Wings of A Butterfly

[Endlessnight500]

WOW Another great installment. I love that Luke and Aaron are getting so much closer. I sort of suspected that Henrey was drugged and fucked by Jonathan because he woke up in thier lounge and there was only 2 people in the room. I cant wait to see what happens next!

[Bodhi1]

Great chapter!

The trust, the vulnerability and the bonding are all so beautiful ...

[littletosay]

Powerful chapter. Thanks for the update, ITC.

[irishinvader]

Did NOT see that coming at all! I love Aaron's confidence in approaching Jonathan and Luke's trust in Aaron. Very realistic and intense. Can't wait for the next chapter which at the rate your going could be in the next hour hahaha.

Irish

[DonQuixote]

InTheCloset,
My fellow fans have said it all.
Great chapter - I didn't see it coming, either.
Very powerful.

Thanks for your hard work and efforts.
Looking forward to seeing what you have in store for us next!

[inthecloset]

when i first read began reading this chapter i htought u were gonna have them build on their realtionship maybe the first kiss or something. guess not, it was still good anyway

Oh don't worry, that's coming soon. There are a few things that have to come first, but I'm working through those things in the next chapter.

Thanks for reading guys

Much Love,
- ITC

[bynm27]

gorgeous chapter. keep this up

[upyrkilt469]

ITC, I've been away for the last two weeks and am glad to have a couple of chapters to read now that I'm back home. This story is going to be as good if not better than Graduation, in my opinion, so keep the chapters comming. I think it is great. H&K
Vic

[____]

Dear itc,
I'm loving this story In my opinion it's even better than Graduation, keep it up!
Thanks for sharing!!

[brasilboy1]

More please MORE!

[inthecloset]

Hey guys, first of all I'm really glad you guys are liking this story so much
Second, I've decided to split this next chapter into two parts because of how long it got. I cut it off at the best part I could.
And finally, I should have the second part up in about two or three days. And don't worry, the chapter you are all waiting for is getting very close.

Much love,
- ITC

----------------------------------

Wings of A Butterfly

Chapter Six:
The Butterfly Effect (Part 1)

Jonathan didn’t come back that entire night. I woke up around 9:30 and his bed was completely made up. Any other day, I might have cared about it. I might have even been worried on a better day. The point of the matter is that I didn’t care one bit. The only thing I cared about that morning was the pain in my knuckles and wrist from slamming it against the wall last night.

I got out of bed and wiped the sleep out of my eyes as the sunlight filled my vision. I realized I was late for breakfast with Henry, so I grabbed some clothes and threw them on quickly. I was barely out the door when my phone started buzzing in my pants.

“You’re late.”
“I know Henry, I’m leaving now,” I said.
“Well hurry up man I’m starving,” he said.
“I’m goin, get off my back!”

I dashed out of the building and walked quickly over to the dining hall where I could easily see Henry standing by the main entrance. His blonde tips from his black spiky hair made him stand out like a Jewish man at a Nazi convention.

After we got our food, we sat down at a table outside and Henry immediately busted out his Chemistry books. I picked at my bacon and eggs while watching him sketch a model of a hydrogen molecule in the process of combining with an oxygen molecule. He looked up at me and smiled. His smile made me feel guilty.

At this point, I still hadn’t told him what Jonathan did to him, and I didn’t plan on telling him. He seemed to be doing so well lately with school and work that I didn’t want something like that to screw him up completely. It took me a few minutes to realize that I was staring at him and that he noticed me staring at him. I looked away quickly and awkwardly but felt his eyes still on me.

“Something wrong bro?” he asked.
“No,” I said, “Sorry, I was just staring off into space again.”
He chuckled at me and said, “Well nice to see some things never change.”

I smiled at him and checked my phone. 10:23. I was about to say something when Henry stood up.

“I’m gonna get another water bottle,” he said, “Want one?”
“Nah, I’m good,” I said.

He walked around the table and walked towards the vending machine next to the entrance of the dining hall.

“Aaron,” he called, “I forgot my wallet, can you grab it from my bag for me?”
“Yeah sure,” I said.

I leaned forward and dug through his bag to find his wallet. I found it sitting next to a bottle of pills in one of his pockets. I pulled the bottle out and looked it over. The word “vial” would probably describe it better. Henry grabbed the wallet out of my left hand, but froze when he saw what was in my right hand.

“Henry, what is this?” I asked.
“It’s nothing Aaron,” he said trying to grab it from me.
“It sure looks like something,” I said glaring into his eyes.
“It’s just a stress reliever,” he said, “It’s a prescription.”
“Since when to prescriptions come in drug vials?” I yelled.
“Aaron, calm down man,” he said, “It’s not a big deal.”
“It is SO a big deal Henry!” I yelled, “Do you have any idea what would happen to you if you were caught with this?”
“Caught with what?! I told you it’s a prescription!” he yelled.
“I don’t believe that shit for a second,” I said.
“Whatever man,” he said, “It’s not even any of your business. I’ve been under a lot of stress lately, and that stuff mellows me out.”

The speech was the same no matter who it came from. The “I’m not an addict” speech made my insides turn every time I heard it from someone on T.V. and I thanked God that I didn’t know anyone that stupid in my life.

Henry just stared at me, holding the vial up between my index finger and thumb. I couldn’t believe that this was happening. Someone as smart and successful as Henry getting caught up in drugs…it baffled me. I looked into his eyes, and noticed a slight change. Whoever this was standing in front of me, it was not my Henry. Not even a convincing double. It was someone completely different.

His eyes were focusing on that vial. I could see the desperation in them, trying valiantly not to reveal itself to me. I could see his lips twitching, as if wanting to say something he would regret. I could see him shifting from the Henry Farmer that I knew and cared for, to some stranger who only had one care in the world.

I could feel the intensity from his staring on my skin. My fingers were almost burning from the amount of concentration he was putting on my hand. At this moment, I knew the change was complete, and that this was not going to end well. I maintained my composure and bit down on my bottom lip, hoping that this wouldn’t explode and that I wouldn’t lose Henry forever.

“Henry,” I said, “You have to-“
“What? Get some help? Talk to someone? What Aaron? WHAT?” he yelled.
“Henry please,” I said, “I don’t want to see anything bad happen to you because of this.”
“I’m a grown man Aaron I can take care of myself,” he said, “I’m not an addict, I can stop whenever I feel like it.”
“Oh really?” I said, “Then prove it. Stop now while you still can.”
“Shut up Aaron. Who the fuck are you to talk?” he said.
“Henry…”
“No Aaron, just shut up and give me the damn vial.”
“You want the vial?” I asked, holding it out to him, “Take it.”

He snatched it from my hand and stuffed it in his pocket. He didn’t even notice that I had emptied it into the palm of my hand and let the pills drop into my bag. He grabbed his bag and his books and walked away from me. I called out to him, but he yelled, “Piss off! I don’t fucking need you!” and flipped his middle finger at me.

And I watched him walk away.

***

“You’re sure it was drugs?” Carly asked.
“I held the vial in my hand Carly, it definitely was not prescription,” I said.
“I can’t believe it…”
“I know,” I said.
“No I seriously can’t believe it.”
“You want to see the pills yourself?” I asked.
“You have them?” she asked.
“I dumped them in my bag, I was on my way to throw them away,” I said.
“Wow,” she said, “I’d hate to have you as my father.”
“Thanks, love you too,” I said sarcastically.
“No I’m serious, you’d be a real hardass,” she said.

I took a deep breath as I walked slowly beside Carly. The pills in the pocket of my bag seemed to make it heavier. Not in weight, but symbolically it felt like something big, something that would change a person’s life in a matter of seconds. It was as if I was carrying around more than just a little extra baggage.

We walked past the garden outside the Business building, and I saw a bunch of butterflies bobbing around the wildflowers growing in the soil. It was an unusual sight since we were right in the middle of the campus. A butterfly could hardly make it all the way in to find these flowers, let alone a whole dozen of them.

I felt Carly’s hand on my shoulder and realized I was drifting off into my own little world again. As I snapped back to reality, I noticed the extremely worried look on her face. The only time I saw that look was when she and Mike were fighting, or when something really big were about to go down.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“This doesn’t really seem to be fazing you as much as it should,” she said.
“What do you mean?”
“Aaron, your best friend is doing drugs!” she said, “How do you not know what I mean?”
“Well, it’s really hard to explain, but when we were fighting about it, I noticed a change in him,” I said.
“And?”
“And he’s not my best friend anymore,” I said, “He’s someone completely different now.”

She sighed harshly and I looked away from her again. This time, I left my mind blank. I didn’t let myself think about anything. Unfortunately, the stress was still there. My mind couldn’t be controlled for very long and the stress seeped in and made me think of so many things; Henry, Jonathan, Lucas, Veronica (the counselor), and last but not least my Psych report that was due in 3 days.

“I need to go walk alone for a bit Car,” I said.
“Okay,” she said, “Call me later Aaron.” I heard the desperation and the pleading in her voice and decided that I would have to call her.
“Oh shit,” I said, suddenly realizing the time, “I have Psych in 10 minutes.”
“Why does that matter?” she asked, “You hate that class.”
Oh shit…
“Yeah well, we’ve got this report due on Friday so I gotta go,” I said.
“Aaron, you’re a bad liar,” she said.
“It’s true!”
“Yeah, but that’s not the reason you’re going.”
Fuck me…
“Spill,” she said.
“Ok well,” I said, “You remember Jonathan’s friend that was with us at the bar that night?”
“Yeah,” she said.
“Well he and I have become really good friends over the past week, and he’s in that class so…” I said.
“Oh my God you like him!” she beamed.
“What?”
“Aaron, please,” she said, “I’ve read all the signs.”
“I assure you, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“You’re not the kind of person who just ‘makes friends’ with random people in a week. You’re not the kind of person who will go to a class he hates just to see a new friend. You like him,” she said confidently.
“Oh, we’re on that again,” I said realizing what she meant.
“Come on Aaron,” she said, “Just admit it. If not to me, then to yourself.”
“Car, I would really appreciate it if you stopped making that assumption about me.”
“Ok, then answer this,” she said as she stopped walking, “Have you ever once been physically attracted to me?”
“What? No, you’re like my sister,” I said.
“Yeah but there was a point when you didn’t see me like that,” she said.
“Yeah, we were like 11. I was still referring to my penis as a fire hose at that point.”
“Even still, you never thought I was attractive,” she said.
“No, not once.”
“Then that’s all the evidence I need.”
“You’re completely insane,” I said.

I broke off from our path and started walking towards the Psych building. I heard her yell something after me, but I was “too far away” to hear it. Each step towards the science building was a step away from my friendship with that insane social butterfly for a while. I couldn’t take another one of her accusations, let alone another one of her investigations about why I am the way that I am.

[Bodhi1]

Woah!!! Drama ... I hate drugs with a passion ... I have seen what they do to really nice folks, so I hope ....

[Craiger]

Great chapter, ITC. However, it seems Aaron may have to apologize to Jonathan. What happened that night may not have been all his doing. Also, I hope Henry reflects a little deeper to realize Aaron's concern for him. Looking forward to the next segment of the story.

Craiger

[Endlessnight500]

Its always sad when you see someone fall into a drug addiction. He is right about one thing tho, his friend isnt the same person anymore. Im looking forward to how phyc class goes tho. I also cant wait untill Aaron confronts his sexuality.

[bynm27]

great chapter. keep 'em coming.

[irishinvader]

next part now?

[upyrkilt469]

You've done it again ITC, that was a fantastic chapter for a great story. Keep them coming. H&K
Vic

[inthecloset]

next part now?

I could ask you the same question :P

[DonQuixote]

IntheCloset,
A great chapter, but a terrible tragedy.

How will this develop from here?
You are crafting a very intriguing tale for us all.

Thanks for your efforts.

[littletosay]

Good twist with the drugs. Another great update. Thanks, ITC.

[user951753]

great job ITC, I can't wait to read the next chapter and see how the story unfolds...

keep writing!!

[inthecloset]

Hey everyone, thank you for waiting so patiently. As I promised, here is part two of chapter six. I almost had to split it into three because this second part got out of hand a bit >.<

Anyway, enjoy my friends!

-----------------------------------------

Wings of A Butterfly

Chapter Six:
The Butterfly Effect (Part 2)

“Human beings like to believe in chance. We may make a game out of probability, we may take a leap of faith, or we may simply roll a die while playing a board game. Each involves taking a chance or a risk. But people don’t think about cause and effect as much as they think about chance.”

I tried my very hardest to keep my focus on the lecture. Lucas seemed mesmerized by Robbins’ lectures, so I wanted to see what the fuss was about. If only the day I chose to pay attention weren’t all about fate and destiny, I might have had an easier time accepting his point of view. Unfortunately, this guy seems to be able to pick my brain and know exactly how to irk me.

“You all know the popular ‘Butterfly Effect’ right?” he asked.
“You mean that movie about the dude who kills his girlfriend?” some random moron said from the back.
“No, I mean the theory that movie was based off of,” he said.

The awkward silence after a question is asked that many people think they know the answer to, but are too afraid to respond always made me laugh on the inside. I’d be willing to bet that every single person in this room has answered a question wrong.

“Anyone?” he asked.
“Newton’s law of motion, every action has a reaction, every force has an equal and opposite force, every choice has a consequence,” I said in a very mundane tone.
“Correct Bright eyes,” he said.

I smiled sarcastically at him. Lucas punched my shoulder and chuckled at me. The smile at Lucas was genuine.

“Like Sunshine here said, every action has a reaction. Therefore, we can assume that everything we do, every motion we make, every path we take, has an effect on the unfolding future around us. The smallest event, like a butterfly flapping its wings, can set off a chain of events, each one being caused by the previous one. “
“How is this related to Psychology?” I whispered to Lucas.
“Because people look for the deeper meaning in certain events to try and explain why something happened. It’s a coping mechanism,” he said.
“Ha, do you do it?” I asked.
“Sometimes…” he said.

He shyly looked away from me for a second with a grin on his face. I could see something bubbling beneath the surface that he was dying to let out. I laughed and poked him in the side to get him to look at me. When he turned his head and looked into my eyes I smiled at him.

“You look like you got something to say,” I said.
“Maybe I do,” he said with a grin.
“Well then you should say it or I might lose interest and just wander off somewhere,” I said.
“Ok, well you know that girl Rachel?” he asked
“Yes for the millionth time…everyone knows ‘that girl Rachel.’ Anyone who doesn’t is a mole person,” I said.

Professor Robbins dismissed the class and Lucas and I got up and started walking outside. The air was cooling off outside as the fall season approached. I looked off into the setting sun as Lucas continued.

“Right,” he said with a chuckle, “Well you know if it weren’t for her, we never would have met.”
“Eh?”
“That day, when I bumped into you…I was turning in Jonathan’s fees for him since he was running late,” he said, “And Jonathan was late because he was moving in, which he was only doing because his mom heard about Rachel and the shooting.”

I froze. I didn’t know what to say; he was completely right. If it hadn’t been for that one event, that event I thought was meaningless and had nothing to do with me; I never would have met Lucas. I wouldn’t be standing here right now talking to him and realizing how lucky I was.

“I would have stayed in my spot in the back of class, and you wouldn’t have ever looked back at me,” he said.
“I can’t believe it…you’re absolutely right Lucas,” I said.
“Aaron…please, just call me Luke,” he said with a grin.
“Sorry,” I said grinning back.

We were standing outside my dorm building now, just taking in the relaxing setting. Not the area around us, but the comfort we had developed with each other. It was as if nothing that happened today even mattered when I was around him. All my issues and stress melted away when I was talking to him.

We stood there for a moment, gazing at the horizon. I was more invested in it than he was. My mother always told me that the sunset was one of the most beautiful natural things we got to see every day. One time, I swear I saw her crying while watching a sunset. I never really knew why she loved them so much, but I just assumed that since it was important to her, it should be important to me as well.

I looked back to Lucas and looked at my watch. Before I could catch the time, my phone started buzzing in my pocket. I pulled it out and looked to see who it was calling and saw the name “Henry” displayed on my screen. I silenced it and put it back in my pocket and looked back up to Lucas.

“Who was that?” he asked.
“Henry,” I said.
“Why didn’t you answer?”
“Uhm, he and I are kinda going through a rough patch right now,” I said.
“Oh,” he said, “Well I don’t mean to pry but, it seems to me if he’s calling you then he wants to apologize or something.”
“Oh trust me this is something that will take more than a little apology.”

My phone started buzzing again. This time it was alerting me of a new voicemail. I rolled my eyes and stuffed my phone back in my pocket, ignoring what was most likely a last ditch effort to keep me from reporting his stupid ass. Lucas looked at me with concern and it ripped a hole in my heart to see him like that.

“Why don’t you at least see what he has to say?” he asked.
“Oh fine,” I said pulling my phone out of my pocket, “ You know, you shouldn’t be such a good guy…you make me look bad all the time.”

He laughed at me and punched my shoulder as I typed in my password to my voicemail account. I waited for the recording to finish and the message to play while Lucas tried to get within earshot of the speaker. When the message started playing, I heard Henry with wild desperation in his voice. His words were broken apart by sharp breaths and sobs.

“Aaron… I… Please… Help me…”

The fear in his voice stood out the most. I felt a chill go down my spine when I heard the agony he was in, and instantly froze.

“I’m…behind the…old furniture store…”

He screamed in pain after that part and I heard some glass breaking. The scream stopped my breathing and almost made me lose my balance.

“Please come…It’s really bad…I need you…”

***

“Hey, any change?” Lucas said as he walked into Henry’s room.
“No, not yet,” I said, “He was beat up pretty bad.”
“Yeah it looks like it,” he said, “Is he gonna be ok?”
“The doctor said that he’ll be on crutches for a while, and his arm got pretty messed up from him trying to pull the glass out of it. But he should be fine in a couple months,” I said.
“Do they know what happened yet?” he asked.
“No, he hasn’t been awake long enough to tell anyone,” I said

I looked away from Lucas in an attempt to hide myself again. This was the one side I was afraid to show. My vulnerable anxiety always caused me to over-worry about things, and I had gotten pretty good at hiding it in the past. I walked out of the room and into the hall. As I left, Henry’s doctor went into the room and Lucas followed me out.

“Hey,” he said.

He placed both hands on my shoulders and forced me to look at him. The hazel in his eyes was almost comforting as I felt mine swell with tears. I took in a sharp breath and struggled to maintain my composure, my wall. I could tell I wasn’t fooling Lucas though because his eyes were just as strong and reassuring as ever.

“Sorry,” I said.
“Don’t be sorry,” he said, “Just don’t hide from me.”
“Right,” I said, “I won’t, I promise.”
“Aaron,” he said.
“I promise,” I said.

The doctor came out of the room and looked at both of us.

“Henry’s awake,” he said.
“Thank God,” I said.

I tried to go back into the room but the doctor (and Lucas) stopped me. He had a very firm look on his face and didn’t look like he was about to let me see Henry any time soon.

“He told me what happened to him, and I need to talk to you for a moment Mr. Saunders,” he said.
“Ok,” I said, “Luke, could you go get us a couple sodas?”
“Sure,” Lucas said, in an almost nervous tone. I knew he didn’t want to leave, but I just froze him out until he walked away.
“What happened?” I asked.
“Well first, I need to know if you knew what drugs your friend was taking,” he said.
“I don’t know. I threw them out already,” I said, “What happened?”
“If you could find a sample somewhere, it would really help us in figuring out how big of an addiction we’re helping him fight,” he said.
“I’ll try to find some,” I said, “Now tell me what happened.”
“We really need a sample, otherwise we have no idea how Henry will respond-“
“Would you just freakin tell me what the hell happened to my friend?!” I yelled.

The doctor looked stunned, and took a half step backwards. I could feel the intensity from the eyes of the nurses down the hall at their station burning my skin, but I didn’t care. I stared with a furious scowl on my face, waiting for my answer. Once he regained his stance and shook off my snap, he looked at me with his serious doctor face again.

“He only said that he tried to get some more drugs from a dealer that met him in the abandoned furniture store. He didn’t have enough money and was beaten with a pipe and thrown out of the first story window.”
“He's gonna be okay though, right?” I asked.
“Yes, but…”
“But what?”
“The hospital has a policy about patients with a drug dependency,” he said.
“What’s the policy?”
“He has to spend some time in rehab or we can’t discharge him.”
“Okay, well I’ll talk to him,” I said.
“Thank you Mr. Saunders,” he said.

He walked away from me with Henry’s chart under his arm and stopped at the Nurse’s station at the end of the hall. I turned and looked at Henry. He smiled weakly at me and tried to signal me to come in. Forcing my steps, I walked into the room and sat down in the chair next to his bed. I took in a deep breath and then looked at his face.

It was badly bruised, and his left eye was swollen shut. He had bandages around his neck and up the right side of his face. There were tiny marks all over from where the glass cut his face. But despite all of this, he had a smile on his face. It was slight, but it was still a smile and it made me feel better about being there.

“Henry…” I started.
“I know,” he said, “Rehab.”
“Yeah…”
“Aaron, I’m really sorry about what I said.”
“Don’t be Henry. It wasn’t your fault.”
“Yes it was,” he said, “Because part of me meant it, and I’m sorry.”
“I’m just glad you’re ok,” I said.
“Do you think they can send me somewhere near home?” he asked.
“I’ll ask…why?”
“I wanna see my family…”
“Ok Henry,” I said, “I’ll go ask.”

I stood up and gave him a clap on the shoulder. When I turned towards the door I saw Lucas standing there watching us with a soda bottle in his hand. He smiled at me when I saw him and held the bottle out to me. I smiled back as I approached him.

“Everything ok?” he asked.

I looked back at Henry and took a sigh of relief.

‘Yeah,” I said, “I hope so.”
“You need anything?” he asked.
“Nah, I’m alright,” I said.
“Actually you’re not,” he said.
I shot him a confused look and said, “Why not?”
“Cause you’ve been awake for almost 24 hours Aaron. You need to go home and get some sleep,” he said.
“I know,” I said.
“Want me to take you home?” he asked.
“Yeah…just give me two minutes,” I said.

He half smiled and walked over to the elevator. I turned around and went to find Dr. Haas who was still at the nurse’s station. When I got there, he was clearly flirting with the hot nurse wearing a nameplate that said “Debbie” over her obviously fake left tit. I cleared my throat to get their attention.

“Aaron,” he said.
“Hi, Dr. Haas, I was wondering…Henry was wondering if you would be able to-“
“Aaron I cannot in good conscious or hospital policy release him unless he goes into rehab,” he said.
“No, that’s not what I meant,” I said.
“Oh?”
“He wanted to know if it was possible to be sent to a facility in Gilroy,” I said.
“Yeah, I think there’s a facility up there,” he said, “Any particular reason?”
“That’s where his family is,” I said.
“Oh, yeah sure. I’ll do everything I can Aaron,” he said.
“Thank you.”
“Aaron,” he said, “I can tell how much you care about Henry. I just want you to know that since he is in a very early stage of addiction, it’s going to be easier for him to break it. He won’t be gone for long.”
“Thank you,” I said, “That’s really good to hear,” I said.
“Don’t thank me,” he said, “You’re the one who saved him. If it weren’t for you, he wouldn’t have made it here in time.”

As I walked away, I realized that Dr. Haas was right and wrong at the same time. He was right that I saved Henry’s life and got him here in time. But I wasn’t responsible for him being saved. That responsibility rested on the shoulders of someone else. That someone deserved the thanks, not me. And that someone was sitting in the car outside waiting for me to come out there.

***

As I walked inside, I took my jacket off and kicked my sneakers across the room. Lucas sat down on my bed and kicked his shoes off. I stared at him with a grin on my face as he leaned back into my pillows and pretended to fall asleep.

“Get up,” I said.
“Can’t hear you…sleeping,” he said.

I lunged forward and grabbed his arms to pull him off my bed. He wrapped his legs around my left arm and pulled out of my grip and grabbed onto the headboard as I pulled at his feet with no success. I let go of him and sighed harshly and he laughed at me with pride as he made himself comfortable.

“Ass,” I said.
“Douche,” he said.

I walked over to the closet and started changing into some gym shorts and a tank top. When I turned around Lucas was standing by the door. He looked tired and I guessed he was about to leave.

“You goin?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said, “You need to get some sleep.”
“So do you,” I said.
“Yeah well, I gotta cram for a test tomorrow anyway,” he said.
“Lucas,” I said.

He looked up at me and I fidgeted in the place I was standing.

“I just wanted to say thank you,” I said.
“No problem Aaron,” he said, “It’s what friends are for.”
“No, I mean,” I said, “For saving Henry’s life.”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“If you didn’t make me check my voicemail, I wouldn’t have gotten to him in time,” I said.
“Aaron…”
“No,” I said, “Thank you Lucas. I owe you so much.”

I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. He lifted his arms and hugged me back. We stood there for a moment, as I felt Lucas pull me completely out of the figurative water I was drowning in. We were on dry land together and he held me to keep me from falling back in again.

I pulled away from him after a moment and wiped the tears away from my eyes. I looked at his shirt and saw some wet spots where my face was planted and chuckled at myself for being such a baby.

“Sorry,” I said pointing at his shirt.
“Hey, don’t ever be sorry for letting your guard down,” he said.
“Why?” I asked.
“Don’t take this the wrong way Aaron,” he said, “But there are a lot of people that think you’re unpleasant.”
“Thanks?” I said with a confused look.
“No, I mean,” he said, “If you would let your guard down more often, then those people would be able to see what an amazing person you are.”

I looked away from him and tried to zone out. I didn’t want to hear this speech again; I’ve heard it so many times from Carly. He placed his thumb and forefinger on my chin and forced me to look into his eyes. His eyes were the most revealing part of him and every time I looked into them, I could almost hear his angst screaming at me to let go and stop harboring my true self from him.

“Aaron, you’re such an amazing guy. It would be incredibly selfish of you to keep the world from noticing you,” he said.
“Lucas,” I said.

He dropped his hand from my face. He gave me a little half smile and turned towards the door. I grabbed his arm and turned him back to face me. I looked firmly into his eyes and saw myself reflected in them. No words were said between us, I don’t think any needed to be said anyway. I let go of his arm and he walked out the door.

I felt like a little piece of me had gone out with him. Like part of my soul had been torn off and all that was left was a bleeding wound where it was torn from. I took a deep breath to try and exhale the sting that Lucas left me with. It wasn’t caused by him, but by what I was doing to him. It made me sick to be such a boomerang, letting him in, blocking him out, and letting him in again.

I had to get my mind off of Lucas, so I paced around my room for a moment. Then I remembered that I had a paper due in two days. I sat at my computer and realized that the paper I was writing was about Lucas. I stood back up and looked around the room for a moment. I noticed Jonathan’s bag next to his bed and wondered where he was staying. That is…until I noticed something sticking out of his bag.

I leaned down to pick it up and recognized it right away. It was a vial identical to the one I found in Henry’s bag, with pills just like the ones I emptied out of the vial. I looked in disgust as I realized who the first person was that Henry got his drugs from. I had suspected it, but I never had any reason to believe it…until now.

Just then, the door opened and Jonathan walked into the room. He froze in the doorway and stared at me. He didn’t even notice what was in my hand. I stared him down until I could see beads of sweat dripping from his forehead. I could only imagine what my look of death actually looked like. Carly always said it would make a small child cry and wet his pants.

“What the hell are you doing here Jonathan,” I snarled.
“I…thought you’d be asleep,” he said.
“Yeah well that makes two of us,” I said.

He slowly took a step forward, but then retracted it as I felt my face contort in anger. I could smell the fear coming from him.

“Look, I heard about Henry,” he said, “And a part of me was hoping you’d be awake so I could tell you how sorry I am.”
“Sorry?” I yelled, “You better be fucking sorry asshole.”

I threw the vial at his feet and he flinched back into the now closed door.

“It’s your fucking fault he’s in there!” I yelled, “If it weren’t for you, he wouldn’t have been put in this situation!”
“Aaron,” he said.
“He has to go to rehab because of this!” I yelled, “Do you have any idea how much that’s going to screw up his life?!”
“I’m sorry!” he yelled.
“Yeah, that’s right. You ARE sorry. You are the sorriest piece of shit I’ve ever met, so why don’t you go crawl into some dark little hole and die there before I get the chance to strangle you myself!”
“Aaron, if you just give me a chance to explain!”
“The only thing I’m giving you is a 10 second head start,” I said.

He hesitated for a moment. I held up my hands and started counting down with them. When I got close to 5, I took a step forward. He flinched and threw the door open and ran out with tears in his eyes. I flopped down on my bed and massaged my temples after the door slammed shut.

Worthless sack of crap.

[bynm27]

wowzers!!!! so much drama in one chapter. good job, dude.

[Lefty]

well, you might be in the closet but your story telling and narrative abilities are right there out on the table for all to feast on.

i hate these stories 'cause you have to go on and on waiting for chapters to be written and usually i lose interest early on. you sir have forced me to reevaluate and make an exception...damn it, i guess i'm just as big a glutton as the rest of your entourage.

great work, now hurry up and get back to it.

[upyrkilt469]

I agree with Lefty, that was one powerful chapter. Don't keep us waiting too long for the next segment. H&K
Vic

[DonQuixote]

Dear IntheCloset,
Another gut wrenching, rock 'em, sock 'em chapter.
Your literary style is very good.
You keep us hyperventilating, wondering what's going to happen, next.

I wonder, if things are quite as they just appeared, though. Something seemed just enough off that, just maybe, we're not understanding.

IS this a cliffhanger more than we think?
Am I all wet?
I guess we'll find out soon enough.

Thanks for all of your hard work in bringing this great narrative to JUB to share with us.

[irishinvader]

loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee <3

p.s. i actually am not a fan of eggs

[Craiger]

Brilliant chapter, ITC. There are so many little ends to tie up in this story and you are doing it with such excellence. It almost drains me emotionally as I read this. I truly look forward to the next chapter.

Craiger

[Bodhi1]

What a powerful chapter! Your characters are full of life - mostly good, some bad ... and all so real ...

I am waiting anxiously for the next chapter ...

[inthecloset]

Wings of A Butterfly

Chapter Seven:
Apologies And Bitch Nurses

The repetitive knocking on my door jerked me out of my sleep. I felt around in the darkness for my lamp switch and flipped it on. I looked around the room for a moment as my eyes adjusted to the light coming from the lamp. The clock showed 3:13 a.m. and it had been a whole 25 hours since I threatened Jonathan.

I sat up and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. Whoever had the balls to wake me up in the middle of the night clearly didn’t know me, so I decided it wasn’t worth rushing to the door. I slowly got out of bed and walked across the room to the door. With my hand on the knob, I shouted to the other side of the door.

“Someone better be dead!”
“Aaron…it’s Luke,” he said, “Please open the door.”
Oh shit.

I threw the door open and saw Luke on the other side. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days. He was holding a piece of paper in his hand, and his eyes were bloodshot. He had a flashlight hanging out of his jacket pocket.

“Luke, I’m sorry man,” I said.
“Is Jonathan here?” he asked.
“No, I haven’t seen him all day,” I said.

He looked crushed when I said that. He seemed as if I was his last hope for something and I just let him down. I stood out of the way and let him inside. He walked over to my bed and sat down on the edge with the paper in his hands.

“Luke, what’s wrong?” I asked.
“Jonathan left this underneath my door last night,” he said.

I took the note out of his hands and read it. My eyes widened as I read what might have been the last words for Jonathan to think:

Lucas,

I am truly sorry for everything I’ve done, I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my time and I’ve hurt a lot of people. But worst of all, I’ve hurt you more than once and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. Tell Henry how sorry I am, and tell Aaron I wish there were some way for me to make up for it. There is no way for me to make up for the mistakes I’ve made, and there is no excuse for what I’ve done.

I’m sorry.

I looked it over three times to make sure I read it right. I stared at it with my mouth wide open and my breath caught in my throat. I looked at Lucas and realized what was wrong with him. He had been crying…probably for hours.

“Is this…”
“I think so,” he said.
“Come on,” I said grabbing his arm, “We’re gonna go find him.”
“Aaron, I’ve already gone looking for him,” he said, “I’ve looked everywhere he might go and everywhere he would never go…”

He sat back down and started crying. I sat down beside him and put my arm around his shoulder. Immediately, he leaned into me and cried on my shoulder. After a few minutes his crying turned to silent sobbing. The tears eventually stopped and he just sat there as I held him close to me.

After what seemed like forever, he pulled away from me and stared at the ground. My arm was still around his shoulder, but he didn’t seem to notice it at all. I could see his eyes glaze over as he drifted off into his thoughts.

“Lucas?”
“What?” he asked. His eyes didn’t move.
“We can’t just sit here,” I said.
“Aaron, I don’t know where else I can look,” he said.

His phone started buzzing in his pocket. He nearly ripped his jacket pulling it out. As soon as the phone was open, he was off the bed and standing by the door, listening intently to the other end of the line. I decided to change my clothes in case I was able to convince him to go looking for Jonathan.

I threw on a pair of gym pants and my favorite sweatshirt, hoping that maybe it had some good luck stored up since I last wore it. I turned around to see Lucas staring at me. He wasn’t actually staring at me, but through me. I could tell whatever was just told to him on the phone was not good news. I walked over to him and snapped my fingers in front of his eyes to get his attention.

“Who was that Luke?” I asked.
“It was the hospital,” he said, “They found Jonathan.”

***

As soon as we were out of the car, Lucas was dashing through the parking lot and into the hospital. I was no more than 3 steps behind him as I chased after him. We ran all the way through the hospital to the Nurse’s station in the ER. Lucas nearly toppled over an old man in a wheelchair as he was running.

He stopped running when he got to the counter that circled around the middle of the room. The nurse at the station was talking on the phone and typing something on her computer. I looked at Lucas and the look on his face shattered my heart. He looked absolutely destroyed by fear. I could tell he was getting impatient, and was about to try and get the nurse’s attention when Lucas slammed his left hand, palm down, on the counter.

“Can I help you sir?” the nurse said in an annoyed tone.
“Yes, I’m looking for Jonathan Meyers, I got a call about 10 minutes-“
“He’s in room 215. Go up the stairs and turn left,” she said with the same tone.
“Thank you,” he said.

The woman returned to her call after rudely dismissing Lucas. I was infuriated about the way she just treated him. I could see her silently mocking him with her eyes. It was the same look I got every time I said something sarcastic in my head. For the first time in God knows how long, I let my heart take control of my actions and I decided to use my mind to teach this bitch a lesson.

“Excuse me,” I said while knocking on the counter top.
“Yes?” she said with her annoyed tone.
“Is there something specific my friend did, or are you just a raging bitch all the time?” I asked.
“Excuse me?” she asked.
“I wish I could lady. You’re a fucking nurse; you’re supposed to care about people. But from what I’ve seen, you’re too much of a cold bitch to realize that my friend here is neck deep in panic and what he deserves from you is a little kindness and warmth. So the next time you decide someone here is annoying you, and silently mock them in your head, put yourself in their shoes and realize that what they need is a little compassion to calm them down.”

She stared at me, clearly stunned. I felt about a thousand pounds lift off my shoulders at that moment. I guess I was yelling at myself more than I was yelling at her. At that moment, I felt all the hate and loathing leave me. I felt nothing but the pain that was coming from Lucas as he pulled on my arm.

It wasn’t a pain in my arm; it was his pain being transferred into me through his touch. I ripped my glare away from the nurse and followed Lucas up the stairs. When we got to room 215, Lucas took on look and stopped dead in his tracks. I looked in to see what he saw, and felt a cold shiver run down my spine.

Jonathan was laying on the bed with a bunch of tubes and wires connected to him. His face was almost as white as paper, and he looked like he was in a pretty bad accident. There were cuts and scrapes all over his face and arms. A doctor came up to us as we stood in the doorway looking in and tapped me on the shoulder.

“Are you Lucas Harper?” he asked.
“No, I am,” Lucas said, “What happened to him?”
“He was found in the wreckage of a pretty bad collision on the highway. His blood tested positive for high concentrations of Ketamine. From speculation, we assume he overdosed at the wheel and lost control of the vehicle,” he said.
“Well what do you think happened?” I asked.
“Sorry?” the doctor said.
“Well you said, ‘We can assume,’ which means you don’t really think that’s what happened,” I said, “So what do you think happened?”
“Son, I don’t have an opinion one way or the other. I go off of facts, and we simply do not have enough facts to know exactly what happened,” he said, “Only speculation.”
“So what’s wrong with him now?” Lucas asked.
“Well, the accident caused one of his lungs to collapse. We were able to repair it, but he’s been having some trouble breathing. The drug overdose has caused his lungs to fill with fluid and mucus. Essentially, he’s drowning,” he said.
“So how do we…how do you fix this?” Lucas asked.
“Well, until we flush the drug out of his system, there’s not much we can do. Eventually he’s going to need to be hooked up to a machine to pump air through his lungs,” he said, “Until then, we can only hope that nothing major happens to him.”
“Major, like what?” I asked.
“Like him having a seizure because of his body going through withdrawals from the drug,” he said, “I’m sorry, but I don’t expect him to survive the night.”
“What?” Lucas yelled.
“I’ll send for his family shortly,” the doctor said.
“No you’re not doing anything except getting your ass in there and saving my best friend, do you understand me?” Lucas yelled.
“Mr. Harper, I’ve already told you. We have done everything we can for now,” he said.

Lucas just stood there with his eyes fixated on the doctor. The doctor looked at me and I gave him a nod that told him it was safe to walk way. He left me and Lucas standing in the doorway together. I pulled on Lucas’ arm and forced him to go into the room. Gently, I pushed him in front of me and he slowly approached Jonathan’s unconscious body. I saw what looked like a tear fall between his legs when he stopped moving.

I stayed close to the doorway as Lucas sat down in the chair next to the bed. Jonathan stirred and opened his eyes. From where I was standing, I could see regret, pain, and sadness in his eyes all at once. I felt a twinge in my chest when I saw how much Lucas could care for something no matter how much pain it caused him.

“You’re awake,” Lucas said.
“What happened?” Jonathan gasped, “Why can’t I breathe?”
“There’s,” Lucas said. He took in a deep breath before continuing, “a lot of fluid in your lungs.”
“Crap,” he wheezed.
“I’m sorry Jon,” Lucas said.
“It’s not your fault Luke,” he said gasping for air, “It’s mine.”
“Either way,” Lucas said, “You’ve gotta rest.”
“Why?” he asked, “it’s not like the odds of survival are in my favor.”
“Don’t talk like that,” Lucas said, “You’re gonna be fine.”
“Liar,” he coughed.
“They’re calling your family right now,” Lucas said.
“Fuck,” he said, “And I thought dying was my biggest problem.”

Lucas cracked a smile at Jonathan’s comment.

“Ha,” he said with a cough, “You smiled. I win.”
“Yeah, you win,” Lucas said, “I’m gonna go home and get some sleep man. You need to rest now, but I’ll be here first thing in the morning.”
“Thanks Luke,” he said.

Lucas stood up and wiped the strands of hair out of Jonathan’s face. He turned to face me and took a step forward, but stopped and turned back to Jonathan.

“I didn’t mean what I said Jon,” he said.
“I know Luke, it’s ok,” Jonathan said.

Lucas turned back towards me and slowly walked towards me. He almost walked past me but stopped right next to me. He looked at me with several different emotions in his eyes. Anger, sadness, hatred, fear; all were very loudly screaming in his hazel eyes that didn’t seem so hazel anymore.

“Luke,” I said, “I’m really sorry.”
“You shouldn’t be apologizing to me,” he said.

He was right. I looked away from him and towards Jonathan. I may not like the guy, but if what I said caused this and hurt Lucas this much, then I owed him a major apology. Not for him, but for Lucas.

I walked slowly to the chair Lucas was sitting in and gently sat down beside Jonathan. He looked at me with a blank stare. I really didn’t know what to say to him, but I had to say something. His dark brown eyes focused on me as I gathered the words in my head. For the first time in years I was actually speechless.

“Jon,” I said, “I’m sorry for what I said to you.”
“No you aren’t,” he said.
“Yes, I am,” I said.

He looked at me with confusion on his face and suspicion in his eyes. I sat uncomfortably in the chair with the smell of the hospital wrapping me in a cocoon of discomfort and agony. My mind suddenly found words and I spat them out as my mind conjured them in a string of regret.

“I’m sorry that what I said brought you here, and that as a result of what I said, Lucas is in pain,” I said.
“So you’re sorry for Lucas, but not for me.”
“Of course I’m sorry for you,” I said, “I’m sorry that you felt you had to do this. I’m sorry that, while it may not be the cause, what I said was part of what made you do this.”
“Please, you don’t even like me,” he said.
“That’s true,” I said, “But I would never wish death on anyone.”
“You said…”
“I know what I said, but I’m all talk. I never would have actually followed through if you called my bluff,” I said.
“I really am sorry…” he wheezed, “About Henry.”
“Listen to me Jonathan,” I said, “When you get out of here, you’re going to make up for what you’ve done. You’ll kick your habits and be a better person after.”
“I doubt it,” he said.
“Well then if you won’t do it for yourself, then would you at least do it for Lucas,” I said.
“What…”
“He’s been out there trying to find you since he found your note,” I said, “He still cares about you despite all you’ve done. Don’t you think you owe him some of that back?”
“Aaron…if you actually think…I’m going to survive…”
“Stop it,” I said, “You’re going to fight as hard as you can because you owe that to Lucas.”

He looked down at his hands. I saw tears building up in his eyes and for the first time in years I felt guilty about something I said. I leaned forward and grabbed his left hand with both of mine. He looked back at me and a couple tears fell out and rolled down his cheeks.

“Get some rest Jonathan,” I said as I stood up to leave.
“Aaron,” he said, “If I don’t make it…”
“Don’t say that.”
“I have to…” he said, “Just tell Lucas that I know none of this is his fault.”

I stared at him wanting to ask him why he felt that needed to be clarified. After all, none of this could be pegged on Lucas’ shoulders, but most of it could be pegged on mine.

“He still blames himself for his girlfriend’s death last year,” he said, “I don’t want him to blame himself for mine.”

I gave him a nod and as much of a smile as I could muster. I walked out of the room to find Lucas sitting against the wall with his knees pulled against his chest. His head was on his arms and I could tell he was crying. I sat down next to him and put my arm around his shoulders again. He pulled his head off of his arms and fell into my chest as his cries took total control of his body.

And then the strangest thing happened. I felt myself crying as well. I felt the tears burn my eyes as they rushed forward and fell off of my face into Lucas’ hair. His sandy blonde hair turned darker where my tears hit.

“I’m so sorry Lucas,” I said.
“Why?” he asked.
“This is my fault,” I said.

We both pulled ourselves together and started walking out of the hospital. As I drove him home, he asked me why it was my fault, and I couldn’t lie to him. I told him everything that happened the night before. He didn’t look at me the whole way back. He stared out the window, and when I pulled into the parking complex, he threw the door open and flew out towards his dorm building.


I called out to him, but he didn’t even flinch. I watched as he slowly faded out of sight into the darkness. It was as if the darkness was swallowing him whole now, despite how bright the full moon was. I didn't even ask him if he could forgive me for being partially responsible.


When I got back into my room, I flopped down onto my bed and tried desperately to wake up, as if all of this were some horrible dream. I opened my eyes, but the pain was still there. It wasn't my pain though...it was Lucas' pain. I could still feel it now just as clearly as I could when he was pressed into me, bawling his eyes out. What made the pain sting even worse was knowing that at any moment, I could get a call telling me that Jonathan didn't make it.


The next thing I realized was that it was 9:30 a.m. Thursday. I didn't even remember going to sleep, or even being asleep. I went down to get some breakfast alone for the first time in over a year. I sat at a table, alone with my thoughts. Alone was a word I rarely used, no matter how alone I actually felt. I always had Henry, and I always had Carly. Last week I had Lucas too. Now I don’t have any of them.


I felt my phone buzz in my pocket so I pulled it out. I waited until the reminder buzz came to actually open it to see who it was. It was Lucas.


Jon rspnded well to the trtment. He’s brthing on his own.


That’s great Luke.


I’m rlly sry about last night. Can I make it up 2 u?


Sure, if you’re not mad at me anymore.


I nvr was Aaron. I’m sry I seemed like I did.


It’s cool man. So what do u have in mind?


Come by arnd 6 and u’ll find out =)

[DonQuixote]

Dear IntheCloset,
Another powerful chapter, loaded with emotion and meaning.
Hopefully, Jonathon will come out, come clean, and turn his life around; Henry, too.

Luke has been through a lot of heartache. Why is it that the innocent, open, loving people are always the ones run over by the Mack Trucks of life?

Aaron, at some point deep in the bowels of his mind, I hope knows that, contrary to being responsible for the condition Jonathon is in, is responsible for him getting better, instead.

I didn't really expect another chapter installment to have been posted by one of my favourite authors this morning, but I greatly appreciate it, heartwrenching as it may be.

You are a gifted writer. Thank you for sharing your talents with us.

[brasilboy1]

Dear InTheCloset,

I'm reminded of this quote from Emile Deschamps:

"When two people cry together for the first time, they understand how much they love each other."

Thanks for this wonderful story!

[Endlessnight500]

Oh my God! Here I was thinking I couldn't possibly get any more hooked to this story, and you write something like this! It is absolutely amazing. Just WOW. I'm looking forward to the next installment. Thanks for taking your time to write this, and thanks even more for sharing it with us!

[upyrkilt469]

ITC i'am at a loss for words. That was a very emotional chapter and I could feel the tears in my eyes. You have a way with words that brings the reader into the story and feels all the emotion of the charters. Thanks for a great read. H&K
Vic

[SuperQueer]

You are so talented! I'm hanging at "Come by arnd 6 and u’ll find out =)" waiting for more.

[littletosay]

Wow 2 powerful chapters. You always have us on the edge of our seat, ITC. Great job, as always.

[gaytxn09]

Great updates!! Wonder what's going to happen around 6?

[Craiger]

ITC, if you're not careful, you will have me in the hospital bed next to either Jonathan or Henry. There is little I can say other than these last few chapters have been nothing short of excellence. And, as you can well see, your stories hold a great deal more in substance than the typical gay saga full of sex. They represent an emotional side of life that contains the feelings of true love and compassion. What you have written is something that, in some degrees, each of us will or have witnessed sometime within our lives. And with all depths of the emotional ladder seemingly reached with this last chapter we get a glimse of it beginning to make it's way up the rungs and into a more positive light. Kudos to you for a very stirring story.

Craiger

[pe_gay89]

Wow. Another great couple of chapters. Please keep it up!

[Bodhi1]

I have been crying ... Incredible sadness, I cannot take a death .. I am far too connected to this very real drama ... Your writing is spectacular ...

[inthecloset]

Wings of A Butterfly

Chapter Eight:
Something in the Stars

* I knocked three times consecutively on Lucas’ door. When he opened the door, a big smile stretched across his face. He leaned in and wrapped his arms around me to greet me. Usually, I would have felt uncomfortable hugging a guy, but for some reason Lucas felt warm and inviting. I hugged him back and when he pulled away, all he could do was smile at me.

There was a silence between us, but it wasn’t awkward. It was the kind of silence where we both were just taking the moment in and establishing our comfort with each other. He walked over to his desk and started going through the drawers as I sat on his bed and watched him.

“So what’re we doin tonight?” I asked.
“Well, I hope you don’t mind but, my Astronomy class is having a stargazing lab tonight and they told us to bring a friend along,” he said.
“Really? That sounds awesome,” I said.

I didn’t intend it, but my voice gave off a less than happy tone.

“Sorry,” he said, “You don’t have to go if you don’t want.”
“Oh no Lucas,” I said, “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Then what’s wrong?” he asked.
“It’s just…my mom was a star-gazer,” I said.
“Oh, Aaron I’m sorry I didn’t know…”
“No, it’s not a bad thing,” I said, “I want to go.”

His bright hazel eyes shimmered with excitement. He pulled a flashlight and a notebook out of his desk and threw them into his bag. With a smile on his face, he grabbed my arm and pulled me out the door.

We walked together in silence to the parking complex until we got to his car. The look on his face told me that there was something on his mind that he couldn’t shake. Even after we had been on the road for a few minutes, he still seemed like he was cutting himself off from me, and I was starting to get annoyed.

“Lucas,” I said, “Is something wrong?”
“No,” he said, “I’m just thinking…”
“Bout what?” I asked.
“It’s nothing…”
“Luke.”
“I was just thinking about last night,” he said.
“Look Lucas, you said Jonathan is doing better. You shouldn’t keep worrying about him,” I said.
“No, that’s not what I meant.”
“Well what did you mean?” I asked.
“I was thinking…about us…” he said.
“What about us?” I asked.
“Ok…this is really hard to put into words,” he said with an uncomfortable laugh.

The sun was almost set now and the horizon glimmered with the remaining sunlight. The light bathed Lucas in an amazing gold color. Even in his uncertainty, he still seemed like the closest thing to a perfect human being. I placed my hand on his which was on the gearshift and looked fiercely into his eyes when he looked at me in surprise.

“Lucas, there is nothing you can say that will make me judge you, or laugh at you, or hate you,” I said, “You can tell me anything.”
“Well I don’t want to tell you anything, I want to ask you something,” he said.
“Ask away,” I said, “I’m all ears.”

He looked away from me and back at the road. He was concentrating on his wording so intensely that I could almost smell his hair burning from the heat coming from his brain. I felt the muscles in his hand contract around the gearshift and I saw his other hand tighten its grip around the steering wheel. He looked back at me, pursed his lips, and took a deep breath.

“Why did you cry with me?” he asked.
That’s it? That’s the big question?

I retracted my hand off of his and put it behind my head. I must have been thinking for a while because when I opened my eyes to answer, the sun was gone and the lights from the city were miles behind us. You could see the stars clearly now and everything seemed so peaceful.

“Lucas,” I said.

He turned his head towards me, but he didn’t look at me. For the first time, I felt like he was afraid of what I had to say. But the truth was that I was a little afraid of saying it. How could I tell him how much he meant to me, that I would be willing to die for him, when we’ve only known each other for a little over a week?

“When I was…holding you…” I said, “I was able to feel your pain. I felt how much you were hurting…and I just had to cry too.”

He slowed the car down and turned onto a dirt road where I saw headlights from cars and flashlights from the people around them. Lucas parked next to a white convertible Beetle and we got out to be greeted by his lab professor.

“Hey Lucas, what took you so long,” she said, “I expected you to be the first one out here.”
“My friend here likes to make me late,” he said with a grin.
“Hi, Aaron,” I said, “Saunders.”
“Oh, you’re the famous Aaron Saunders,” she said.
“Huh?”
“I’m Camille Robbins,” she said, “I believe my husband is your Psychology professor.”
Oh shit…
“Uh, yeah…” I said.
“I hear you like to knock him down a few notches everyday,” she said.
“Yeah, I guess I do,” I said with an awkward laugh, “He probably doesn’t like me very much.”
“That’s not true at all,” she said, “You’re his favorite student.”
“What?” Lucas and I said in unison.
“Yeah,” she said, “He says all the time he wishes his other students had as much passion for their beliefs as you do.”

I was stunned. After almost 3 months of stepping on each others’ toes, I could have bet my life on Robbins’ hatred for me. Lucas looked at me with the same stunned-stupid look on his face. Neither of us could believe my stubborn, arrogant outbursts in class actually made Robbins like me.

A man in a blue shirt with pit-stains visible even in the dark came over and whispered something into Camille’s ear. She motioned for us to join the rest of the group of the students in the field. I stood next to Lucas as the three lab professors got everyone’s attention. I could almost feel the excitement emanating from Lucas’ body.

“Welcome everyone,” the man with pit-stains said, “We’re gonna start the evening by giving everyone a handheld telescope. Your assignments are in your lab manuals so as soon as you’re finished, turn in your papers and sign out with either me, Professor Robbins, or Professor Galvin.”

Lucas received his telescope and we branched off into the field. We found a clearing where the trees below us parted and we could see the sky almost perfectly. The stars were gleaming in the night’s sky, and shimmered in Lucas’ eyes. I pointed out the few constellations I knew because of my mother.

My favorite was Orion the hunter. My mom told me all sorts of stories when I was a child about adventure heroes and I always wanted to be just like them. Orion the hunter made me think of how I was back then every time I looked at it. I turned my gaze to Lucas who was smiling at me as I stared at my hunter.

“What?” I asked.
“I had no idea you loved this so much,” he said.
“Yeah well…it was the one thing I shared with my mom besides DNA,” I said.

He smiled at me and sat down next to me in the chairs we set out. His arm brushed against mine as he put it on the armrest.

“Do you think about her a lot?” he asked.
“I think about her every day Luke,” I said.

I looked back up into the stars and wondered if my mother was somewhere up there watching me. I never truly believed in Heaven or Hell. I didn’t think I would be able to live this life the way I wanted to if I thought that there was an eternal one after it. But right here, and right now, it was almost like something blanketed me with warmth. As I sat there with Lucas, I couldn’t help but feel really good.

The instructors started rounding the students up and collecting their assignments. Lucas handed his in and we went back to his car. The inside of the car was surprisingly warm considering the cool temperature outside. The ride back to campus was very comfortable and safe.

“Have you heard from Henry yet?” he asked.
“Yeah…I got a letter from him today,” I said.
“How is he?”
“He sounds like he’s doing well,” I said, “Part of his therapy is atonement so he was apologizing to me for the pain his addiction may have caused me.”
“Well at least he’s getting better,” he said.
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing,” he said.
“Is something wrong with Jonathan?” I asked.
“I saw him today,” he said, “He responded to the treatment for his breathing…but that lead them to find some internal bleeding and rib fractures that they missed.”
“Oh shit…is he going to be ok?” I asked.
“They didn’t say anything one way or the other,” he said.
“Lucas... I’m really sorry,” I said.
“Thank you Aaron,” he said, “I’m sure he’ll be alright.”
“Yeah,” I said, “He will be.”

We dove back into our comfortable silence for the rest of the drive back. We listened to music, but not very loudly. I was starting to drift off by the time we were close to campus. When the car stopped, I opened my eyes to see Lucas staring at me and rubbing his neck.

“Something wrong?” I asked groggily.
“Oh sorry,” he said with a laugh, “I was wondering if I should wake you or let you rest for a bit.”

I laughed a little back and noticed he was still rubbing his neck as we got out of the car. When we started walking, I reached over and placed my hand on the back of his neck and started rubbing it for him. He turned towards me and smiled awkwardly.

“You weren’t hitting the right spot,” I said, “Most of the tension is near the top of the neck.”
“Thanks Aaron,” he said.

We approached my building first. A part of me really didn’t want to leave him, but it was late and I was exhausted. We faced each other for a moment, with the street lamps shining onto us, and the empty courtyard chirping with sounds of crickets. I noticed my hand was still on his neck, but I didn’t pull it away.

He was staring into my eyes, and I was staring back into his. There was a sudden click between the two of us, and I knew that there was something going through his mind that he was afraid of saying. I removed my hand and put it in my pocket. I looked down at the ground for two seconds and when I looked back up, I felt Lucas’ lips press against mine. The shock made every muscle in my body clench.

He pulled away and saw the look of pure surprise on my face. I saw his comfort completely lift away as he realized what he had just done.

“Oh my God…Aaron I’m so sorry,” he said, “I don’t know why I did that. Can you please just forget this happened? I don’t know what came over me. I swear I’m not like that-“
“Lucas just…shut up for a second…”

I took a deep breath and calmed myself down as Lucas stopped babbling. He looked like he was on the verge of tears. I raised my right hand, which was balled up in a fist, and he flinched away. Before he could take off, I grabbed him with my left hand and put my right hand behind his head and pulled him back towards me to kiss him.

It gave me a rush. The adrenaline sped through my blood as I felt his soft lips press against mine. I pulled his body into mine and squeezed him so hard, not wanting to ever let go. I felt his tears drop onto my shirt and pulled away to notice he was crying. I gave him another soft peck on his amazing lips and let go of him.

“Wha…”
“Good night Lucas,” I said with a grin on my face.

I turned and walked into my building with the biggest smile on my face and the most amazing warmth in my heart. I turned and saw Lucas standing outside with a stunned look, almost as if he were afraid to move. I smiled at him and turned towards the stairs.

Well that was different…

[Craiger]

Wow! That gave me chills.... not chill chills, more like warm chills..... I love it. I wanted to be either one of them, experiencing that kiss. Aaron is finally able to appreciate the bond he has with Lucas. I'm happy too that Aaron has found out he is not the dreaded and hated student he has tried to portray.

Craiger

[bynm27]

well damn, that kinda gave me a boner. good job

[upyrkilt469]

Great chapter ITC. Keep up the good work. Looking forward to the next one. Don't be too long in positing it. H&K
Vic

[harry113]

WOW !!! ITC Thank you. This is a fantastic tale, please post more, and soon !
I hope both Henry and Jonathan can overcome their addiction and get back to college.
It seems that Aaron and Lucas can help each other to climb out of their respective pits and find happiness.
HUGZ
Harry

[pe_gay89]

Wow, great chapter! I'm really loving this story, please, please, please keep it up!

[Kyanimal]

Like others have already said ... !!!

Just ... !!!

MORE!, Please!!

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

[littletosay]

Sooooooooooooo adorable. Loved it! Thanks, ITC for another masterpiece!

[DonQuixote]

Dear InTheCloset,
THANKS! I Needed That.
It's been one Helluva week, and the soft, gentleness, and pleasant surprises on both the academic and relational fronts was a great tonic for what ails you.

I enjoyed this installment very much.
Your writing continues to capture the soul.
Thank you for sharing your talents with us.

[inthecloset]

Hey guys, sorry it's been a while. I've been going through a lot of personal changes and a lot of bad shit has happened to me lately. I've gotten through it and everything's getting better, but I just haven't had the time between everything going on to do any writing. But the past couple days, I buckled down and wrote until my fingers went numb. I've already gotten amazing feedback on this chapter thanks to a very good friend

Hope you all enjoy!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wings of A Butterfly

Chapter Nine:
The Gathering Storm

I felt my phone buzz in its usual spot underneath my pillow. Without opening my eyes, I pulled it out and opened it, hoping it was just my alarm going off. The hope was dashed when I heard Carly’s voice come from the receiver.

“Hey, are you talking to me yet?” she said.
I rolled my eyes with the lids still closed and said, “Yes, I am. Good morning to you too.”
“Hi, good morning,” she said, “So like are you off your period? Cause I kinda want my best friend today.”
“Yes,” I said with a sigh.
“Good. Meet me for breakfast in 10 minutes, and DON’T be late,” she said.

I hung up the phone and dropped it onto the ground next to my bed. I took in several deep breaths before I could summon the strength to get up. I felt paralyzed from what happened last night. My mind raced with questions, and my heart just raced as I thought about Lucas.

The sun seemed a little brighter today. I opened my eyes and was almost blinded by how brilliant the light was coming through the blinds. I played last night’s events over in my head. I stopped at the moment where Lucas and I were sitting next to each other, staring at my warrior in the sky. I replayed the shock that went through me when his arm brushed against mine. Every time our skin touched, it was like a tiny electrocution.

But when we were standing outside with the streetlights blinding my eyes, it was like those quiet moments before the storm hits. I played it in slow motion in my head. The way his lips felt against mine, sending a rush of energy through me. The electrocution was as powerful as a lightning storm at that moment. It didn’t feel wrong or disgusting like I was programmed to think kissing another guy would be. It felt like having the final piece of my puzzle missing for years, and then Lucas coming along to fill the empty space where the piece should have been.

I looked at myself in the mirror for a few minutes. I wasn’t an athletic guy, but I did think I was fit. I ran my hand through my dark brown hair and brushed at my face where stubble was starting to form. I thought it made me look jaunty, so I decided to not shave that morning. I threw on a light blue t-shirt and a pair of cargo shorts, grabbed my bag, and went out to meet Carly.

The air was crisp with the fall season looming over the horizon. A light breeze flew past me, cooling me from the heat emanating from the sunlight. The cool air stimulated my senses and enveloped me in a feeling of being truly alive. It was probably the first time in almost two years I’ve actually had this feeling.

I walked slowly from my dorm to the dining hall where Carly was surely waiting for me. She wasn’t the patient type, so I quickened my pace. I noticed her from a distance looking at her watch. When I approached her, she glared at me.

“5 seconds late,” she said.
“Really?” I asked, “You’re going to be THAT impatient?”
“I told you not to be late!” she said.
“Well you know me,” I said with a smile.
“What’s that smile about,” she asked.

Her eyes narrowed as she studied my face. After a couple seconds, her eyes widened again and her face looked stunned. She took in a sharp gasp and smiled at me with her “I know what you did” smile.

“You’re glowing!” she said.
“It’s the sunlight,” I said walking past her to get in line for breakfast.
“Aaron Michael Saunders don’t you dare lie to me,” she said.
“Fuck this middle naming me noise,” I said, “I didn’t do anything.”
“Liar!” she said.
“Whatever,” I said grabbing a plate.
“He kissed you didn’t he?” she asked.
“CARLY!” I yelled.

Everyone around me hushed and stared at me. I knew it was because I yelled, but part of me felt like it was because they knew. I set my plate down and walked out of the room. I could almost feel everyone’s eyes burning holes into my back as I left. I hooked around the corner of the building and sat down on the ground. I didn’t feel like crying, I just felt ashamed.

Carly slowly came around the corner and sat down next to me. She put her hand on my arm and I turned to look at her. She looked sad, and I felt terrible for being responsible for that look on her face.

“Aaron I’m sorry…that was inconsiderate,” she said.
“You were right though,” I said.
“I was wrong to ask,” she said, “It’s not my place to ask you that kind of thing, and I’m sorry I did it in front of all those people.”

I leaned into her and set my head on her shoulder. She brought her hand up and brushed the side of my face, in an almost motherly way. After a few moments my phone started buzzing in my pocket. I pulled it out to see “Lucas” displayed on the screen. I silenced the ring and put the phone back in my pocket.

“Why don’t you want to talk to him?” she asked,
“I don’t know what to say to him,” I said.
“Did you kiss him back?” she asked.
I remained silent.
“Sorry, I did it again…” she said.
“I did,” I said.
“Did you like it?”
“Yes…” I said.
“Then go do it again,” she said.

I looked up at her with a confused look on my face.

“Go tell him that you like him, that’s probably what he was calling about,” she said.
“But…”
“No,” she said cutting me off, “Go get him.”

I stood up and picked up my bag, but hesitated when I tried to take a step. I looked at Carly and she sighed.

“Aaron Michael Saunders if you don’t go get that boy then so help me I will make your life a living hell,” she said with a grin.

I smiled back and turned to walk towards the dorm buildings. I paid no attention to the clouds forming in the sky as they started cutting off the sunlight….

***

I knocked my three vertical knocks on Lucas’ door. My heart was pounding in my chest as I thought of what I might say to him. I knew I liked him, and I knew I liked our kiss. But what I didn’t know was how this was going to work out, or how I was going to come out. I didn’t even know what I was…

“Hey Aaron,” Lucas said as he opened the door.
“Hey Luke,” I said.
“What are you doing here?”
“You called…” I said.
“You know…some people return phone calls with…phone calls?” he asked with a grin.
“I know, I just thought we should talk in person,” I said.
“Ok, come on in,” he said.

He smiled at me as I walked into his room. His gorgeous hazel eyes sparkled, and I couldn’t look away from him. I stood in the middle of the room, and he stood at the door after he closed it. I shifted on my feet as the discomfort set in. I didn’t know what to say. I definitely didn’t know what he wanted me to say.

He walked over to me, placed his hands at my sides and kissed me. When he pulled away, I felt tears form in my closed eyes. I opened them to see him with a sad look on his face.

“You’re breaking things off with me aren’t you?” he asked.
“No!” I said, “I don’t know…”
“Aaron, if you don’t want to be with me, you just have to say so,” he said.
“Luke,” I said, “That’s not it.”
“Then what’s wrong?” he asked.
“I really don’t know what happened last night,” I said, “And I’m not sure how to process it.”
“Aaron…you kissed me back…” he said.
“Yeah, but before I did it you freaked out,” I said, “You were ashamed of it.”
“So? I thought you were going to hate me, I didn’t know you were going to respond the way you did,” he said.
“No, my point is…if you were ashamed of it, then how am I supposed to feel about it?”
“Aaron… I wasn’t ashamed of liking you,” he said.
“You weren’t?”
“No,” he said resting his hand on my face, “I was ashamed of what I did.”

He leaned in and kissed me again.

“But I’m not anymore,” he said.

He pulled me into him and kissed me. The feeling of his lips on mine, and his hands on my back were all like little electrodes sending off continuous shocks through my body. He pushed be backwards and I fell onto his bed. He leaned in on top of me and started kissing my neck. I felt his tongue slide across my skin as he kissed me. My skin surged with excitement as his hands explored my body. I felt his hand go under my shirt, and suddenly I was overwhelmed with fear.

“Luke…” I gasped.
He moaned softly.
“Luke…stop…”
He moaned again and moved his hand down my thigh.
“No,” I said.

He stopped and looked me in the eyes, panting from his excitement.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“I’m just…not ready,” I said.
“What do you mean?”
“Sex is a big deal for me…” I said, “I hear people saying that their first time is something they remember all the time, whether it was amazing, or something they’d rather forget; whether it was with someone they really cared about, or some random person from a bar; whether it makes them happy, or it makes them depressed. I want my first time to be something I smile about every time I think about it. I’m sorry…”
“Aaron,” he said firmly, “Don’t you dare be sorry for that.”
“What?”
“You have no idea how much respect I have for you now,” he said, “That is the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard.”
“Really? It doesn’t bother you?” I asked.
“Of course not,” he said, “I promise I won’t ever pressure you Aaron.”
“Thanks Luke,” I said with a smile.
“So, does that mean we can’t even kiss?” he said with a frown.
“Of course not,” I said pulling him up to my lips.

I felt a surge of electricity go through me. His soft skin felt warm to the touch. After a few moments he pulled away and just looked at me. A smile stretched across his face which forced a smile onto mine. We both jumped at the same time when his phone started buzzing on his bedside table. I ran my right hand through his hair as he reached over and picked up the phone.

“Hello?” he asked.

I could hear the faint sound of a female voice speaking very quickly coming from the phone.

“Lynn…wait; slow down,” he said, “What’s going on?”

He listened intently to the phone and made a frustrated look.

“Ugh, okay I’ll be downstairs in 2 minutes,” he said, “What? No give me 2 minutes!”

He hung up the phone and looked back at me apologetically. He looked like he were about to break in two.

“That was my friend Cherilyn,” he said, “I need to go downstairs and help her with her essay. She’s totally incompetent when it comes to writing so she needs my help.”
“Oh, okay that’s no problem,” I said, “Just hurry back.”

I leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips.

“You are making it really hard to leave,” he said.
“I know,” I said kissing him again, “But if it helps, I promise to be here when you get back.”
“Deal,” he said as he stood up.

He grabbed his bag and his keys and walked towards the door. With his hand around the knob, he froze. Before I knew it he was back on top of me on the bed giving me another kiss. This one lasted for about 5 years. Or, at least that’s what it felt like. He stood up and smiled at me.

“Had to get one for the road,” he said.
“Oh just get out of here,” I said blushing.

After he left, I grabbed his remote and turned on the little TV sitting on a table at the foot of his bed. I flipped through the crappy local channels and found nothing to watch. Looking around the room, I noticed his laptop sitting at his desk. I opened it up and turned it on, hoping to check my email, but was stopped by his password protection.

Damn.

I stood up and looked around the room. It was then that I noticed the smell. It was like those moments when you were a child, standing outside in a rainstorm, watching the clouds form and taking in the scent of the first droplets hitting the ground with a hint of vanilla in the air as well. I looked outside and noticed the sun was completely blocked out, and the ground was polka-dotted with water.

The vanilla smell rose out from the rain smell when I closed the door. I sat back down on Luke’s bed and brought his pillow up to my face. It smelled wonderful; peaches and cream. My eyes instinctively shut as I took in the details of his room. When my eyes opened, I noticed a stack of papers on the ground next to his desk. I stood up and looked at the one on the top that read, “Aaron Saunders’ Heart of Gold.”

This must be his essay.

I picked it up and thumbed through it.

Damn he wrote a lot…

I turned the pages and noticed a section that was circled in red. I read through it and my eyes widened in terror as I read something that tore my heart apart on the inside…

The source of Aaron’s issues with trusting people is most likely caused by the trauma of losing his mother to Breast Cancer. His life took a turn for the worst as the one person he could trust in his life was suddenly taken from him, and since then he’s had this wall constructed around his heart to make sure no one else was able to touch it. I’m not sure why he let me through, I don’t even know if he truly likes me. But what I do know is that he’s the kind of person you have to be careful with. He’s the kind of person who doesn’t let people get close because he’s certain they’re just going to throw his trust in his face someday along the road.

I heard the door open behind me, but I couldn’t put the paper down.

“Okay, crisis averted. Now where were…” he said.

He trailed off when he noticed what was in my hands.

“Aaron…”
“Luke what the fuck is this?” I asked.
“You…you weren’t supposed to see that,” he said softly.
“I can’t believe you would do this,” I said. I felt the tears start to burn my eyes.
“Aaron wait,” he said, “That’s just a rough draft. I wasn’t going to turn that in I swear.”
“I trusted you,” I said staring angrily through eyes that were quickly filling with tears.
“Aaron I wasn’t going to show that to anyone. I circled it because I was taking it out,” he said, “I was just writing down everything I had in my head. I swear I wasn’t going to put that in.”
“You shouldn’t have even THOUGHT about writing that down,” I yelled.
“I’m sorry!” he yelled.
“I can’t even look at you right now,” I said as I bolted towards the door.
“Aaron please don’t leave!” he yelled, “Just give me a chance to explain!”
“You only get one chance with me Luke,” I said, “And you already blew it.”

***

The rain pelted me as I walked across the courtyard. I felt like there was a hole in my side, growing in size every second. It hurt a lot, but I couldn’t stop the pain. I got inside my dorm building and went straight up into my room. I didn’t even change out of my soaking wet clothes. In all my wetness, I flopped down on my bed and cried. The part that hurt the most probably didn’t have anything to do with being betrayed. I was almost certain that it hurt so much because of who betrayed me.

That’s what I get I guess…