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  1. #1
    On the Prowl Dystopian's Avatar
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    When viewing porn is no longer a choice.....

    I am a sex addict. I say that truthfully, although after 12-step and therapy, the real time, in person acting out has been done for a long time. There is still porn and acting out virtually. I have tried to stop, and when I go for periods without watching porn, especially in my personal fetish, I feel better and get a whole lot accomplished. Then I will be working or doing personal business online, and think I will just check-in on a favorite blog or website and two or more hours go by without my noticing. ZAP!! I'm back. I know other guys have struggles with porn vs. productivity and/or real relationships and/or self-esteem at not measuring up to the men who hold our attention online. Statistically, on a bell-shaped curve, the top 7% are model the societal norms for "good looking." Most of the men I watch online are at least there and maybe more in the to 4-5%, I would guess. The problem is that it is not real. Yeah, there's the amateur stuff, but even a lot of that is planned, staged, contrived. I recall an addiction therapist telling me once, that when I find something I love that whether as vocation or avocation, the acting out would take second place. And it's true. Curious if anyone would be willing to share their thoughts and feelings and experiences, either positive or negative. Maybe someone feels they have a healthy relationship with porn and can have fun with it, and then put it away for another time.Click image for larger version. 

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  2. #2
    JUB Addict bankside's Avatar
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    Re: When viewing porn is no longer a choice.....

    Quote Originally Posted by Dystopian View Post
    Maybe someone feels they have a healthy relationship with porn and can have fun with it, and then put it away for another time.
    That's how I feel. I don't mind busting ass to get a bunch of stuff done because I'm looking forward to some relaxing thing in my life for later when I unwind, and porn is one of those things. That also means I don't feel bad if I'm enjoying something erotic, because I know after I'm done, I'll get some practical adult shit off my to do list. I don't know anything about acting out. My basic view is that if it's not exploitive or unconsensual, then it's not wrong to watch it. And if it's not wrong to watch it, it's not wrong to do it.

  3. #3
    Are u haleloo ya ? Telstra's Avatar
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    Re: When viewing porn is no longer a choice.....

    "healthy relationship with porn"

    I don't know about healthy relationship with porn.
    But porn is the easiest and safest way to make you cum i guess.


    NEVER LISTEN TO A ONE SIDED STORY AND JUDGE.

  4. #4
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    Re: When viewing porn is no longer a choice.....

    Love my GAY PORN.

  5. #5
    JUB Addict luckynumbah7's Avatar
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    Re: When viewing porn is no longer a choice.....

    You might have better luck in hot topics with your subject.

    I suppose I'd have to ask, why do you think that if the masturbation takes second place to the viewing itself it's automatically a negative thing?

    It's not that I'd disagree that it could be negative but I'd also think that judging it as an unhealthy viewpoint would depend on the reason why jerking off is taking second place to viewing. An immediate orgasm for erotica (or an orgasm at all) isn't everyone's goal when spelunking through porn.

    The idea of sexual normalcy in porn (i.e., modelesque and contrived scenes) that you're fixated on as never being realistic seems to be more of an issue concerning porn consumption. It's all, generally speaking, got the same amount of 'realism' as every other type of media, no matter the actors looks or acting ability. The acts and sensation are also as real as in every other type of media - fucking (or eating, or swimming, you get the gist) doesn't feel different in sensation just because there's a script of sorts available. I think you might be putting a bit too much on the performers, here, as it pertains to assumptions of what realism looks like in actual sex.

    -edited to add, sex is a hobby of mine. It's treated like the rest of my hobbies, in that I'm just fine with the ability to watch or discuss it in a general conversation, or even a deliberately erotic conversation, without personally demanding of myself that either of those actions must be done for the end result of an orgasm.

    I tend to think people would be considerably less ....narrow in their views about sex if they didn't demand sex be relegated to its own dirty little corner of the brain, forever they 'heavily implied' and encouraged to associate sex with 'naughty' or the end result of getting off.
    Last edited by luckynumbah7; April 30th, 2018 at 11:11 AM.
    The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head.
    -Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

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    JUB Addict luckynumbah7's Avatar
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    Re: When viewing porn is no longer a choice.....

    You know, you could schedule time and put an alarm on?
    The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head.
    -Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

  7. #7
    On the Prowl Dystopian's Avatar
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    Re: When viewing porn is no longer a choice.....

    Thanks for the advice about hot topics. Please understand I am not trying to be judgmental or assigning negativity or "bad" to anything. At least not intentionally. The situation I have experienced is that porn can take over large chunks of my life...to the exclusion of a lot of other more important things. Money, work, responsibility, relationships, friends, problem resolution, real sex. Thus far is seems that some if not many guys are comfortable, find porn enjoyable, use it and put it away for another day. The difference between chain smoking and having a couple at the bar. A couple drinks when you go out vs. a quart of scotch a day....by yourself.

  8. #8
    JUB Addict luckynumbah7's Avatar
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    Re: When viewing porn is no longer a choice.....

    Quote Originally Posted by Dystopian View Post
    Thanks for the advice about hot topics. Please understand I am not trying to be judgmental or assigning negativity or "bad" to anything. At least not intentionally. The situation I have experienced is that porn can take over large chunks of my life...to the exclusion of a lot of other more important things. Money, work, responsibility, relationships, friends, problem resolution, real sex. Thus far is seems that some if not many guys are comfortable, find porn enjoyable, use it and put it away for another day. The difference between chain smoking and having a couple at the bar. A couple drinks when you go out vs. a quart of scotch a day....by yourself.
    I suppose I'd have to ask, why do you think that if the masturbation takes second place to the viewing itself it's automatically a negative thing? I'm assuming you do consider it negative, as that's what you/your therapist described as the addiction? I don't believe I understand why porn with orgasm as a secondary or nonexistent goal is described as addiction.

    -wait wait,

    "I recall an addiction therapist telling me once, that when I find something I love that whether as vocation or avocation, the acting out would Take second place."

    It might be easier if you define 'acting out' here. I thought you meant masturbation for the purpose of orgasm. If you don't, what do you mean?
    Last edited by luckynumbah7; April 30th, 2018 at 07:06 PM.
    The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head.
    -Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

  9. #9
    JUB Addict luckynumbah7's Avatar
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    Re: When viewing porn is no longer a choice.....

    Hrm. Something isn't tracking for me mentally but I'm not sure what.

    Either way, if you're spending too much time an alarm works wonders, so long as its internet-based. Apps that restrict porn sites, ect, making them unusable or only usable for a specific period.

    As for your original question, is there a max amount of time that you would consider unhealthy for porn consumption?
    The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head.
    -Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

  10. #10
    JUB Addict luckynumbah7's Avatar
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    Re: When viewing porn is no longer a choice.....

    -Aha, found it! You might find this encouraging.

    https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry...b0411d306fc5d7

    Particularly the bit towards the bottom listing specific therapies outside the 12 step program.
    Last edited by luckynumbah7; April 30th, 2018 at 09:10 PM.
    The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head.
    -Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

  11. #11
    JUB Addict luckynumbah7's Avatar
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    Re: When viewing porn is no longer a choice.....

    Tho I should point out the 'brain changes via sex addiction' has been disproven in the addiction/tolerance manner that the tv keeps describing it as. It's also been disproven in the 'goal' manner. There's a study around here somewhere in my notes.... But that's not to say that list of therapy options couldn't be helpful. Particularly the mindfulness one.

    As for being an addict, no. I have decent impulse control and I can schedule so I don't find either my sex life or porn to be an issue. I suggested apps because if you're bad at saying no yourself, you're adult enough to take the logical 'next step' for controlling unwanted behavior - that and they're free, free is good. Free is excellent. Scheduling scheduling scheduling. Granted, gets a bit more complicated than that, but that's what it boils down to, assuming it's a libido thing instead of impulse control or mental health issues causing the addiction.

    And apologies for the multiple posts, can't sleep.
    Last edited by luckynumbah7; April 30th, 2018 at 10:32 PM.
    The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head.
    -Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

  12. #12
    Sex God DragoCronzo's Avatar
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    Re: When viewing porn is no longer a choice.....

    Your situation reminds me of this sketch

  13. #13
    Are u haleloo ya ? Telstra's Avatar
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    Re: When viewing porn is no longer a choice.....

    Quote Originally Posted by DragoCronzo View Post
    Your situation reminds me of this sketch
    Thats funny ....


    NEVER LISTEN TO A ONE SIDED STORY AND JUDGE.

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