know what life brings
    Wow! that is one of the top THREE happy endings in the real world I've ever heard! Good for you. Be Happy and treat your partner like gold.
    I agree, that is a truly happy ending to a sad thing.


    Quote Originally Posted by Harke the Boeotarch
    He died 5 years ago.
    So sorry to hear that Glad to hear you still have your other friends though!


    Quote Originally Posted by GayCuriousSub
    the daydream about a real relationship shouldn't just dissipate. in fact it could happen at any time. I completely to your comment about dying of a broken heart. I think a person can survive multiple broken hearts. but I know I never want another one. no thanks.

    And your comments about staying single REALLY hit home. I'm not sure what I am trying to say be maybe......you're not alone, truly NOT alone for all the comfort that may bring. I meant well. I really did. hang on. Mr. or Mrs. RIGHT may be right around the corner. also, they may not be. just keep hanging in as long as you can my friend
    I do daydream about a real/meaningful relationship frequently. Far too much actually...almost every evening while waiting to fall asleep. I wish I was one of those people that could just lay down in bed & be out like a light, but doesn't seem to matter how tired I am, it takes awhile to fall asleep. In a way I wish I could kill the daydreams (or really more simply just 'turn off' my thinker when I lay down in bed ).
    Pretty sure I get what you're saying in the last sentence, & thanks
    I know 'never say never' is truly a thing, but I really have given up on anything relationship-wize (that said I don't consider single as a bad thing)

  11. #11
    Keep Smilin'!! ;-)
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    Re: I can't find any happiness in my life because I'm single

    Growing up we moved every 3-5 yr. I learned not to get too attached to people I'd likely never see again. As ruthless as it might sound, it became "no big deal" for me to "easily" discard old friends, make new ones, that I'd have to give up later, and move on. I didn't really have a choice. Callouses serve their purposes.

    In addition, my sexuality was also "fluidic". I was fascinated with sex, willing to try, to explore and discover, so it wasn't until I was 30 that I "owned up" to my core inclinations, and went totally with dudes.

    Previously though, I was exceedingly "lucky" with the ladies, and nearly married five, or six, of them. What stopped me was my "ingrained" reluctance to attempt anything long term, and my underlying interest in guys.

    SO ... I jumped into the gay scene like a kid in a candy store. I eventually met a popular bartender named Kevin, and figured I didn't have a chance in hell with someone like him. However, things have a way of taking unexpected turns ...

    That was (OMG!) 36 years ago, and we're still together! Granted, there were 3 break ups along the way, and countless other surprises ...

    Funny thing is, he's more attached than I am. He's the one who has kept coming back. Even after all these years, I still don't think of our relationship as "long term". I guess I'm wrong about that!

    It all depends on what you're expecting vs. what is actually happening. Quite often, if you're looking too hard, you might never find what you think you're looking for. On the other hand, if you let things go, whatever way they will, leaving yourself open to all the possibilities you might encounter, without preconceived expectations, limiting demands, forced conditions, self imposed restrictions/expectations, well ...

    That's just me and my experiences. I'm not trying to tell anybody how they should live their lives. God knows I have absolutely no qualifications to even assume I have any rights, or qualifications, to presume such an approach. All I can do is share, maybe providing a different perspective ...

    I'm wishing all of you the Best, in your desires, hopes, and ventures!

    HUGS!!
    Chaz
    Last edited by Kyanimal; December 14th, 2018 at 07:22 AM.

    WISDOM is the Knowledge you have gained ... After you could have used it! _Me

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