I fantasize about being raped ...

[gayinsnj]

I've had fantasies about being raped for as long as I can remember.

I know that rape is a serious crime and I am not condoning rape at all.

I did hook up with this guy in a bookstore when I was younger who attempted to rape me, but he wasn't strong enough to force me. He did get it inside of me before I managed to get away. I still fantasize about this (happened 10 years ago). Often I wish that he had been succesful and that he would have been strong enough to pin me against the wall and force me to take it.

That said, I want to be taken against my will and used. I want to say no repeatedly, only to be ignored and forced to take it. I want to struggle and be overpowered and completely dominated.

These fantasies are getting stronger lately. Obviously, since it's a sensitive topic, it's hard to find material relating to this fantasy.

I am not asking if this is normal or not. I don't care (I know many guys have this fantasy anyway).

Here's what I'd like to know:

1. Is there anywhere that I can find porn of this nature? (I already tried google -- that's how I landed here)
2. Are there any groups for guys with this fantasy?
3. How can I find a guy to do this to me? (yes I'm serious).

Of the porn that I've found, much of it is too fake for my taste. I'm not looking for a film of an actual crime (That I'd rather not see -- I'm the only person that I'd care to see actually victimized). I'm just looking for more realistic or more believable role playing in porn.

[gayinsnj]

I've had fantasies about being raped for as long as I can remember.

I know that rape is a serious crime and I am not condoning rape at all.

I did hook up with this guy in a bookstore when I was younger who attempted to rape me, but he wasn't strong enough to force me. He did get it inside of me before I managed to get away. I still fantasize about this (happened 10 years ago). Often I wish that he had been succesful and that he would have been strong enough to pin me against the wall and force me to take it.

That said, I want to be taken against my will and used. I want to say no repeatedly, only to be ignored and forced to take it. I want to struggle and be overpowered and completely dominated.

These fantasies are getting stronger lately. Obviously, since it's a sensitive topic, it's hard to find material relating to this fantasy.

I am not asking if this is normal or not. I don't care (I know many guys have this fantasy anyway).

Here's what I'd like to know:

1. Is there anywhere that I can find porn of this nature? (I already tried google -- that's how I landed here)
2. Are there any groups for guys with this fantasy?
3. How can I find a guy to do this to me? (yes I'm serious).

Of the porn that I've found, much of it is too fake for my taste. I'm not looking for a film of an actual crime (That I'd rather not see -- I'm the only person that I'd care to see actually victimized). I'm just looking for more realistic or more believable role playing in porn.

I should add that when I say "Where can I find someone to do this to me?" I mean for role playing, not to actually rape me in reality. I don't know where to meet dom guys that are into this. I've had this fantasy since I was 13, but I've never explored it.

[njcollegekid]

how about find a hookup buddy, and ask him about roleplaying? lots of the people i chat with on a4a and grindr have little subtlety and tact about it too, one guy specifically told me he wants a sub slaveboy in his first message (not the best thing to do, but still less irritating than getting the message 'generou$').

[madmax75k]

The fantasy is pretty common amongst women and sub men (including me). It nearly always is a FANTASY though. When you almost got raped in the bookstore i assume you were trying your hardest to escape because nobody actually wants to get raped. Otherwise you would have just let him have his way with you. It's easy to say you want it sitting in your bed or in front of a computer but its another thing all together when some stranger has just almost caved in your skull and is choking you to death while permanently disfiguring your asshole...

As for people to where you can find people i'd reccomend craigslist (casual encounters section). I'm in a tiny city of just over 200,000 people and there is still a huge variety of people on that site into all sorts of stuff. If you post an ad telling people what you want you should get at least a dozen or two responses. Then it'll only be a mater of sifting out the timewasters and choosing the one you like best.

For the sake of safety though i would reccomend having "conventional" sex at least a couple of times with the person you meet before you move onto hardcore rape fantasies... Also always meet in a public place and bring a blade/mace/whatever weapon your government allows you to carry. I've personally never had any touble when using the site but better safe than sorry :L

[Blackrabbit35]

Its not an uncommon fantasy so dont be worried about that. If its a fetish you want to explore look for a buddy who is into the same and role play safely. Places like fet life have lots of members into the same thing as well advice on doing it safely.

[sweet_taboo]

Don't we all...especially by a group/team/gang of hot and sexy papi chulos, lacrosse/football/soccer/baseball players, fraternity brothers.

[gayinsnj]

how about find a hookup buddy, and ask him about roleplaying? lots of the people i chat with on a4a and grindr have little subtlety and tact about it too, one guy specifically told me he wants a sub slaveboy in his first message (not the best thing to do, but still less irritating than getting the message 'generou$').

Thanks for the reply. Despite sounding naive in my post, I'm far from it. I'm 32 and have had more sex partners than I can count (well, I've never counted before and it's way too late to start now that is).

I was more interested in suggestions about how to bring it up and for places to look that catered more specifically to people into BDSM type scenarios.

I went to Rutgers and lived in one of the gayest metro areas in the US, so I've met plenty of gay guys in my life. It just seems that 'rape' or 'forced' sex are turn-offs (not "turn-offs" in reality, but I think a lot of people are embarrassed to admit it outside of internet forums). I'm sorry, I should have been more clear.

PS - I'm not a sub and I'm certainly not a "sub slave." I'm actually a control freak, and this would only ever happen because I wanted it to happen that particular day. I would never have a totally dom partner. I'm actually more on the dominant side and I'm a vers/bottom. If I were to do this, it would get me off in 2 ways:

1. I'd be acting out a fantasy that I have created and would be allowing someone to do something to me that 9 times out of 10 I'd reject. I'd prefer the guy be either ugly or unattractive in some way. I'd like to call him names and demean him as much as possible. All of this is outside of my normal sexual behavior. When I do bottom, I'm a power bottom and I'm ususally the one running the show. In other words, I'm more of an active participant rather than passive.

2. I like the idea of a man not listening to what I say and not heeding my orders (e.g. penetrating or continuing at full pace when I either deny consent or ask him to slow down; not wearing a rubber when I insist or, even better, either ripping it or removing it during sex; cumming inside me when I tell them not to (the more times the better - especially if he tells me he's about to cum, I tell him not to cum inside me, and he ignores me and blows the load deep in me -- I should say I like watching this stuff in porn sometimes. I would only enjoy them if I decided beforehand that that would be hot).

And of course the idea of a guy gratifying himself at my expense turns me on, but not most of the time. Any guy who expects me to just lie still on my stomach and not such much as touch myself at all during sex, allowing him to use my body as if it were a hole in the wall, is quickly shown the door. I hate selfish tops in general. Once in a while I can live with it, but most of time? No fucking way

This will most likely be a one time thing for me. I don't really give up control often, whether I'm topping or bottoming. And I like to get off mutually, not one-sided sex. So again, I just want to act out this fantasy once (more if it goes well maybe, but I doubt often).

[gayinsnj]

The fantasy is pretty common amongst women and sub men (including me). It nearly always is a FANTASY though. When you almost got raped in the bookstore i assume you were trying your hardest to escape because nobody actually wants to get raped. Otherwise you would have just let him have his way with you.

As for people to where you can find people i'd reccomend craigslist (casual encounters section). I'm in a tiny city of just over 200,000 people and there is still a huge variety of people on that site into all sorts of stuff. If you post an ad telling people what you want you should get at least a dozen or two responses. Then it'll only be a mater of sifting out the timewasters and choosing the one you like best.

For the sake of safety though i would reccomend having "conventional" sex at least a couple of times with the person you meet before you move onto hardcore rape fantasies... Also always meet in a public place and bring a blade/mace/whatever weapon your government allows you to carry. I've personally never had any touble when using the site but better safe than sorry :L

Just to clarify, you are correct about the scenario I am describing. It's fantasy for the most part (there a very small part of me that says if he was hot enough it wouldn't matter -- but I think that's just more fantasy).

And no, I sure as hell didn't want that asshole to rape me in the bookstore; I didn't even consent to have sex with him. He was standing behind me with his arms around me gringing on me, whenout of nowhere I felt him ram himself inside me without a rubber (no I didn't think of that at the time, it's something I realized after). When I felt the pain (he was not gentle and I was not experienced as a bottom), I tried to manuever away and he tried to pin me to the wall. He got a couple of thrusts in as I continuously asked him to stop. I finally managed to get away (I can't tremeber how). So technically that's a little more than attempted rape. And I always tend to blame myself for that one (this is already long enough, so I'll spare you the backstory). Even if he had been hot, I wouldn't have wanted it to happen. He wasn't hot; he was hung and that's what made me summon him into my booth by motioning through the glory hole. So yeah, had that what I had wanted, I would have just let it happen as you say.

What's odd about all that, is that I get hard when I think about how rock hard is cock was, I get aroused. I forget about how badly it hurt and how scared, disgusted, and ashamed I felt after (I guess time has made me forget). While I've always had fantasies about very violent sex, it always used to involve both partners behaving violently toward one another during consensual sex. The only things that bother me about having been sexually assualted are that I'm actually pondering a scenario that inolves sexual assualt and that I'm becoming aroused over a truly awful event in my early years.

I live in the State of New Jersey mid-way between NYC and Philly, so I'm not in some backwoods town in middle America. I've posted a lot of ads on craigslist with very few replys, mostly all time-wasters. I've never actually met anyone from there. And I DON'T post ads like "looking to be raped," they're more like, "looking for dom top to use my hole." Of the 10 ads I've posted, I've gotten maybe 20 replies. That's it.

I'm probably not good at writing ads that cater to the individuals that I'm trying to reach. I'd appreciate any advice on that that anyone can offer.

I agree with you on safety as well, although I'm tougher and stronger than you'd expect for someone "asking" to be "raped." I'm no newbie when it comes to meeting strangers for sex. I've been sexually active for 15-20 years now, only 4 years of which were spent in LTR's.

I appreciate you taking the time to reply thoughtfully. I'll continue to try craigslist until I can find somewhere else.

PS You have a hot body, especially your ass

[gayinsnj]

Don't we all...especially by a group/team/gang of hot and sexy papi chulos, lacrosse/football/soccer/baseball players, fraternity brothers.

LMFAO. True. Especially dudes with hot bodies like you Their race doesn't matter to me; for this type thing, it's more about what they're packing lol

Seriously, a gang bang sounds so fucking hot to me, but I don't know that I could go through with that. I've been invited to a couple of "parties," but chickened out last minute. I only top my boyfriends, and I don't know that I could take more than 2 cocks without blowing my load, and once that happened, it would be over hehe.

Athletes are smokin' fucking hot though.

I used to fuck a couple frat boys in college, but no one ever ran a train on me.

[gayinsnj]

Its not an uncommon fantasy so dont be worried about that. If its a fetish you want to explore look for a buddy who is into the same and role play safely. Places like fet life have lots of members into the same thing as well advice on doing it safely.

Here's the thing: this is one of those things that I might one to do once every couple years (if at all more than once).

I know this is techincally a fetish, but it really is more of a fantasy for me; it's completely contrary to the way I normally behave in bed. And it's not something that I want to occur regularly.

I'm a hardcore realist, so I generally don't get into role playing/pretending at all. But this is one of those situations where role playing is the only option. Since this is atypical of my behavior, I'm not sure where to look or even how to bring it up. That's the help that I specifically need on this. I could die without this ever happening and would still feel that my life was complete.

I'm considering trying to go the rentboy route for this. That would kill two fantasies with one stone. And at least I wouldn't be embarrassed to bring it up to a pro.

Can you give me any examples of the names/locations of the types of groups or places would be? I'd really appreciate that if you do know of any sites. Otherwise, thanks for taking the time to answer me.

[gayinsnj]

I should add that when I say "Where can I find someone to do this to me?" I mean for role playing, not to actually rape me in reality. I don't know where to meet dom guys that are into this. I've had this fantasy since I was 13, but I've never explored it.

Thanks for all of your replies. I think I answered everyone directly. I stayed away from this for a few days because I was a little embarrassed to have posted it.

Now that I've returned, I see that many interpreted my post as meaning that I am a total bottom that I am completely and totally submissive. I'M NOT EITHER.

Sorry that wasn't shouting, just emphasis. I am completely versatile and am much more dominant than I am submissive, even as a bottom. When I do bottom, I'm much more of a power bottom than a sub bottom. I'm a control freak and hate not being in control.

In my mind, since I'm orchestrating/planning the entire encounter and doing ONLY what I want to do (i.e. I'm allowing everything to happen while pretending to deny consent yet still submit), I am in complete control of a situation that I ordinarily wouldn't have any control over. Maybe used is a better word than raped?

Again to clarify, I'm looking for (nost likely) a one time

I realize that my OP reads as having been written by a sub bottom looking for a totally dom top partner. That's not happening. EVER. It's something that I only like when I want it to happen and I give permission to occur.

So with all that said, does anyone have any specific suggestions other than craigslist, a4a, grindr, manhunt, etc.? Can anyone tell me how to bring this up when meeting someone without having them run off scared or judging me harshly. It's something that I can live without, so there's no need to get desperate.

[hairymenlover]

I should add that when I say "Where can I find someone to do this to me?" I mean for role playing, not to actually rape me in reality. I don't know where to meet dom guys that are into this. I've had this fantasy since I was 13, but I've never explored it.

well, since you want to find someone to "rape" you, that won't be an actual rape since you want it! Rape would be if one individual doesn't want it.
But yeah, i understand what do you mean.
I have a rape fantasy too (it's usually with my mates from school in my past, 6-7 of them, now getting together, watching some porn and then they fuck me all and humiliate me)