just venting, airing out, talking shit, personal beefs, problems, anger management, and etc thread

[refujiunderground]

shout out to lefty for the idea. anyways, free feel to air yourself out, voice your emotions, people you may have a problem with on here, and etc. just feel free to write whatever you want. it's basically a free zone.

anyways, i really didn't know what to first say to kick this thread off first but even though this really wasn't what i wanted to talk about. i became came out to this web forum where i've known the posters over there for years. they basically knew me as the "emotionally unstable 20 something year old virgin living at home with no job and no friends that couldn't get a woman or pussy to save his life." it was basically a wild overexaggeration where people let their imaginations go off with. they might tell you about the whole long drawn out episode than i could.

the funny part was some of them were cool with it. half of them were ready to with me over it and most of them or at least almost everybody thought i was lying, was trolling or was just surprised as in i couldn't be that. "oh shit, you're gay?", and all of these reactions that i wasn't suspecting. very few of them actually suspected that i was gay or thought that it made since. about 2 people were actually upset with me because they had high hopes for me getting pussy and finally dating a woman. to them, they thought like it was a good tv show that jumped the shark.

anyways, pretty soon, the homophobia of the forums came towards my way where people started dissing and making fun of me for being gay. it's been annoying but at the same time, it's not like they've been able to run me off of the forums. they can say whatever but i'm still going to be there, doing whatever i do regardless.

[refujiunderground]

bender, cut it out.

[JayHawk]

^ bendy, I wanted to do that to a particular Mod a few moments ago

[JayHawk]

[JayHawk]

This is the temper tantrum thread....

[RonR18]

Yeah they are kinda hot.



Just gotta make sure they don't mistake your dick for bamboo.

Too late for one poor soul...

[ChickenGuy]

poor refuji.

Time to de-stress yourself, and achieve inner calm....

(maybe I'm asking a lot. )

Now, breathe deeply, look at nice relaxing pics....









Put on some soothing music....

Close your eyes....

Take your mind to faraway places of your imagination....



Oh, and please - a straight forum?

As you would say....

"Fuck that shit!"

We love you here.

[Essex Boy]

Thank you for 'jump the shark' Fuji, I've never seen that expression before but I looked it up and now I'm going to - or should that be I'm finna - use it all the time.
(You can't do post comments in the 'mobile skin' so I have to do it as a reply. Excuse me interrupting with my silly remarks. Carry on.)

[refujiunderground]

So we don't want refuji venting in the Confessions thread, but we also don't want him making his own thread where he can vent.

Makes sense.

well, be happy. i forgot to credit you for the idea. this thread serves everybody

okay..... *looks around to see if the coast is clear*

FUCK BEING A NERVOUS WRECK!!!!

since this is a venting thread.

if i had the balls to, i'd tell this guy that i have a crush on him and i like him but there's something that makes me uncomfortable with the whole thing. i admire and look up to him as it is already and he's a good friend. HOWEVER, i wouldn't want to throw a pass at him that would make him go like "okay, he's talking to me because he likes me" and damage our friendship and i certainly don't want to put myself into a situation that could kick me in the ass because i really need his help. besides, i'm almost 100 percent certain that he is in a relationship or is married even though i don't know for sure. besides, who wouldn't date him. i don't even know if he's straight, bi or gay. i'm actually asking him to help me with something concerning my future. it's really annoying the shit out of me.

i would like to say to that person that i like you a lot and if you were interested in me, i wouldn't mind dating you. if you're taken, it's all good. just would like to let you know that you're a cool guy and whoever you're with is fortunate to have you.

it just makes me nervous knowing that i feel this way. fucking crushes. i want to dive in BUT yet i think it's the best thing if i should fall back. sheit, if anything were to come out of this, he would have to lead the way. i'm way too scared to even try to take it there with him even though if he gave me the greenlight, i would. either way, i'm NOT holding my breath as i'm setting my sights elsewhere to other guys but if the chance ever arises and it happens where him and me do link up, then i'll roll with it. i'm glad to have met this person though.

i almost never made the thread out of fear that the guy i'm talking about MIGHT actually be here reading this. nobody KNOWS who i'm talking about and i'm NOT going to say SHEIT. i bet people think i'm talking about somebody in here. maybe i am. maybe i'm NOT. you'll never know.

i bet you nobody would be around to guess who it was anyway.

but back figuring out what to say since my nerves are shot.

[RonR18]

[refujiunderground]

it would be nice to hear one of you guys say this one time.

[refujiunderground]

damn........ i could sure go to suck a dick or take a nut up my ass right now. raw sex so i can feel some warm cum in my asshole, yeah. fuck me!

[RonR18]

[jdcnow]

When I'm at work, no matter how calm I may appear, this is what I feel inside...

[refujiunderground]

time goes by too fucking quick. it's already 2:42 pm. why can't time just SSSSSLLLLLOOOOWWWWW DDDDDOOOWWWNNNNN for a second?

and yo.. i was just jerking off just now BUT i felt like my lower abdomen hurting. i just want to bust this nut, wash myself, eat some cereal, fold these clothes, study, and eat again before i have to go to this 7 o clock meeting i have.

and i sure as hell bit myself in the ass staying on the computer til 4 in the morning, listening to music for two hours and then deciding to go to bed at 6 in the morning. DAMNIT!!!!! life sucks.

[refujiunderground]

the hughleys theme song... "this is the right time, i'm back on top again" or however the song went had to be the worst theme song for a tv show. straight up garbage. i thought the link that i posted had the song in the intro BUT that wasn't it. prematurely copy and paste.

[Adrock-JD]

just feel free to write whatever you want. it's basically a free zone.

Like Facebook but with a 'Report Post' option.

The gays don't like. We comment privately and bitch to a mod.

[refujiunderground]

Like Facebook but with a 'Report Post' option.

The gays don't like. We comment privately and bitch to a mod.

with that said, with the whole dislike, like, opinionated where people are saying things they approve or disapprove. that is actually encouraging me to turn a new leaf.

i'm going to do my best to control my anger instead of letting it control me.

whenever i see a post on here that angers me or with someone attacking, expressing criticism and etc, i'll ignore it if i can't say anything that will counter them without making myself sound . i'm also going to try my hardest to not argue back and forth with people on here and offline as well if i get heated with them or if they're heated with me. there was something on another forum that someone posted basically dissing me for being gay throwing in my screenname along with hiv positive. being the guy that i am, i was going to spaz out.. i could have gave the guy a 8 page thread with fighting 20 people by myself getting all upset and angry while these people are busy enjoying themselves @ me responding to them catty like. well, i'm ignoring them.

so i decided to let them do what they do. i'm not responding to the thread. the whole anger management thing that lefty, lex, and others on here been smacking me up with is finally getting through to me.

[Lefty]

Sorry to hammer you down twice FUJI. but, it is necessary....
First hammer is that poster in #21. Lefty don't go there.
Butt, the biggie is you starting this GREAT Thread and making me find it by stumble and fall,

Bad Boy Fuji, Bad Boy

Okay, that be done and passed like water under the bridge. Moving on...

This thread could go places and help a few others as well as be therapy for you Mr. O/P.
A place for you and others to blow off rants and fumes, then using this as your big anger
management facility and then, go back and participate in the fun/games/learning part...
Wish more of us all would take a note from this.

Nicely handled by the way...

Enjoy, I'll be back by.

[rareboy]

I am so fucking black with anger and frustration today.

I have staff who are making bad errors and not taking responsibility for them.

I've got a client from hell.

My one cat has a cancerous tumour and the other one is going blind.

I have a bad cold.

I have to go to two unplanned meetings tomorrow.

I want to throw myself face down on the driveway.

there.

should I feel better?

[Telstra]

I am so fucking black with anger and frustration today.

I have staff who are making bad errors and not taking responsibility for them.

I've got a client from hell.

My one cat has a cancerous tumour and the other one is going blind.

I have a bad cold.

I have to go to two unplanned meetings tomorrow.

I want to throw myself face down on the driveway.

there.

should I feel better?

mmm i think you should retire and stop the work that you don't like.
Therefore no stress ....

[rareboy]

^ Nah.

Just give me that cat's machine gun.

I forgot to add. My arthritis has attacked my jaw. Imagine the limitations.

[quasar]

I'm in the middle of another bout of depression (which is being medicated, and I'm fine with daily living) but I have a bitch of a cold which has also raised my blood sugar levels. Already this week...

1. My nan was getting small shocks from plugs and switches in her flat. I told her it was static from her carpet, not an electrical fault. She got the managers in, who got an electrical company in who said it's static buildup from her carpet!
2. My nan's phone wasn't working. I looked at it, and a contact inside isn't connecting. Said it wasn't a problem with the line, but the phone and I'd get a new one. Plugged the spare phone in, working fine. Uncle goes round and gets the phone company to check the line, they say the line is okay, so uncle says I don't need to get nan a new phone. Uncle plugs the old one back in, and it isn't working. Buys a new phone.
3. Mum orders some new bedroom furniture. I tell her it's too much and she'll feel claustrophobic in the room and it'll partly block the loft access. Build furniture up and she now feels claustrophobic and we can't get the large suitcase down from the loft.

Why the fuck do I bother giving advice, or try to sort problems out when no fucker pays attention! I'm not saying I'm right all the time, but why bother asking for help or an opinion if you're going to disregard it completely! And it didn't help that I got soaked in the rain when I walked down to my nan's flat!!!

[Lefty]

Re your arthur-itis...
Your roomie is dancing off to CVS for more lube and losing his ear plugs on the way?

On a more serious note, I hate the cancer word...how do you know when quality of life
should supersede quantity...tough decision.
Hope your friend with the macular issues is a house cat. It's amazing how well they can
get by with the other senses.

As to the staff issue, maybe remind the dumb fucks that taking responsibility for my fail'
is a lot less painful then being caught in denial. As to asshole clients from hell, you just
have to bite the bullet and remember, the fees you charge quell a lot of flames...if that
doesn't help, Raise their fucking rates.

[Lefty]

Queasy - sar.

Find something serious to be depressed about.
Like who the U.S.A. has to choose from for president.
Even drugs don't quell that one.

Tell Uncle to "enjoy the fucking phone you just bought..unless you are giving Nan a present"

Any of mums furniture you might want to put in your place and give her a bit of room?

Get a spray bottle of Static Cling stuff (Fabreeze smells fresh) spray the old girls carpets
lightly and do so once a week during the low humidity or high furnace use times. Works to
cancel out the static electricity (unless she enjoys the cheap thrills) and makes a stuffy
flat feel refreshed.


[or you can just smack Lefty about the head and shoulders until
he bleeds making you feel tons better and getting exercise too.]

[star-warrior]

Fricking cough...




Fricking fricking fricking cough! and sore fricking throat...



I need sleep, not a fricking cough and bruised windpipe



How I'm feeling right now

[DigitalFudge]

I know ain't not a single damn one of you finna roll up in here and complain about me.

[Aymotin]

Life is tought, this kid just learned it the hard way

[refujiunderground]

man.... I HATE HAVING ANXIETY. it fucking kills me. I ALSO HATE FEELING NERVOUS. I ALSO HATE BEING SHY TOO. like i was at this meeting yesterday right which i won't say. all i can say is that i was sitting across from my town's vice mayor. i was scared to look up around at the table at everyone. i also kept my mouth shut as well the whole entire time, i usually do. i'm scared to talk to people who i'm not familiar with is weird because at my old job, i was actually socializing with the customers. one problem that i had however was that i talked very low where people were like "huh, speak up". my voice would just go down to a complete whisper because i was afraid. however, as always, i started to fall asleep during the meeting and the vice mayor must have saw that so she smacked the table. i jumped like oh shit. plus some of the members were looking at me like "is he sleeping?" i have terrible sleeping habits. hopefully, it doesn't affect me when i'm driving down to dc in a couple of hours.

i also do NOT do well in a group setting or with a bunch of people. it reminds me of how i would be in the classroom hoping that my teacher didn't call on me and when they did, i would still be too scared to talk. i would just be balled up in the corner chilling, listening to the lecture, not saying a single word because i was scared. i also hated catching the attention. you don't know how uncomfortable it felt when the professor to one of the last classes i took in college would just go from one side of the room to my side of the room looking at me when i looked up after looking down at my desk. he was looking dead at me like "you better be dosing off and you better be listening to what i'm saying. this is on your test." i wasn't even dosing off in his class either for the record if he ever reads this. i was listening the whole time.

forget the fucking class presentations too. i just get shakey and stutter and the whole nine. my nerves get shot. i feel like that husky puppy in complete distress, howling like "help me, i want out".

i just wish i was anxiety free where simple shit didn't bother me.

[Adrock-JD]

Some (stress) releases I'm looking forward to, except the limited copies of Blue Lagoon has me a bit anxious.

Magic Mike is released on Blu-ray/DVD Tuesday, October 23rd.

Rosemary's Baby is released for the first time on Blu-ray (Criterion Collection) on Tuesday, October 30th. This is up for pre-order at Amazon. Criterion does a grand job of transferring older films to HD.

The Blue Lagoon (1980) is released for the first time on Blu-ray on December 11th. Limited to 3000 copies. Sold by Screen Archives Entertainment online. It isn't up for pre-order yet. Probably sometime next month.

[refujiunderground]

RJ, cheer up--this part will get easier.

It's hard to believe now, but at one time I had such extreme social anxiety disorder that I wore gloves during most of the year. The gloves gave me a false sense of security, but one time the glove-wearing backfired.

I had to give a book report in English class in 1976 or 77, and the gloves I wore that day were making me too hot. I was so nervous--and so hot--that I passed out. Plop. Faint. (embarrassed laugh)

Even after all these years, telling this story embarrasses me.

what happened afterwards? what did you do to get over it?

but anyways, as i think i'm catching a cold, i would like to vent about the self loathing that i have for myself that has creeped up on me increasingly this past week.

i went down to d.c. with my mom who was the one who wanted to go down there for a day. we've been past the city before but we never actually went into it. you know, spending almost 365 days in new jersey where i usually follow a routine which i'm used to, it's hard to look into myself as well as how my environment keeps me from doing better.

i'm going to write a blog entry on this on here later BUT to make a long story short. after talking with my mom, walking around amongst other people, seeing the city landscape, seeing how easy going and comfortable people were with themselves, i started to grow increasing uncomfortable with myself. i was looking for someone to basically project the feelings of self loathing, hate, disappointment, annoyance, insecurity and etc like how i've done in new jersey, but i couldn't because nobody was paying me any mind. i always KNEW that my biggest enemy was always myself. it has always BEEN that. i've always said that it's because i got made fun of as a kid, i've had bullies in kindergarten, i didn't have people to listen to me and my problems BUT here i was in somewhere i never been before in a bunch of strangers READY to look for problems, not even happy, thinking the same way i've had where i thought i had to be a certain way to protect myself from others who may try to hurt me AND but yet it was ME hurting myself.

maybe it was because i didn't eat shit besides cereal, two boxes of fruit by the foot and goldfish cookies from 4 in the morning to 4 in the afternoon that really made me feel worse BUT i realized that i was slowly killing myself physically and mentally. emotionally, i'm a mess. i would like to be this guy that's happy, trying to present himself that he's okay, that i'm tough, that i will kick your ass if you talk shit about me BUT on the inside, i'm a dude that really hates himself. i don't even know why to tell you the truth or where it came from. there's people that believe or see a lot of good in me BUT i don't see what they see at all.

and i also realize that a lot of the anger that i have is actually because is from the self loathing which makes me sad and my sadness turns into anger. i try to take out my anger onto other people which leaves them the impression that i'm an angry person when in reality, it's my self loathing at work.

and when i was walking to my mom's car to get the camera she left behind so she could take a picture of the white house and back, i felt like i was a dead man walking. like i'm pretty much dying. now that i realize that how severe the problem is, i just need to figure out a way where i can help myself before this ends up killing me. if i continue on this route, i can see myself either becoming a dead or incarcerated. i've already been mentioning about how i would smoke weed BUT the reason why i'd smoke would be as a way of "self medicating" the troubling feelings and thoughts i have.

i enjoyed the trip BUT not as much as i could have because of myself.

[diamondstar]

Rants don't come natural to me. However there is a certain asshole I know by the name of "Elvis" no one on this forum of course. I so badly want to see him break is ankle. Seriously was a tool.

[refujiunderground]

I feel horrible.

why did you change your avatar?

btw, what movie was the gif based from? that was crazy. that cannonball tore that dude's head off.

[Nishin]

RJ, cheer up--this part will get easier.

It's hard to believe now, but at one time I had such extreme social anxiety disorder that I wore gloves during most of the year. The gloves gave me a false sense of security, but one time the glove-wearing backfired.

I had to give a book report in English class in 1976 or 77, and the gloves I wore that day were making me too hot. I was so nervous--and so hot--that I passed out. Plop. Faint. (embarrassed laugh)

Even after all these years, telling this story embarrasses me.

Wow, at first I hadn't read the first part of your post and was thinking why the hell was he wearing gloves in the classroom...
Then I read

It's hard to believe now, but at one time I had such extreme social anxiety disorder that I wore gloves during most of the year. The gloves gave me a false sense of security...

To be honest JB it is NOT that hard to believe... as in it explains some of your views you developed in the other thread about the internet where other posters (me included) were thinking you were a little bit too-careful borderline paranoid about internet stuff ...

(Ps: not being judgemental here... jut pointing this out to tell how it all makes sense in light of that information when it didn't make much sense before/without it...)

[refujiunderground]

The teacher sat me down for a few minutes, and then walked me to the outside commons. I slowly recovered, but not before some students who were passing by remarked on my appearance. ("You're as white as a sheet") I'd say it took about a half an hour to recover--at least, physically.

that must have been a really traumatic experience. what happened after that if you don't mind telling?

I just got through looking at pics my partner and I took during our trip to the Smokies this weekend. I look fucking terrible in each.and.every.single.picture.

To say I am not photogenic is an understatement.

just awful.

i feel your pain, man. you look fine in your photos though. don't see anything unphotogenic about you in your pics.

[cgymike]

All I can say from a recent dating experience (3 dates total) is I NEVER want to hear someone say "I thought you said"

Fuck you (name) if I can't stand you for three dates why the hell would I even consider spending the rest of my life with you - you whiney inferior-complex-laden loser!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't give a stuff about you exes and your baggage you twat!!!!!!!!!

A quote from QAF (British series):

Nathan: "It's not like we're exclusive...it's not like we're anything" and when asked by his date when they would see each other again Nathan said "You can can see me now" and the the other guys said "fuck you"

gggggggggg

[borg69unimatrix]

My Pet Peeves of the Day:

People driving slow in the fast lane. Get the fuck over!!!

Software claiming to be "Freeware", and really having limited time/use.

Robo-Callers trying to sell me shit on the phone at work.

Spam Fax's - I don't want your deal of a century to Cancun.

[refujiunderground]

never thought i would use this thread but here it goes....

i have the worst fucking smell in my nose right now. it's mostly of the mucus from this cold that i had on saturday where i was sneezing all fucking day.

i was going to hold these words back and go the positive route but fuck it, it's a vent thread. i really, REALLY feel like grabbing a beer bottle preferably a heineken, running up on one of these random people that i see on this dating site that i'm using, run up to them at the bar, wait for them to piss me off so i can have an excuse to smash their face wide open with that bottle. when i swing at their head, i'ma make sure that i go right for their fucking face. i'm trying to leave some serious wounds that won't heal physically and most importantly mentally and emotionally. i'm not feeling too good right now so if i'm miserable, if i think you're being a total dick or whatever, i'll make my misery yours. in fact, it's just not open to them but i'd do it to anybody who i feel deserves it.

anyways, i'm tired, i don't totally feel like complete shit but emotionally once again, a sea is storming inside of me and yeah, i'm mad. i want to go off on somebody BUT i can't because if i do, i'm unleashing everything on them and i mean everything. i'm trying to inflict as much damage on them as possible so they're fucked up. i won't kill them but at the same time, i'm going to make sure they don't stand. i'm trying to leave them all bloodied up. let me go to the gym and study this lsat to keep my mind up instead of down like right now.

[rareboy]

^ I think some counselling intervention is called for along with a look at your meds.

[refujiunderground]

^ I think some counselling intervention is called for along with a look at your meds.

people always say that despite me not having done anything crazy or having signs of me experience a nervous breakdown or a psychosis. i'm just vocal about what bothers me instead of hiding it. there are no plans on running up to anybody and doing that. that's just how i feel.

[rareboy]

I'm in the middle of another bout of depression (which is being medicated, and I'm fine with daily living) but I have a bitch of a cold which has also raised my blood sugar levels. Already this week...

1. My nan was getting small shocks from plugs and switches in her flat. I told her it was static from her carpet, not an electrical fault. She got the managers in, who got an electrical company in who said it's static buildup from her carpet!
2. My nan's phone wasn't working. I looked at it, and a contact inside isn't connecting. Said it wasn't a problem with the line, but the phone and I'd get a new one. Plugged the spare phone in, working fine. Uncle goes round and gets the phone company to check the line, they say the line is okay, so uncle says I don't need to get nan a new phone. Uncle plugs the old one back in, and it isn't working. Buys a new phone.
3. Mum orders some new bedroom furniture. I tell her it's too much and she'll feel claustrophobic in the room and it'll partly block the loft access. Build furniture up and she now feels claustrophobic and we can't get the large suitcase down from the loft.

Why the fuck do I bother giving advice, or try to sort problems out when no fucker pays attention! I'm not saying I'm right all the time, but why bother asking for help or an opinion if you're going to disregard it completely! And it didn't help that I got soaked in the rain when I walked down to my nan's flat!!!

Firstly:

Most people aren't asking for your advice.

They are asking for your validation. What you need to learn to do is to kick the can down the road. Always suggest they consult another party. Always. Particularly family. Always pass it off to another family member by saying, "I would ask so and so because they probably have more experience with this'

Or....Tell them that there are no colours of black dark enough to describe the state of your clinical depression at any moment when they ask your advice and that you couldn't be held responsible for what might be existentially dicey suggestions. In other words....use what you've got. HINT: They will probably back slowly out of the room if you have a red lipstick smile painted on when you are telling them this.

I have to agree that a cold wreaks havoc with the perspective on the world...my partner of 30 years and I are about two steps away from a death match because of our colds. We are just toxic this week. Hopefully we will not be like the gingham dog and calico cat, but I'm just saying. Get lots of good sleep. Make yourself go outside for even 15 minutes 3 times a day for a short walk.

Don't be afraid to talk through your depression with others...just bear in mind that all this too shall pass.

[refujiunderground]

All violent acts start with a violent thought.

Getting rejected on a dating site is no reason to go hitting people with bottles.

They'll get their comeuppance some day anyway - look at Mr. Abercrombie CEO as exhibit A.

trust me, there's nothing to worry about. i'm crazy, not stupid. i would rather punch a hole into the wall than to hurt somebody getting myself in a whole bunch of unnecessary drama. bad enough if i can't find a job without a criminal record.

just because i feel like it doesn't mean that i'm actually going to do it. it's just venting.

[rareboy]

Oh I forgot.

I am totally pissed that because of Factor V Leiden I still seem to be able to develop Thrombophlebitis while on warfarin sodium.

It makes me really cranky when my veins get destroyed with blood clots this way.

[refujiunderground]

I have a cold and I feel like shit.

get you some theraflu, man.

[Lefty]

JMHO, But...

Your body and I agree. You don't need no silly slave ornamention. Nipple piercing was once used

to suspend people in the air. It was a punishment, a torture...even whatever they were trying to

do in A Man Called Horse or something. The Gods of body worship and symmetry hate

piercings, except maybe the ears (unobtrusive) or between the eyes (large calibre,
1 shot)

Their list of Eleven commandments Includes this one...

Thou Shalt Not Pierce.

[TheLyingGame]

Just when I'm happy and comfortable I say something that makes everything totally awkward.
I'm definitely more imaginable than talkative, I just never know what to say next.

I guess my problem is thinking that I have to keep the conversation flowing until they decide to go, but instead I say something totally weird and force myself to apologize.

Still, I think you ought to take that ego back and get a refund, because you are nothing special and that holier than thou attitude? It's really starting to piss me off. You may be cute, but you're not THAT cute.

If you want something to play with, go find yourself a new toy. This one's due for an upgrade.


Ahhh.

[Scealle]

I have a cold and I feel like shit.

get well soon.

[refujiunderground]

now here i am at home feeling like i'm in a standstill. even my vision is getting blurry from being tired. i haven't done shit today besides wash dishes and cook vegetables for my mom. this is fucking pathetic.

i try to look for fun and even try to encourage the people around me to have fun but they're not interested in doing shit except the same old things. hell, i wouldn't mind driving to somewhere like boston or buffalo or toronto or whereever down the east coast for fun instead of being in this motherfucker all day. this shit is weak. this isn't even fun. this site is okay BUT right now, i need to be livened up. i'd go to the gym to run to do some cardio but i need something more than just that. i often find myself doing shit in order to make my boring life exciting or to keep me from just going to bed and sleeping all day. if this was back in 2005, i'd do that. just flick out the lights, wrap myself up in a sheet and go to sleep. my dreams are so much better than my waking life.

my mom told me about going on a greyhound and going to whereever. i'm like "no, i prefer to drive". fuck riding a bus with 40 other people with someone else driving me to whereever they want to go. fuck that. i rather drive to somewhere alone, have my camera on deck, take photos and chill. if anybody is interested in coming, they better not fuck up my trip by going like "naw... i don't want to do this or that". i remember when my brother and me drove over to toronto 4 years ago. i had this plan about renting a car and driving past some cities like rochester and buffalo to sightsee. i was interested in staying in toronto for some days or two and not coming back to new jersey as soon as possible. dude simply wanted to be on what i thought was some straight up bullshit and fuck the trip. we only spent like 3 days there. 1 day heading there, one day going there, and another day going back. oh god.... i was pissed.

i also want to say i'm also tired of people telling me to stop speaking my mind too. i don't give a fuck about what you think about what i have to say. you can keep that to your goddamn self. i certainly don't tell people to shut the fuck up whenever they speak their minds about whatever even if i want to tell them to stop whining or whatever. they expect me to show them the basic courtesy and respect to let them talk and speak their minds. why the fuck can these same people do the same shit for me? FUCK THEM!

but yeah, my boredom makes me want to do some crazy things sometimes. i daydream about doing wild shit all the time for thrills or simply to keep my entertained. the problem with that is sometimes some of the wild shit is actually criminal activity which i won't say on here that i think is a thrill sometimes. i FUCKING hate routine. i'm just waiting til i get my own place where i can isolate myself in total peace away from everybody. i might not feel inclined to say hello to anybody. might not call my parents, my brother or whatever. i don't feel like talking on the phone, being on facebook, texting or whatever. just leave me alone. the moment i get myself a car and my own place. i don't think i'm going to stay indoors enough to be on here all day.

one of these days, i plan on saying goodbye to the internet community and basically saying fuck this site and all the other sites that i spend and live my life on. i can't be bothered with this anymore.

[Lefty]

Tough shitskis there [B]FUJI[B]ama.
We all on this BUS together and shutting up is not allowed.

Many a coulda shoulda wouldas turn to Didn't so I cant RANTS
You made a short but heavy list^.
Sadly, after the hating 'routine' line and the just waiting (damn man that's getting to be a routine), it was routine.
Get off your New Jersied ass and grab your camera. Take a few pics of where in your area you would move if you
could do so tomorrow. Do a blog here man...describing the place(s) and why you would like to move there.

You can't go no where if your mind won't go there.

Your nagging guy, loquacious lefty.

[refujiunderground]

Tough shitskis there [B]FUJI[B]ama.
We all on this BUS together and shutting up is not allowed.

Many a coulda shoulda wouldas turn to Didn't so I cant RANTS
You made a short but heavy list^.
Sadly, after the hating 'routine' line and the just waiting (damn man that's getting to be a routine), it was routine.
Get off your New Jersied ass and grab your camera. Take a few pics of where in your area you would move if you
could do so tomorrow. Do a blog here man...describing the place(s) and why you would like to move there.

You can't go no where if your mind won't go there.

Your nagging guy, loquacious lefty.

the thing is... it's most definitely not here and i doubt anybody would let me use their car like that. don't know where i would move to to be honest. the state of new jersey certainly isn't somewhere i'd stay though. not feeling this state at all. fuck it, i might even look at overseas. i wouldn't mind moving over to europe since most of my extended family is over there. don't think i could live at any particular place for too long though before i would want to move to somewhere else.

gotta say this though. washington dc does seem like a nice place to live so does north carolina and virginia. i'd move to north carolina just for the food. maryland seems okay. delaware is nice to visit but not to live. new york city seems exciting but don't really want to be running around all day. nyc has changed and isn't what it used to be. upstate new york is eyyy depending on where you go. some of the cities upthere are boring. connecticut is some place that i'm not of used to. could have went to bridgeport but over there is like living in newark. pennsylvania seems like a really boring place to live. happy as hell my parents made the RIGHT decision not to move over to the poconos when we had to move. i would rather stay in jersey. couldn't imagine how my life would have been if we moved there.

i think i need to travel around the country more.