Wings of A Butterfly

[inthecloset]

Hey guys, so as promised I've started on a new story. I've been tweaking it for a couple days now, and I think it's finally ready for public eyes. I wanna give a quick thanks to everyone who read and supported Graduation. And those who didn't, well you should go read it: Graduation

Now, without any further distractions, here's chapter one

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Wings of A Butterfly

Chapter One:
Head Games

The clock that hung from the wall ticked loudly through the silence as the pendulum swung from side to side. I had probably been sitting there for 3 minutes without saying a word. What could I say though? There was nothing on my mind and she seemed stubborn enough to not be the first one to break the silence between us.

“So, why don’t you tell me why you’re here Aaron?”

Guess I was wrong.

“I’m not exactly sure,” I said.

But I was...the school forced me to come here.

“Well, you must have some reason for wanting to see me today?”

I wanted to get this requirement over with as soon as possible.

“I don’t know. I guess things just haven’t been going so well lately,” I said.

“Would you like to elaborate?”

No.

“Well, it’s really nothing huge. It’s just a bunch of little things. Homework, tests, social ties…stuff like that,” I said.


The woman gently uncrossed and re-crossed her legs as she took a sip of her coffee. She stared at me beneath rectangular, black-rimmed glasses as if to signal me to continue. I really didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t even here by my own choice. Stupid school requirements were forcing me to come here. Apparently, when one student kills themselves, every other student must be suicidal as well.


“I don’t know. I try to remind myself that I’m actually doing pretty well in life. I think about that girl Rachel, the one who shot herself, and I just think about how messed up things must have been for her,” I said.

“Do you think about her a lot?” she asked.

Why would I?

“Only as much as I need to so I can keep my sanity,” I said.

“Do you feel bad about her death?” she asked.

As bad as I feel when a goldfish dies.

“Not really, no. I mean, I didn’t actually know her so her death doesn’t make me sad. But I feel compassion for the people that cared about her. I’ve seen them around and they look pretty fucked up,” I said.


She looked sharply at me as I realized what I had said.


“Sorry,” I said.

“No, no. I encourage you to be as open as you need to be,” she said.

“Ok. I’ll try to cool it on the swearing a bit. I can be pretty foul mouthed,” I said.

“It’s fine. No one is going to get mad at you here. I can have a fucking dirty mouth too sometimes,” she said with a smile.


I smiled back at her, but it was just a courtesy smile. I really didn’t think I belonged here. On the outside, I was just a normal college student trying his best to do well in life. On the inside, I didn’t really care about much. All over, I was just your typical everyday teenager who just wanted to fit in and be accepted.


“So what are your friends like?” she asked.

They don’t ask 50 million questions

“Well, I only have a couple close friends. Everyone else is just an acquaintance,” I said.

“That’s perfectly acceptable. I find it better to have a few people that you can trust with your life than a bunch of strangers,” she said.

“Well, my best friend would have to be Carly,” I said.

“Tell me about her,” she said.

She’ll punch your lights out if I asked her to.

“She’s great. We’ve been friends since Junior High. She brings out the best kind of person in me. When I’m around her, I just feel so free it’s as if I could be anyone I wanted to be,” I said.

“And your other friends?” she asked.

“Well, a close second would have to be Henry. I met him my freshman year and we’ve been tight like brothers ever since,” I said.

“Anyone else?” she asked.

“There’s Carly’s boyfriend, Mike. He’s an ok guy. I wouldn’t consider him one of my best friends, but it’s important to Carly that I like him, so I do,” I said.

“Well Aaron, from what I’ve gathered there is no need for you to be in therapy. You are perfectly normal in every visual way. I’ll write up a dismissal form for you to turn in at the administrator’s office on campus…unless you want to tell me something else?” she asked.

I want to punch someone in the face right now, and you’re standing a bit too close.

“Nope, I’m good. Nothing bothering me but my Psych project coming up,” I said.

“Alright then, here’s your form,” she said.


I stood up and turned towards the door.


“Although,” she said.

What do you want now?

“If there is anything you want to talk about, or if you just need a pair of ears or a shoulder to cry on, please give me a call. My number’s on the cards on my assistant’s desk,” she said.

Whatever.

“Thank you,” I said.

***

“So have you gone to see any of those counselors that the school hired yet?” I asked.

“No, I was gonna do that Friday after my History midterm,” Carly said, “You?”

“Yeah, I did it this morning,” I said.


We sat down at one of the picnic tables that were scattered around the campus. Carly dug right into her food but I just sat there playing with mine with my fork. The fork got stuck and I ended up flicking an olive into the air.


“Something wrong?” she asked with a mouth full of her sandwich.

“Eh, I’m not sure,” I said, “She kept asking me about my friends and how I felt about that girl that died.”

“Well…how do you feel?” she asked.

“I don’t know. I mean I didn’t really know her so why should I care that she offed herself?” I asked.

“Hey have some respect for the dead,” she said, “I mean even though she was bat shit crazy, she was still a person you know?”

“Yeah, sorry. I just don’t really know how to feel about it,” I said.

“Well, maybe you should see her again,” Carly suggested.


I eyed her expression up and down. I was trying to tell if she was pulling my leg or if she was honestly suggesting this. She noticed me studying her face and stared back at me with a raised eyebrow.


“What?” she asked.

“You weren’t joking?” I asked.

“No,” she said, “I think it would do you some good to have someone unbiased to talk to.”

“Carly, I love you but you’re insane,” I said.

“Quite possibly, but more importantly I’m actually serious. You’re so bitter and sarcastic all the time. You never actually talk about what’s bothering you,” she said.

Well right now that would be you.

“Whatever, I’m not doing it,” I said.

“Why not?” she asked.

“Because she even said that I didn’t need to be there,” I said.

“That’s because you didn’t let her see past your mask,” she said.

My what?

“Let me guess, you made several sarcastic comments in your head whenever she asked you a question right?” she asked.

“Maybe…”

“Then you didn’t show her the real you. Look I’m not saying this to put you down or anything, but I think you could discover a few things about yourself if you just went in, let your guard down, and talked to her for a while,” she said.

“Fine, if it’ll get you off of my back then I’ll go again,” I said.


She looked relieved and smiled at me.


“Just once though,” I said.

“Once will be enough I promise,” she said.

***

After Carly took off to her Philosophy class, I decided to walk around campus. My thought train was on several different tracks as it always was. The first track stayed focused on what I would talk about with the counselor. Would she ask me questions again, or would I have to come up with stuff on my own? What if I couldn’t think of anything to say? Did it really matter?


I shook my head at the thought. It didn’t matter at all because it wasn’t necessary. It’s not like there’s anything wrong with me. What’s a psychiatrist going to tell me that I don’t already know? Whatever, it was for Carly anyway. As long as she was content with me then I was happy. She has no need to worry about me, and this was the only way to prove it to her.


My second track was thinking about Rachel. Not about her death, but who she really was. I tried to come up with a picture of what her life was like before she killed herself. The news report said her brother and three of her friends were there when she did it. They said she tried to kill one of them, but her brother stopped her. It made me think that her brother was really close to her and meant a lot to her. But why would she kill herself instead of get help? Did she really not want to live anymore or did she feel so ashamed about what she did that her brother wouldn’t love her anymore?


It was a sad thought, but I figured anyone who is desperate enough to kill themselves if it meant the pain would stop then she was beyond help. It was a sad thought sure, but it didn’t make me sad. Her brother must have had it rough though. If I had a brother or a sister, then I would probably be able to imagine what he felt. But I didn’t, so I didn’t care very much.


My third track was about all the new people moving into the dorms after what happened. There were so few people living in the dorms before that I was able to live alone, but now I was being assigned a roommate. Joy. Another person that I have to socialize with every day, just what I wanted.


I finally jumped off my thought train and looked at my watch realizing that it was 1:30 already. I decided to head back to the dorm and wait for my new roommate. When I walked past the main Administrator’s Office, I turned the corner sharply and accidentally bumped into someone. I hit my head against theirs and fell down on my ass.


“Ow fuck!” I yelled.

“Oh my God I’m so sorry!” he said, “Are you ok?”

You nearly cracked my freakin skull asshole!

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine,” I said.


He lowered his hand towards me to lift me up. I rubbed my head with my left hand as I took his extended arm with my right. He pulled me up and steadied me. As my vision refocused I was able to see his face. He had a pair of bright green eyes fixated on me while I regained my balance.


“Man I hit you pretty hard huh?” he asked.

“Yeah, you’ve got a hard head,” I said.

“You sure you’re alright?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said.

“Where were you heading in such a hurry?” he asked.

“Back to my dorm,” I said, “I’m getting a new roommate today.”

Wait what? Why did I just say that?

“Oh that’s cool,” he said, “I was heading in that direction too.”


I took a step forward and wobbled a little. He grabbed my shoulder and laughed a little. Once I got my balance back I laughed a little as well and shook my head.


“You want me to walk with you and make sure you don’t pass out?” he asked flashing me his bright smile.

“Sure I guess,” I said.


We walked across the campus together, every now and then I would stumble a little and he caught me before I tripped over myself. Each time I did it he let out a chuckle. I probably looked like a complete idiot. We were about halfway across the campus when he started talking to me randomly.


“So where you from?” he asked.

“Up north,” I said, “You?”

The hell?

“Me too. What city?”

“Gilroy. What about you?”

“Not too far from there. I moved down about 5 years ago from Portland in Oregon.”

“That’s pretty cool. I used to vacation up there with my family.”

Why did I say that? Not like he cares.

“Really? Maybe we’ve met before,” he said with a grin.

No, I would probably remember you…wait what?

“Maybe,” I said.

“So what are you studying here?” he asked.

Why do you care?

“Well, I haven’t really selected my major yet, but I’ve been thinking about Psychology or something,” I said.

“Wow that’s cool. I’m an art major,” he said.


I looked up at him and admired him a little. I wasn’t a very creative person, and I respected those that were. I couldn’t draw anything to save my life, but I like looking at the work of those that could.

“So, do you have a car?” he asked.

That’s it, I have to ask…

“Why are you asking me all these questions?” I asked.

“Well, I took a Health class last semester and one of the textbooks said when someone receives a head injury, it’s best to keep them talking; make sure they’re focused on something in case they pass out or something,” he said.

Wow really?

“Oh…” I said.

“Sorry if I seemed invasive, I was just trying to make sure you were ok,” he said.

But…we just met…

“Thanks…that’s really nice of you,” I said.


He looked at me as we stopped outside of the north dorm building. His bright hazel eyes glimmered in the light from the sun. I studied them as discretely as I could and noticed that there was a hint of gold around the edges. He smiled and revealed a set of bright white teeth that would make a dentist jealous. I didn’t know what he was smiling at, so I raised an eyebrow at him.


“What’s that about?” he asked.

“Wondering what the hell you’re smiling at,” I said.

Shit, did I say that one out loud?

“Sorry, I just thought…”

“No, sorry I didn’t mean it like that,” I said.

Didn’t I though?

“Well then how did you mean it?” he asked.

“I don’t know. Guess I was just trying to be funny,” I said.

“Well don’t quit your day job…uhm…” he said looking at me blankly.

“Aaron,” I said.

“Aaron. Hmm, very strong name if you ask me,” he said.

“Yeah tell that to the fucker that beat me up in high school,” I said.

Fuck I did it again!

He smiled again and said, “I’m Lucas. You can call me Luke.”

“Alright Luke, I guess I’ll see you around?” I asked.

As if it really mattered…

“Count on it,” he said with a smile.


As he walked away, I tried to study what made him tick, and what made those thoughts slip out of my mind. Even with Carly, I kept all of my sarcasm in my head so I didn’t offend her at all. There was something different about Luke that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. He was like a book full of analogies and metaphors that made my brain itch. He was confusing and yet, I felt like I understood him at the same time. The only thing I didn’t understand was that bizarre question and answer session while we were walking. Did he honestly care if I was ok even though he just met me?


That’s stupid. He probably just wanted to make sure I didn’t sue his ass.


That had to be it; and that officially made him tomorrow’s problem. Today’s problem was probably already upstairs unpacking it’s shit, and I had to go meet it and make nice with it for the rest of the semester. He was probably some weak little brainiac that was so afraid of the world that he had to move in with the big boys. It’s just what I needed this semester; to be some pathetic genius’ bodyguard.


I walked upstairs to my room and opened it to see the room empty of human life and felt even more disappointed than if my new roommate had turned out to be a dickwad. I was kinda hoping that I didn’t have to be there for that awkward moment when he walks in the door, but God couldn’t be that kind to me.


I flopped down on my bed and closed my eyes for a moment. My thoughts instantly drifted to Lucas…I mean Luke. What was his deal? No one could be that nice to someone they just met. Fuck, now I was obsessing. I opened my eyes and rubbed the spot on my forehead where his head hit mine. Just then the door popped open and my new roommate stepped inside, followed closely by that awkward moment.


Fuck my life…

[irishinvader]

I think I'm going to like this story! Off to a really great start. I think I have a feeling who Aaron's new roommate is going to be

BTW, I LOVED Graduation!!! You have such compelling storylines and I have a feeling I won't be disappointed with this one either. Can't wait for more!!

[asdf]

thanks for starting a new story. I'll definitely be following this one (I was a huge fan of graduation).

already I have noticed some parallels! rachel killed herself in "Graduation" and also had a brother who was concerned--same here. I'm guessing lucas/luke is the love interest? he has sparking green eyes (and a killer smile), just like Cameron.

[Kyanimal]

Hmmm! Haven't read "Graduation" ... yet! ... but, I'm liking this one ... a LOT!

PLEASE keep up the great work! I'm definitely looking forward to reading more of YOU! Very interesting perspective!

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

[Craiger]

ITC,

How great to sign on today and see one of my favorite authors had started a new story. I like the approach this one has and as ASDF pointed out, there are the parallels with "Graduation." Who would have thought that a tragic event such as Rachael killing herself would have such a wide effect on someone that didn't even know her. I can tell this is going to be as brilliant a story as "Graduation" but with an entirely new cast of characters. Looking forward to a long read.

Craiger

[inthecloset]

thanks for starting a new story. I'll definitely be following this one (I was a huge fan of graduation).

already I have noticed some parallels! rachel killed herself in "Graduation" and also had a brother who was concerned--same here. I'm guessing lucas/luke is the love interest? he has sparking green eyes (and a killer smile), just like Cameron.

Oops looks like I overlooked something while I was editing. His eyes were supposed to be Hazel. I guess I just missed that one

And I'm glad you guys like it so far. I'm gonna start chapter two today and hopefully be finished soon. Thanks for the support guys!

[13hangers]

Hey ITC, as you know I LOVED Graduation, I am hoping that this will be just as good or (If its possible) better!

The part of Rachel being mentioned was very clever!

Can't wait for next part!

13hangers

[littletosay]

Wooohoooo ITC's back with a new story!

Excellent start, looking forward to more.

[pe_gay89]

Great start! I really enjoyed "Graduation", I think I'll like this story too. Looking forward to chapter 2 already!

[Autolycus]

You have made another hit with your fans!

Thanks for sharing this story with us.

[inthecloset]

Hey guys, just an update.
I've spent the past few days trying to figure out how I can pick up from where I left off, and I just got hit by a truck full of inspiration.

The next chapter should be up in a day or so.

Much love,
-ITC

[gogetter]

lovin' your story so far!

[King08]

I really think I'm going to like this story. I can't wait for the next part.

[upyrkilt469]

ITC this is a great beginning. Looking forward to more. I know that it will be just as fantastic as Graduation and I think you know by now that that story was the greatest. H&K
Vic

[DonQuixote]

Dear IntheCloset,
As everyone has said, great start. I just ventured out from under my subscriptions to the thread and saw you had a new spin-off from Graduation.

I never had an opportunity to experience dorm life, having lived at home when I went to school while working, so your insight and perspective bring me a chance to experience college life vicariously, with it's ups and downs.
Thanks for bringing such a vivid presentation to us.
I enjoy your stories immensely.

[Bodhi1]

I LOVED Graduation ... huge emotions, great drama ... I am looking forward to this story ...

[brasilboy1]

MORE!!!! Great storyline!

[inthecloset]

Wings of A Butterfly

Chapter Two:
Musical Beds

“So what’s he like?” Henry asked.
“He’s ok. He’s kinda quiet though. After he unpacked he just sat at his desk playing games on his computer,” I said.
“Is he a computer nerd?” he asked.
“I don’t think so,” I said, “He was probably just uncomfortable with me.”
“That’s understandable,” he said, “Did you make any effort to talk to him?”
“Not really. After like, 20 minutes I went down to the gym for a bit, and when I got back he was gone,” I said.

Henry and I were sitting in the Student Hall on campus. The building was amazing. It had a big sitting/study area on the main floor, a library on the second floor, and a bunch of little shops, food places, and even a bowling alley in the underground area. I sat on my favorite couch in the room and Henry sat in the armchair sitting adjacent to me.

“What’s this guy’s name?” he asked.
“Jonathan Meyers,” I said.
“Wow, how dull…” he said.
“Yeah, pretty vanilla if you ask me,” I said.
“What’s he look like?” he asked.
“Average…short brown hair, dark brown eyes, a little shorter than me,” I said, “You know, average.”
“Hmm…”
“Why?” I asked.
“Cause I think that’s him over there,” he said.

I turned around and looked at the doors behind me. Jonathan was standing there looking awkwardly into the crowd for a place to sit down. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. He honestly looked like a guy who just needed a friend. He turned his head and saw me staring at him, so I gave a kind of half wave at him. He looked away instantly and walked towards the stairs.

I turned back to Henry and shrugged at him.

“Uh, dude?” he asked.
“What?”
“Call him over here!” he said.
“Why?” I asked.
“He’s your roommate, you gotta get to know him a little,” he said.
Why the hell should I even care about someone who doesn’t have the decency to wave back?
“Hey John!” Henry yelled.

Jonathan stopped dead in his tracks. He looked over at us and saw Henry waving him over to our area. I could see his hesitation and smell his fear from where I was sitting. I nodded at him when he turned his dark brown eyes to me. After a moment of awkward pause, he shifted his feet and walked slowly over to us.

I found myself hating him a little bit. Not because he was so awkward, but because he didn’t seem to even want a social life. It was as if he was battling with himself on the inside, and I couldn’t tell if he was winning or losing. He was very difficult to read and for that, I couldn’t help but hate him. No one has been able to hide themselves from me for very long, but this kid was actually giving me a challenge.

As he sat down on the opposite end of the couch I was sitting on, there was an awkward moment of silence between us. I gave a quick stink eye at him when he sat on my couch, but hid it before he or Henry could see it. I turned my attention to my laptop which had the website, Fmylife open. Henry noticed my shift in focus and started talking to Jonathan.

“So John, uh do you mind if I call you John?” he asked.
“No, John’s fine,” he said quickly.
What a freakin spaz.
“Ok, John, what brought you to move into my buddy’s dorm?” he asked.
“My mom made me,” he said with the same nervous tone.
Oh great…he’s probably got one of those psycho moms that calls him every night to say “I love you!”
“Your mom?” Henry asked.
“Yeah, she heard about the shooting and threatened not to help pay for my tuition unless I moved in on campus,” he said.
“That’s bizarre,” Henry said.

I turned my attention back to my laptop. Henry slapped my knee and I kicked him in the shin and gave him a dirty look.

“C’mon man, make a little effort,” Henry said.
The only effort I would have made for this kid in High School would have been to shove his face into a toilet.
“Fine, whatever,” I said, “What classes are you taking?”
“Uh, Art, Literature, Biology, and Calculus,” he said.
Wow, you are such a nerd.
“What about you?” he asked.
“Psychology, Philosophy, English 10, and Health,” I said.
“Wow, you’re all about mind and body huh?” he asked.
“I guess you could say that,” I said.
“He just wants to outsmart those lame ‘Specialists’ the school hired to evaluate us,” Henry said.

We all gave a short little laugh and then realized that we were all sitting here together because of what happened.

“Did you know her?” Jonathan asked.
“No,” I said.
“I had her in one of my classes,” Henry said.
“Me too,” Jonathan said, “She seemed really normal. She was a little slutty, but normal nonetheless.”
“Yeah,” Henry said, “I was really surprised when I heard it was her.”

Tuning out their conversation, I retreated into my thoughts. I nodded at appropriate times and feigned interest like I always did. To be honest, the conversations about this Rachel girl were getting repetitive. Someone who had minimal interaction with her would find someone else who had even less interaction with her and express what a “shock” it was when it happened.

I was a little surprised when my thoughts crossed over the pain in my forehead, and suddenly all I could think of was Lucas. He perplexed me. He seemed to genuinely care about my wellbeing, but yet he didn’t ask for my number or ask to walk me up to my room or whatever. I concluded on the thought that he really didn’t care, and that he was just making sure I didn’t want to sue him or anything. My thoughts were interrupted by Henry’s voice.

“Hey man, we better head off to English,” he said.
“Oh…right,” I said as I gathered my bag and stuffed my books and laptop into it.
“Well, it was nice talking to you guys,” Jonathan said.
“Likewise John,” Henry said, “Hey, the two of us are going out tonight with our friend Carly and her boyfriend Mike. You wanna tag along?”
“I have plans with a friend tonight,” Jonathan said.
“Bring him along,” Henry said with a grin, “The more the merrier!”
“Alright,” he said, “We’ll meet you there.”

I stood off to the side by the door as Henry gave him the information to the club we were going to tonight. When he came over to me I just gave him this dirty look that most people would run screaming from.

“Put that look away Aaron,” he said with a smirk, “My bones cannot be frozen today.”
“Why did you invite him?” I hissed.
“Because he’s your roommate and you need more people in your life,” he said patting my back.
One more pat and I’ll break your fingers.
“You can’t just leave well enough alone can you?” I asked.
“You call two friends ‘well enough’?” he asked.
“Three,” I corrected.
“You’re honestly counting Mike?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said.
“Why? You know as well as I do you only get along with him for Carly,” he said.
“Well, if it means you being wrong, I’d be willing to call him my best friend ever!” I said with an evil grin on my face.
“You’re an ass you know?” he said.
“Beats being wrong!” I said with a laugh.

We walked across campus, into the English building, and into our classroom. We sat beside each other in the back row and barely paid attention as the professor droned on with his meaningless lecture.

***

Walking into the club, I heard the sounds of my favorite band, Paramore. Carly immediately began dancing to the tune of Crushcrushcrush as we were walking down the stairs to the main floor of the club. She flung her dark brown hair around in sync with the beat of the song and she pulled Mike out to the dance floor.

Henry and I sat at the bar and saw Jonathan walking down the stairs. He was closely followed by Lucas and his eyes magnetically stuck to mine from across the room. I saw a smile creep across his face. He and Jonathan made their way over to the bar, but our eyes never separated. His were full of amusement, while mine were filled with annoyance.

“Hey guys, this is Luke,” Jonathan said.
“Yeah I know,” I said sharply.
“You do?” he asked.
“Yeah, we had a less than formal meeting the other day,” I said pointing to my forehead.

Henry and Jonathan looked confused while Lucas gave a little chuckle.

“Glad to see I didn’t do any permanent damage to your skull,” Lucas said.
“Wait wait wait, did you guys fight?” Henry asked.
“No, he smashed his head into my skull as I was rounding a corner,” I said.
“Wait, you make it sound like I did it intentionally,” he said with a smile.
“How do I know you didn’t?” I asked.
Why am I being so nonchalant with this guy?
“True, I guess you don’t know,” he said, “Buy me a drink and maybe I’ll tell you the truth.”

I gave him a glare and he burst into laughter. Jonathan and Henry broke off and started chatting while Lucas and I had a couple drinks. Lucas and I just sat at the bar talking about the music they were playing.

“God, they sure picked a shitty rotation,” he said.
“Why do you say that?” I asked.
“Don’t tell me you actually like this garbage,” he said grinning at me.
“Meh, sort of. I only really liked the first song,” I said.
“Which was that?”
“Crushcrushcrush by Paramore,” I said.
“Get out!” he yelled, “Dude I love Paramore.”
No fucking way
“You’re kidding,” I said.
“Not at all,” he said taking a drink from his glass, “Haley Williams is the shit.”
“I’m more into the instrumentals of their music,” I said.
“How so?” he asked.
“They put more energy and passion into the beat of the music. The guitar and drums totally overpower the song and they say more than the lyrics do.”
“Hmm, I never actually noticed that,” he said.
“So you really are a fan?” I asked.
“Totally, I went to their concert down South about a month ago,” he said.
Holy shit…
“Are you shitting me?” I asked.
“Not at all,” he said, “It was amazing.”
“Yeah I know…”
I was there too…

I sat there stunned for a moment. No way were he and I in the same place at the same time worshiping the same band. I must have been staring for a few minutes because he broke me out of my trance by waving his hand in my face.

“Sorry, I tend to space out every now and then,” I said.
STOP TELLING HIM SHIT UNPROVOKED YOU IDIOT!
“That’s ok, I do it too.”
How are you doing this?
“Hey, if the next song they play is rock, country, or pop, then you down an entire glass. If it’s anything else, I down an entire glass,” Lucas said.
“Deal,” I accepted with a smile.

We sat there as the final line of a song neither of us was paying attention to finished. Eagerly awaiting the next song to play, I looked around and noticed that everyone else was gone. The DJ shut off the sound system and the bartender told us they were closing in a few minutes. We stared at each other with wide eyes and disbelief.

“Were we really here that long?” he asked.
“I guess so,” I said, “I guess that also means that Jonathan and Henry ditched us…”
“Looks like it,” he said.

He got off his stool and motioned towards the staircase. I wiped my hands on my jeans and walked past him up the stairs. The cool, crisp air outside felt refreshing after being inside for God knows how long. I stretched a bit as Lucas emerged out of the stairway and chuckled at me.

“Come on, don’t tell me you’re tired,” he said nudging me.
“Not really,” I said, “Just a bit stiff is all.”

He smiled at me and I smiled back. It was then that I realized that I was doing exactly what I didn’t want to do. Acting on instinct, my mind took over and I broke this moment between us.

“Actually, I am kinda bushed,” I said.
“Alright, well I’ll walk you back to your dorm,” he said.

I tried desperately to think of a rational excuse to keep from walking back with him, but failed miserably. I just nodded and walked beside him, not saying a word the whole mile and a half to the dorm. He tried to talk to me, but I made it very clear that I was “too tired to think” so he gave up after the third avoided question. We walked up the stairs of the dorm building and stood outside my room for a moment.

“Well, I guess I’ll see you around,” he said.
“Yeah,” I said, “See ya.”

I opened the door and walked in to see Jonathan and someone else writhing in his bed. I heard Jonathan moaning and grunting and out of disgust, nearly vomited as I turned around and closed the door behind me.

“Uh Luke,” I called.
“Sup?” he said from down the hall.

I walked over to him with a look of pure shock and disgust on my face. When I caught up to him he laughed at me and asked me what was wrong.

“Uh, you’re buddy is fucking someone in our room,” I said.
“Oh God…seriously?” he asked.
“Yeah, apparently no one taught him the tie on the doorknob rule,” I said, “Mind if I stay at your place tonight?” I asked.
“Sure no problem,” he said.

As we walked down the rest of the hallway and down the stairs, Lucas continued to mock my look of disgust which would not go away. We walked out the door into the crisp, cool air again and started walking towards the building on the other side of the court.

“So did you see anything?” he asked.
“Thankfully, no,” I said.
How does a guy so socially awkward get some chick to fuck him and I can’t?
“Damn, that is so unlike Jonathan,” Luke said, “Alcohol must really loosen him up.”
“I have a feeling Henry had more to do with him getting laid than alcohol did,” I said.
“Your friend a hound?” he asked.
“Oh he is much more than just a hound,” I said.

Lucas looked at me with confusion in his eyes.

“Let’s just say, Clinton’s got nothing on him,” I said.

Lucas burst into laughter that carried across the courtyard. We walked into the other dorm building and up the stairs to the third floor where Lucas’ room was. This building was much younger and nicer than the one I was living in. We walked into the room and my jaw nearly fell off when I saw the interior. It was at least twice as big as my room, and he didn’t even have a roommate.

“You can use the spare bed,” he said.
“Thanks man,” I said.

He smiled at me and turned to start changing.

“Uh, you want me to leave?” I asked.
“Nah, it’s fine. I’m comfortable enough with you,” he said with a grin.
“No offense dude, but you don’t even know my last name,” I said.
“Alright, what is your last name?” he asked.
“Saunders,” I said.
“Alright, well now I know your last name. Can I finish changing?” he asked.
“Be my guest,” I said.
“Thanks,” he said sarcastically, “There are some extra clothes in the bottom drawer that you can change into if you want.”
“Oh, cool thanks,” I said.

I went into the bathroom to take a piss and change and I came out to see him already under his covers. I walked softly over to the bed and sat down on it. As usual, I went over the day’s events in my head as a way of cataloguing any significance in any moment. I stopped at the brief moment between Lucas and I outside the club and couldn’t decide if that was significant. Without thinking, I blurted out a question to Lucas.

“What’s your last name?” I asked.
“Harper,” he said softly.

I turned over and lay down on the bed. I stared at the ceiling and kept thinking about that exchange of smiles. As much as I disliked the idea, I had found a new friend in Lucas Harper. That wasn’t what was bothering me though. The issue I was bumping up against was whether or not I would drive him away. He was so different from the people I was friends with. Carly and Henry were just as closed of as I was…I mean am. But Lucas has a warming quality that I was afraid of breaking.

I turned over, facing away from Lucas, and started drifting off to sleep. I could hear him lightly snoring from his bed behind me, and for the first time in a while, I let out a genuine laugh. It wasn’t forced or fake. And that’s when I realized that I actually liked Lucas. I was friends with Henry because we were in the same social group and had similar taste in music. I was friends with Carly because we’ve been together nearly since birth. And right now, I couldn’t really tell if I actually liked either of them.

Fuck…what is wrong with me?

[Kyanimal]

THANK YOU!, itc! Excellent!

Been waiting for this 2nd chapter, and, in the mean time, read "Graduation"! Now I understand the "tie in" here. Fantastic!!

I'm truly enjoying your writing style! And, especially appreciate your including Aaron's "inner conversation" with himself. Definitely looking forward to more!

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

[littletosay]

A great new chapter ITC. This story is setting up very nicely. Eagerly anticipating the next chapter.

And I wonder if it was Henry that Jonathan had in his bed.

[Craiger]

Happy to see an addition to the story. I am certain Aaron and Lucas are going to be very good friends............hopefully more. Like Littletosay, I wonder if Henry and Jonathan are getting to know each other...lol Great chapter ITC!

Craiger

[GrayFox]

A lot of questions left unanswered for subsequent chapters. Cool!

[irishinvader]

Not at all what I was expecting from the second chapter but I really liked it! No idea what to expect next but I can't wait til I find out!

Irish

[pe_gay89]

I'm really enjoying this story so far, keep it up!

[BiMike]

Great story , nice slow start for some! Eager to hear more !

[DonQuixote]

IntheCloset,
Another fine installment in the continuing saga/spin-off.

Very interesting group and personal dynamics going on.
Who WAS in bed with Jonathon? Why do I think it wasn't a "chic"?!

You do an excellent job of grabbing our attention, twisting us all around, and holding us captive for the next chapter!

Thanks for all your hard work and efforts in crafting this tale for us. We appreciate it.

[gaytxn09]

I like Lucas too.

[inthecloset]

Wings of A Butterfly

Chapter Two:
Social Experiments

I felt the vibrations of my phone beneath my pillow. It was just loud enough to wake me, but not enough to stir Lucas out of his sleep. I slowly and quietly changed clothes and left his room. The sun was barely coming up and all I could think of was how much I missed my mother. I clutched the locket that hid beneath my shirt as my breathing became heavy with grief.

I looked away from the sunrise and just walked around for a little while. I felt bad for leaving Lucas like that, but it was pointless for me to let myself get close to someone else. I listened to the voice in my head telling me that I had enough. Any more than what I already have would just make things harder. I would have just left it at that, but then I heard a voice I hadn’t heard in a long time.

But…what if we could be really great friends?

I almost didn’t recognize the voice of my other side. I had kept it quiet for so long; only listening to my more negative half.

Even if we could, having another person to maintain a friendship with would just make getting through school even harder than it already is.

Maybe not…Maybe he will help take the stress away. Jason used to do that for me before he moved.

Jason?

There was a name I hadn’t thought of in years. He was a lot like Lucas, or at least what I’ve witnessed from Lucas so far. We complemented each other like cheese and macaroni. Everyone thought we were twins because between the two of us, we knew everything. We were like two halves of an apple.

At least, until his dad’s company relocated his family to a small town three states away. That was about two years before I met Henry. If it weren’t for Carly I wouldn’t have even had Henry. But life has been hard enough since then, I don’t need someone else who I am certain will cause me pain one day.

The argument in my mind subsided as I once again listened to my negativity and decided that Lucas was too good for me to even try to be his friend. I passed through the doors of my dorm building and saw Henry laying on one of the couches in the lounge. He looked totally smashed from last night. I walked up to him and flicked his ear.

“AHHH!” he yelled.
“Dude, what the hell happened to you?” I asked.
“AARON! BRO!” he yelled as he sat up and hugged me.
“Are you stoned Henry?” I asked.
“No!” he said with a grin on his face.

I stared at him as he leaned in and put his mouth next to my ear.

“Ok,” he said in a whisper, “I’m a little trashed…but don’t tell anyone.”
“Oh my God Henry…what did you do last night?” I asked.
“Jonathan and I…w-we found these super hot chicks outside waiting to get in. And Aaron…let me tell you, they were…they were stacked up to heaven man,” he said.
“Oh God, your breath smells like scotch and the third floor bathroom,” I said cringing.
“Y-yeah…we had a lot to drink,” he said lying back down.
“Oh no you don’t,” I said grabbing his arm, “You’re going upstairs.”

I lifted him up to his feet and wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

“Thanks Aar…you’re the best man,” he said.
No, you’re just the worst.

What the hell? Why did I just think that about my best friend?

When I got him up to his dorm room, I went back downstairs to mine to see if Jonathan was still there. I looked at my watch and it was now 7:30 a.m. I poked my head into the room and saw that no one was inside. It reeked of sex so I grabbed the air freshener and just blasted it around the room. I sat on my bed and dropped my head into my hands for a moment.

A moment turned into an hour and a half…

***

I woke to my phone buzzing in my pocket. I looked at my watch and saw 9:01.

Fuck…I’m late for breakfast…

I answered my phone to an angry Carly on the other end.

“Where the hell are you guys?” she yelled.
“Sorry, I’ll be there in a few minutes. Details later,” I said.
“Alright…you get off with a warning this time Aaron,” she said playfully.
“Thanks warden,” I said.

***

“How bad was it?” Carly asked when the waitress set her plate in front of her.
“He was totally doped up,” I said.
“And you think someone drugged him?” she asked.
“Of course…you know Henry, he wouldn’t do that on his own,” I said.

I actually didn’t know Henry as well as I thought. He could have done it himself, but I didn’t want to believe it. I especially didn’t want to because it was our usually breakfast day. It was the only morning the three of us had off at the same time, so we went to the local IHOP and caught up with the week’s events.

I shoved my sausages into my mouth and listened to Carly drone on about her and Mike. I honestly couldn’t care less, but as usual I feigned interest and kept any conflict to a minimum. At any second I expected my thoughts to drift away from Carly incessant yammering.

Shit…where’s my wallet??

And there it was. I forgot my wallet. I don’t even remember where I put it. I felt around all my pockets and nothing. Thankfully it was Carly’s day to pay so I didn’t have to worry as much.

When I got out to my car I searched everywhere around the driver’s seat but found nothing except a few old essays and my iPod to Radio transmitter.

Fuck…It fell out of my pocket in my room.

I turned on the car and noticed that I had 10 minutes till my Psych class so I stuck my missing wallet in the back of my mind and drove back to campus.

***

I sat down in my chair near the door and planted my face in my arms. I absolutely hated this class. Well, more the professor than the class. He and I were total opposites and we viewed the world completely differently. We constantly argued about the “meaning” of everything since I just believe that the world is in constant chaos and things just happen. We never agreed on anything and being the asshole I am, I always had to argue my point until both of us gave up, or he kicked me out of the class.

With my arms still around my face, I heard something fall on my desk. I looked up, prepared for a snap argument with Professor Robbins, but saw Lucas standing over me with a stern look on his face.

“Luke?” I asked, “What are you doing here?”
“I thought I knew you from somewhere,” he said.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“You left this on the floor when you snuck out this morning,” he said.

I looked down and saw my wallet sitting next to my arm.

“Oh…thanks,” I said.

He walked away towards the back of the room. I saw him sit down in the back row and felt a rush of guilt overwhelm me. I got up and went to sit next to him.

“Luke,” I said.
“Forget it Aaron,” he said, “If you didn’t want to be my friend you should have just said so.”
“Luke…that’s not it…” I said.
“Then what is it?” he asked.
“I…I had plans this morning and I didn’t want to wake you up,” I said.
“That’s bullshit Aaron,” he said.
“Yeah I know…” I said, “Look I’m sorry. I don’t know why I left but I’m sorry.”
“Just cut the crap, ok?” he said.
“Luke…I do want to be your friend,” I said.
“You two,” Robbins said from the front.
“Sir?” Luke asked.
“You’re partners,” he said.
“Sorry?” I asked.
“Have you been listening to me at all?” he asked.
“Sorry sir, we were discussing the relevance of psychology in real life examples,” I said.
“Watch it Saunders, you’ve been on thin ice for a while,” he said.
I’d like to see you do anything about it.
“I just assigned a report. You partner up with someone you don’t know or barely know and study them. Then you write a full report about why you think they are the way they are,” he said.

I looked at Lucas and he looked back at me. A smile began to penetrate the stern look on his face that he was holding for so long, but he quickly stopped it. I held up my hand to ask a question and Robbins took a deep breath.

“Yes Mr. Saunders?” he asked.
“When is it due?” I asked.

He paused. I looked at him to see him staring questioningly at me.

“You’re not gonna fight me on this one?” he asked.
“No,” I said, “It sounds like fun.”
“You’re serious?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said, “I think it’s a really good assignment.”
“Okay then…It’ll be due next Friday,” he said.

I smiled when he turned away. I don’t know what made me feel better, freaking out the entire class, or having an academic reason to be friends with Lucas. I turned to Lucas with the smile still on my face and saw the shock on his. He stared at me in disbelief as I chuckled at everyone’s confusion.

When class was dismissed, Lucas and I walked towards the parking lot together. There was silence between us that I wanted him to be the one to break. I wanted to think of something to say, but my mind was running on empty.

“So, what was that about?” he asked.
Thank God…
“What?” I asked.
“Come on Aaron, it’s not everyday someone drastically changes their opinion about something,” he said.
“You thought that was drastic?” I asked.
“You’ve been giving the guy hell for 2 months,” he said.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” I said with a laugh, “I guess I just decided I didn’t feel like fighting anymore.”
“Whatever you say,” he said, “Either way we’re stuck with each other for a week.”
Stuck?
“Guess so,” I said, “Lucas…Luke…I meant what I said. I really do want to be your friend.”
“If you say so, I’ll believe it,” he said, “So you wanna hang out tonight? Get a head start?”
“I…can’t tonight,” I said.
He sighed with exasperation.
“I’m sorry, I really can’t. I promised Carly I’d go see that counselor again. I have to go around 6:30.” I said.
“Ok,” he said. He sounded defeated.
“I have some time right now though,” I said, “Wanna grab some food?”
“Sure,” he said, “There’s this deli down the street that makes the best stuff.”
“Sounds good,” I said with a smile.

Am I genuinely smiling?

I was. The first genuine smile on my face in two years, and Lucas was causing it. I had no idea what that actually meant. I just knew that I wanted to be around Lucas as much as I possibly could.

We sat down at one of the tables outside. The light breeze swept through the little junction of stores. Lucas jumped face first into his sandwich while I slowly picked at my pasta.

“So,” he said, “I guess the best way for us to ‘get to know each other’ (he used his fingers for air quotes) is to tell each other something personal.”
“Ok, I can wrap my head around that,” I said.
“So you tell me one personal thing, and I’ll tell you one personal thing,” he said.
“Why do I have to go first?” I said glaring at him.
“Cause it was my idea and I need time to think of mine,” he said with a grin.
“You sly little bastard,” I said.

It wasn’t a hard thing to think about. I knew exactly what I wanted to tell him.

“Ok,” I said pulling the small locket out from under my shirt collar, “This locket belonged to my mother. She bought it one day when we went to Sea World. She always loved dolphins and when she saw this…she said it was the third time in her life that she was absolutely certain about something she wanted.”

I saw Lucas looking intensely at my eyes as I told him my story.

“I found it one day shortly before I left for school, and I put a picture of her in it. I wear it everyday to remind myself that what I’m doing is important for me. No matter how far away I am, when I’m wearing this locket I feel like I’m right where I belong.”

I took the locket off and showed it to him. He grazed his finger over the engraving on the back that said “Your heart will light the path to happiness.”

“Wow Aaron,” he said, “Your mom must be very proud of you.”
I looked at him blankly and said, “She died two years ago.”
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry, I didn’t-“
“It’s fine Luke…you didn’t know. It’s not your fault,” I said.
“I’m really sorry,” he said.
“Don’t worry about it.”
“Well, wherever she is now, I’m sure she is very proud of you,” he said.
“Thank you Luke,” I said.
“So, what happened?” he asked.
“Well if I told you, that would be two things…and we only agreed on one,” I said with a grin.
“Damn…you’re right,” he said. A smile crept across his face.
“Ok, now it’s your turn,” I said.
“Alright well, when I was a kid I always wanted to have a dog. My neighbor had a Doberman puppy and I was absolutely in love with it. But my dad was crazy allergic to dog hair, so we couldn’t have one,” he said.
“That sucks man,” I said.
“Yeah…so anyway, when I was like 8 or 9, my dad had a business trip up in Lake Tahoe, so my parents decided to just make it into a family vacation since it was during the summer. My mom and I were walking down a little junction of stores and I walked by this toy store. I looked in the window and saw this little Doberman Beanie Baby,” he said.
I let out a little chuckle and he grinned at me.
“I know, I know, guys and Beanie Babies just don’t really mix, but I was just a kid. I begged my mom for like 20 minutes to buy it for me until she was finally convinced that it would keep me from begging for a real dog. As soon as I got it in my arms, I was never apart from it. I loved that dog so much,” he said.
“What happened to it?” I asked.
“Well, my dad got a new job and we had to move. I put him down for like, 1 second when I was packing a box…” he trailed off.
“Luke?” I asked.

He looked really sad all of a sudden, as if someone just told him his grandmother died or something. I put my hand on his shoulder and craned my neck to look in his downcast eyes.

“I left him at the old house,” he said, “And when I finally realized that I didn’t have him…it was too late to go back.”
“Luke…I’m really sorry man,” I said.
“Don’t worry about it. I know it’s silly but, that was really the closest thing to a best friend I had for most of my childhood because we moved around so much,” he said.

I looked at Lucas completely differently. The compassion and kindness that he had wasn’t something he did voluntarily. From his story, I could tell that it was just natural for him.

And to think, I almost didn’t want to be his friend.

“It’s not silly at all Lucas,” I said, “I would feel the same way if I lost this locket.”
“Thank you,” he said with a smile.

I smiled back at him and nodded. At that moment, it was like everything slowed down. I looked into his bright hazel eyes and saw the vulnerability. I wasn’t looking at his vulnerability, but I could see myself in the reflection of his eyes. I was looking at mine. I had never told anyone about the locket I held with me everyday. I never reached that level of connection with anyone. And yet, here I sat with a near stranger, and I just spilled information about one of my greatest possessions without much provocation from him.

It was like that deal between us established a trust that would take most people years to build. We instantly had a “You give, I give” connection. It felt amazing not only to trust someone so easily, but also to be trusted by that person with the same level of ease. I felt different, almost refreshed. I could feel the changes happening inside me. The warmth I locked away so many years ago was bubbling to the surface and pushing out the cold, logical, and emotionless version of me.

What the hell was I so afraid of?

[pe_gay89]

Ah wow, that was great. I'm loving this story already, I can't wait for the next chapter.

[DonQuixote]

IntheCloset,
That was a great chapter. I could see them interacting, clicking, becoming solid friends.

Thanks for all your hard work - we appreciate it.

[gaytxn09]

That was an amazing chapter. I'm really feeling for Luke and Aaron now. Hopefully they'll get to be better friends...if Aaron's head doesn't do him in.

[irishinvader]

LOVE LOVE LOVE. That's all I can say . I'll be anxiously awaiting more!!

Irish

[littletosay]

Things are moving along nicely. Another good chapter, ITC.

[Bodhi1]

What a great story - so well written! I love the way you let us in to AAron's inner voices ... and I could feel the connection happening - blossoming!

I am an incurable romantic - I am loving this!!! Hugs!

[Craiger]

ITC,

That was a wonderfully warm and touching chapter. Trust like that does not come easily. I have a feeling Aaron is going to be a little more reasonable with the counselor. He has something important to relay this time. Luke has that inner connection that anyone would be happy to share. Obviously he has some of the same concerns regarding friendships that Aaron has. I like the way things are going in this story. Eager to read the next chapter.

Craiger

[brasilboy1]

This is a great story... I dare say that it will get even better.

[inthecloset]

Hey guys, so this chapter is a bit shorter but I wanted to get this part out of the way as soon as possible. I think I've allowed you all get a better feel for Aaron in this chapter and I'm going to bring in a few subtle hints and a few not so subtle hints with the next few chapters. Enjoy

Wings of A Butterfly

Chapter Four:
Follow The Wind

“I’m glad you came back Aaron.”
Yeah, yeah, let’s get this over with.

Veronica looked at me through her black rimmed glasses as I sat in the chair across from her. I subtly looked around the room to try and get a read on her in case I needed some ammo. She offered me a glass of tea, which I reluctantly accepted.

Tea? Who drinks tea?

“So, why are you here today?” she asked.
“My friend Carly wanted me to come,” I said.
“And why is that?” she asked.
To see if I’m capable of murder.
“She said it could be good for me.”
“Ah, smart girl,” she said, “How would you say you act around her?”
“I don’t think I act differently around specific people,” I said.
Except Lucas I mean.
“Aaron, we all act differently around certain people,” she said. Her near-British accent was starting to annoy me.
“Well, I don’t,” I said.
“So, when you go out with your friends for drinks and to relax, you still act like this uptight, emotionless pile of flesh?” she asked.
Rude much bitch?
“I guess I do,” I said.

Veronica examined me for a moment, as if to check for subtle hints that could actually lead her somewhere. She picked up her cup and sipped at her tea with her eyes closed. When she opened her eyes it was like a fire had been lit in her soul. She held more energy in them, as if she found something she could use.

“How do you feel about Carly?” she asked.
“Why?”
“Well she must be important enough to you for you to be in here,” she said.
“I told you, she made me come,” I said.
“Yes, but why did you agree?” she asked.
To get her to shut the fuck up.

I stared at her for a moment with sarcastic eyes. She looked back at me and smiled, as if she just won a game or something.

“Aaron, you’re not supposed to hold back remember?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked.
“I can see it in your eyes. Every time you feel threatened you make some sarcastic comment in your mind,” she said.
How did she know that?
“I’m a lot more intuitive than I come off as, Aaron.”

I glared at her in defeat.

“So tell me what you were thinking.”
“I was thinking, that I agreed to get her to shut the fuck up,” I said.

She flinched. I won.

“I don’t believe that at all,” she said.
“S’cuse me?”
“I believe you agreed because you value your relationship with Carly, but you’re afraid of feeling vulnerable with another human being. So you fight them every step of the way, but you still end up doing things for them. You do it so you appear to care about them, but to also tell them that you wish you didn’t,” she said.

My mind snapped and I felt heat radiating in my chest. It boiled up to my face erupted through my voice.

“You think you know me after talking to me twice? Well let me tell you something, you don’t know a thing about me. So you can sit up here in your little room with all your credentials hanging up on the wall and listen to other people complain about their problems. But me, I’m going out there. I’m going to do something that actually matters to the world. So you can take your assumptions about me and shove them up your ass because you have no idea why I am the way that I am.”

I bolted out of my seat and stormed over towards the door. She was up and at the door faster than I could reach it. She held her hand against the door as I was trying to open it and storm out of the room. She looked calmly into my eyes and somehow forced the rage that was boiling under my skin to subside.

“You’re right Aaron. I don’t know why you are the way you are,” she said, “But let me ask you something.”

I sighed with exasperation.

“Who does?”

She slowly walked back to her seat. As she sat down she motioned toward the chair for me to sit back down. I turned to face her and crossed my arms.

“Before you can face whatever makes you afraid of connecting with other people, you need to tell at least one person what it is,” she said, “It doesn’t have to be me, it can be anyone. But until you tell someone, you’ll always be afraid of it. You’ll keep pushing people out of your life just as you’re about to get close to them.”

Defeated, I walked back over to the chair across from her. I stared directly into her dark blue eyes. There was no anger or judgment in them. There was no hostility or restraint in mine either. I couldn’t see it, but I definitely felt it.

“I’m sorry,” I said.
“Aaron, there is no need for an apology. What you did was a classic outburst. In a way, it made it easier to see who you really are underneath this façade you portray,” she said.
“Well you’re wrong about one thing,” I said.
“And what would that be?” she asked.
“I have one connection,” I said.
“With whom?” she asked.
“His name is Lucas Harper,” I said.

She looked up at me with confusion on her face. Her lips pursed and her brow wrinkled with intense thought. I noticed her right hand start flipping her pen around her fingers, something that my Psych professor said people do when they are working something over in their mind.

“Aaron, I have one question to ask you. You don’t have to answer, but it might give me a much better idea of what’s going on,” she said.
“Ask away,” I said.
“Are you a homosexual?”
“What? No!” I said, “Why? Have I given you any reason to believe that?”
“Aaron,” she said, “I was merely asking to paint a picture. Like you said, I don’t know you…yet.”

***

“She actually asked if you were gay?” Carly asked.
“Yeah,” I said, “Can you believe it?”

She paused for a second. She put down her sandwich and kept her eyes low. She placed her arms on the table across her chest. Her eyes slowly looked up into mine and examined me for a moment.

“Honestly, yeah I can,” she said.
“What?”
“Aaron, you haven’t been involved with any girl that I know of since I met you. You haven’t given any reason to believe that you’re straight. You’ve never even stated whether you were straight or not. So yeah, I can believe that she may have thought so.”
“Well, I guess I just have to be more vocal about it,” I said.

I placed my hands, palm down, on the table and stood up. I looked directly into her eyes. She didn’t look back.

“I’m not gay, Carly. And the fact that I had to say it out loud makes me a little sick,” I said.

I grabbed my things and walked away. The wind was blowing gently, so I decided to follow it and see where it took me. I really didn’t care. It was Friday afternoon, and two days since I last saw Lucas. Me, being the idiot that I am, forgot to get his number. And both times I knocked on his door were not answered.

I was walking by the Science and Health Studies building when a door opened and nearly hit me in the face. A crowd of students flew out the door and poured into the courtyard. Politely, I held the door open and waited for every last one of them to leave the room. The last person to leave was the last person I expected it to be.

“Aaron!” he said in excitement.
“Luke!” I said.

Was that excitement too?

“What are you doing here?” he asked.
“Following the wind,” I said.
He smiled and said, “That was really gay.”
“That seems to be a popular opinion this week,” I said returning the smile.
“How so?” he asked as we started to walk towards the main cafeteria together.
“The counselor asked me if I was gay during our session,” I said.
“Are you?” he asked.
I glared at him.
“What? It’s a fair question,” he said.
I sighed with exasperation. “No!” I said, “I’m not.”
“Are you sure?”
I grunted with annoyance.
“What? I meant like…are you a virgin?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said rolling my eyes.
“So you haven’t had sex with either a guy or a girl?”
“Yeah that’s what virgin means,” I said sarcastically.
“Well I meant…how can you be certain if you haven’t even tried it?” he asked.
“Luke, I’m not gay,” I said, “And I really hope you’re the last one to ask me that question.”
“Alright, alright. Don’t hit me man,” he said with a grin.

I rolled my eyes and pushed his shoulder. I didn’t even know where we were walking to, but we ended up at the east parking lot. I looked around for a moment in silence while standing next to Lucas waiting for the crosswalk to turn.

“Something wrong?” he asked.
I broke out of my trance. “Uhm, yeah actually,” I said.
“Anything I can do to help?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” I said.

He looked down at the ground and I realized I was pulling away again. The disappointment in his eyes clued me in and told me that I needed to tell him what had been on my mind for the past couple days.

“What are you doing tonight?” I asked.
“Nothing that I know of,” he said.
“Let’s hang out,” I said, “Pizza and a movie, on me.”
“Um, ok sure. What time?” he asked.
“7 ok?” I asked.
“Of course,” he said.

He smiled and walked across the street with his golden hair being brushed by the light wind. As he walked away, I noticed he was slightly limping. I pushed it into the back of my mind for now and walked off towards the corner store with a small grin on my face.

Atta boy Aaron.

[bynm27]

looks like i'ma have to read that graduation story, 'cause this one is shaping up to be a great one. props!!!!

[Kyanimal]

Excellent, itc!

Definitely looking forward to more!!

THANK YOU!!

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

[pe_gay89]

That was a very interesting chapter. I look forward to more!

[DonQuixote]

Dear IntheCloset,
I agree w/ my fellow readers/fans.

You continue to craft a very believable story - I feel for Aaron, the inner turmoil he is feeling. I feel for his friends, too, trying to help him, bearing a bit of the brunt of his anger/anguish.

Thank you for continuing to entertain us with your excellent craftsmanship/authorship.

[littletosay]

Another wonderful chapter, ITC. I like how this story is shaping up.

[Endlessnight500]

GOD I LOVE THIS STORY SO FAR. I love Graduation too. Your a great Author.

[Craiger]

Hey ITC,

That was a very thought provoking chapter. It's obvious Aaron can't always stay on his sarcastic path. The counselor broke through and Luke has as well. He's really not a bad ass after all. Now he has to come to terms with his sexuality and I hope Luke will begin that journey with him soon. Thanks for the update and looking for the next.

Craiger

[irishinvader]

Thanks for the speedy update...if only I could crank out quality work that quickly haha. I'm VERY excited for the next chapter and to find out what this limp was all about. More more more!!!

Irish

[inthecloset]

Hey guys, just wanted to quickly thank you so far for your kind words of encouragement. I also want to thank those of you who read Graduation, glad to see it wasn't just a fluke :P

The next chapter should be done by tomorrow. It's my day off so I'll have plenty of time to work on it.

Much Love,
- ITC

[inthecloset]

Wings of A Butterfly

Chapter Five:
A Mother's Will

I knocked on his door three times, each knock slightly lower on the door than the other. I never noticed that I did it until now. Something about Lucas made me more aware of anything I did. Even my little weird things like my knock. The pizza in my left hand was starting to make my palm sweat, or at least that’s what I convinced myself was making it sweat. He opened the door and smiled at me.

“Pizza delivery,” I said with a smile.
“Ugh, finally,” he said, still smiling, “This day went by so slowly.”
“Why’s that?” I asked as I walked inside.
“After we split up I had to go see the counselor for my evaluation,” he said following me.
“Oh God, what happened,” I said. I put the pizza down on his desk and sat in his chair.
“Nothin really, it just dragged on forever,” he said.
“Well I hope you’re hungry,” I said, “I got an extra large.”
“Yeah I’m starving actually,” he said.
“Good, cause you’re gonna love this pizza,” I said.
“Where’s it from?” he asked.
“This little Italian place in town,” I said, “We have one where I lived and it’s amazingly good.”

I opened the box and we each grabbed a slice. I sat back down in his chair and he flopped down on his bed and ate the slice in seconds. I laughed at him and he smiled awkwardly at me.

“Christ man, you weren’t kiddin,” I said.
“Neither were you,” he said, “This stuff is amazing.”
“Told you so,” I said smiling.
“So what movie did you bring?” he asked.
“Nah, you don’t get to know,” I said.
“Why not?”
“Well, we have to eat this whole pizza, and I don’t want you to have any time to object. So you don’t get to know until it’s in and ready to play,” I said.
“Alright,” he said with a snort.

A moment of silence passed between us as we ate. His eyes were glued to the ground and I could tell he was thinking of something that he wasn’t sure about saying. After I finished my slice, I took a deep breath.

“Is there something you want to ask me?” I asked.
“Sorta,” he said.
“Well go for it,” I said.
“Well, it’s just…”
“Spit it out Luke,” I said.
“Earlier today…you seemed like something was bothering you,” he said.
“Yeah, there was,” I said.
“Well it got me thinking,” he said, “And I thought about it all day. I’m not trying to pry you for information or anything, but if you want we could make another deal. You tell me something, I’ll tell you something.”
“Luke, that’s really nice,” I said, “But I already planned on telling you tonight.”
“Oh,” he said, “Ok then. What’s going on?”
“I’ve had this on my mind for a couple days now,” I said, “You remember when you asked me what happened to my mom?”
“Yeah,” he said.
“Well…” I took a deep breath, “She died of Cancer.”
“Oh God…Aaron I’m so sorry,” he said.
“She uh…she didn’t even know she was sick. She just thought she was really run down,” I said.

He never broke his focus on me.

“She worked two jobs most of my life. She worked so hard to make sure we were able to survive,” I said.

My breathing got heavy and my eyes started stinging. I took several gulps of air as I thought about what happened.

“Go on Aaron,” he said.
“Well, she went to the doctor…and he diagnosed her with a very advanced stage of Breast Cancer,” I said.

Tears were now forming in my eyes as my chest started hurting.

“She didn’t even tell me about it,” I said, “I didn’t know until…”

Lucas sat up and sat on the edge of his bed. He stared into my eyes and somehow, I felt a little better. The pain in my chest went away and I was able to hold the tears back a little better than before.

“I came home from school one day and found her unconscious in the kitchen. I called 911 but it was too late. I found my mother dead that day.”
“Aaron…that’s terrible,” he said.

I wiped a tear that got through with my hand.

“She worked so hard for me. She worked so hard to give me a good life…” I said, “But she never thought about what would happen to me if she was gone.”

That did it. The tears pushed themselves out of my eyes and I fell forward into myself. Lucas stood up and kneeled down in front of me and caught me before I collapsed. He held me and I cried on his shoulder.

“Shh, it’s ok Aaron.”
“No, it’s not ok,” I said through the tears, “I was so mad at her for not telling me.”
“Aaron, that’s ok,” he said.

He pulled me away from him and looked directly into my eyes. He placed both hands firmly, but gently, on my shoulders.

“Aaron, it is ok for you to be mad. It’s ok to be sad,” he said, “And it’s ok for you to be happy without her.”

I looked back at him, confused.

“She obviously didn’t want you to know until it happened,” he said, “She was probably so scared about leaving you. She probably didn’t want you to have to live every single day in fear, and then have grief on top of that feeling after she died. It’s not wrong for you to be angry, but she probably didn’t tell you because of what knowing that she was going to die would do to you.”

He looked firmly into my eyes. I could see his fixation, and from that I could tell that he did genuinely care about me. In my mind, I saw myself drowning. I couldn’t keep myself afloat, even though I had people around me trying to pull me out of the water. I was just about to give up and let myself fall beneath the surface, when I felt a hand grab my arm and lift me up. I looked into the eyes of my rescuer. The bright hazel colored eyes that penetrated my soul and brought down every barrier I had built.

I looked back into his eyes and felt the pain be washed away. The tears stopped and I regained my composition. I took several deep breaths and calmed myself down. I sat up straight, never looking away from Lucas’ eyes. They made me feel safe.

“Thank you Luke,” I said.
“No, thank you Aaron,” he said.
“For what?” I asked.
“How many times have you told that story?” he asked.
“That was the first time,” I said.
“That’s what I figured. So thank you for trusting me,” he said.
“Thank you for being trustworthy,” I said.

He put his hand on my shoulder and smiled at me. I took a deep breath and smiled back at him.

“Aaron I am so sorry for what you’ve been through,” he said.

I nodded at him, but remained silent. I didn’t know what to do now. This was the most vulnerable I’ve ever felt in my life. For the first time since my mom’s funeral, I cried in front of another person. I knew he felt the tension boiling inside me, so he wrapped his arms around me again to comfort me.

“Thank you Lucas,” I said, “You don’t have to tell your story if you don’t want to.”
“It’s ok, I’ll save it for later,” he said pulling away from me, “So how bout that movie now?”
I smiled and said, “Yeah sure.”

I got up and put the movie in and pressed play. I sat back into the chair and he moved back onto his bed. I noticed he kept looking at me as if I were about to shatter into a million pieces.

“Luke I’m ok,” I said to reassure him.
“Am I that obvious?” he asked.
“A little,” I said with a grin.
“Sorry, I just wanted to make sure,” he said.
“Thanks, but it’s not necessary,” I said.

The movie began playing. Lucas seemed to light up once the opening scene started. I glanced over to him and raised an eyebrow.

“You know this movie?” I asked.
“You kidding?” he said as he got up.

He walked over to his bookshelf, and I noticed his slight limp again. He turned around smiling with the case of October Sky in his hands. I must have had a worried look on my face or something because his smile disappeared and his eyes glazed over a bit.

“Is something wrong?” he asked.
“I was about to ask the same thing,” I said.
“What do you mean?”
“You’re limping.”
“Oh…” he said.
“What happened to you Luke?” I asked.
“I was kinda hoping you wouldn’t ask,” he said.
“Luke…” I said.

He walked back over to his bed and sat down. He placed his hands in his lap and didn’t look up at me.

“Please don’t be mad,” he said.
What the hell is going on?
“Jonathan drugged Henry that night at the club.”
“What?!” I yelled.
“I’m sorry Aaron, I didn’t know. I only found out this morning,” he said.
“What happened?!” I yelled, standing out of the chair.
“Aaron, please calm down,” he said.
“You just told me your friend drugged my friend and you expect me to be calm?!” I yelled.
“Yes I expect you to calm down so I can tell you the rest!” he said at the same volume.

I sat back into the chair and took a breath.

“Sorry Luke,” I said.
“It’s ok,” he said, “I talked to Jonathan this morning and he told me everything. He seemed so proud of it, so I yelled at him. Then he said, ‘It’s not like I raped him or anything,’ and the next thing I knew, my fist flew into his face. I knocked him on the ground and he kicked me in the hip when I leaned in to help him up.”
“Are you ok?” I asked.
“Yeah it’s just a little sore, nothing to worry about,” he said.
“Well…thank you for standing up for my friend Luke,” I said.
“It’s nothing, I knew you would do the same for me,” he said.
‘You would do the same for me?’
“How can you be so sure?” I asked.
“I don’t know, I just do,” he said.

I smiled at him and he smiled back. At that moment, I felt like we were floating in a space of nothingness. There was nothing to worry about except whether or not we were flying or falling. That’s how it was with Lucas. I could be flying or falling, and it would make no difference to me. It was a challenge to be open with him, but at the same time I felt completely safe.

We watched the movie in near silence. Apparently we both loved this movie so much that we could nearly recite the script. I swear at one point I saw him mouthing some of the words. But he just blushed and looked away from me.

Lucas made me feel different than my other friends did. I didn’t have to worry about what I said or how I said it. I didn’t have to worry about whether or not I stepped on his toes. I didn’t have to worry about anything really. All I had to do was be myself and let him see my vulnerable side every once in a while.

I don’t like saying this, but the counselor was right. As soon as I told Lucas why I was so afraid of being close to someone and depending on their existence to get through the day, the easier it was to trust him, and let our friendship happen.

***

It was nearly 11 at night when I got back to my dorm room. Jonathan was sitting at his desk. I could see very clearly where Lucas clocked him. I couldn’t help but smirk a little about it.

“Where’ve you been?” he asked.
“Out with a friend,” I said.
“Out pretty late, don’t you have midterms this week?” he asked.
“Is that any of your business?” I asked.

I walked across the room to my own desk and opened up my laptop to check my email before I went to bed. I saw an email from my English professor and decided to wait till morning to read it.

“So what happened to your face?” I asked.
“Is that any of your business?” he asked.
“Oh, nice comeback,” I said.
“What’s with your attitude man?” he asked.
I stood up and faced him. “I’m generally not very nice to people who drug my friends and take advantage of them,” I said.
“Oh you were with Lucas, I see,” he said, “What else has he been lying about?”

My eyes flared and my chest filled with rage at his snotty comment. I dashed across the room and spun his chair around to face me.

“Look you little shit,” I said, “I really don’t care if you do drugs. You can OD on the shit for all I care. But if you EVER slip any of my friends any drugs again without them knowing about it, I swear to God I will rip off your balls and shove em down your throat.”
“Get the fuck off me,” he said pushing me out of his face.

I grabbed his arm and lifted him out of his chair. I threw him against the wall and slammed my fist next to his face.

“Do you have any idea what I did to people like you at my high school?” I asked, “Well it would be NOTHING compared to what I would do to you if you came within 5 feet of Henry ever again. Do you understand me?”

He nodded with fear. I released my grip on his shirt and walked away from him. I didn’t hear him move at all, but when I looked back he was opening the door to leave.

Good riddance.

[Craiger]

Wow! How great to see Aaron being so vulnerable in telling Luke about his mother. Trusting another person so deeply takes a lot of fortitude. Then, along with Luke, being so protective of another friend. A maturity is growing within him and it suits him well. I like that he and Luke are bonding so well. Awesome chapter, ITC.

Craiger

[pe_gay89]

Great work, ITC! I love how comfortable he's becoming with Luke. I can really feel this story going somewhere great! I also enjoyed how both of them stood up for Henry, especially Aaron who only had Luke's word on the matter.

[Kyanimal]

That’s how it was with Lucas. I could be flying or falling, and it would make no difference to me.

Aw! THAT is Fantastic!!

This is a Good story, itc! THANK YOU!

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz