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its been a long time

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its been about 16 months since i wasnt single -

16 long months of waking up alone , putzing around the homestead by myself , falling asleep with my bunny for company. Im still not used to it - i visit my good friends J+E as often as i can , work and WOW myself into oblivion haha - try haul my ass to gym ( add 16 months of comfort eating -> i really should say im IN a relationship with carbs lol ). Ive spring cleaned and renovated trying to paint and plaster over memories - ive talked the ear off my therapist - ive painted a HUGE canvas in fits of emotion.

ive come to the conclusion that the emotions and memories dont go away with plaster or paint or anger or tears or very large amounts of gin . SO im trying to cherish the good ones and forget the bad ones and to remind myself that love exists ive worn the engagement ring i bought on my left ring finger.

So yes - id agree - im not the easiest person in the world to get along with ( understatement ) im not the most muscular or physically attractive person in the world ( sucks little flabdomen in subconsciously ) and well im more than a little socially awkward (turtle) and then there is over 30 is old in gay terms aarrgg. Im an average guy with a good job a house and a car . . . who cant find a date - not that i even know if im ready for one . . . but its kinda nice to be asked.

TIll then ill be trying to enjoy the distractions life has in the form of kayaking snowboarding traveling cooking eating (in MODERATION ) and maybe even spoiling myself a little - and at night ill snuggle with my bunny and turn the ring around my finger a few times and maybe just maybe have a full nights sleep for the first time in more than year