What's the One Gay Issue You Care Most About?

[Rolyo85]

Thought we could all use a break from partisan darts slinging (or maybe not?), and talk a bit about the gay issues around us. I don't have some definite frame here, just whatever gay related problem/injustice/whatever is most important to you.

To me, even though gay marriage is super important, it would definitely have to be the coming out to the family process with young guys. I feel that parents have little to no information about what being gay actually means, and unless the kid is lucky to have some more free thinking mom and dad, coming out usually ends up being traumatic, or at the very least, a source of great anxiety. Combined with bullying at school, it's no surprise there are so many gay teen suicides...

So, what's your issue?

[ReadyWithReadyWit]

Yeah, while gay marriage is of the utmost importance both from an equal rights perspective and its symbolism, the truth is marriage is the last thing on my radar at the moment.

I'm sure there are more important things, but I am going to go with how gay people are presented in the media. While the media has certainly helped in making people, especially young people, comfortable with us, it's a double-edged sword. We are presented superficially and stereotypically, for the "comedy effect", and otherly in a way that does us a disservice. I would like to see a concerted effort to present us more often as normal human beings that just happen to be gay... add a little depth to the spectrum of our characterization in the media.

[Stardreamer]

I was going to say spit or swallow (chuckles)

Gay marriage of course, from a civil libertarian viewpoint, a social viewpoint (marriage strengthens society) and the hope that one day my son and his mate can make their relationship 'legal'.

[opinterph]

I feel that parents have little to no information about what being gay actually means

And if the parents lack info, it is reasonable to assume that their gay kids suffer from the same problem. It is therefore important for younger LGBT individuals to have role models in the community (or society) in order to validate their self-realizations, without which bullying and other forms of disparate treatment may seem to them acceptable or somehow “reasonable.”

There is nothing wrong with being gay.

[bort138]

Same-sex marriage and/or ENDA.

[Rolyo85]

Yeah, while gay marriage is of the utmost importance both from an equal rights perspective and its symbolism, the truth is marriage is the last thing on my radar at the moment.

I'm sure there are more important things, but I am going to go with how gay people are presented in the media. While the media has certainly helped in making people, especially young people, comfortable with us, it's a double-edged sword. We are presented superficially and stereotypically, for the "comedy effect", and otherly in a way that does us a disservice. I would like to see a concerted effort to present us more often as normal human beings that just happen to be gay... add a little depth to the spectrum of our characterization in the media.

You know, I actually disagree with that. Arguably the most famous gay teen characters for the last few years have been Kurt and Blaine from Glee, and they are portrayed in a very monogamous, serious loving committed relationship. Not to mention all the serious couples and gay weddings in comic books lately.

[chance1]

it's like the NFL rookie won't make the team calling a team meeting

that's ok

and Kurt is fucking train wreck and does not represent anything resembling a decent gay role model on TV

[ReadyWithReadyWit]

You know, I actually disagree with that. Arguably the most famous gay teen characters for the last few years have been Kurt and Blaine from Glee, and they are portrayed in a very monogamous, serious loving committed relationship. Not to mention all the serious couples and gay weddings in comic books lately.

To be fair, I have never actually given Glee a chance given that its musical genre isn't excactly my thing... and that's part of my point... shockingly, this gay doesn't quite connect to that. Still, I have heard good things about the show and I am sure it is a very positive , welcome influence to many gays.

[Just_Believe18]

Full marriage equality federally recognized and trumping all of the red states' bigotry. It will be the final victory, and we will see it in our lifetime.

[bike10]

To continue the success of gay marriage in states. End the DMA. Protection of gay students in school. Nice to see end to bigorty, intolerance and hate of the one being gay. Ensure a victory for Democrats in November if not what has been achived will be under attack.

[Benvolio]

The most important issue is that of convincing the public that gayness is not a choice, not a lifestyle, not a preference. The belief that it is a choice underlays all hostility, and once a person realizes that it is not a choice, most homophobia will disappear. Most of the churches will disapprove of the act, but with less vehemence.

[portchar1908]

ben, i don't believe i'm going to say this but: I agree you. Once the "anti-gays" accept and acknowledge that God made gay people just as he did heteros and all others, then perception will change very quickly.

[Scealle]

Back when I was in High school, I get really sensitive/ defensive when someone relate AIDS to Gays or Gays and butt sex. Nowadays my main concern is Full marriage equality.

[Rolyo85]

I know I'm gonna regret asking this, but did Benvolio ever post here? I know Jack didn't. I am just ever so curious what GAY issues those GAY people care about.

[opinterph]

I know I'm gonna regret asking this, but did Benvolio ever post here? I know Jack didn't. I am just ever so curious what GAY issues those GAY people care about.

No posts have been removed from this thread. (There is not member at JUB with the screen name "Jack.")

[LuvFindsAndyHardy]

I know I'm gonna regret asking this, but did Benvolio ever post here?

He did. Take him off ignore and you'll see.

[Rolyo85]

I am not going to take him off ignore. I am happy to just see the quoted posts, that lowers my bullshit intake for the day about 90%.

@ opinterph - Where literalism fails me, I try and depend on context. It is my humble hope that there is no member in this topic who didn't get which Jack I am referring to

[Kulindahr]

An upgrade of ENDA, which doesn't go far enough.

The business size limit should be ten employees or more, not fifteen. And the act should be expanded to cover everything -- not just employment, but housing, and college application.


My gut says establish re-education classes for bullies, including parents who denigrate gay kids.

[mikey3000]

The most important issue is that of convincing the public that gayness is not a choice, not a lifestyle, not a preference. The belief that it is a choice underlays all hostility, and once a person realizes that it is not a choice, most homophobia will disappear. Most of the churches will disapprove of the act, but with less vehemence.

I think that most of the backlash for gays comes from religion, not whether it's a choice. Best to try and debunk their religion.

Why shouldn't one have the right to choose who they love? My fear is that if they prove homosexuality is genetic, then science will one day "cure" it right out of existance. Besides I don't want people looking at me and my partner thinking, 'it's not their fault, they were born that way,' like we're some kind of mutant. No thank you. If I can chosed my home, my job, my clothes, why can't I chose who to love?

And I think that more research has to be done to actually determine what is the "natural state" of human sexuality, hetero, homo, bi or pansexuality.

[Red Storm]

full equal rights, including marriage recognized at all levels including federal.

[chrisrobin]

full equal rights, including marriage recognized at all levels including federal.

The U.S. Constitution already states the concept of "equal protection under the law." All that has to be done is to add sexual orientation to the Civil Rights Act of 1964 (easier said than done).

[frankfrank]

full equal rights, including marriage recognized at all levels including federal.

You stole my post, haha!! I was going to say this:

Unconditional equal rights, entirely neutral to sexuality or gender. Gay marriage is only a lower level of this all-encompassing civil right, and would automatically be included with full federal recognition.

WHAT THE HELL?? Right here, my spelling in front of my face says "i-n-c-l-u-d-e-d" and yet it shows up as INDUDED in my post. Bizarre. What's going on? [EDIT: Oh, maybe it's my screen "rounding off" to the nearest pixel.]

Your post quoted again, because you had the same idea.

Of course this is a request only for the same rights that other people have - not a request for "special rights" as the Righties so often loved to use when describing us. Thankfully THAT phrase seems to have faded, as people finally realized we weren't seeking to have *MORE* rights than other people.

Not that those on the Right didn't replace that phrase with another phrase which rattles me and grates on me every bit as much. Right now they are using a number of phrases which rattle the Bejeezus out of me, but right at the top of my "hate list" of their phrases is the unrelated (to this thread topic) "job creators."

[Rolyo85]

I have to say, lately my focus has shifted toward bullying of LGBT teens in schools and the deliberate attempts at blocking GSAs in many places where often counselors are PART of the problem... :/

Also, now that I don't have anyone on ignore, I am actually surprised that from the usual homocons on JUB, nobody but Benvolio (who is right on point actually) bothered to contribute. It's kinda sad I figure if we don't agree on anything else, we must at least agree on these things.

[xbuzzerx]

To me it would be sacrosanct medical and property priority between me and my partner that does not require a dufflebag full of expensively drawn up individual contracts just to protect us from one of our 2nd cousins walking into a hospital or lawyer's office and asserting a claim saying that "you're not family and you don't get to decide."

[Mariatenebre]

Gay suicides and self hatred are the issues most important to me. I hate seeing so many self hating and depressed gays.

[Just_Believe18]

Marriage equality. It is the only, true way that we are going to see the beginning of the end of gay suicides in the United States. Once all states must recognize same-sex marriage, our victory will be as significant as the Civil Rights Act of 1964 for black Americans. No more will a gay youth be forced to live in a state that does not recognize their love. Yes, families and bullies in school will still be a problem, but their hatred no longer has the legal backing of the United States of America. It will be the defining moment of our civil rights.

[White Eagle]

Altho it is too late for me, I have hopes that Gay marriage will be passed in all states. We have to follow the same path as other Countries have done.

[eastofeden]

Finding a cure for AIDS. I realize it is not just a gay issue but it has had and continues to have a lethal effect on the gay community.

[Durango95]

I would say the most important would be some sort of education in human sexuality. Kids are tormented in school. Kids are having a hard time dealing with the whole "being gay" thing. I know when I was 12 and figured out what was going on, I wasn't dancing in the streets. I don't know how that would be done.

I'm not saying this should be a government edict. The government is notoriously bad at handling most everything especially these type issues.

I would say the gay community should do it but then you have the whole societal outrage that would ensue. There is some merit to that outrage. Those like NAMBLA, Ru Paul and Dan Savage just aren't the faces you want to bring forward. Yet they are the ones that come forward on such issues. Where are the gay professionals? the doctors? the lawyers? the JPL engineers? I mean if kids saw normal guys that just happened to also be gay maybe they would not be so depressed and despondent.

AIDS education should be a priority too. I was an adult at the start of the AIDS epidemic. I think the younger guys have gotten too comfortable with the whole notion of AIDS. The pozzing and bug hunting has to be addressed in a mature way. We as a community have to tell these guys doing this that it is the supreme form of self hatred.

[Brian Smith]

Okay, the political issue that is most important right now is marriage equality, but that is based on the simple fact that it deals with the last remaining form of officially sanctified discrimination against gay people in this country. It is important as a matter of principle.

The social issue that I care about most is very different. Bullying is still the biggest problem that gay youth are faced with, and it is an abomination. A person who thinks it is acceptable for children to be driven to take their own lives must be a monster.

HIV is a problem, but that is an issue that can be addressed in part by marriage equality. The subject has been empirically studied, and gay marriage is the silver bullet for dealing with the HIV epidemic among gay people. Gay people need to learn to be straitlaced about our sexuality. We need to grow up with an internalized belief that we should live normal, respectable lives.

[DreamDancer310]

Durango...you're slightly feeding into conservative talking points though. There's absolutely nothing wrong with Rupaul and Dan Savage, both fiercely and unapologetically being themselves and fighting for a place for EVERYONE at the dinner table (not just hetero normative, passable, "str8 acting" hetero approved gays)...moreover, NAMBLA? Other than Fox News & Crew no one associates them with being gay. I hope you attain more exposure yourself to what being gay is and the many other amazing forces who consistently speak out on behalf of the LGBT community. And there are many..from many out and openly gay elected officials, mayors, leaders, athletes, and businessmen/women. You may be choosing to ignore them, but you should ask yourself why that is?

I do agree more people need to come out and live their life openly and honestly, but sadly...those gays who you deem 'normal' (i.e passable, hetero, 'str8 acting') are the exact type of gays who usually don't want to bring light on their sexuality, and hence don't really make much of an effort to change heterosexual minds. They are comforted in being passable and straight, yet are often very opinionated about how the public perceives gays. When I approach them and say "well, if you don't like their perception, change it! be out! be openly gay at work, with coworkers, with friends, with family, don't be afraid to hold your partners hand in public"...and the response you get from these passable 'str8 acting' gay men? "Well, I don't ya know, like wanna wear my sexuality on my sleeve" (or a variation of one of the self hating cliches they've heard and repeat).....so it's a lose lose. You can't blame the Rupauls for have the courage to freely and openly be themselves, representing themselves as part of our community, when those men you want to be the face of our community are too comfortable rocking the passable fence they sit on.

[Durango95]

Durango...you're slightly feeding into conservative talking points though. There's absolutely nothing wrong with Rupaul and Dan Savage, both fiercely and unapologetically being themselves and fighting for a place for EVERYONE at the dinner table (not just hetero normative, passable, "str8 acting" hetero approved gays)...moreover, NAMBLA? Other than Fox News & Crew no one associates them with being gay. I hope you attain more exposure yourself to what being gay is and the many other amazing forces who consistently speak out on behalf of the LGBT community. And there are many..from many out and openly gay elected officials, mayors, leaders, athletes, and businessmen/women. You may be choosing to ignore them, but you should ask yourself why that is?

I do agree more people need to come out and live their life openly and honestly, but sadly...those gays who you deem 'normal' (i.e passable, hetero, 'str8 acting') are the exact type of gays who usually don't want to bring light on their sexuality, and hence don't really make much of an effort to change heterosexual minds. They are comforted in being passable and straight, yet are often very opinionated about how the public perceives gays. When I approach them and say "well, if you don't like their perception, change it! be out! be openly gay at work, with coworkers, with friends, with family, don't be afraid to hold your partners hand in public"...and the response you get from these passable 'str8 acting' gay men? "Well, I don't ya know, like wanna wear my sexuality on my sleeve" (or a variation of one of the self hating cliches they've heard and repeat).....so it's a lose lose. You can't blame the Rupauls for have the courage to freely and openly be themselves, representing themselves as part of our community, when those men you want to be the face of our community are too comfortable rocking the passable fence they sit on.

I didn't say there was anything wrong with drag queens and guys with terminal gayface representing the gay community. It just gives an unrealistic view of gay men especially. I just think that that particular image turns a lot of young gay guys, specifically, off. I do know drag queens. I see obviously gay guys everywhere. I feel sorry for guys born with gayface. They are usually the ones that try so hard to be "straight acting". I've always found that term used with such disdain and usually by the very ones that couldn't possibly "pass". I've never been very readable. I don't hide my sexuality, though. I don't really have to. I have a career in a field that is very open to the whole gay men thing. So it is a non issue. I have buddies that are doctors and lawyers and construction workers. I've talked to them about this before. None of them would say they are hiding but none of them would openly hold a guy's hand in public.

To be honest I wouldn't either. I am thinking you're a young guy. I've had a lot of experiences in my life that dictate how I behave publicly. I'm not ashamed of being gay. It is just that it is no one's business but mine. I wouldn't mind speaking out if I thought it would actually help but I am thinking there wouldn't be anyone to back me up. You can call me judgmental if you want, but I wouldn't speak out standing next to a drag queen or a swish either. I have seen NAMBLA in gay pride parades before. Not lately but it has been done.

[Rolyo85]

RuPaul is one of the bravest people in the gay community, and worth nothing but adoration and respect. And the "gay face" to me is the brightest and most truthful representation of the gay community. Those are people who have nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of. Unlike cowards who will pile up excuses and pseudo-"calm and reasoning" statements about why they're too afraid to be visibly gay.

[Telstra]

I think same sex Marriage is the most important issue for gay community.
The more people having same sex marriage around the world, the more "normal" it becomes.

[Rolyo85]

Also, bringing NAMBLA into it and talking about "normal" (you know what the opposite of that is, yes?) is very offensive.

[HenryReardon]

QUOTE=Rolyo85] Unlike cowards who will pile up excuses and pseudo-"calm and reasoning" statements about why they're too afraid to be visibly gay.

Define what you mean by 'visibly gay'.

[eastofeden]

.... with terminal gayface representing the gay community. ..... I feel sorry for guys born with gayface. They are usually the ones that try so hard to be "straight acting".

WTF is "gayface"? Really...I have never heard the term before. Judging by what you have said here...I would prefer whatever gayface is and drag queens representing me before someone like you.

..and using Nambla in the same sentence as RuPaul and Savage????????????????????????...no excuse.

You sound like a straight homophobe to me. They are the ones who think of child molestors and gay men in the same sentence...and who would characterize someone as having "gayface" (or a "swish"...I just read that one).

[layton]

While marriage is important, I think bullying and overall acceptance is more important issue, kids should not be disowned by their parents for being themselves. It is the one thing that breaks my heart.

[Rolyo85]

Define what you mean by 'visibly gay'.

Wearing "gay" clothes, holding hands with a bf/partner in public or expressing other affection with them, talking freely of gay subjects without fear, bringing it up themselves, commenting freely on the attractiveness of men like breeders do for women, wearing rainbow stuff like bracelets, buttons or stickers...

There are a million ways one could be visibly gay, without ever adopting "gay" mannerisms, speech or grooming. The fear and shame keep MANY expressions of our sexuality under a lid.

[White Eagle]

Durango...you're slightly feeding into conservative talking points though. There's absolutely nothing wrong with Rupaul and Dan Savage, both fiercely and unapologetically being themselves and fighting for a place for EVERYONE at the dinner table (not just hetero normative, passable, "str8 acting" hetero approved gays)...moreover, NAMBLA? Other than Fox News & Crew no one associates them with being gay. I hope you attain more exposure yourself to what being gay is and the many other amazing forces who consistently speak out on behalf of the LGBT community. And there are many..from many out and openly gay elected officials, mayors, leaders, athletes, and businessmen/women. You may be choosing to ignore them, but you should ask yourself why that is?

I do agree more people need to come out and live their life openly and honestly, but sadly...those gays who you deem 'normal' (i.e passable, hetero, 'str8 acting') are the exact type of gays who usually don't want to bring light on their sexuality, and hence don't really make much of an effort to change heterosexual minds. They are comforted in being passable and straight, yet are often very opinionated about how the public perceives gays. When I approach them and say "well, if you don't like their perception, change it! be out! be openly gay at work, with coworkers, with friends, with family, don't be afraid to hold your partners hand in public"...and the response you get from these passable 'str8 acting' gay men? "Well, I don't ya know, like wanna wear my sexuality on my sleeve" (or a variation of one of the self hating cliches they've heard and repeat).....so it's a lose lose. You can't blame the Rupauls for have the courage to freely and openly be themselves, representing themselves as part of our community, when those men you want to be the face of our community are too comfortable rocking the passable fence they sit on.

You guys that want homosexual idols check out Thomas Roberts on MSNBC. He married his partner not long ago and he has an hour long show on MSNBC. He discusses gay issues and has guests that are gay. A very interesting hour. Check it out. He is on at 11AM EST/10CST

[White Eagle]

I didn't say there was anything wrong with drag queens and guys with terminal gayface representing the gay community. It just gives an unrealistic view of gay men especially. I just think that that particular image turns a lot of young gay guys, specifically, off. I do know drag queens. I see obviously gay guys everywhere. I feel sorry for guys born with gayface. They are usually the ones that try so hard to be "straight acting". I've always found that term used with such disdain and usually by the very ones that couldn't possibly "pass". I've never been very readable. I don't hide my sexuality, though. I don't really have to. I have a career in a field that is very open to the whole gay men thing. So it is a non issue. I have buddies that are doctors and lawyers and construction workers. I've talked to them about this before. None of them would say they are hiding but none of them would openly hold a guy's hand in public.

To be honest I wouldn't either. I am thinking you're a young guy. I've had a lot of experiences in my life that dictate how I behave publicly. I'm not ashamed of being gay. It is just that it is no one's business but mine. I wouldn't mind speaking out if I thought it would actually help but I am thinking there wouldn't be anyone to back me up. You can call me judgmental if you want, but I wouldn't speak out standing next to a drag queen or a swish either. I have seen NAMBLA in gay pride parades before. Not lately but it has been done.

I lived in Houston for 22 years and went to possibly EVERY drag show that was there. One drag queen there performed in Las Vegas with those "show girls" cancan type shows. I think her name was Hot Chocolate, she was black. A very good drag.

[HenryReardon]

Wearing "gay" clothes, holding hands with a bf/partner in public or expressing other affection with them, talking freely of gay subjects without fear, bringing it up themselves, commenting freely on the attractiveness of men like breeders do for women, wearing rainbow stuff like bracelets, buttons or stickers...

There are a million ways one could be visibly gay, without ever adopting "gay" mannerisms, speech or grooming. The fear and shame keep MANY expressions of our sexuality under a lid.

"Gay" clothes???? Not at all sure what those are.
Public displays of affection show very bad taste in heterosexuals, so why should we be any different.
The rainbow flag makes one think of the rainbow coalition and it's despicable founder, the allegedly Rev J Jackson.
As for the rest of it, no problem.

You don't have to talk about gay stuff to get the point across. My partner accompanied me when I scheduled my recent knee surgery.
In the examining room we were bickering as only two people who've lived together for many years can, and the P A said, "How long have you to been together?"

[chrisrobin]

.
To reaffirm Equal Protection Under the Law, as stated in the Constitution.

I think that would cover all our bases.

[bankside]

Top 3 issues, and I see them as related more than distinct:
1) supporting youth with barbaric parents
2) addressing adult gay male promiscuity and the disease people choose to spread with their behaviour, for which ignorance is no excuse.
3) scorched earth for theocratic conservatives who think they are entitled to put us in our place.

[HenryReardon]

PDAs are bad form no matter who you are. Anyone who's had a proper upbringing will tell you that.

No red herring at all. J Jackson is a thoroughly despicable human being. Even if he were to finally depart this vale of tears, the odium attached to him would still taint the rainbow flag, which is too bad, but it is what it is.

[Kulindahr]

While marriage is important, I think bullying and overall acceptance is more important issue, kids should not be disowned by their parents for being themselves. It is the one thing that breaks my heart.

This is perhaps the greatest thing that tells me so many people who claim to be Christian aren't: the man who said, "Let the one without sin cast the first stone" would never have thrown anyone out of the house for any sin at all. They're just people into rules and self-righteousness who use Jesus' name to make it all seem holy.

Either that or they're just stubbornly ignorant Christians who aren't really interested in what the Bible actually states... especially what Jesus had to say.

[Kulindahr]

PDAs are bad form no matter who you are. Anyone who's had a proper upbringing will tell you that.

No red herring at all. J Jackson is a thoroughly despicable human being. Even if he were to finally depart this vale of tears, the odium attached to him would still taint the rainbow flag, which is too bad, but it is what it is.

While this about Jackson is true, his Rainbow Coalition was a good idea, since the idea rests on "all men are created equal".

[HenryReardon]

While this about Jackson is true, his Rainbow Coalition was a good idea, since the idea rests on "all men are created equal".

No argument there, it was a good idea. Unfortunately, the stench of evil associated with all things Jackson trumps all other considerations.

[Rolyo85]

I have never heard of that person, and I doubt many people are reminded of him when they see the rainbow flag. That's kind of a cop out.

As for PDA, those are perfectly fine and could be absolutely tasteful, if not overboard. Holding hands, hugging or a goodbye kiss is perfectly acceptable, and frankly, I question the upbringing of anyone who thinks those are things that should be kept away from others.

And gay clothes are anything that would make the casual observer think you might be gay.

[Cameron Haze]

i live in Maine, we can marry here so i dgaf about the rest of the states you boys need to put in work like we did here, it took years to change ppls minds but it will happen. the most importnat gay issue is def. HIV guys are so stupid having unprotected sex with tons of dudes i get that it feels better without a rubber but an hour of fun is not worth a life long illnesss. The conspiracy theorist in me finds it hard to belive that they cant find a cure when so many ppl make $ off the illness, and its also kinda population control, not here but in africa where medicine can be hard to come by...