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  1. #1
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    Liking someone 5000 miles away

    There is this guy. We met on an app which yes, I know what your thinking and yes, I think it too. My dad was a cop.

    Anyway, he likes me but lives in Scotland (cutest town ever, halfway between Glasgow and Edinburgh). Obviously, I would most likely meet him first but he's only 2.5 years younger but so cute but more successful which is a story for another day. Which brings me to the all important legal status. Obviously I would like a job and even before this, I have always wanted to move away the states. I know as an American I have a slim chance anyway because the odds are against us trying to move away.

    But I was just wondering if there was any possibility where this would work in my favor? For a job too?

  2. #2
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    Re: Liking someone 5000 miles away

    You're a little all over the place so I'm not sure I understand.
    What I have is this:
    This guy lives in Scotland.
    You do not live in Scotland.
    You live in America.
    You'd rather leave America.
    You perceive there to be a slim chance of you moving away. (Why?)

    You want to move to Scotland and have a job there, preferable before you commit to moving. (This is vague)

    If I understood that all correctly, then I don't understand why you are asking if this (or even what 'this' refers to) is okay and I don't understand what you're asking for about the job.

    We know that people in long distance relationships have decided to make dramatic sacrifices to be with the person they like and that it has worked out. We also know that people in long distance relationships have made dramatic sacrifices and got burned for it. We don't know enough to tell you if you have a good chance of being the success story or the fail story. Do you have a back-up for if this fails; as in, what are you going to do with your life if you go to Scotland and the relationship crumbles? Where will you go? Are there people you can go to? Could you end up on the street?
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  3. #3
    too late... Harke the Boeotarch's Avatar
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    Re: Liking someone 5000 miles away

    Long distance relationships almost never work, as far as I know, unless there's some kind of mail-order bride situation going on, and even then.

  4. #4
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    Re: Liking someone 5000 miles away

    Perhaps you should actually meet in person before you start making life plans.

    Online relationships aren't the same thing as real-life relationships. It's a little premature to be thinking about big changes to your life until the two of you have spent time getting to know each other in person.
    JUB's full list of smilies can be found here. BBcodes are here.

  5. #5
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    Re: Liking someone 5000 miles away

    If you are not a UK citizen you can not move there, you can not go there for work you must have a job there first then you can move there. If you go as a tourist and ook for a job you will be removed imediately its just like what would happen to someone going to the US with there CV. Now if you are worth more than 1 million you can go and even buy a home!
    o

  6. #6
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    Re: Liking someone 5000 miles away

    Quote Originally Posted by Harke the Boeotarch View Post
    Long distance relationships almost never work, as far as I know, unless there's some kind of mail-order bride situation going on, and even then.
    I'm not sure I agree with that statement. Have you experienced this yourself?

    I would say, if you're immature, sure, it won't work. People base it on the most ephemeral criteria: "he's cute, I like him" (not slighting the original poster, but this is where most people stop thinking), without considering each person's maturity level, the obstacles etc. In other words, if you are a poor communicator, the odds are stacked against you from the start. And I don't mean the physical, but the emotional and spiritual beliefs of both people.

    But think of all the wives waiting for husbands to return home during WWII. THAT was a long distance relationship, and many of them were quite successful. The difference is that now, the "instant gratification" mindset of those who are just now entering their 20s and 30s might make that more difficult. For someone in their 50s, 60s, or 70s, a different perspective - and having lived that long - alters what you, personally, perceive.
    And there eventually has to be talk of "are you willing to move here - or me there - if we fall in love and want to be in a committed relationship?"

    I think a great deal depends on what decade you were born in. Maybe I'm mistaken, but maybe not.
    Last edited by mcbrion; July 16th, 2018 at 10:52 AM.

  7. #7
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    Re: Liking someone 5000 miles away

    I'd take the wives waiting for their husbands in WWII with a grain of salt. Thinking of the context, they didn't necessarily want to wait or even want to be in the relationships that they were in but their options were limited. Women at that time were certainly gaining more autonomy but it wasn't as if they could just cast off and make their way like women today can.
    I guess, I question how successful those LDRs were. They may have been long lasting, but that's not only thing I'd consider 'successful' to be, ya know?

    I do agree that you absolutely need to be good at communicating with your partner. That applies to all relationships, but in a LDR that's almost all you have. The modern era is really nice though because it does give you options you never could have had before. You might not be able to go outside and do something together. But you can enter an MMO and do an activity together there. Getting gifts to people is easier than ever and that can be a really meaningful gesture if done right.
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  8. #8
    too late... Harke the Boeotarch's Avatar
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    Re: Liking someone 5000 miles away

    Quote Originally Posted by mcbrion View Post
    I'm not sure I agree with that statement. Have you experienced this yourself?
    Was never really in love with them. JUB is awash with stories of failed long distance relationships.

    Quote Originally Posted by mcbrion View Post
    I would say, if you're immature, sure, it won't work. People base it on the most ephemeral criteria: "he's cute, I like him" (not slighting the original poster, but this is where most people stop thinking), without considering each person's maturity level, the obstacles etc. In other words, if you are a poor communicator, the odds are stacked against you from the start. And I don't mean the physical, but the emotional and spiritual beliefs of both people.
    It rarely.. if ever works. Better to have a relationship with an utterly superficial person who lives next door.

    Quote Originally Posted by mcbrion View Post
    But think of all the wives waiting for husbands to return home during WWII. THAT was a long distance relationship, and many of them were quite successful. The difference is that now, the "instant gratification" mindset of those who are just now entering their 20s and 30s might make that more difficult. For someone in their 50s, 60s, or 70s, a different perspective - and having lived that long - alters what you, personally, perceive.
    And there eventually has to be talk of "are you willing to move here - or me there - if we fall in love and want to be in a committed relationship?"

    I think a great deal depends on what decade you were born in. Maybe I'm mistaken, but maybe not.
    That situation was different as the whole of civil society was on hold until the end of the war and women and men were expected to wait until marriage ...with everything.

  9. #9
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    Re: Liking someone 5000 miles away

    The long-distance relationships work with mature people and when they don't, there are factors in addition to distance.

    It would be more honest for you to say that YOU are unable to sustain a long distance relationship. What applies to you cannot be generalized across the whole human spectrum. And if you're American, well...we're not the role model for relationships - even short distance ones.

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