Am I gay?

[highbiguy]

I'm in a long term relationship, with a women, but find myself jacking off to and pleasuring myself to gay porn almost every night.
I love posting on forums like this and talking with gay men. I've often considered cheating on my girlfriend with a man for the experience, I just love the thought of a one night stand with a man! I still find women attractive, and my girlfriend for that matter, but even when we have sex my minds wondering off thinking about men.
I've no idea if I'm gay, or biz or just a straight guy who likes gay porn!!

Any advice you have is good!

[njcollegekid]

you are sexually aroused by men, so you arent straight.
are you sexually aroused by women (not just can you stand to stick it in while imagining a guy, but are actually attracted to tits and vagina)? if yes, you are bi. if not you are gay.

[Brian Smith]

You are not gay. I would put that thought out of my mind entirely. My partner and I have been together for two years, and he is still just as attracted to women as he is to men.

I don't know your girlfriend. Some women are very conservative, and I have known a few bisexual men whose wives left them after finding out they were bi. On the other hand, there are some women who don't care if their husbands are outright gay as long as they're good dads, keep it discreet, and pay their half of the rent. It is a very individualistic thing, so it's entirely on your shoulders to work out whether or not you ought to bring this up with your girlfriend and how.

I would consider this, though: if you are sleeping with other people, then so is she. You're exposing her to every possible disease that you might pick up in your external activities. I'm not going to try to moralize to you, but I strongly think that this is an important dimension of the matter.

[justanothershyguy]

If there's one thing I've learned from being a member of this forum, it's that people like (to put it bluntly) dicks and vaginas in varying degrees.

It is entirely possible to be attracted to both men and women. There is a lot of gray area and you are not required to be either gay or straight.

[Durango95]

Attraction and preference are two different things. I am gay. I've had sex with a few women. I'm not attracted to women in the least, now, but apparently I had some affinity for them in years past. The few trysts I've had I honestly think were basically my dealing with my sexuality. My preference is guys.

First things first, a long term relationship with a woman doesn't mean a hill of beans apparently. I've known guys that were married for years and then decided they were gay and that was that. So length of time doesn't amount to much.

It has been my experience that straight guys don't like gay porn. My best friend is straight. He has seen some of my stuff. He looks at like someone watching a horrible accident. You know the kind. You really don't want to watch but you do until something just overamps you. That's what he does. He'll look until it gets to something he just cannot handle and then he turns away, usually with a string of colorful comments.

If you are thinking of cheating on your girlfriend then there is obviously some underlying issue you are not facing.

One more point I'd like to make is that having sex with a person of the same gender doesn't necessarily make one gay. Being gay and having gay sex are two different things too. Sometimes same gender sexual experiences are a coping mechanism for some other issue or possibly a means to an end. I'm sure you've heard of BUGs or LUGs.

That would be a case of same gender pairing as a means to an end. Males in prison have sex. That has little to do with sexual attraction or preference and more to do with domination and control. This instance too would be a case of same gender pairing as a means to an end.

I also know of two guys that lived as gay men for years. They had boyfriends and did the whole nine yards. Through therapy each one discovered that they were in fact not gay and were using the behavior as a coping mechanism because of childhood sexual abuse. I had a boyfriend years ago. I always thought there was something weird about him. My straight best friend was the one that said he thought that he wasn't really gay. I thought he was crazy. I told him straight guys don't have sex with guys. I asked him if he had ever had sex with a guy. He told if he did I'd be the first to know....haha. Anyway after a little more than a year of living together, he told me one day after work that he had been thinking and he didn't want to do the "gay" thing any more. He is currently married, has three kids and is a career military guy.

I give you these examples and tell you this....no one can figure out your sexuality but you. I could venture a guess but I won't. I just do not know.

[Rolyo85]

I'm in a long term relationship, with a women, but find myself jacking off to and pleasuring myself to gay porn almost every night.
I love posting on forums like this and talking with gay men. I've often considered cheating on my girlfriend with a man for the experience, I just love the thought of a one night stand with a man! I still find women attractive, and my girlfriend for that matter, but even when we have sex my minds wondering off thinking about men.
I've no idea if I'm gay, or biz or just a straight guy who likes gay porn!!

Any advice you have is good!

I'm not a fan of calling the whole spectrum "bisexual", just to spare people the horror of the dreadful "gay" label, so I'll be blunt:

What you describe is typical of people who have consciously or subconsciously suppressed their true sexuality in order to conform to heteronormativity. For many it's a semi-conscious decision to deny that disturbing part of them, while others were never even aware that they were denying their sexuality.

Yes, sexuality is fluid, but I don't believe it changes all that much as we grow older. All that changes is our awareness of it and our ability to face it without excuses and lying to ourselves.

I think that if you constantly jerk it to gay porn and you even think of men while with your gf, then it's your mind trying to tell you something, and you should take the hint and re-examine your needs. I'm not saying you're gay - though yea, I think you are - because that's a question ultimately only you can answer. But you should really think hard on what you need, what you want and why are you not getting it.

Feel free to send me a PM if you'd like to talk privately, is be happy to try and give you more advice.

[franklinP]

If you are attracted to both men and women then I believe that you are bi-sexual but there is another point that I want to mention. Because I smell something inside the closet. Attraction is one thing but really wanting is another thing. I think you are a gay because you mentioned that even when you are making love with your girlfriend you still think about something else. How hard will it be for you to get out there and be yourself? Think about it.

[Seasoned]

Living a full authentic life is about being aware and open both to one's needs and wants. Some people are open to experimentation and some gay guys are able to love women and enjoy straight sex. I got married to a woman and as much as I thought I was in love I knew something was missing. In July my husband and I will be together 30 years.

My advice is to be open to your internal dialogue. It will lead you to where you need to be. I'm always open for a pm.

[peeonme]

I took a look at your profile and saw that you are 19.
At 19 I found that I could easily have sex with a female, while at the same time when I masturbated I only thought of guys.
As I grew older the sex with women became more of a challange, it takes more to stimulate us after a certain age, also it has to be what "really" turns us on.
I tell you this because it's easy to decieve ourselves and deny our true feelings. I felt as though if I could do the deed with a girl then I has passed the str8 test.
You know what really gets you going, bottom line, to thine own self be true.

[jarib1]

I think you are just curious.

[ElmosToe]

just a straight guy who likes gay porn!!

I can see this being the next topic for a Jerry Springer episode.

[GayLad87]

If you do actually find women attractive and are sexually turned on by the female body itself and can masturbate to ejaculation or orgasmic feeling, without the need to use the idea of men and the male body to acomplish that - then you are probably bisexual.

If you don't find women attaractive on their own and need the idea of men and the male body as stimuli - then you are gay.

It may be a case of just plain curiosity or rather thoughts about what does turn you on entering your mind during sex with your girlfriend, and if it is - then you aren't gay - but if you can't physically have sex with your girlfriend or can only get aroused by men - then you are gay.

[ElmosToe]

...

<=== sexy fire crotch distracted me from reading your post.

[shaychboi88]

I am glad I'm reading this because everybody is making such good points and things to think about. i would never have thought of being gay in middle and high school and ya i was jacking off constantly so i, thought, i knew what got me hot, i guess my porn naïveté was high.

[hylas]

sounds like youre gay.
youre certainly not straight. i guess its possible that youre bi, but i think its more likely that youre gay.