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  1. #1
    JUB Addict aristomaniac's Avatar
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    Ex asked to borrow money

    Recently, I got back in touch with an ex. Last week, he was going to move to a new apartment, so I offered to help since I have a big-ass pickup. At one point, he admitted that he was in a lot of debt and he asked to borrow $4K I said no.

    Don't get me wrong. Or rather, don't get him wrong. I believe that he believes he will pay me back every single cent. The thing is I have lent others money in the past. Very genuine people. The only people who have ever paid me back were family. I have lost thousands over the years. See, no matter how genuine people are and how much they believe they will pay back, it simply is too easy to not pay back the money. The temptation to just pretend the loan never happened is too great. And most people will get lured by the temptation. And no, I will not go through the trouble of taking them to small claims court.

    I just found it really weird that he asked outright for that much money.

    Anyway, learn from my experience, people! Never lend money unless you are prepared to never see it ever again. My dumbass self in the past lost thousands. Don't be like my dumbass past self.

  2. #2
    Can you hear me yet?
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    Re: Ex asked to borrow money

    Quote Originally Posted by aristomaniac View Post
    See, no matter how genuine people are and how much they believe they will pay back, it simply is too easy to not pay back the money.
    As a very wise man once said, "A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on."

    Live by those words!

    Not lending them money is much easier than taking them to court.
    "You can't have everything. Where would you put it?" - Steven Wright

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    Thank you, Dahling! NotHardUp1's Avatar
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    Re: Ex asked to borrow money

    Unfortunately, the type of person who makes no plan to deal with this debt is also the person who sees a sign of kindness and his next thought is what more can he get out of it.

    It is soooo recognizable a pattern.

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    JUB Addict aristomaniac's Avatar
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    Re: Ex asked to borrow money

    Quote Originally Posted by gsdx View Post
    As a very wise man once said, "A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on."

    Live by those words!

    Not lending them money is much easier than taking them to court.
    Also, to ensure that I don't go soft and lend him the money, I told my husband about it. So, there is no chance I can keep it a secret now.

  5. #5
    JUB Addict aristomaniac's Avatar
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    Re: Ex asked to borrow money

    Quote Originally Posted by NotHardUp1 View Post
    Unfortunately, the type of person who makes no plan to deal with this debt is also the person who sees a sign of kindness and his next thought is what more can he get out of it.

    It is soooo recognizable a pattern.
    I agree. Unfortunately, I have always had a soft (DUMB) spot for desperate people. I think in the past I lent out money to people who need it because I wasn't in any serious relationship and so had no one and nothing to be responsible for except myself. But now I have a hubby and I can't be that reckless anymore.

    I'll be honest. Hearing the desperate tone in his voice, I actually almost said yes. Then I had to remind myself that (1) he will not pay me back and (2) I have a boss to answer to now.

  6. #6
    JUB Addict Telstra's Avatar
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    Re: Ex asked to borrow money

    Quote Originally Posted by aristomaniac View Post
    I agree. Unfortunately, I have always had a soft (DUMB) spot for desperate people. I think in the past I lent out money to people who need it because I wasn't in any serious relationship and so had no one and nothing to be responsible for except myself. But now I have a hubby and I can't be that reckless anymore.

    I'll be honest. Hearing the desperate tone in his voice, I actually almost said yes. Then I had to remind myself that (1) he will not pay me back and (2) I have a boss to answer to now.
    Desperate people only need $20 or $50 to buy food.
    Not thousands.
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    Thank you, Dahling! NotHardUp1's Avatar
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    Re: Ex asked to borrow money

    And perhaps more importantly, his desperation does not constitute rationale to give money.

    Lots of people become desperate. They do things with little regard for consequence, and then consequence arrives, and they are undone.

    The truth is, feeling desperate and being desperate are two different things. A man gets paid, blows income that is not expendable on discretionary purchases, and then has too little left to pay utilities and car payment and rent and insurance. The due dates roll around and he feels desperate. What is he going to do without his car insurance? So, he drops down to liability only. A year later he has simply budgeted to not ever return to full coverage, and the accident happens. He now has a car that is worthless, but has bad credit, so drives the junker for the next two years, unable to afford to repair the body damage.

    He didn't get there overnight. He made one decision after another that led him there.

    If he'd skipped rent, he'd eventually lose the apartment, and he would go from bad to worse as he had to downgrade, but losing his apartment is appropriate if he is not going to priortize making rent.

    It's not that people don't have unforeseen setbacks, but most people on the skids had very foreseeable things happen. It's like the decline of U.S. manufacturing for uneducated workers. We were all told in the 70's this was coming. I wasn't raised in Berkeley, but in rural Arkansas and attended public schools. If we knew it, everyone knew it. But some rode it to the end of the line, and are now whining because their easy money left them behind in the dust.

  8. #8
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    Re: Ex asked to borrow money

    I loaned my ex's partner a substantial sum of money some years ago.

    It became apparent that he had no intention of repaying the loan when he went out and opened up a couple of restaurants and stopped making any payments at all. The good news is that I only had loaned him half of what he asked for and I had a written agreement.

    He ended up paying about 12 per cent interest on the loan, which is what I had paid my ex on a second mortgage back in the 80's.

    Once he cleared the last payment, by which time his restaurants had failed, I never have heard from him again.

    So there's that, at least.

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    Re: Ex asked to borrow money

    I agree if someone asks us for a loan if its a small amount I say you do not have to pay it back just never ask again.

  10. #10
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    Re: Ex asked to borrow money

    I agree with your advice.

    When it comes to loaning money to friends or family, my approach is to consider it a gift (in my mind) -- If I'm paid back anything, I consider it a bonus.
    "Whatever you do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius and power and magic in it..." Goethe

  11. #11
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    Re: Ex asked to borrow money

    I wish a nigga would a bitch like me too fine for all that, the fuck I look like giving my ex that kinda money hell no you my ex bitch die


  12. #12
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    Re: Ex asked to borrow money

    I say lend it to him. How else will we get a follow-up to this thread.

    He's an ex for reason. Leave him in the grave.

  13. #13
    Salt In The Wounds. Cormac135's Avatar
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    Re: Ex asked to borrow money

    Good to read you told him to get to fuck.

  14. #14
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    Re: Ex asked to borrow money

    What was that proverb again? Oh yes. "Help a man when he's in trouble, and he'll remember you when he's in trouble again."
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  15. #15
    JUB Addict aristomaniac's Avatar
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    Re: Ex asked to borrow money

    Quote Originally Posted by sixthson View Post
    I say lend it to him. How else will we get a follow-up to this thread.

    He's an ex for reason. Leave him in the grave.
    No follow up needed. You confuse me with the king of this forum.

  16. #16
    JUB Addict aristomaniac's Avatar
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    Re: Ex asked to borrow money

    Quote Originally Posted by Zeno Lorea View Post
    What was that proverb again? Oh yes. "Help a man when he's in trouble, and he'll remember you when he's in trouble again."
    very accurate.

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    Re: Ex asked to borrow money

    If someone i know asks me for money i offer them something to do around the house cut grass help me with a project etc . This guy i knew on facebook messaged me and asked me if i needed any side work done and i told him the grass needed to be cut since it rained a lot and i hate yard work he came over quickly and cut it and i paid him $20.

    You are so right if you lend money to someone you will never see it again. People these days wants a free hand out nobody wants to work for money.
    Last edited by USEDCAR; August 8th, 2018 at 06:13 PM.

  18. #18
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    Re: Ex asked to borrow money

    If it’s an amount of money I can live without and I have it I tend to lend it, never really expecting to get it back...4K is a lot of cheddar and I’d be hard pressed to say yes.
    FPNY
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  19. #19
    Get it on! peeonme's Avatar
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    Re: Ex asked to borrow money

    Quote Originally Posted by FPNY View Post
    If it’s an amount of money I can live without and I have it I tend to lend it, never really expecting to get it back...4K is a lot of cheddar and I’d be hard pressed to say yes.
    $10. bucks for gas is about all I will do.

  20. #20
    JUB Addict Zeno Lorea's Avatar
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    Re: Ex asked to borrow money

    Quote Originally Posted by aristomaniac View Post
    Also, to ensure that I don't go soft and lend him the money, I told my husband about it. So, there is no chance I can keep it a secret now.
    Very smart. Now if you also throw it on facebook, the number of people who will ever ask you for money will go down even further.
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  21. #21
    JUB Addict aristomaniac's Avatar
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    Re: Ex asked to borrow money

    Quote Originally Posted by Zeno Lorea View Post
    Very smart. Now if you also throw it on facebook, the number of people who will ever ask you for money will go down even further.
    This may surprise you, but I actually don't use fb all that much. I have an fb account, but I rarely post anything on it. Just not my thing.

  22. #22
    JUB Addict aristomaniac's Avatar
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    Re: Ex asked to borrow money

    Quote Originally Posted by peeonme View Post
    I managed to learn new skill sets, study and keep the boat afloat, I meet plenty of people with college degrees... at fast food places or Walmart.
    The problem is there are too many who don't plan ahead and don't even know what they want to do after college. They think that simply having a college degree is enough to prosper. Couple this with the gluttony of useless college majors these days and we have hordes of college grads with absolutely no useful skills to offer to real life employers.

    And before anyone accuse me of having a bias for stem, let me point out that my husband graduated this past december with a BA in communications. In just 2 months of job search, he was offered 3 honest to God professional jobs. The one he ended up accepting actually offered him about $10k more than what he asked for. No nepotism needed.

    I cringe everytime I hear some SJW majoring in philosophy or art history because it is their passion. Fun fact. Just because your passion is pottery doesn't mean someone will pay you a living wage to do pottery. Some of these useless degree college grads ended up with massive student loan debts that are unbankruptable just so they could get fulfillment with their philosophy degree.

    Edit.

    And no, being a waiter or busboy is still not a professional job.
    Last edited by aristomaniac; August 8th, 2018 at 10:48 PM.

  23. #23
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    Re: Ex asked to borrow money

    after lending to sibling went sour I never want to be in such. position with family or friends again. Sibling never pid up but I have forgotten the money & love him

  24. #24
    ***** queen fabulouslyghetto's Avatar
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    Re: Ex asked to borrow money

    the fuck happened to this thread?

  25. #25
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    Re: Ex asked to borrow money

    Quote Originally Posted by fabulouslyghetto View Post
    the fuck happened to this thread?
    Good question. Cleaned up.

  26. #26
    Get it on! peeonme's Avatar
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    Re: Ex asked to borrow money

    At least the thread isn't derailed... it's just dead.

  27. #27
    JUB Addict aristomaniac's Avatar
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    Re: Ex asked to borrow money

    Quote Originally Posted by peeonme View Post
    At least the thread isn't derailed... it's just dead.
    Haha rightfully so. I don't have anything else to add. Nothing exciting really.

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