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  1. #1
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    I want to be friends with a person I don't know.

    Hello everyone! It is my first time writing something on this forum because I need help.
    I am 18 and I'm from Portugal. My problem is that I have a crush on a guy that I don't know. I see him everyday but I never talked to him before. Ever. I haven't ever heard his voice. I have a crush on him but I don't want to date him. Just want to be his friend. And I did said something to one of my friends and she said that he loves movies, especially action and horror, which is great because I love movies in general too. But he is so introverted. 80% of the times that I pass in front of him, he is looking at the ground, or through the window or on his phone, so I'm just assuming this but I believe that he needs a friend. And I would like to be his friend.

    I actually made a friend request to him but recused me and even blocked me, but I understand because he doesn't know who I am. But I think I should'nt have done that.

    Can anyone help me as to how to talk to him?

  2. #2
    On the Prowl Briacon429's Avatar
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    Re: I want to be friends with a person I don't know.

    Let me back up for a second... where do you see him, exactly? Is he a co-worker or something? And if you’ve never talked to him, how do you know his name or social media? (I assume your mutual friend?)

    I think your first step is to introduce yourself in the real world. Based on your description, I’m not 100% clear on whether he knows who you are. So if he got a friend request out of the blue, then that may explain why he blocked you. (I’ve blocked friends requests like that. I suspect they came from spammers, but you never know... hopefully I haven’t offended anyone on this forum?)

    If he’s really that introverted— and if he really does need a friend— then he’ll probably a human connection. Yes, introverts may spend a lot of time online, and they may not want to socialize too much. But still....

  3. #3
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    Re: I want to be friends with a person I don't know.

    I see him at school. We're both 10th graders. I changed my area because I was in Science and changed to History so that costed me 2 years.

    I talked about my crush to one of my friends and she was a childhood friend of his so she told me his name and searched for him on Facebook and I did a friend request. However now they don't talk much they just say hi when they pass by each other.

    My problem is that I'm also socially awkward so I don't know how to approach him. Besides I have a picture of me on my profile so he probably knows that I tried to befriend him on Facebook.

  4. #4
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    Re: I want to be friends with a person I don't know.

    Try this": "Hey, I saw you were on Facebook, so I sent you a friend request, since you're friends with a friend of mine (say the name of the friend). But you probably didn't know that, so I understand why you didn't friend me. It's cool. My name is___________. I sent the request to you because my friend said you were into horror and action movies and so am I, and none of my other friends are. If you want to head to the movies sometime to watch one and want company, text me and I'll meet you there. Catch you later, man!" And then you walk away, so there's no awkwardness (although You'll likely feel it anyway).
    Done. It doesn't put him on the spot, doesn't shame him (for not friending you) and tells him you're into what he's into. And after you leave without waiting for him to answer, he won't feel stuck, and he'll react in whatever way his brain is programmed to (as are ALL our brains in certain scenarios). The whole "speech" should take 40 seconds (I timed it). Less than a minute, won't give either of you enough time (except for your nervousness, which I suspect is with you all the time) to escalate into all, out freak-out stage.
    Just do it.
    "Feel the fear and do it anyway." That's how you become and adult. You DO want to become an adult eventually, right? So, this is a good start. And if he walks away from that, you'll have learned that he has emotional stuff even tougher than what you have.

    I meet guys like that myself - and they're in their 50s and I'm almost 70. Don't let your "social awkwardness" run your life. YOU RUN IT. Anyone can let their fears run - and ruin- their lives - and many people do. Just makes 'em miserable. You want to stop being scared every time you say hi to someone? Then start NOW.
    Last edited by mcbrion; May 11th, 2018 at 11:02 AM.

  5. #5
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    Re: I want to be friends with a person I don't know.

    I guess I could try that. I saw him yesterday having lunch all by himself just looking at the ground and in gym class he did almost the entire workout alone.
    I was in a hurry so I didn't met him yet. But I am afraid that I'm just trying to meet him and be his friend out of pity. I don't want him to have a bad impression of me and he gets angry with me because of that.
    But the lunch thing was enough and I decided that as soon as I catch him alone, I'm going to talk to him, I mean my school has around 1000 students and he is having lunch alone? No.

  6. #6
    K9HORA JUB Admin KaraBulut's Avatar
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    Re: I want to be friends with a person I don't know.

    Quote Originally Posted by cafacafa View Post
    ...I don't want to date him. Just want to be his friend...
    Can anyone help me as to how to talk to him?
    You just walk up and introduce yourself.

    But before you do that, you need to rethink the "just want to be his friend". That's not the truth, really. You want to meet him to satisfy your crush. Unless you are sure that you have perspective on that crush, you're headed in a direction of wasting a lot of time pursuing someone who is probably not going to return your interest. The fact that you were blocked should be a clue that this is not going to end with anything other that you getting hurt.

    Quote Originally Posted by cafacafa View Post
    ...I am 18...
    Join Date: Nov 2015

    Hmmm?
    JUB's full list of smilies can be found here. BBcodes are here.

  7. #7
    On the Prowl Briacon429's Avatar
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    Re: I want to be friends with a person I don't know.

    Quote Originally Posted by KaraBulut View Post
    But before you do that, you need to rethink the "just want to be his friend". That's not the truth, really. You want to meet him to satisfy your crush. Unless you are sure that you have perspective on that crush, you're headed in a direction of wasting a lot of time pursuing someone who is probably not going to return your interest. The fact that you were blocked should be a clue that this is not going to end with anything other that you getting hurt.
    Unfortunately I have to agree... especially the first few sentences.

    For what it’s worth though, these high school dramas are relatively easy to get over. I know it can be intense when you’re going through it, and I don’t want to downplay that. Sometimes these things do work out, so if that’s the case here, more power to you. But if/when they don’t, just chalk them up to life experience. For those of us who are a little older, we’ve pretty much all been through dramas like this of our own, and we made it through it ok.

    I guess what I’m trying to say is, best of luck to you, and don’t stress....

  8. #8
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    Re: I want to be friends with a person I don't know.

    KaraBulut, to start I want to apologize. I joined the website in November of 2015, when I was 16. I thought it would be OK and I wouldn't have any problem. Only recently I remembered of this website, and that I had an account. For what it's worth, I apologize, I didn't want to cause any problems. I'm now 18 that is my real age.

    About my crush problem, it is solved. I'm gonna tell the whole story.
    About the big majority of my class knows that I'm gay and my closest friends know that I have a crush on this guy.
    This tuesday, I wanted to talk to him during lunch break. But I saw him going to his car and drive off. He probably had lunch at home. So I waited for him to come back to school because his class was going to have classes in the afternoon. I waited alongside some of my friends and when he came back, he passed by me next to the school entrance and my friends who are not the most quiet people, started asking: is this guy?
    They stated chanting my name loudly and making a lot of pressure on me to talk to him and encouraging me. But I couldn't because of the pressure of my friends
    I got upset and went home. But then I decided to go back to school just to talk to him while my friends were gone.
    I did that and when he was out of the school area, I ran behind him to meet him and I was extremely nervous.

    I started talking to him and I realized he was one of the nicest people I've ever met.
    I didn't said anything about me being gay and much less about having a crush on him, I didn't want to make things awkward.
    He is 16 years old, studies Economy, is very tall, even taller than me, has short black hair, thick eyebrows and bright green eyes.
    I said that I was worried that I would see him alone very often and that if he needed a friend. He said that what I did was very cool and was thankful but he likes to take moments to himself, to "reflect".
    But based on our small conversation, I don't believe that we share many things in common, although I think he can work around this.

    His favourite subject is Math, I hate Math.
    I enjoy my Playstation, he thinks it's a waste of time.
    I love horror movies, he is afraid of them. He like war movies and drama movies.
    After that, we shook hands and he met with his grandparents.
    He said that he thought I was cool and looked forward to talk to me again. I went home with the biggest smile in my face.
    After that day, we only said hi to each other and shook hands. I believe that it is a good start but I don't want to rush things.

    There is only one problem. I don't know how to continueto build this friendship. I still don't know how to approach him without looking desperate and annoying. I genuinely care about him and would like to know him better because I consider him a friend already.
    But I believe that me, being the older of the two, i should have the iniciative to talk to him. But I don't know how. Can anyone help me?

  9. #9
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    Re: I want to be friends with a person I don't know.

    With respect, you are asking us for advice about "a crush" on a 16 year old. Here in the UK that is the legal age of consent. I do not know where you live, but JUB has to be very careful about age.

    I understand from your posts that you are now 18, but you joined when you were 15, this could have landed this site in trouble.

    I wish you well, perhaps a forum for younger gay men seeking advice about such matters, may be better for you.

  10. #10
    FEAR THE LIBERAL DETENTE! TX-Beau's Avatar
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    Re: I want to be friends with a person I don't know.

    Quote Originally Posted by cafacafa View Post
    KaraBulut, to start I want to apologize. I joined the website in November of 2015, when I was 16. I thought it would be OK and I wouldn't have any problem. Only recently I remembered of this website, and that I had an account. For what it's worth, I apologize, I didn't want to cause any problems. I'm now 18 that is my real age.

    About my crush problem, it is solved. I'm gonna tell the whole story.
    About the big majority of my class knows that I'm gay and my closest friends know that I have a crush on this guy.
    This tuesday, I wanted to talk to him during lunch break. But I saw him going to his car and drive off. He probably had lunch at home. So I waited for him to come back to school because his class was going to have classes in the afternoon. I waited alongside some of my friends and when he came back, he passed by me next to the school entrance and my friends who are not the most quiet people, started asking: is this guy?
    They stated chanting my name loudly and making a lot of pressure on me to talk to him and encouraging me. But I couldn't because of the pressure of my friends
    I got upset and went home. But then I decided to go back to school just to talk to him while my friends were gone.
    I did that and when he was out of the school area, I ran behind him to meet him and I was extremely nervous.

    I started talking to him and I realized he was one of the nicest people I've ever met.
    I didn't said anything about me being gay and much less about having a crush on him, I didn't want to make things awkward.
    He is 16 years old, studies Economy, is very tall, even taller than me, has short black hair, thick eyebrows and bright green eyes.
    I said that I was worried that I would see him alone very often and that if he needed a friend. He said that what I did was very cool and was thankful but he likes to take moments to himself, to "reflect".
    But based on our small conversation, I don't believe that we share many things in common, although I think he can work around this.

    His favourite subject is Math, I hate Math.
    I enjoy my Playstation, he thinks it's a waste of time.
    I love horror movies, he is afraid of them. He like war movies and drama movies.
    After that, we shook hands and he met with his grandparents.
    He said that he thought I was cool and looked forward to talk to me again. I went home with the biggest smile in my face.
    After that day, we only said hi to each other and shook hands. I believe that it is a good start but I don't want to rush things.

    There is only one problem. I don't know how to continueto build this friendship. I still don't know how to approach him without looking desperate and annoying. I genuinely care about him and would like to know him better because I consider him a friend already.
    But I believe that me, being the older of the two, i should have the iniciative to talk to him. But I don't know how. Can anyone help me?
    I don't think we can legally comment on your relationships with a minor.
    ATTACK OF THE LIBERAL ELITE

  11. #11
    Are u haleloo ya ? Telstra's Avatar
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    Re: I want to be friends with a person I don't know.

    Do you both have any common sports or activities you can do ?
    Like playing chess or kicking balls ... etc

    legal age or not, 18 and 16 is not a big age gap.
    2 years gap is a blink of an eye.


    NEVER LISTEN TO A ONE SIDED STORY AND JUDGE.

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