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A State of Mind!

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by , March 14th, 2014 at 03:43 PM (1150 Views)
I realise that I haven’t updated this blog for quite a number of weeks, a failure that is completely related to my present state of mind. Since the beginning of the year I have lost every iota of enthusiasm to do anything; requiring enormous amounts of effort even to do the simplest of things.

If it is essential it gets done but then all I want to do is remain in bed and not get out of it to be obliged to face the world and recognise that my life was deteriorating slowly into non-existance. I am well aware that this is a symptom of depression but have refused to accept that as a diagnosis being well aware of what I should be doing with my life and how to regain the pleasure it used to provide.

Two months into giving up smoking; two minor surgeries for possible life endangering symptoms; then add two months of the most awful weather I have experienced here in the South of France. All these add up to acceptable reasons for retreating to my bed; I call it my “hibernation treatment”.

So here I am, not quite blossoming in the same way as the cherry trees but life is slowly putting on a smile once again.

My doctor, quite worried about my possible state of health and subsequently prescribing me a battery of new test, is finally convinced that my life is unliveable unless I am smoking. She advised me today that my nicotine addiction is much less a danger than the damage smoking is doing to my lungs, legs and arteries. So I am allowed electronic cigarettes with a high dose nicotine liquid, plus skin patches to ensure that I don’t fail in my attempt this time. When your doctor understands you and supports you as firmly as mine does it is a great factor in that desire to succeed.

Of course when she says she doubts I will live 2 more years if I carry on smoking that is a great influence as well.

So here I am encircled by health problems still having to push myself to cook, eat or even work yet really feeling as if spring has finally arrived


  1. JakeLucas's Avatar
    I still read your blog, and others as well.
    I don't leave comments as much as I used to, mostly because I don't want to be -- or be seen as -- the JUB busybody.

    I sympathize with your goal to quit smoking. From your descriptions, it seems that my addiction was not as intense as yours. Like you, I made several attempts before I finally quit "for good." My motto used to be, "It's easy to quit smoking. I've done it a hundred times."

    The physical addiction was relatively easy to break. I used patches and occasionally gum. The more difficult part of quitting was the habit of reaching for a cigarette in particular circumstances or at certain times. Between the patches, gum and changing my habits, both the physical and mental addictions were finally broken.

    It's worth the bother. You will feel much better physically and emotionally. It's just a pity that we have to go through the withdrawal, feeling worse, before we feel better. I'll wish you good luck with it.
  2. DonQuixote's Avatar
    I tend to forget to check out peoples' home pages and blogs and such.
    My limited time each night means I'm pushing just to catch up on the threads.

    I happened to see the "stats" section at the bottom of a page, saw your blog was the most recently updated, and clicked on the link - I've just read the last few, starting after your return from Russia.

    Smoking - I tried to quit a few times. I actually bid on hypnosis treatment from our local PBS (Public Broadcasting Station) auction MANY years ago. I wanted to quit, thought it would help give me the jump start I needed. It worked - but dumb shit that I was back then, I decided to see if I could break the post-hypnotic suggestion - of course I could! It was difficult, but I managed.

    After quitting for many years, I hit a mid-life crisis - loss of a job of 12+ years - picked the habit back up. Years later I was ready to quit again, made an appt with a Psychologist who did hypnotherapy - one session as a kick start and I was ready - and done.

    I hope you are successful in your efforts to quit. Every day you don't smoke is a day your lungs can start to repair themselves. It can mean a lot to your life expectancy. I last quit in July 2006 after a triple play of echo-cardiogram, nuclear stress test, and angiogram cum -plasty revealed I'd had a heart attack at some point in the past - I have no idea when.

    Take the time to enjoy life - even if that's just enjoying the breeze and the vista.

    Try not to let the stressors of the day build internally - let it go like water off a duck's back.