Trials Of His Generous Love

[Ambrocious]

[To hear how this story got here, please read "Fucked By The Rich Kid"]


Part 1


Where should I begin? I guess I should start by telling you that 2 months ago, Shawn and I got married in Massachusetts. Two long years have went by since Shawn and I took that leap of faith and put our love in the open or closed hands of our parents who ultimately and luckily took us as we were and loved us. Lucas who is now 18 moved in with Shawn and I after the passing of my dad who died of Serosis of the liver. I really do blame myself for causing my dad to escalate in his drinking. He used to drink a lot before I announced that I was gay but after I had came out and was living my life the way that made me a free man; he began to drink in much larger quantities. Quite often even in public he would be drunk and far too often, I felt like it was my responsibility to take him home and put him to bed. Shawn doesn’t seem to think that it was my fault at all; everyone has a choice to make and my dad chose to drink himself to death. I still feel very sad about his passing knowing that I might have been able to do something if I just never told anyone about who I am.

The honest truth of it all is that I know I did not force his hand to drink. He saw the happy life that Shawn and I had together and I knew that during holidays when we would visit, he saw us and even though he was happy on the outside, he was sad on the inside. My mom knew what he wanted and she could never give him that. My dad never left my mom though. He always loved her and was there for her until the end of his life. Because of all of this stuff happening, my mom had to move out of her house and in with her sister, my aunt Sharon. Shawn’s mom offered money for helping with bills but her pride got in the way. Shawn wound up paying her bills which were all under 50 thousand dollars anyways and it was like chicken feed to him but it still meant the world to me. She found out eventually that we had paid for it all and is now not speaking with me. It all comes down to me…if I had never fallen in love with Shawn…

“We need some more milk,” came the voice of Lucas from the kitchen as he walked into the front room with his clear plastic bowl of cereal that had just a dribble of milk in the very bottom of it. “Shawn’s on his way home right now with some more groceries,” I said as I looked away from the TV which the local news was on. Lucas still stood there with this upset look on his face and then marched off into the kitchen in anger. It was times like this when I regretted taking Lucas into my house.

Shawn’s car pulled up in the drive way. He had just got off of work/college where he was a part time IT technician and part time student. I instinctively got up and walked outside and helped Shawn with the groceries as there was quite a lot of food to bring in. As usual, Lucas was not out helping bring in the food. “Shawn I’m sick of Lucas just free loading of us all the damn time,” I angrily whispered to Shawn as he shook his head. “Just be patient with him, he’s still adjusting.”

It took both Shawn and I going back 4 times to get everything that was needed to haul into the house. Lucas was in his room with the door shut again. Shawn placed his hand on my shoulder causing me to look at him. “You know he’s going through a lot too Mark. He didn’t exactly want to move in with us,” Shawn remarked in a matter of fact style. “Yeah well I felt liable for his situation and you know that I’m not just doing it because I want to.” Shawn leaned in and kissed me even though it slightly annoyed me even while it calmed me a bit too. “Well now you have to help him. You took him in Mark, it was your choice.” I waved Shawn off as I walked to our bedroom and laid on the bed in anger.

I was currently facing the wall when I felt the bed bow in a bit and I knew it was Shawn as his strong arms wrapped around me in comfort. He brushed his hand through my hair as I held onto his hand that was free. Turning to face Shawn as if it was the first time in my life and I was still amazed at his beautiful face and his blue green eyes, I brushed my hand across his cheek. “Why are you the only good thing in my life,” I asked in a very low and hurt voice which also could have been mistaken as whining if you didn’t know any better. “Why are you the only good thing in MY life,” he asked me back.

“Hey there’s someone at the door,” came the voice of Lucas who was for some reason undetected because he made no sound when he came to my room door. Shawn stood up and smiled at me with understanding and compassion, “I’ll get it,” he said as he stood and my hand slipped slowly out of his. Even after Shawn had left into the front room to talk with whoever it was, Lucas still stood at the door with a confused look on his face. “Did you need anything,” I asked Lucas who had done a really great job of annoying me so far today. “Yeah I did,” he said yet still stood there. “If you don’t mind, I’d like a little bit of Aretha Franklin just whenever,” he remarked with a wisdom and intelligence unlike anyone his own age. He was asking for respect…something I had little for anyone including someone I thought to be a burden. Lucas shook his head and began to walk away in disgust as I sat up, “Lucas wait,” but he had already walked away.

As I wondered to myself how it would have been possible for me to show Lucas some respect when I showed myself the least respect of all, Shawn came walking through the door and sat next to me. He put his arm around me and rested his head against mine as I slowly shifted into hugging him in the way a prisoner might hug his long lost lover. That’s exactly what I have made myself over the last 8 months since my dad had died.

The night was cool and I had gone to the basement where we had ordained it as a place of peace and quiet. It had books and other things useful for relaxation including really expensive couches and a sound studio booth that was formed into an intensive sound therapy mini room that had a soft curl style couch that nearly resembled a very soft bed. I sat down on a large soft chair and breathed out deeply. I didn’t require a lot to relax but I did require comfort.

The sound of footsteps coming down the stairs presented by Lucas who’s eyes were red and his cheeks were wet was followed by him turning around and starting to walk back up the stairs. “Lucas wait,” I said as I heard him freeze on the third or fourth step. “Can we talk please? I promise I won’t be rude,” I said as slowly I seen Lucas, the skinny blond haired blue eyed boy walk towards me. He sat down next to me as his complexion was nearly that of Shawn’s minus the fact that Lucas had a smaller body frame. He wasn’t as widely built as Shawn but he was about as tall as him. He had a tiny bit of short facial hair but it looked well on him because he kept it shaved off or well trimmed.

“Lucas, I’m really sorry for my…outbursts of anger. I know this has been pretty tough for you too and I know how it must feel to suffer the loss of one dad and then have the dad that took you in die shortly afterwards.” Lucas looked at me with eyes that screamed that he was hurt and alone. His chair was connected to my chair and I took out the removable center part and scooted close to him and gave him a side hug. While he was hugging me back, he was beginning to rub my back which I first took as a sign of affection but then as his hand went lower I knew that it was more. I pulled back and stood up. Lucas just sat there and looked down at the floor. “Lucas,” I said as I was reaching for the right words to say. “We couldn’t do anything…I’m married and I am very happy with Shawn. I’m really sorry but I’m not here to do anything like that with you,” I said in the most appropriate way possible. “You keep forgetting,” said Lucas as he stood up and got in my face, “I’m only two years younger than you and you’re treating me like a child.” Lucas walked away and up the stairs seething mad.

I lay in my bed with the window to my bedroom window open enough to let some cool air in. Shawn had just crawled into bed with me and wrapped his hands around my waist and kissed my bare exposed shoulder. “I just got done talking to Lucas,” whispered Shawn in his calming voice that would be able to talk down a robber to donating money rather than stealing it from a bank. “I think we have a problem Mark,” and as he said that I turned and looked into Shawn’s eyes. “What’s the problem,” I asked as if I knew absolutely nothing about Lucas’ sexual preference. “Lucas explained to me in confidence something so I hope that you don’t get mad and hope that this stays between us,” said Shawn as he looked into my eyes for co-operation.

“Lucas told me,” said Shawn slowly as he rubbed my chest with his hand as a way to try and calm me before the impact of the news, “that he really likes you and that every time he see’s you and me together it causes him to get jealous.” I turned my head over slightly and let out a big sigh. “You have got to admit that he does have a valid point Mark; he is only two years younger than us. He feels like we should be involved in all of his sexual upbringings. We should at least be his guide or a voice of understanding,” said Shawn as I slightly shook my head in a hopeless effort. “Shawn, he nearly made a move on me while I was in the basement a few hours ago,” I said a bit louder than a whisper but Lucas’ room was on the other side of the house so he wouldn’t have heard any of this talk.

“He told me about that and in his eyes he thinks that you should stop being a pussy and just fuck him,” Shawn said with all seriousness. “Of course he does but if he expects me to do it he’s got his fucking mind all mixed up. I care for him and I want to see him get that special someone like I found you instead of bringing home those criminals like he has been the last few weeks.” Shawn leaned in close to me and kissed my lips. “I’m glad for that one criminal that spray painted my windows back in Kansas, they can’t all be that bad.” I cracked a small smile remembering what I had done that had ultimately led to Shawn and I falling in love. “Why do you have to bring that up again for,” I asked half annoyed and half amused. “Because until you understand that it’s not the person’s current actions that make the future, it’s their current heart, you’ll never get it.”

“You know you’re not allowed to speak over my head Shawn,” I said as I ran my hand down his chest as I began to get hard. “Well someone has got to do something about your thick head,” he said as he grabbed my cock and began to jerk it gently. I grabbed his cock and it was just as hard as always.

I moved down further on the bed and nearly fell off the bed when I was attempting to give Shawn a blow job. I leaned forward and with much practice, began to give Shawn the blow job that he loved the most. He had a certain way that he always loved but sometimes I’d make it dull on purpose so that not EVERY blow job was the best because if that was the case then he would get used to them and expect more every time. He was satisfied with what I gave him and I was satisfied with what he gave me.

It was about time for Shawn to get his turn. He tied up my hands and feet with soft yet thick silk where I couldn’t move. It was dark and he was quiet so it made it all the more mysterious. It was like trying to fuck someone in your mom’s house because you didn’t want your mom to hear; this is how it was with Lucas in the house. “Now don’t you run off on me, I’m going to go clean out really quick and I’ll be right back,” Shawn said as he walked slowly out of the room not making much sound. I smiled as I knew that he was going to make tonight perfect.

I had been waiting just imagining what he was going to do since every night seemed different slightly as I heard Shawn rustle back into the room. Without speaking he began to rub my cock as if it was his first time; playfully touching it and then he finally put his mouth on it. He began his blowjob slightly different than normal which was what I loved. I couldn’t see anything for one because it was night time and for two because he liked to occasionally blindfold me. Everything about tonight seemed new and fresh as Shawn had apparently been learning new cock sucking tactics.

“Oh god yes…just like that,” I whispered quietly as he deep throated me. “OK, playtimes over, get on my cock and ride it like you have never rode it before,” I whispered as I felt him get on top of me and fresh lube was applied on my cock and then he sat on it. The pleasure was amazing tonight for some reason. It was feeling as if he had never been fucked before. “Oh fuck yeah Shawn,” I said as I thrust up inside him rather roughly. He was bouncing on my cock a little slowly as he did sometimes to torture me. I sped up as he began to moan a little bit strangely and then stopped.

Tonight was very special for some reason; I had never felt so much pleasure in what seemed like the first time that I fucked Shawn and it seemed like he was holding out on me. I began to speed up as my cock was ready to blow. I was squirming and the knots were starting to come undone as I just about cummed so very hard into Shawn’s ass when the knot broke free and my hand came down on Shawn’s hairy leg. Just as it brushed his leg, I grabbed onto his leg and came full force into his seemingly very tight hole. I jerked a little bit as the intensity of the fuck I had just experienced was the far best I had ever had. I felt Shawn get off me and tip toe out of the room as I smiled and took off the blindfold which slightly revealed the room a bit.

“Hey Shawn, don’t you want anything in return,” I said slightly above a whisper. “Oh you know I do,” said Shawn as he re-entered the room and began to get on top of my cock which was already spent. “Oh you didn’t stay hard for me I see…and you came too. My goodness Mark you’re acting like you hadn’t fucked me in months,” said Shawn as he wiped at the left over cum in my pubes. “Shawn, that was amazing how you made it feel like your ass was like it was virgin territory again,” I said as I undid my other hand from the silk tie up. “What are you talking about; I just got done cleaning out for you…” Shawn said as it just hit us both what had just happened. Lucas was smarter than we all thought.

[DonQuixote]

Ambrocious,
This is a Helluva start on the "settled' phase of their married life!

Guest/Ward fucks Boy/Man Guardian while Guardian tied up and blind folded.

That was some pretty quick action to get away with it all!

It was also a pretty hot, if fucked up, scene!

[TimWhite07]

Ok i have got to say that is a great story. It is hot and sexy. love it keep going.

[inthecloset]

Ambrocious,

I am so glad that you are continuing this story. I have grown strangely attached to it and I am very interested in seeing more.

Much love,
ITC

[Ambrocious]

This is strange kind of. This is off topic but last night I went to bed with about 54 posts and with the "On The Prowl" status only to wake up and get on today and see that I was still a virgin and that I had 49 posts.

Will I wake up tomorrow and see that I have lost all those again? Now that I think about it...this has happened to me a lot before.

Oh and the next part is coming I hope soon. I struggle with putting too much into my stories that it drains me of further creativity...and then I go threw a 2 month dry spell...it sucks really.

[TimWhite07]

i know what u mean, with the writing to much. I am writing a story and posting it on nifty. When i first started it, i had a new chapter like every 4 or 5 days. Then it started to take its toll. They started coming our later.

It doesnt make it any eaiser when what your writing about is what happened to u. Thats what im doing. I having to relive what happened to tell the story, but it is helping me in the long to get over what happened.

[Ambrocious]

I could only wish that I actually had the kind of love that Shawn and Mark share.

I'll reveal where I got the inspiration from: The love that Micheal Nabotny and Ben from Queer As Folk had together seemed very good to me. If there is a guy out there and you strongly consider yourself to be like Ben from Queer As Folk...let me know because I have been looking for you for many years now.

Hopefully my next chapter is coming soon. I have been reading the story about the punk who broke into the house...I threatened jokingly to produce the next chapter if it wasn't out soon enough! That's just who I am though. If something great happens to die and is left alone...I like taking it and making it real again...if even it's not the same precisely.

[pe_gay89]

Great stuff. A very nice sequel.

What a sneaky little bastard that Lucas is. A great twist, though I have to say I suspected that was what was happening when "Shawn" came back in so quickly.

[harry113]

Thanks.
Wonderful continuation of the saga.
What will they do with Lucas?
Please continue
Harry

[sexmadboy29]

please can we have more soon

[simrex]

story is great...when are we gonna read the next chapter

[Ambrocious]

Sorry for the hold up guys. Been dealing with some pretty severe depression. Hopefully I'll get over it shortly. Thanks for all those who like the story.

[TimWhite07]

I know first hand what depression can do someone. All to well do i know. Take as much time as you need. We are here for you and if you need to talk i am more then willing.

[pe_gay89]

You have absolutely nothing to apologise for, take all the time you need. I don't have any experience of depression, so I can't say I know or understand what you're going through. But I can say that if you need someone to talk to, there will be someone you can do that with here. I hope you recover soon.

Take care

Paul

[Ambrocious]

“Why the fuck did you do it,” I asked Lucas through clenched teeth as he sat on his bed after Shawn and I had put on some underwear and quickly marched into his room where he was ready to bolt. Lucas looked up at Shawn and me as I saw his eyes where tears were welling up. “Don’t even fucking play it like you’re all innocent either! I told you where I stood on this matter and you had to betray my trust,” I screamed in anger while Lucas bowed his head in guilt. “Look at me!” Lucas reluctantly looked up at me while I glanced at Shawn who was holding back a great many bouts of rage I could tell. I saw in Lucas’ eyes great sadness but I was too angry to pay enough attention to that just right at the moment.

“You sure seemed to enjoy it,” he said as he exhaled and began to cry placing his hands on his head and slumping lower yet. The room grew smaller in my mind’s eye and I was sick of hearing any more. I threw my hands in the air and walked out of the room. “I’m finished Lucas,” I said from his door way to his room. “Pack your fucking bags…and get the hell out of my house!” With those last words I walked to the back door and walked out into the cool night time air where I stood under the stars.

It was colder than most nights and the bitter rage that burned inside of me was not being tamed by the coolness of the night. I heard some talking from inside…it was Shawn’s voice. He didn’t sound angry by what he was saying but it was all in a murmur because I was outside. I stopped breathing and listened carefully to the conversation as I walked to the outside window or near enough to Lucas’ bedroom and listened threw the closed glass while kneeling down.

“I’m sorry but you really have to go Lucas,” I heard Shawn say in an almost soothing way. There was a pause and then a sniffle. “I suppose then it has to stop,” he asked with concern in his voice. I heard Shawn exhale as if deciding something very heavily. “You knew we couldn’t have kept it up Lucas. I told you it wouldn’t be right to begin with.” Lucas cried softly and then he coughed. “I don’t want to go,” he said with all sincerity, “I love you Shawn.” My heart sank low for that moment as I nearly screamed out but held myself restrained from doing so.

“Lucas,” Shawn began as I heard a rustle from inside but had not yet peeked into the window which had a small hole that I could see in if I needed too. It was dark enough out here that if I looked in, they couldn’t see me from the inside. “What Mark and I have together is what I want you to have with some other lucky boy out there. It isn’t going to work between you and I just as much as it’s not going to work between you and Mark,” said Shawn in a matter of fact kind of way. “The times that we had together,” said Shawn in a slightly lower whisper then he was originally talking in, “are not bad things. Don’t feel bad for what we did. I am just here simply to tell you that we can’t be doing this anymore.”

“I thought you loved me Shawn,” came the voice of Lucas as I peeked into the window. Shawn was sitting by Lucas as I saw it: Shawn gently grabbed the back of Lucas’ head and kissed him on the lips. Lucas held onto Shawn but Shawn pulled away and then looked away in shame. Lucas gently grabbed Shawn by the chin with two fingers and forced him to look at him. There was guilt and shame in Shawn’s eyes…and I finally knew why.

I made it a point to make a rather loud re-entry to the house as I didn’t want either of them to appear as if I knew anything. I wanted to keep my cool even though I had seen and heard more than enough to kick both of their asses. I didn’t know how to feel on this issue of great mistrust and I didn’t want to do anything just yet. I knew I was losing Lucas and I didn’t want to say goodbye to Shawn until I had a dam good reason to. I wasn’t ready to do anything just yet.

“First thing in the morning,” I said as I now stood in Lucas’s door way, “You need to have already left. I don’t want to see your face,” I said as I was about to scream but instead inhaled while about to break apart in tears. I sadly and angrily walked back to my room where I shut the door and cried. I wasn’t crying for more of the fact that I had been betrayed but more so because I actually loved Lucas deep inside. He reminded me of someone I knew maybe…I didn’t quite know who. Deep down inside…when I thought about Lucas, sometimes I had thoughts about him. I knew it was all wrong and I had made it clear that I loved Shawn. Now as I sat and cried and gave it some thought… was feeling pretty guilty too.


The rest of the night went in a very bitter yet silent manner. I put myself in a motion to where I was sure that nothing would bother me. Even as Shawn came back into the room and got into bed beside me as I pretended to be asleep, I felt his arms wrap around me as he whispered very lowly, “I’m sorry,” thinking that I was asleep. I continued to pretend to be asleep for 5 more minutes as Shawn ran his hand threw my hair and occasionally planted kisses on my head. I felt a trickle of wetness on my neck and I heard him crying.

“What’s wrong,” I said as if I had just come out of sleep, half groggy. “Nothing,” he whispered as his hand had met mine as I closed it around his hand. We both laid there silent for about a minute or two as I listened to the air blow gently outside. Shawn’s attempt to mask his crying wasn’t working as I could still hear it. I wasn’t sure if it was a guilty cry or what it was all about but I knew one thing for sure: he had been fucking around with Lucas and didn’t tell me. I may have thought about it but I didn’t go and do it. I allowed him to cry as I pretended to be asleep again. His crying got a little louder but I ignored it. He eventually fell asleep but not before apologizing quietly again. My heart was in a deep pain.

It was morning and Shawn had already left for work and I had slept in late. I looked at the clock and it was 8:04 AM. I had to get up and face the day even if it was going to be really shity. There are bad days and then there are “holy shit” days and this day had to be the latter.

I got up and did my whole morning routine of showering and shaving and brushing my teeth. I put on a fresh pair of boxer briefs and walked into the kitchen where I saw Lucas sitting at the table in front of a bowl of cereal. I knew he was supposed to be gone and he knew it. I didn’t look at him for more than a second because if I did, I knew that I would be screaming.

“Where should I go,” he asked me as I snapped my head around to see him looking up at me with expecting eyes. “I don’t give a dam where you go,” I said in a half truth. Lucas stood up and walked over to me as I stopped what I was doing and readied myself as if I was about to fight. “I don’t believe you,” he said as he was just inches from my face. That’s when I did something I regretted.

I leaned into Lucas and grabbed the back of his head and kissed him. He instantly and immediately kissed me back as we walked and half savagely stumbled towards my bedroom which was just around the corner past the living room. His tongue was in my mouth and mine was in his as my hands were down his shorts and his hands groped at my quickly hardening cock.

He plopped me down on the bed as he tore his navy blue shirt off and leaned down and kissed me while he was sitting on my midsection. I began to rub his chest as the kiss lasted longer than expected. He pulled back and looked into my eyes. “You can’t get me out of your mind can you,” he asked in between breaths of air. “What the fuck are you saying,” I asked as his mouth closed around mine once again and the kiss that he was placing on me was pure heaven. “Admit to me that you love me Mark. I see it in your eyes you bastard,” he said as he plopped my cock out of my boxers and started to rub it on his cock which he had just freed from his shorts.

I lay back and looked up at him and attempted to get out from under him but he reacted with strength I didn’t know he had. He grabbed my arms and pinned them down, now laying so close to me; his face was hovering just above my face. I stared into his cute boy eyes while we breathed heavily on each other. I was the first to kiss him…yet again. I threw him over as I now was on top of him, pinning him to the mattress.

“This doesn’t leave the room Lucas,” I said as he smiled and kissed me passionately. His soft hands rubbed my chest as I slid my cock up against his cock while we both seemed to be producing large amounts of pre cum. I slid up while I looked at Lucas’ facial expression while the sun lit up the room brightly. He was in ecstasy and I knew it. I didn’t want to think too deeply into all this, I just wanted to do it.

I sat up and I reached for the lube as he lay on his back just rubbing my chest and stomach. “Today Lucas, you get to fuck me,” I said as I applied some lube to his cock and gently I sat on it. It slid into my ass wonderfully as I looked down at him and seen that his mouth was open and he was looking right at me. I leaned over while he pumped gently into me; never speeding up, he seemed to be very slow about it but it still turned me on in large ways.

His hands held tight to my back while I lay hunched over him while he softly thrust inside of me. My lips reached his ear and I whispered the one thing he wanted to hear, “I love you Lucas,” and I knew that it was too late to take it back. I lifted my head up and looked at him as he slid his cock ever so gently into me and said, “I know.” We kissed right there and nothing was going to take my mind of the immense amount of pleasure that I was both getting and giving.

“I dreamed about this for a long time,” Lucas said as I lifted my head after kissing him. I smiled and laid my head down and he cupped my head with his hand while he began to speed up slightly. “Cum inside of me,” I said into his ear. He began to nibble at my ear; his breathing was getting heavier and heavier until he finally had a full body spasm and held onto me tightly. His cock was thrust deep into my ass as I felt the warmth fill me up inside as if he came about a gallon. I kissed his lips and then lay my head to rest on his chest.

“I suppose it’s even now,” I said as I looked into his eyes and he blinked as if shocked. “What are you talking about,” he asked as I slid off him and lay down at his side. “You have been fucking my husband all this time.” Lucas propped himself up on the bed and looked me in the eyes. “Well technically, it has only been blow jobs. I was a virgin until you took that from me last night,” said Lucas as I felt a heavy blow hit my stomach but only from his words. “You two never fucked,” I asked him now sitting up fully. “No,” he said matching my sitting up position. “He said he was reserving anal play for you…because you two were committed.”

I slowly got out of bed and walked into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. Lucas appeared soon without a sound as normal. “Don’t be mad please Mark,” he said as he slipped his cloths back on. “I’m fine,” I lied as I put on a fake smile and closed the bathroom door. I heard footsteps walking away; his stealthy walk was not implemented this time. I now stood in a position where I was the one who was just as guilty as Shawn. What the hell could I do now?

[pe_gay89]

Ohhhh shiiiit....

That's gonna be an interesting conversation, for sure. I don't see this ending well for the three of them.

[DonQuixote]

Ambrocious, Ambrocious, Ambrocios,

What a tale you have woven. The young lovers truly do love each other; yet they have both unwittingly hurt the other.

The step brother that nobody wanted and had nowhere to go that the one tried to befriend as a big brother but was rebuffed from 1/2 sibling rivalry; the other tried to be quietly compassionate for his lover's albatross, and winds up being too caring in trying to help him find his way, and know that people really do care about him.

What a tangled web we weave. What a fucked up cluster of a mess.
What to do, what to do?

HOW do you salvage something like this?
The love, the anger, the frustration, the angst.

Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Confess your sins to one another, and admit freely the feelings that have grown around you all. Maybe there can be a snippet of happiness for a threesome, while the young padawan learns his way in the world and finds his own true life mate, not just his 1/2 blood and his 1/2 seed and his mate.

If anyone can untangle the mess of our young lovers' lives plus one, I'm sure Ambrocious can.

We're trusting in you, man. Don't let us down.

Inscestuous in its way, but still very hot. Forbidden fruit always seems to be the hottest.

[gaytxn09]

Wow. Interesting story update. Hopefully the next one will be soon.

[King08]

Hmm interesting direction for the story to go.

[TimWhite07]

wow. very interesting the path this story is taking. I love it. Cant wait to see how this plays out. I think i can smell some blackmail coming.

Looking forward to reading the next installment

[harry113]

Oh Dear Oh Dear !!!
A threesome ???
Won't that make things worse ??
More Please
Harry

[miketlow]

Why is it when you get into a serious relationship other people seem to come out of no where and want you
??....I know I am not the only one in a serious relationship this is happening to.....am I?

[GrayFox]

Wow! Things get worse and worse before they get better!

[DonQuixote]

Ambrocious,
It sounds like you have had a life-changing experience of conversion.

The Elder must be quite hypnotic.

I'm a life long Catholic. I am moderately active in my parish.

I am of an age and from an age that says I am meant to be a living, breathing, THINKING, individual, and not blindly follow any "dictates".

I truly believe that is what our Lord Father wants us to be. He Wants us to question, to challenge, then to come to him on our joint terms in the full embrace of His Love.

A Catholic priest, born and raised Jewish, wrote a book, How to disagree with the Church and still be a Faithful Catholic. Even without reading the book, it tells a voluminous story.

I also happen to love the Joshua series by Girzone, another Catholic priest who retired early due to health concerns. His books are admittedly a bit simplistic, but their child like faith in "What Would Jesus Do" is refreshing and enlightening in our complex world.

I have had this discussion on more than one occasion -- Is homosexual behaviour normal? YES! Is it "the Norm"? No.

I point you to our wonderful statistical bell curve, and the 80:20 rule that virtually everything in our wonderful world, aka Pareto's Theorem, seems to follow.

Put malesness - femaleness on an axis and plot people -- plot women on a separate chart from men. "The Norm" is the sexuality that is represented by people falling +/- 1 standard deviation from the middle. That would be most heterosexual people. Advance in either direction, and you get bi then homo sexuals and aseual and homophobes perhaps headed in the opposite direction. (This is grossly simplified, since there are many characteristics that would need to be charted) They all have place under the bell curve. The true "deviants" are the ones who are beyond +/- 3 "sigma" (standard deviations)

I hope you find the peace and love you are looking for, wherever it leads you.

[Ambrocious]

Thanks Don. I know that eventually he will be gone and I will be sad. I joined not just blindly though. I have had faith in God for pretty much all my life and so I joined to gain more knowledge and perhaps to understand love more in aspects that I was unsure of. So far it has been worth it and my bouts of sadness are usually done away with sooner than I can hope for.

On one possitive note, I got to see a pic of him without his shirt on...and for some reason even though he knows I'm gay he still showed me. Sadly I couldn't keep it.

The next part of this story is hopefully coming soon if I can find some time to write it. Thanks for understanding. Most would read what I wrote about what I chose to do in life and shriek with anger/hatred towards religious stuff. I'm just happy your mind and heart appear to be open and understanding. If you were here I'd hug you.

[miketlow]

It's even worse when you can't actually do the actions like in this story due to certain life changing things. Despite the fact that I am a member of the LDS church now (dam those hot young elders!) I will still try and finish this story. I really do enjoy writing love stories...and the only love I have ever and probably will ever be able to relate with is gay love.

CALL IT POETRY:

Oh the pain in the suffering of a man when he loves a man; his heart has leapt from the dust and into a pit of sorrow. Even unto sadness his life has caused him regret yet his love for him is strong but unquenched it has been so far. In as much as life is uncertain, this is the ways of life. We live, we die, we see things in our lives and often if we are lucky we allow our selves to love. For if it were not for love, I would not desire to live. And if the man I seek is there, so be it that he loves me as well, I will do as must needs be and keep in heart that which must be done and love him as must take place. For this reason I am here to live and if love is meant to be denied, it would be as if I should have never lived at all.

In desperation and in an unkind world we should put our self through, it is a choice of my own to fight without anger and through down myself and try to be as that which would cause me to live. Even as the one whom I love, yes him who has drooped me into the watery pit and I came forth and saw him holding me, I have in me this understanding that it is love that keeps me in agony and in peace. This man which walks his life for God, this man I walk beside because of my love that is not to be so and he knows of it; in speaking to him and expressing it, even he knows that I do love him.

Should we decide who we should and should not love? Would it be correct to not love him who walks for another cause simply because it is considered wrong? If it were not for my love for him, the life I have now would not be and in fact, alive I would not be. By the twist in my heart I have found myself pouring out to him who has fed me with his love, as I have confessed unto him, he has held me as a brother yet MORE I seek from this man. I have made all my feelings known to him, yes even as my desires for he and I, and he has not yet departed from me as a friend. Is this worth it? Never able to have fully him which I have grown so close to? It is the way of my current times in which I love that which I could never have.

Only it is now that I seem to be led to suffer so that amplified all love will be when in the near sight of my life, reaching out far, maybe there is hope of love. Yet this man, the Elder which I love, he has trapped me in between his good, my love, and that which is forbidden. With sadness I know that he will move on and life as I have now may wither and droop. His face will remain in my heart as the man whom I loved without sex...for the love we all desire most is the love which we never can have. This is my life.


(Attachment is the Elder I speak of)

Oh he's very nice looking...My problem is I have had a thing for white guys for a while and have been given a few opportunities to have a "little"fun with a hot one but of course it had to be offered when I had just proposed to my now fiance...All that time I was single I did not get offers like the one I received from this guy!!...lol...I wish I could shack this fantasy of what would it be like with this guy but it haunts me like a ghost on Halloween!!Oh well guess I'll just write a song about it!

Ambrocious keep up the good work you are an writer's inspiration!!

[uhmcrackerjacks]

See what happens when you are supposed to be in a committed relationship but don't talk? Lucas should have been kicked the f*%ked out the night before. Now there are a whole bunch of problems. But, maybe the writer is going to write Lucas into the story and they will have an agreeable 3 some. Who know? Could be interesting.

[TimWhite07]

This is a great story and should definatly be continued.

[Whosna]

Please keep writing!
I want things to get better between Mark and Shawn. I can't believe Mark even said that to Lucas!
In the last story you said they'd stay together, so I'm really looking forward to what is coming next with Shawn and Mark.

[Ambrocious]

Every relationship has bumps. I also said that they broke up also...we will see if my depression will ever go away or if it will lead me to the kitchen and to a knife.

[DonQuixote]

Ambrocious,
Life is too great a gift to throw away. Don't even remotely entertain the second option.

There's a trite cliche' that says what doesn't kill you makes you stronger -- there's a reason it's a cliche' - it has a LOT of truth to it.

Think of your depression as a part of your tool kit. You can't understand why, yet, but it is there to help you fight against something in yourself that you may not like very much, and to help you grow beyond where you are now, and how you are feeling.

I'm not saying that the reason for the depression won't always leave a bit of an ache inside, but it will allow you to heal over time and become stronger for it

For more on suicide, I recommend that you read GSDX's (aka Neil) Best Friends Play Hard -- THEN continue on and read the "REDUX" that fans about demanded Neil write. It is an interesting and extremely poignant tale of two possible endings.

The reader posts are a vital part of these threads.

Remember what I told you before.

It's a beautiful day out there. The road might be a little bumpy here or there but YOU ARE Strong Enough to navigate it.

Take Care,

[superboy88]

Ambrocious
i was just wondering if you were gonna be writing more of this story anytime soon ?

[frenguy23]

When Will You Be Putting Up More. Its Awsome

[Ambrocious]

Not sure...I currently am next to homeless...so just whenever I got the time and proper mind set I suppose...then I'll either write it or be in a mental institution!

[frenguy23]

oh my god. sorry to hear.
hope things work out for you

[DonQuixote]

To All who have read Ambrocious' stories and follow up notes by him -- I urge you to send him a PM expressing your support for him - he might get an e-mail notification at some point.

The last I heard from him, he was searching, and I'm not sure if what he was finding is what he really needs.

Let him know you care about him and value him.

Thanks,
DonQ

[Ambrocious]

I think I'm regaining my footing on life and hopefully soon...this story along with my others will be getting attention as they deserve from my mind. Been dying to write again and I hope that I truly am making a full recovery from my mental break down of sorts. Wish me luck!

[pe_gay89]

That's great news, Ambrocious! Good luck, I hope we start seeing you more frequently soon.

[TimWhite07]

Yay i cant wait. I love this story. It is great that you are getting a hold onyour life and that mental break down.

Looking forward to seing this story progress.

[____]

Yay finally. Glad to have you back .

[Ambrocious]

The word was out…I was the first one to tell Shawn about what Lukas and I had done and I had hoped somehow for his reaction to be a bit harsher. I had fully expected that he would want to hit me or to punch a wall or something but he just cracked a very small smile as this blank look appeared in his eyes and slowly as if it were a dream he walked to me and cupped my face in his strong and soft hands and kissed my forehead. After the kiss had ended he dropped his hands to his side and walked from our room where I was standing and I could hear his footsteps walking slowly down into the basement.

I let out a huge gust of air, not realizing that I was holding my breath really. Frozen in panic and in fear I didn’t move from my standing point for what seemed like an eternity. The ticking of the clock on the wall sounded as if it was going to break out of the clock frame and join an orchestra because to me right now, it was sounding like a slow drum beat. What had I just done?

Eventually I snapped out of my trance and the hazy feeling had left me. I no longer felt confused or lost but the great feeling of guilt had crept into my head and I threw myself onto the bed where I began to cry so very hard but not before putting my face into the pillow so that maybe Shawn wouldn’t have to hear me. I didn’t want him to see me and I just wanted to vanish or slip into a dimension of nothingness and just die.

The ticking on the clock became a pattern that I began to focus on and slowly my sobs stopped and I just laid there in my bed as I watched the other digital clock change from minute to minute as if it were an eternity of time. I don’t know when it hit me; that feeling as if something was horribly wrong or that feeling you might get when you hear someone has died, but I suddenly had this tremendous feeling inside of me that made me want to stand up and walk into the streets of downtown Boston and stand in the road until a car smashed into me and killed me. I didn’t even have the energy to stand though…and then I realized that I was loosing consciousness and I allowed the sorrow filled night of sleep to take me away into unpleasant dreams of death and loneliness.


The warmth of someone next to me was a huge surprise as I stirred awake in the middle of some horrible dream. I was suddenly worried but not sure about what. I looked at the digital clock and it read 4:52 A.M. as I slowly turned over to see Shawn lying next to me. I was confused now more than ever really. Why would he want to even sleep with me after…after I betrayed him? I half expected Lucas to be the one next to me more so than Shawn in all reality but there he was; his eyes shut tight and his arms still clutching onto me even after I turned. I wanted to get up and run or something but just as I was about to go, I felt his arms grab onto me tighter.

“Don’t go,” he said as I froze in shock, not knowing what to think really. It was like a child was calling to their parent for them to not leave the room because of the shadowy boogey men that were surly hiding away in the darkness. I smelled the aroma of alcohol suddenly and I realized why Shawn had come to bed on this night. He wasn’t thinking straight.

I came closer to Shawn and he was ever so willing to pull at me closer as if I were the teddy bear. I then noticed the next thing that I hadn’t before; his pillow was drenched with his tears. I lay my head right next to his and I looked into his eyes that the moon light was allowing me to see on this exceptionally bright early morning. “Don’t ever leave me,” he said as he slid his head and nuzzled it into my chest where I placed my hand over his head as if to comfort a child.

My heart suddenly had its ice of fear begin to melt as I let it all go…I just let it all out and with my hands I comforted my love as he cried the bitter tears of this trial of mixed agony and love. His hands wrapped around me as if I were his life preserver. He changed the position of his face on my chest suddenly but then resumed his crying; laying my head low enough I pressed my cheek onto his matted hair and breathed it in deeply. The smell of my husband was always relaxing to me but right now it was more like a drug that I needed to have but not to relax…to survive.

For about an hour I held onto Shawn and then he fell asleep cuddled deeply and compassionately with our bodies wound around each other like a tangle. I didn’t care how I felt right now…I only cared for how I treated Shawn from now on. How could I be so lucky to have won his heart to begin with? I’m just a nobody…as I always thought I was yet still Shawn loved me very much and I loved him in return. Despite of all of this, he was there next to me, naked and exposed with the bitter future ahead of us, whatever it may be.








In the late morning when I woke up I saw him laying there still and quiet and asleep. I felt as if I was a war torn ship at sea and I was now stranded in the ocean hoping that someone could swing by and mend my broken bow and repair my mast. I felt as if the storm had past but the wounds were still there and although they couldn’t be seen, the TITANIC was sinking from wounds just below the surface. There was a great deal of relief even still. We had made it through the night alive and the love of my life was still next to me.

I watched as he lay on his back as he breathed out and I admired his body for a moment. His chest as he has been working out was more toned than ever and his abs was very well chiseled to. His beautiful face; so tan and naturally angelic looking as ever had its perfectly shaped features that I had enjoyed touching and holding in all of my days of my life together with him. I reached out and gently ran my fingers through his hair and then across his stomach where his happy trail lead down to his crowned jewels.

“That tickles,” Shawn whispered just barely loud enough for me to hear but since I was paying a lot of attention to him I froze as if I was caught with my hand in the cookie jar. His hand wrapped around mine warmly and he opened his eyes and looked deeply into my soul. I say his sorrow and I say his joy all at the same time. A tear began to well up in my eyes and Shawn was quick to wipe it away with his finger.

“I still love you Mark and I always will,” came the voice of an angel, my guardian angel right next to me. Instinctively we moved closer to each other and then we kissed. It was a quick kiss but it assured me that maybe the ship wasn’t sinking after all…but I knew that it still needed mending.

“How could you love me,” I asked with full intention to be a bit louder than I had been but my voice was cracked with a dry fear. His hand softly slid over my cheek and he pulled in again and kissed me. “Forgive yourself or your going to hurt me,” he said as I could see it in his eyes that he really meant it. How could he think that I had any right to forgive myself? I was guilty point blank.

I turned away from Shawn as I couldn’t stand looking into that face…that beautiful face of brilliance and compassion and forgiveness. I was so angry at myself that I had made up my mind that I was going to get up and walk outside and get into the car and just drive until I couldn’t go anymore. I was beginning to swing my legs off the bed when Shawn grabbed a hold of my hand and tightened his grip. He didn’t hold onto my legs as they swung over the edge but as I turned to look back, I saw his face. His hand tightened around mine even more.

“You don’t deserve what I did to you Shawn. Let me just go away and you won’t have to deal with my shit anymore.” Shawn tugged at me pretty hard and I fell onto the bed and on top of him. I was getting pretty mad now and I really wanted to leave the room before I exploded like a over filled balloon but I found that I was frozen on top of Shawn who held fast onto my back with his strong arms. I struggled a little bit and broke free and stood up out of the bed.

I quickly grabbed up a shirt and was about to put it on but Shawn who quickly jumped out of bed tore it out of my hands and tossed it on the floor. Now I was getting a little bit pissed here. “Let me go,” I said pretty loudly as I stiffened as if I was preparing to fight him if he wouldn’t let me go. “No,” he said as he reached out to take my hand but I batted his hand away. I was breathing pretty hard at this point when I realized that so was he. His chest of muscle and his strong arms were in a defensive posture, not in an attack posture though. I tried running past him as I snagged a shirt from the dresser as I slid out into the hallway but Shawn was quickly upon my tracks.

I was turned around and pinned against the wall and I tried my best to make him let me go and squirmed a bit even but he held me there pretty tightly. I looked into his eyes with rage now as I was sick of being pinned against the wall and then suddenly another figure stepped into view from around the hallway. Lucas was in his boxers just staring at us as if he was wondering if he should call the police or run for cover.

Shawn let go of his tight grip and backed up from me as we both looked at Lucas who was obviously beginning to cry. Something inside of me snapped as if I was to blame for all of this and I instantly wanted to comfort Lucas. I softened up all within seconds as I reached out with my hand towards Lucas but he shook his head quickly and ran away and I listened as I heard his door slam. Shawn and I both stood there for about 30 seconds; regaining our breath from our brief struggle we just had that nearly turned violent.

We both tuned into every noise we heard from Lucas and my feet had a mind of their own as I was carried into the entertainment room where we had a pool table and where the exit to our house was just in enough time to see Lucas bolt out of the door. “Lucas wait,” I screamed as I opened the door too late as he sprinted down the block with nothing more than his freshly clothed body. Shawn was right behind me but I didn’t even notice that he was standing there until I turned around quickly to get dressed and go after Lucas. As I turned and began to run, I ran right into Shawn who grabbed my arms and looked at me. “Let him go,” he said to me very sternly. “It’s not safe out there, he’s gonna get himself killed,” I said as I gently broke free from his soft grip and walked into my room which was around the corner.

“Lucas is a smart boy, let him take some time to vent,” Shawn said very excitedly with a tad bit of panic as well. I still continued to put on some pants and the rest of my cloths and so did Shawn but he didn’t seem to be in too much of a hurry to go and bring Lucas back. As I was getting ready to walk out of the doorway from my room, Shawn stood fully clothed as well just waiting for me to stop. He had that look in his eyes and he was also blocking the door way.

“Please move out of the way so I can get Lucas,” I said through gritted teeth now. Shawn shifted and folded his arms but then suddenly stood sideways allowing me the space to walk by. I angrily walked past Shawn half expecting him to grab me or stop me but he didn’t. I marched my way proudly around the corner and into the kitchen where I then turned into the entertainment room where I froze at the door and just gazed out into the new day.

The sun was pretty high in the sky and our neighbor Grant Franco was walking by which I knew well and he waved at me but when I didn’t wave back he quickly looked away and continued about his business. I wanted to go out and get into the car and drive and grab Lucas and make him stay put where he was safe. I wanted to stop him from leaving ever again. I had made a promise to keep him safe and I wasn’t about to break that promise.

Then in all the same moment another thought entered into my head. How selfish could I possibly be right now? I wanted to go out and grab Lucas and force him to stay home. I wanted to make sure that he was safe and that I had control of the situation. How would I like it though if I wasn’t allowed to run away when something wasn’t right? How would it feel if Shawn had pinned me down and tied me up in my moment of chaos? My plans had all slipped away now as everything about what I was about to do was trashed when I realized that Lucas is just as free as Shawn or I.

If I went out now and forced Lucas to come back, I would only be hurting the situation and I wasn’t ready to deal with that. I needed to heal but with Lucas gone and Shawn still unpredictable, healing was something much like an impossible motive.









As I escaped downstairs after the earlier morning events, I found myself miserably laying on the huge soft couch in the relaxation room with Shawn sitting at my side saying nothing. Two hours had passed by and neither of us said a word to each other but neither of us could say anything to each other right now. Shawn had gathered that I knew about him and Lucas already, that was clear but not a word of it seemed important in comparison to what I had done with Lucas.

Into the first hour of Shawn sitting next to me I scooted closer to him and I held onto his hand with a great deal of numb pain echoing into eternity. Shawn eventually laid down on the oversized large couch that was nearly the size of a bed. We looked into each other’s eyes and there was nothing left to do. “I’m sorry Mark…I’m sorry that I haven’t been truthful with you about Lucas,” I stopped him as I placed a single finger on his lips. “Don’t say sorry,” I said as a tear came into my eyes and I smiled wincing at the odd moment of apologies. I quickly kissed his lips and held tightly onto his hand as I stared down at my wedding band. I pulled up our two joined hands and I kissed both of our rings and then laid them back down gently beside the two of us.

“This is only step one,” I said as I broke the silence yet again. Shawn nodded in a approval once and with his free hand he cupped our two joined hands. “We can do this Mark,” he said with a very hopeful voice and he held tightly onto our hands accompanied by a brief smile of assurance. “What do we do now,” I asked as if I were the child now; hoping that Shawn would have a magical answer to make all the problems go away.

“What does Lucas mean to you,” I asked suddenly without thinking. The question didn’t seem to make Shawn flinch as if he expected this conversation to take place earlier. “I love him of course but not like I love you,” he quickly responded. That was fair enough. “I feel the same,” were the next words that flew out of my moth as if I couldn’t hold it back. Shawn and I both laid there looking at each other as if we had to make a critical decision about something and then Shawn cracked a huge smile and laughed. “What could be so funny right now,” I asked him, concerned if something was horribly wrong. Shawn looked at me with a wicked smile and began.

“Well, the harm is done and both of us are guilty. There isn’t much room to hurt each other anymore I suppose,” he said but then his smile widened even more as if he had something really explosive to say. “What would you say to resolving this issue in a way that would be less harmful than a total meltdown?” I shook my head yes of course. “Well that sounds like the best thing,” I chimed in with a hint of laughter and nervous anxiety building up because I think I knew what he was going to ask for. “With all of this tension in the house right now, you could cut it with a butter knife,” he goofily sputtered as he sat up and so did I. “How do you feel about a threesome.” My jaw dropped open from both surprise and disbelief even though I had been thinking of it a time or two in my fantasies in the past.

I stood up and looked around the room and then back at Shawn who still had this huge devious grin like he was up to no good. It almost reminded me of the day I spray painted on his mansion back in Kansas…the first day Shawn and I met. “That is one hell of an interesting idea,” I said as a smile spread across my face…pondering. So much for a prolonged feud...

[pe_gay89]

Awesome! I'm glad Shawn and Mark aren't fighting about this. I'm still not sure they won't eventually, but let's enjoy it for now. Will Lucas agree to Mark's new plan, though?

[DonQuixote]

Ambrocious,
It's good to have you back in the authorship saddle.

I suppose it was inevitable. They all care for each other. Yes, there are levels and kinds of love, English being such an imprecise language.

It's been awhile. I had to do a quick jump start to refresh these old, tired, neurons.

A powerful chapter, my friend. So much emotion, angst, love, fear.

An interesting reversal of guilt - repeated trysts for head was the triggering event, but it's miniscule compared to the one time of anal in the heat of revenge passion?

We do tend to twist our sense of morality and justice, don't we?

The proposed solution, while taking from the monogamy of the sanctity of marriage, does bring a new level of love and understanding to their particular circumstances.

I'm glad you're back to being able to write.
I know you never really left but, welcome home.

[TimWhite07]

Yes you still got it. Loved the chapter. ANd a threesome does sound like an interesting idea.

[harry113]

Hey Ambrocious, Great to have you back.
I'm so pleased you are feeling well enough to write, hope things continue to improve for you.
Great chapter, you certainly haven't lost the touch.
Please continue
Harry

[frenguy23]

“Welcome the task that makes you go beyond yourself.”

Hope everything is going great with you now.

[dylanwhite82]

i want moreeeee!!

[SpeedDemonNYC]

Hey Ambrocious. I have spent the last two days reading this story [and the prequel as well] and I must say I REALLY like this story a lot. Is there any chance of you continuing?

[Ambrocious]

Trying to write a new chapter soon. Sorry that I have been off the saddle for a long time...life has quite a few twists and unfortunate turns, including the loss of desire to write and live. I'm fighting through my personal demons and look forward to writing more, I hope.

[Craiger]

Hey Ambrocious,

Good to hear from you again. I look forward to more of your story and I hope that through your writing you can master those personal demons. I think there are times in all our lives that those demons try to control us. However, with support from family and friends they really don't have the power they think they have. Best of luck and keep us posted on your progress.

Craiger