How do you ask someone on a SECOND date??

[fallinlove]

This question never gets talked about, but I think it's really important.

I made it through the first date with a guy - just drinks at a restaurant - he's absolutely wonderful and overall it went ok, no akward moments. However, I'm not entirely sure he was into me. I want to ask him out on a second date and wanted to know how you guys think I should ask him. Anythink charming I should say?

When people ask me out a second time and I'm not sure if I want to see them again, I CAN get convinced if they ask me a certain way or talk to me or whatever. I feel that if I just say "let's go out again", he may say no.

Any advice would be appreciated

[HunterM]

If you guys had fun then just tell him, "Hey, I had fun the other day. How about happy hr at [restaurant/bar of your choice] next Friday?" It's as simple as that.

[cgymike]

This question never gets talked about, but I think it's really important.

I made it through the first date with a guy - just drinks at a restaurant - he's absolutely wonderful and overall it went ok, no akward moments. However, I'm not entirely sure he was into me. I want to ask him out on a second date and wanted to know how you guys think I should ask him. Anythink charming I should say?

When people ask me out a second time and I'm not sure if I want to see them again, I CAN get convinced if they ask me a certain way or talk to me or whatever. I feel that if I just say "let's go out again", he may say no.

Any advice would be appreciated

The issue also is when do you ask for the second date. Do you ask for it at the end of the first date or after and if after how long to wait. The first situation is the most awkward since you risk instant rejection if he thinks you are being too pushy. But if you suspect he's not into you then you can find out for sure. Asking a few days later may be the best.

As far as the "how" is concerned Hunter's post is a good answer. But whatever words you use assume it's going to happen by not asking "Would you like to see me again" because if you have to ask there's doubt and there may be for him as well.

[HunterM]

When I like someone, I always secure a second date at the end of the first date. You have got to strike while the iron is hot!

15 to 20 minutes into the first date, I can usually tell if I want to pursue for another date or not. I take charge of the date. If I do want to pursue for a second date, I would turn on the charm and make sure that my date is having a good time. It's like being a host of a party to make sure your guests are having fun. I would find out my date's hobbies, favorite foods, movies, music, etc...while thinking ahead of what would be a good second date that he/she would enjoy. Then when I ask for a second date by the end of the first date, 90% of the time, people say "yes."

[Georgiadude]

what's a date?

Steven.

[Orlandude]

Go with your gut but don't do the tired, lame thing that goes something like "Here's my phone number" or "I'll call you". Anyone gay knows about the drawer full of phone numbers that never call.... or are never called. Best time time to ask for a second date is the end of the first date and make it specific, not just "let's get together soon". I guess everyone is different but I know if I want to see someone a second time and i ask him before the first date ends. I think you know inside if they want to see you again. If I feel like the guy showed no genuine interest, I won't ask him out again. You either "click" or you don't. That's the purpose of dating. To find out.

[Rolyo85]

I don't do "dating", it adds unwanted pressure and tension. I just "hang out" with people. But I'd say HunterM covered it nicely.

[AngolaZee]

Well he's already been on the date and didnt ask him on a second date on that day. So I suppose the answer here is to just call him and ask him for another date IF you had a good date the first time. Your intuition says he was not into you so what is going to change on the second date? He may also have been just nervous

[Seasoned]

Lots of eye contact on that first date, with plenty of smiling can go a long way. I'd say the end of the date is a good time to ask. If you get the indifferent vibe from the other guy it could be the spark wasn't there or he was looking for sex, or.... It's difficult to know, but rather than go home and wonder I'd prefer to ask for the next date and leave knowing where I stand. Have something in mind before the date to invite him to. Change ideas if need be based on your conversation. If you had fun say so. If things were awkward admit it. Offer an explanation with humor, if possible, and ask for another date with a different activity. It's best to be actively listening during the date so you don't come off clueless asking for the next one.

[fallinlove]

I'll ask him out again. I didn't ask him when the date ended as some of you have pointed out. I will ask him tomorrow (isnt there some two day wait period or something lol)??
I hope he'll want to go out again. I never felt this way after a date with anyone in the past.

[AngolaZee]

Good luck champ, enjoy yourself

[Seasoned]

I hope he says yes. Good luck!

[fallinlove]

He sent me a rejection text message even before I asked him out again. He said that it was nice meeting me but that it's not the right time for him.

Of all the rejections I've got in my life, this was the most difficult because I've never felt this way about anybody. Meeting him reminded me of what SO MANY married people always tell me: "I knew the second I met my husband/wife that he/she was the one".

And I know he's special after just one date becuase I have a friend who used to know him and can attest to how great he is.

I'm just so devastated...

[MysticTortoise]

Not to give you false hope, but "not the right time" and "I'm not into you" are two different things. I've known couples who were friends for 5-6 years before they started dating.

[JayHawk]

Don't be devastated. He could be going through other things in his life right now and not ready for a romance.

He could also want to be nice to you and not simply say he isn't into you by saying that he isn't ready. Guys do that.

The point is look around and date other guys. The only reaction you can control is your own.

[cgymike]

what's a date?

Steven.

They grow on trees

[cgymike]

He sent me a rejection text message even before I asked him out again. He said that it was nice meeting me but that it's not the right time for him.

Of all the rejections I've got in my life, this was the most difficult because I've never felt this way about anybody. Meeting him reminded me of what SO MANY married people always tell me: "I knew the second I met my husband/wife that he/she was the one".

And I know he's special after just one date becuase I have a friend who used to know him and can attest to how great he is.

I'm just so devastated...

Yeah but statistically (if there is such a statistic) I bet MORE married people exist that DIDN'T get that "love at first sight" thing. I suspect it's not that common since it has to come from both sides at the same time. More often than not it's cultivated. That's why dating is a process not just something instant like making a cup of coffee with granules and hot water and presto - "there you have it". Maybe he meant what he said and it's not a cover for letting you down with a direct rejection statement like "I don't think we are compatible" or "I wasn't feeling it" etc. In any case sitting there trying to guess about that isn't going change the fact that you need to move on. Just the way it is. Better to have found out early than having him string you along then dump you later because he didn't have the guts to do it after the first date. GL and yeah it sucks...for a while anyway. But you will get involved with others and he will fade in time. No other way to get over it.

[fallinlove]

I'm not going to dwell on the fact that he wrote to me "it's not the right time for me". I feel that he was just letting me down gently. It was probably easier for him to say that than to tell me there's no match.

I sent him an e-mail basically just saying I wanted to meet him again but that I accept his decision. He again replied that he feels it's not the right time. (Again, I know is bullshit because it was clearly the right time when we first started talking and he was looking for a relationship)

I'm just so sad. I can handle rejection, but not this one. It'll forever be in my head......

[cgymike]

No, it won't. Trust me. Someday, some other guy will make you forget all about him.

Explain...this seems overly pessimistic.