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  1. #1
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    Feeling way sexually frustrated....

    Hey guys,

    My partner and I have been together for about 4 years now and I know heís the one I connect with him so well. The only problem we have been having is we are so different sexually and we have been not connecting lately like I want to which leads to my frustrations. Heís not a very sexual person, and to him sex will happen when it happens. Me Iím not. I like to plan it, make sure it happens every couple days and get worries/frustrated when we canít find time to connect sexually. We have been progressively having less sex for about a year now. We went from every day to every couple days to every week to now like every other week if that. We also havenít had anal sex in a very long time(like a year) which is something I have told my partner time and time again I wanna do with no luck. I have tired to talk to him but I always get the ďitíll happen when it happens donít stress about itĒ response, or him telling me that me trying so hard is turning him off. I just donít know what to do anymore, any advice?

  2. #2
    Porn Star Donnie's Avatar
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    Re: Feeling way sexually frustrated....

    There is nothing better than communication in a situation like this. It sounds to me like youíre focusing a lot on your needs not being satisfied, but there are two of you in the relationship. Rather than just telling him what you want, why donít you ask him what it is that he wants. Find out what turns him on and really gets him excited. This may or may not be the case; but could he perhaps be thinking that what you usually get up to doesnít appeal to him and thatís why he holds off? I donít know the answer to that, but he definitely does. He could very well be harbouring some fantasies that you have no idea about.

    On the other end of the scale, if he has NO sex drive at all, itís really important that youíre patient and make an effort to understand why. Iíve been through spells in the past where depression was the cause of it and if itís something like that then the last thing he needs is to feel guilty about something he canít bring himself to do.

    Talk to him and find it whatís going on, but donít make it about you. Make it about understanding him, and just allow yourself to listen.

  3. #3
    K9HORA JUB Admin KaraBulut's Avatar
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    Re: Feeling way sexually frustrated....

    The first question: is this a change for him or has he always been ambivalent about having sex?

    That first question is tied to whether the problem is physical. There are medical problems that need to be eliminated: diabetes, hormone imbalances, endocrine imbalances, weight gain, etc.

    The infrequency of sex is a problem, but the bigger problem is that he's controlling the sex by dismissing your desire for sex with phrases "It will happen when it happens" which is pretty saying, "It will happen when I want it to happen".
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  4. #4
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    Re: Feeling way sexually frustrated....

    Sometimes problems in the bedroom have their source in other parts of your life together.

    He should be caring that you are sexually frustrated. Unless he is physically incapable of keeping up with you, then he needs to explain.
    Is it a matter of age?

    Any chance he is getting his needs met with someone else or on the internet with porn or internet relationships?

  5. #5
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    Re: Feeling way sexually frustrated....

    If medical is not the issue, psychological IS. Eliminate one (medical first), and you'll know what you're dealing with (psychological). But I agree with Kara Bulut: right now, either out of fear (perhaps of how you'll react) or fear of abandonment, or he's just losing his feelings for you (which could be mired in depression, but that's not the only answer), he's controlling the relationship. He's clearly not interested in giving you any information that allows you to move forward. Ergo: control.

    If you can tolerate that, fine. If you cannot, you'll either have to say "I need a better answer than what you've given me so far or I'll have no choice but to assume you've either lost interest in me and you're just not telling me. Or there's something seriously wrong and you're still not telling me. And I'm supposed to be the man you love, but you're not acting like the man I Love. And you're dismissing my need to know what's going on. So, if you can't be upfront with me, then I cannot really depend on you for an answer, since you're not working with me. I'll have to make a decision without all the information I need. And that might mean the end of this relationship. Is that what you truly want to happen?" Sometimes, as unpleasant as it is, you have to set a boundary. And a time limit.
    Last edited by mcbrion; April 26th, 2018 at 09:54 PM.

  6. #6
    🌈❤️ June26, 2015 ❤️🌈 JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Feeling way sexually frustrated....

    Your situation is not ok and if not repairable would be justification for making big changes. There could be all sorts of reasons for why he isn’t more sexual and he owes you an explanation. If the two of you can’t work through this alone (and you have to be willing and able to state expectations) you’ll need the help of a couple’s therapist. It’s not normal to not have a sex drive and if he’s not getting sex elsewhere or through masturbation he needs medical attention.

    The two of you have a relationship, but it is now like a roommate relationship.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

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