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My thoughts

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This is my thoughts that i want to get off my chest. i am tired of being reject again and again by guys.. i know that i am not good looking but i am a nice guy that will like to have someone to talk with and have fun with.. most of guys always judge me by my outside appearance. i always keep things inside of me, i have a hard time telling someone that something is bothering me because i believed that they dont want to listen to whatever is bothering me. i am tired of my mom always put my older sister and younger brother before me. i try so hard not to be such a homebody but i cannot help it. i am naturally a shy and nice person but once anyone get to know me, i am nice to hang around with. i often hope that i will find someone who like and accept me for what i am but i havent find anyone so far. i am 6'5,260, i have been told that i am not a fat guy but just big boy. i wanted to loose weight but i seem cannot. you can always find me smiling and laughing, and i somewhat think that i eat and eat to keep the depression down..... no matter how nice i am, i still not get anyone who is willing to go out with me... i always believe that i will end up alone, it seem like that i will end up alone... i am surprise that i havent drive insane by the loneliness and just end it.. for once i want my mom to put me ahead of my sibling and for once i want to do something on my own... i am 22 years old but she still treat me like a damn kid. i wanted to bring my car for school but she wont let me.... i want to get the car fixed but she refuse to fixed it even throught i have money to get it done. i was force to take loan for college because she refuse to save up money for college, i am afraid that i will end up be in debt because of her. my aunt always try to tell me to tell her what i wanted but my mom refuse to listen what i want to said.. other people just basic just ignore me, the only time they will pay attention to me is that i am tall and they will ask me if i pay sports,if i said no then they seem somewhat disappointing or something. i feel better as i type it but i think i still have a long way to go..