What's your take on dating? Do you consider their past?

[treeri]

Creating this thread out of curiosity.

My perspective of dating:

- get a feel (socially, not physically!) of the person, see if you click, and progress to a second date if the feeling is mutual.
- this is where I ask the guy his definition of dating.

The way I see it, dating is similar to building a foundation: respect, trust/honesty, solid communication, and most importantly commitment. I communicate that I'm only interested in dating 1 on 1 and generally I receive the same response. I make it clear that if there's a lack of interest to purse it any further then they shouldn't feel awkward expressing it. Above all, I value respect because it encompasses the characteristics I'm seeking in a guy.

I remove myself from current gay dating (despite its predominant use to hookup) sites/apps: grindr, jack'd, and adam4adam. I don't ask them for the same in return, rather I express my thoughts and concerns on these sites as a hindrance to developing a stable (dating) relationship. These are purely my opinions and are not reflective onto others, but I don't see gay apps/sites as an acceptable source of "networking". A vast majority of men will overlook your status (exclusive, committed, dating, etc) because it doesn't concern them. I truly do fail to see how a committed individual is capable of defending their use of gay apps. Honestly, if you send an exposed selfie pic and comment "lets fuck" then guys will jump on that wagon ASAP.

I'm developing an interest for a guy I recently started hanging out with. We haven't had a date yet, but the goal is to ask him out tomorrow night after we meet up again. He has had his past of... being out there you could say and I mentioned this to a close friend of mine. She commented that I need to stop settling for less and raise my expectations; however, I couldn't agree with her because everyone has their past. I dated a guy with a history of addiction (both drug and alcohol), but he's been 6 years sober since his last drink. He's a dedicated individual, in graduate school, and desires more in life.. all of which I found admirable because he has overcome difficult situations. But in the end he broke up with me through e-mail and it makes me wonder if I should expect more from a guy. In no way am I discouraged with the guy I'm talking to right now, but my friend's words keep popping back in my head

[Pyscean]

Honestly..I agree with your female friend. I do think you need to raise your expectations. It sounds like you want to build the foundation of a long term relationship that is exclusive -- just you and him. If someone isn't willing to divorce themselves from these apps when they meet a guy then, to me, it tells me that they are just going to keep right on "shopping" for lack of better word. Heck..I view those apps as strictly for hooking up without the intent of something more. If a guy wants something beyond the guaranteed fling, his best bet is something like match.com. So yeah..I think you need to raise the standard a bit.

And yes..I do consider a guy's past. Especially if he keeps putting it out there. I don't want to hear repeatedly about your various ex's and their behaviors... or heaven forbid..physical attributes/gifts/shortcomings. But some past issues/experiences they've had can be flags to what may be your future with this person.

[hylas]

I think he should have high expectations and not settle for less. There are plenty of guys out there who appreciate that he likes to fuck around, or at least don't mind it. There's no need for him to settle for somebody who's gonna try and make him feel bad about it. Despite this, I still think he should see you and give you a chance, at least once. People change, people deserve a chance.