Age Differences + Beginners at Dating

[deelong]

I don't know if there has been lots of threads about this topic, so I'm just going to go for it.

I am currently talking this guy that I meet on a gay dating app. And he is really nice. He is 32 and a teacher. I am 18 and I'm in college. So far, we are pretty compatible. We are meeting each other for the first time downtown at Chipotle this weekend.

So anyway, I have two problems or questions rather. Yesterday, I was viewing another forum about age differences. And one person said that two people with a huge age difference have almost nothing in common. He said that older men, who are interested in younger men, only want to have a boy-toy. So he could make him feel better about himself, and can make his sex life better. And younger guys, who are interested in older men, only want someone to take care of him.

Now, I am very attracted more to older men. Not because some of are established, they have money, and maybe they are willing to take care of me. I like older men, because most men who are older know what they want in a relationship (at least the ones that I've meet), they know where they are in life, and older men just really turn me on. It's just something about 'em. I really don't care about money, and I sure as hell don't want anyone taking care of me. I am very independent. I want to know, do you all think that there's a possibility that a 32 year old man and a 18 year old man can be in a successful relationship?

And another problem that I have is that I am very nervous about our date this weekend. I have this strange feeling that there will be something about him that I will not like. Or there will be something about me that he will not like. Almost every time I think about our date, I think that something bad is going to happen. I think it's because I haven't really been on a date before, and I am very anxious. Could you all give me some advise on first time dates or dating in general.

Thanks, I appreciate it.

[HunterM]

Safety First!

1. Always make the first date at a public place (such at Chipotle in your case).
2. Your dates should not last more than an hour. That way if you two don't hit if off, you both can leave without feeling obligated to hang out all night. When you feel more comfortable with the other person, then you can make your dates last longer then an hour.
3. Let a friend or family member know the place and time you will be during your date (Chipotle at 5pm as an example). Ask them to call you 30 minutes into the date to check up on you.

[HunterM]

What you have described what other people say about a huge age gap difference is true in general. Of course, there are always exceptions. Chemistry and compatibility is different for different people. You're just beginning to date.

• Dating is to get to know people better. It is not a marriage for the rest of your life.
• Dating is all about meetups and breakups.
• You will go through breakups...lessons to be learned. That is a fact of life! When it occurs, learn how to manage it. You will learn something about yourself as well.
• Keep an open mind. Relax & have fun.
• Date people that strike your fancy. If it does not work out, it does not work out. Learned from it and move on.
• Not every one you meet is compatible to you and vice versa. The more you date, the more you will learn about how to read people. The experience from dating will teach you whom you are more compatible to.

[Seasoned]

What you read on that other site regarding age difference are one person's thoughts. I'm 8 years older than my husband. My son-in-law is 10 years older than my daughter. Dating is for the purpose of getting to know someone. There doesn't have to be an age difference to have someone wanting to take advantage of someone else. There is nothing inherently wrong with age differences. Remember that you are meeting someone to see if there's a connection. You're not walking down the aisle or signing a contract.

Dating really means getting to know someone and your date will either be a success or not. Either way is ok. Keep your wits about you for safety reasons, but that's for meeting any new person. Have a plan. Are you ok if this goes further than Chipotle's? Are you ok if he suggests going to his place? Is there an end time to your date?

You know you're not a gold digger and the purpose of your date is to learn something of him. Bring up the age difference as a topic. What's his experience been with younger guys? Find out what his current status is. Remember it's a date and sometimes we kiss a lot of frogs before we find a prince. Take care of yourself.

[ZmercTheDuke]

Only problem i can see with your age difference is tha, but your both at two different points in your lives, more so that you are 18. You are just starting to be on your own, and experiencing life past high school. Where when you are 30, you have already established your self, and experienced a lot in life. Its a bit different when your talking about say someone who is 38 dating a 52 year old, that age gap isn't such a big deal. As advice, if this relationship does work, don't let it tie you down, and keep you from missing things that someone your age usually experiences.

[Georgiadude]

It really pisses me off when people say that an older/younger relationship is only based on the older guy wanting sex and the younger guy wanting money or gifts. Does it happen? Of course. However, there actually are some older guys out there that aren't just looking for a young piece of ass and there are younger guys that are attracted to older guys. It's not the norm or some people find it taboo so they have to come up with a reason why the relationship can't work. Of course it can work. Go on a date and see what he's like. See the type of person he really is. The same you would do if he happened to be your age. Don't let others change your mind or make you feel like your doing something wrong. If he's a good guy enjoy yourself. If he's a jackass walk away.

Steven.

[kcboi]

My bf and I were age 19 and 45 and we got along great, had lots of fun, had lots in common and had great sex... it all depends on the people involved.. but I think that whole thing about it based on the older guy wanting sex and the younger guy wanting money or gifts is TOTAL and COMPLETE BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you like him date him if you don't don't it seems pretty simple to me.

[Just_Believe18]

My bf and I were age 19 and 45 and we got along great, had lots of fun, had lots in common and had great sex... it all depends on the people involved.. but I think that whole thing about it based on the older guy wanting sex and the younger guy wanting money or gifts is TOTAL and COMPLETE BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you like him date him if you don't don't it seems pretty simple to me.

And yet, you aren't together anymore. It really comes down to the expectations of what each person wants. Sure, you can be in a age difference relationship, but for how long?

To the author of this thread, what do you ultimately want? I believe you when you say your motives are genuine in dating this guy. However, do you want to find a lifelong relationship with a 32 year-old teacher? He's at the age to settle down. Do you want this to be the defining relationship of your life? Or is this just temporary, in the moment fun?

In my experience, there's nothing wrong with age difference relations. However, I do believe life-long age difference relationships are problematic when it involves any boy who is 18 and in their early twenties. So what kind of relationship do you want? Do you want a boyfriend just for the sake of the title and feeling of love? Do you want to find a husband? These are important questions to answer as you begin dating this guy. See what he wants too.

Keep us posted.

[Rolyo85]

What he said.

Age difference is less and less of a problem as the younger party gets older (though of course you will always be facing the very real fact that your partner will probably die way before you). When you're 27 and the guy is 40, that's perfectly valid. But when you're 18 and he's 31? Different planets.

[deelong]

Dating really means getting to know someone and your date will either be a success or not. Either way is ok. Keep your wits about you for safety reasons, but that's for meeting any new person. Have a plan. Are you ok if this goes further than Chipotle's? Are you ok if he suggests going to his place? Is there an end time to your date?

You know you're not a gold digger and the purpose of your date is to learn something of him. Bring up the age difference as a topic. What's his experience been with younger guys? Find out what his current status is. Remember it's a date and sometimes we kiss a lot if frogs before we find a prince. Take care of yourself.

After Chipotle, I just want to go back home. That's my plan, I don't want to go over his house or anything like that. And I haven't even thought about an end time to our date. I think I'm going to take HunterM's advise and only let the date last only an hour.

I think bringing up age difference in the conversation Saturday is a great idea. And he says that he's been working a lot, so he hasn't really been dating for a while. Thanks. You are very helpful to me.

[deelong]

Sure, you can be in a age difference relationship, but for how long?

To the author of this thread, what do you ultimately want? I believe you when you say your motives are genuine in dating this guy. However, do you want to find a lifelong relationship with a 32 year-old teacher? He's at the age to settle down. Do you want this to be the defining relationship of your life? Or is this just temporary, in the moment fun?

In my experience, there's nothing wrong with age difference relations. However, I do believe life-long age difference relationships are problematic when it involves any boy who is 18 and in their early twenties. So what kind of relationship do you want? Do you want a boyfriend just for the sake of the title and feeling of love? Do you want to find a husband? These are important questions to answer as you begin dating this guy. See what he wants too.

Keep us posted.

I would have to agree that some there is a possibility that age could be a huge problem in any relationship. I actually, wouldn't have a problem settling down early with someone that I really love. I am not really a party person. I'm more of a home body. Fun to me, is hanging out with friends and family, chilling at home, working, gym, and going to school.

I am looking for a long-term relationship. And if I fall in love with a man, I would love to get married. I rather have only one lover for a long time, than have a whole bunch of relationships that didn't last long.

I'll certainly ask these questions on our date. Thanks for your help

[deelong]

What he said.

Age difference is less and less of a problem as the younger party gets older (though of course you will always be facing the very real fact that your partner will probably die way before you). When you're 27 and the guy is 40, that's perfectly valid. But when you're 18 and he's 31? Different planets.

Trust me I've thought of this, and I know I'll be okay with me. If I really love someone, I wouldn't care how old they were (Unless they're under eighteen of course). And who knows when he'll die, or when I'll die. I might die today or tomorrow

[bankside]

Two separate questions: first time dating, and age difference.


A first time date is a chance to meet with someone who maybe has potential, and someone you'd like to know more about. The delightful part is figuring out where that potential can lead. Go into it without expectations. Hopes are fine, but not expectations. And try to help him enjoy the evening out. Let him do the same. If you get the idea that something is wrong, or it turns out he acts in a way you don't like, then you don't have to go back.


Now for the age difference: At the age of 18, you are thinking seriously about what you want out of life and out of a relationship. You say that you find older men attractive because they have usually figured that out. The question is, what was the typical older attractive guy doing when he was 18, and why did it take him so long to get his shit together when you are already thinking in depth at the age of 18.

Was he a flake back then? If so has he fully recovered? I'm almost 40 and I have my shit together. In my experience, other guys my age who also have their shit together always did. Even when they were in their early 20s. And the flakes are still kind of flakey.

So maybe an older guy has thought about where he has been and what he wants in life, maybe not. But you are not the only 18 year old to look at relationships with a bit more depth. I hope you wouldn't rule out other young guys just because of their age, and I warn you against assuming age automatically equals maturity.

That being said, if it works, it works. A date is a way to find out if the potential is there with this guy, age difference or not.

[loveguys72]

As long as two people get along and share a similar outlook on life, age is pretty much irrelevant. Go meet this guy, talk, see what you make of each other. If it feels like there might be a connection, feel free to plan a second date.

And, meeting new people always makes me a bit nervous, and I know I can't be the only one. So, not really seeing a problem there, either.

Good luck on your first date!

[deelong]

Okay so, I have been pretty upset up until today. Because I thought I was going on a date today. But I didn't. Instead of meeting him, I hung out with my sister and got a ear pierced.

Friday night, I was working and he texted me. And in the attached pictures, you can see our conversation.

I don't know where this came from. He did everything right. Before Friday, we always talked about our date. And then, Friday night everything changes. You make up some b.s. excuse of why you don't want to go to Chipotle. I was going to recommend going someplace else. But I know what was really on his mind and what he wanted. I just don't understand it. When I said, "I don't know about coming over..." I didn't mean it in a rude way. I just wanted to let him know that I'm not really comfortable with going over your house, and I don't know you at all. I was kind of pissed off when the told me to come over, because that wasn't the plan at all. I feel as though, he was only looking for a piece of ass. If he was looking for that he could have just said that. And I would have ended the conversation right there. He told me he was looking for a friend... boyfriend... fiance... then a husband. I mean, did I do something wrong?

[Seasoned]

Some guys are predatory and they'll tell you what you want to hear to get into your pants. You are much better off with a pierced ear! Keep being wisely cautious without turning cynical and things will work out for you. Take care and we're here for you.

[HunterM]

You did the right thing for not going over to his place. He is not a man of his word to meet you at Chipotle.

[loveguys72]

You did everything right. You made your intentions clear, and defined your boundaries. He disrespected you by not accepting them and trying to press you into a situation you didn't want. You're better off without this guy.

Sorry he turned up to be a creep. But, you'll find the right guy for you in time. Best of luck.

Okay so, I have been pretty upset up until today. Because I thought I was going on a date today. But I didn't. Instead of meeting him, I hung out with my sister and got a ear pierced.

Friday night, I was working and he texted me. And in the attached pictures, you can see our conversation.

I don't know where this came from. He did everything right. Before Friday, we always talked about our date. And then, Friday night everything changes. You make up some b.s. excuse of why you don't want to go to Chipotle. I was going to recommend going someplace else. But I know what was really on his mind and what he wanted. I just don't understand it. When I said, "I don't know about coming over..." I didn't mean it in a rude way. I just wanted to let him know that I'm not really comfortable with going over your house, and I don't know you at all. I was kind of pissed off when the told me to come over, because that wasn't the plan at all. I feel as though, he was only looking for a piece of ass. If he was looking for that he could have just said that. And I would have ended the conversation right there. He told me he was looking for a friend... boyfriend... fiance... then a husband. I mean, did I do something wrong?

[Just_Believe18]

For a teacher, he has terrible spelling and grammar. You did the right thing, deelong. This guy was no good.

[Ganoderma]

I have this strange feeling that there will be something about him that I will not like. Or there will be something about me that he will not like. Almost every time I think about our date, I think that something bad is going to happen. (...) Could you all give me some advise on first time dates or dating in general.

hi Deelong,

Your 'gutfeeling' was right. This guy was not honest to you, and you have made a very good decision. It was also a good idea of you to start this thread. Great man. I agree with others that age differences are not a big issue. Dating is starting to know each other.

Well done, as that guy is indeed a creep. You are looking for a partner/boyfriend, and you want to built up a friendship bit by bit. Honest people will understand this very well. You have an earring, and good to read you have a nice sister. Please don't think that all guys of around his age are like that.

I hope soon you will find a nice guy.

Take care & don't hesitate to keep posting questions over here.

[Rolyo85]

Um, why did you go into stereotype mode about what coming over means? You should have just said "I'm not comfortable with coming over when I haven't met you" and leave it at that.

[deelong]

Thanks you guys for all of your help and support. I really am happy that I made this thread