A question for sexually experienced men.

[NotAgain]

So, I came out this summer and I'm about to start exploring the gay scene (I'm a virgin). My main two questions are:

Is it super lame to go to a gay bar alone? I went once with a female friend but she's abroad right now...

AND my most important question: The first time I start doing stuff with a guy (and we won't do anal because I want one thing at a time) should I tell him that I have literally 0 experience in pretty much every single department? Or is that a big turn off? Obviously it depends on the guy but I don't want some guy thinking he's getting the usual from someone, even though that someone isn't quite sure yet about what "the usual" is.

PS. I live in London so if there's any difference between gay culture there compared to the US or another country then please tell me.

Help would be appreciated.

[backagain]

It's not lame to go to a bar alone. Been there done that.
If it is your first time, then make sure it is with a guy that understands and is patience.
It's not a turn off, it is enduring.

[G-Lexington]

Short answers - no and yes.

Feel free to go alone, but know that onus will probably be on you for anything to happen. People tend not to gravitate towards the quiet solo people looking nervous in the corner. You'll have to go out and try conversing with some people to make things happen.

When it comes to sex, yes, let him know it's your first time, and you're starting from ground zero. If you're looking to get straight to that, your best bet is probably to advertise online. Say you're finally out, and now looking to get started in the world of man-on-man sex. Be very clear about what you're interested in doing ("I'd like to try making out, mutual masturbation, and maybe oral to start") and what you're not ("Not interested in anal until I gain more experience").

Lex

[mikey3000]

Aggreed. Don't be afraid to go to the bar alone and don't be shy about mentioning you're a newbie. It is endearing the the guy will be flattered and gentle.

[genthree]

it is sometimes easier to be alone when picking up

no problem telling a person you are inexperienced, it can be very pleasurable to teach (and to learn), this is away of setting some ground rules, don't do anything you don't want to.

[NotAgain]

thank you everyone for answering. I'm a very shy person when it comes to making the first move so I don't see any good coming from that. I guess I have to try though. My main issue is, I have absolutely no one to go with and I really want to start having a love-life... I kinda feel like I'm stuck.

[vulgar_newcomer]

going to the bar alone isn't lame however most of the time the bar is just lame and boring.

on your other point just go with the flow. People are able to get the picture without a word being said by other factors , an age which in itself may or may not be a hint. You can do what you are comfortable with and no need to explain your life history. Keep a hint of mystery and privacy its something you can have more in depth conversation on later if you find your partner datable as well as doable. Its very hot .

If you are going to cross a street and the sign says "Don't walk" and you visually see a line of cars moving at 50 mph towards where you are to cross do you really need a sign telling you to Walk or Don't walk? As is similar with most when it comes to getting to know their partner with eye contact, at least for caring people worth a damn to be physical with in the first place.

[cgymike]

I fall else fails you can strike up a convo with the guys behind the bar. The hardest thing is to go up to a group of people (who "obviously" know each other) and break in. I can do it now because I don't give a flying fuck what people think about me but when coming out...impossible to do that! So yeah ...understand. But you can't be a mouse in the corner either. There are usually other singles around the bar area too as opposed to out where the tables are. Also you can see some near the dance floor watching the action. Then there's always the toilets but that's another kind of action. LOL

[mikey3000]

How about joining a LGBT support group? Great place to make new friends who are in the same position you are, A gay bar is a great place to be picked up, but I'm not too sure about friends. Although...

[Harke the Boeotarch]

It's only lame if your penis is.

Just relax and play safe... and if you have a bad experience don't blame yourself.

[mbamike]

I have never been to a gay bar. So, I can't help you there. I found all my hook ups on the internet.

I told my first guy I was a gay virgin and wanted to experience gay sex. He was very understanding and patient with me. We had a wonderful time together. So do tell you are inexperienced.

[NotAgain]

thanks everyone for your replies.

I have never been to a gay bar. So, I can't help you there. I found all my hook ups on the internet.

I told my first guy I was a gay virgin and wanted to experience gay sex. He was very understanding and patient with me. We had a wonderful time together. So do tell you are inexperienced.

so, If you don't mind, how did you guys meet (what site, how did you approach one another etc...)?

[yhtang]

You would not be the first to venture into a gay bar alone, and everyone was a virgin once.

I would presume you had/will have chosen a nice and considerate person to deflower you. It would be a good idea to tell your partner that is your first time.

If he is as careful and considerate as you made him out to be, he would do his his best to make it an enjoyable and exciting experience for you. And he would not make getting his rocks off his priority; he would make sure that that his priority would be to address your needs and your concerns.

At least, that is what I always do when I happen upon a virgin.