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  1. #101
    ummagumma
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    LV, have you considered moving to Vegas? If you have school or other obligations you should take care of those first, but if nothing's holding you back, go for it!

    I moved halfway across the country for my best friend. It sucked moving away from my friends/family back home, but we are so close and so important to each other that after a while, it just got to the point where *not* moving wasn't really an option. I've never regretted it for a second..some people are just worth that kind of effort.

  2. #102
    JUB Addict LostVegas's Avatar
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Quote Originally Posted by ummagumma
    LV, have you considered moving to Vegas? If you have school or other obligations you should take care of those first, but if nothing's holding you back, go for it!

    I moved halfway across the country for my best friend. It sucked moving away from my friends/family back home, but we are so close and so important to each other that after a while, it just got to the point where *not* moving wasn't really an option. I've never regretted it for a second..some people are just worth that kind of effort.

    Im really considering moving out there sooner than I planned..as of recently my plan was to move Summer 2007..but I dont know if I could last here that long..I DO know I will have to be here till late summer a least of this year because I am currently finishing my Masters on Education and Special Education..thanks for talking..Brian

  3. #103
    radix29
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    As i'm sure many people have already said, you are unbelieveably lucky to have a friend such as him. I am betting that most couples, straight or gay, do not have a relationship as deep as what you have with your friend. While it might not be sexual in nature, there are those that would gladly give that part up to have such a truly great friend.

    There is one odd point that keeps sticking in my head. He's already admited that he has known for a while now that you are gay, even though you only just told him. Even you deep down inside probably knew that he had some ideas that you might be gay. The thing is, when he made that Jerry Springer comment about you secretly being in love with him as a joke - when people say something as shocking as that, they are most likely being serious and just trying to cover it up with a laugh. I bet you all along that he's known that you aren't only gay, but that you are in love with him. He obviously doesn't have a problem with that either, but had you also admited to being in love with him, I don't think he would have been all that shocked. After all, he's known (or guessed) that you were gay for a while now... so can he really believe that two guys can become so close to each other, without you developing some kind of feelings for the him?

  4. #104

    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Brian,


    I'm glad all is going well for you. I haven't posted on your thread in a couple of days...hoping that you'd get over the initial shock and start seeing a few things. From looking at a post of yours from earlier today, I think your light bulb is starting to light up.

    You're so right about your VERY CLOSE relationship with him, even when he has known that you're gay. But consider this:

    • Remember the last couple of nights he was with you. He said 'be who you are and let no one take that from you'. He also said ' Don't let someone force you to be someone you're not'. It sounds to me as though he is saying, "Don't let yourself live in the hell of being in the closet to please others like I'm doing."
    • Also, he ACTUALLY played a MADONNA song and said this song 'reminds me of us'!!!! Brian, that is very, very, gay!
    • Plus, he goes around telling you 'I Love You' all the time. No self-respecting straight guy is gonna go around saying that to even his best buddy.
    He has moved away with this girl and is getting into a very serious relationship with her that is going to be miserable. Next, he may enter into an unhappy marriage, that will end in a very sad divorce, uneccessarily hurting her, because he can't admit he's gay.

    I certainly think that your feelings for him are mutual.

    Mike

  5. #105

    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Quote Originally Posted by mike0501
    Brian,


    I'm glad all is going well for you. I haven't posted on your thread in a couple of days...hoping that you'd get over the initial shock and start seeing a few things. From looking at a post of yours from earlier today, I think your light bulb is starting to light up.

    You're so right about your VERY CLOSE relationship with him, even when he has known that you're gay. But consider this:

    • Remember the last couple of nights he was with you. He said 'be who you are and let no one take that from you'. He also said ' Don't let someone force you to be someone you're not'. It sounds to me as though he is saying, "Don't let yourself live in the hell of being in the closet to please others like I'm doing."
    • Also, he ACTUALLY played a MADONNA song and said this song 'reminds me of us'!!!! Brian, that is very, very, gay!
    • Plus, he goes around telling you 'I Love You' all the time. No self-respecting straight guy is gonna go around saying that to even his best buddy.
    He has moved away with this girl and is getting into a very serious relationship with her that is going to be miserable. Next, he may enter into an unhappy marriage, that will end in a very sad divorce, uneccessarily hurting her, because he can't admit he's gay.

    I certainly think that your feelings for him are mutual.

    Mike
    I agree with you. I've thought(since I started reading this post) that maybe he's just as in love with you(Brian) as much as you are with him. Maybe he's just ignorant to the whole being with another guy thing. Maybe he just doesn't know how to convey his feelings. Maybe he loves you but just think its wrong to be with another guy and maybe ashamed to admit or feel that way.

  6. #106
    JUB Addict LostVegas's Avatar
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Quote Originally Posted by tpeezy101
    I agree with you. I've thought(since I started reading this post) that maybe he's just as in love with you(Brian) as much as you are with him. Maybe he's just ignorant to the whole being with another guy thing. Maybe he just doesn't know how to convey his feelings. Maybe he loves you but just think its wrong to be with another guy and maybe ashamed to admit or feel that way.


    I dont know what to say...I obsess over the situation between us much much less...Im still riding high over his reaction and suspect I will for a while if not for life...All in our friendship he would do and say a lot of things that are not typical for a straight guy to say to another guy(especially when he knew I was either gay or bi)...so he did leave me with some mixed messages..either intentionally or not....I know it is silly to point these things out and to wonder about them..considering that he is the only one that knows the answer to it....He jokingly said when I came out, that he was afraid that I might have a crush on him and he said even if I did he wouldnt be mad but thats just not his thing...and after I said buddy..you dont have to worry, you are not my type anyway....hah!! lied through my teeth on that one...and then he said THANK GOD...I dont know...all I CAN say is , that sometimes thinking about that possibility of a chance between us seems exotic and exciting and awesome..but then I think hes been possibility girl 8 years 3 of which hes engaged to her..he takes this girl..who he always calls his wife constantly two move to Vegas not once, but twice..I can never see him ending that even if he was gay or bi...In fact if he is gay or bi I think he gets so much out of my relationship with him...with this..brotherly bond etc..that he feels maybe he can be able to stay with her as long as Im there...this is just me now speaking..but it seemed to me that he was just going with the flow before I came along...and now maybe hes hesitant to get married...but then he talks of having babies with his girl...and then he used to talk to me about some sexual encounters he had with women....and he always honks his horn at the ladies and typical male stuff..so maybe Im just totally wrong on this...thanks for posting guys..Brian..

  7. #107
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Human Sexuality is a very "Tricky" Thing! I've read, and agreed with, many Threads, right "Here", about Sexuality being a Sliding Scale type of "deal". And, yet, We are all raised to believe it is "Black or White"! Our reactions are all based on Social Expectations that may, or may not, be True!! And what We are reacting to is solely based on what we THINK others might Think! All of which is based on our own experiences being judged by other's reactions, based on what They Think WE are Thinking!! What a tangled Web we weave!! ...

    So ... what can We Truly Believe?

    Based on what You've told us ... Your "Bro" is "into" other Humans! As are We ALL!! And He is Definitely "INTO" YOU!! But ... doesn't really have a Clue as to how He "Should" deal with that! After all, He's SUPPOSED to be really feeling "Tight" with His Girl! BUT ... You come along and He finds Himself "Closer" to YOU! What the Heck should He do NOW?

    Actually ... "The Answer" is fairly "Easy"! Fall back on the Stereotypes He has been raised to be "Comfortable" with! In other words, He is desparately trying to maintain that which He has been Taught to Believe He SHOULD Be! I'm sure He's feeling very "Generous" in "Accepting YOU for Who YOU are!", while maintaining His own sense of "But that's not Me!" When, in fact, that's probably NOT the case, at All!!

    I sense He may also be a bit "Scared" about what He is Truly Feeling for YOU! To the Point of, perhaps, not being totally Honest with YOU! I mean ... He does have quite a bit of Time, and Effort, "Invested" in His Girl! (And His Italian Image!!) To admit He might be "more" than "Mentally" attracted to YOU would "automatically" go against all of that! And, therefore, we have the Joking, and "Playing Around" Reactions!

    In "Short" ... and an attempt to bring this rambling to a swift close ... I think that should the "Right" Situation present itself, YOU may find a very "Willing", probably Naked, and Very HOT Italian Guy snuggling up to YOU as Close as He can Get!!

    But ... I diverge! The IMPORTANT "Thing" here is what the Two of You FEEL for each other! And from the sound of it, this is something to be Cherished beyong Words! And ... something that will "Be There" for the rest of Your LIVES! No matter What!!

    The Time apart will move swiftly enough! And no matter what may transpire between Him and His Girl, YOU will remain a Central Part of His Life! (As HE will in YOURS!)

    Be WELL, LV! Take care of those things that You must! Keep Your Eye "On The Ball", as "They" say. And ALL things shall come to the point that has been "Meant to Be" from the Start!

    And, of course ...

    Keep smilin'!!
    Ky
    WISDOM is the Knowledge you've gained ... After you could have used it! _Me

  8. #108
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Keep in mind that you may be totally wrong in reading his very close friendship with you as any sort of gay love. he might just be a really caring guy. you folks are obviously best friends and sometimes best friends are really that close.

    i think it'll get easier for you everyday. do not throw you furture plans to the wind just to get down there a bit faster. if you are close to finishing your masters (like this summer) just finish it and then go. I know you said something about summer of 2007, but i'm not sure what is holding you there past finishing your masters this summer, unless i misunderstood and you don't finish till next summer. but anyway...keep he in your thoughts, but don't obsess over him or not being with him. keep him close but not so close he is all you can think of. time will pass and then you'll be able to go down. "they" say that which doesn't break us only makes us stronger and i believe that.

  9. #109
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Listen to "Mikey"!!
    WISDOM is the Knowledge you've gained ... After you could have used it! _Me

  10. #110
    ummagumma
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    My best friend has told me he loves me many times, he's said he doesn't know what he'd do without me, and he's totally straight. In fact I think that a straight guy who is secure in his sexuality is *more* likely to say "I love you" than a gay guy who's in the closet and afraid of being found out.

    I can't say he's ever pointed out any Madonna songs that remind him of us, but we always go shopping together and he picks out clothes that look good on me, etc. I'm not really sure which is "gayer". From a psychological and emotional standpoint I'd say we're much more like a gay couple than normal friends; we're extremely close emotionally, and everyone says we act like an old couple who's been married for 50 years. But I'm positive he's not gay/bi.. Not only has he never shown any kind of sexual attraction, but I just don't think he'd go so far to show so much affection and emotional closeness with me, while knowing that I'm gay, with a lot of people *assuming* we're gay because we're so close, but then stopping just short of saying that he's gay.

    My gut feeling is that it's the same thing with your friend--if he was homosexual, it probably would have surfaced by now considering how close you two are. But that's OK; your friendship is so deep that he's practically your boyfriend, just without the sexual aspect.

    Things will be just fine. I have no doubt you two will stay just as close, you'll be talking all the time, and 6 months will be up before you know it.

  11. #111
    JUB Addict LostVegas's Avatar
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Thank you all for the advice..I will definitely be heeding some of it and taking others into consideration....I guess when is all said and done he is straight, and its only up to him to tell me otherwise..and so far he has told me he is straight...so as another poster stated in another thread..if he says hes straight..than I have to respect that and believe that he is...I guess its just my heart that wont let go of him in that way that makes it tricky...

    I just got off the phone with him and him and his girl were at a gas station getting gas and then they were heading out to eat something....they both told me how decent it is going and how happy they are..which is cool..but at the same time..I'm jealous..I should be out there...that was the plan from a year ago..but things change I guess...Im pretty sad right now...I do not pretend to know what makes me down so quick after I talk to him or happy so quick when I hear from him sometimes...

    I do still love him in that "beyond a friend" type way..hes such a perfect match for me...maybe its my refusal to think that I could ever find someone who is such a good match for me...I do not know...I have always wondered where and when I will meet my guy..I am not into the gay scene, bars etc....and I know soilwork suggested joining an organization or a club in some of his threads...so maybe I'll do that..I broke down crying juts a little when I was talking to him..but his girl was there so he was just kind of "there" for me saying it will be ok..he was not like he usually is...Hes different around her...In a way I dont like when shes around when I talk to him...was that bad to say? I mean I do love her like a sister..I guess that makes this whole situation a bit harder..both have been accepting of me..and here I want her man..I do feel bad at times..but since I have never acted on it nor actively did anything to break them apart in anyway..in fact when he was always talking to me about leaving her..I was the one who was always pushing him to be with her and stay with her...anyway thanks..talk to you guys soon..brian

  12. #112
    lawrencebomb
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Well that might be a ittle bit odd now that you love him. But in the same time, I really do admire you Lv(Brian) not ony your really touching friendship but your attitude as well. I mean like you are reallyyyy an angel. You not only supported your love to not leave his GF but stickwth her s well! I am really touched!You are totally different from me. I once had a crush on my best friend and like quite the package(with all the looks,body,behaviour etc.) very attractive. However he’s straight but we were very close and behave like couples. I always help him to do laundries, cooking for him and even buying him a gift on Valentine’s day. Although he know that I like guys and always gets teased by his friends, he accepts me and and being cool with me. However he always told me to check girl’s ass,boobs and stuff that annoys me a ittle. And after one and a half year she got herself a GF. That’s fine but after caughting her mouth to mouth and touching her ass, boobs and licking her face, I was very pissed.and I cried that day I left him a voice message and tell him I really love him and was very pissed wth his GF. The next day when he phoned I hang his phone. I stop hanging out wth him and ignore him everytime he talks to me. I was very jealous about her GF and even thought of splitting them. After 2 years now we still never talked. After reading yr thread iwas very touched and regretted what I did. I realized that I not only lose a love but my best pal. I am really an asshole.

  13. #113
    JUB Addict LostVegas's Avatar
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Quote Originally Posted by lawrencebomb
    Well that might be a ittle bit odd now that you love him. But in the same time, I really do admire you Lv(Brian) not ony your really touching friendship but your attitude as well. I mean like you are reallyyyy an angel. You not only supported your love to not leave his GF but stickwth her s well! I am really touched!You are totally different from me. I am really an asshole.

    Hey whats up man?.....Im sorry that you relationship with your friend didnt turn out as well...maybe its not too late to call him and repair some things?? I must admit, at times it was pretty hard not to want him or wish them to break up or even try to stoke the fire as they say while they constantly fought with each other..but unfortunately/fortunately...heh..I took the higher road...but I must admit the thoughts I have sometimes are just too overwhelming to me..anyway we are having just about one of the worst snow storms ever here in NYC ..so Ill be in all day catching up on the forums...look foward to talking with some of you today..peace..Bri

  14. #114
    JUB Addict LostVegas's Avatar
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Wow..couldnt help but post here again....I was just listenign to a song by Alanis Morissette and it reminded me so much of my buddy and our friendship..it is called UNSENT..in my mind I take out the others guys names and put my bro's in and it touches me so much...for those of you unfamiliar with it..here are the lyrics..enjoy..talk to you soon..brian



    Dear Matthew, I like you a lot.
    I realize youíre in a relationship with someone right now,
    And I respect that.
    I would like you to know that if youíre ever single in the future,
    And you want to come visit me in california,
    I would be open to spending time with you,
    And finding out how old you were when you wrote your first song.

    Dear Jonathan, I liked you too much.
    I used to be attracted to boys who would lie to me,
    And think solely about themselves,
    And you were plenty self-destructive for my taste at the time.
    I used to say the more tragic the better.
    The truth is, whenever I think of the early 90ís,
    Your face comes up with a vengeance like it was yesterday.

    Dear Terrance, I love you muchly.
    Youíve been nothing but open hearted,
    And emotionally available and supportive,
    And nurturing, and consummately there for me.
    I kept drawing you in and pushing you away,
    I remember how beautiful it was to fall asleep on your couch,
    And cry in front of you for the first time.
    You were the best platform from which to jump beyond myself.
    What was wrong with me?

    Dear Marcus, you rocked my world.
    You had a charismatic way about you with the woman,
    And you got me seriously thinking about spirituality.
    And you wouldnít let me get away with kicking my own ass.
    But I could never really feel relaxed,
    And looked out for around you, though,
    And that stopped us from going any further than we did.
    And itís kinda too bad,
    Because we couldíve had much more fun.

    Dear Lou, we learned so much.
    I realize we wonít be able to talk for some time,
    And I understand that as I do you.
    The long distance thing was the hardest,
    And we did as well as we could.
    We were together during a very tumultuous time in our lives.
    I will always have your back and be curious about you,
    About your career,
    Your whereabouts.

  15. #115
    radix29
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Quote Originally Posted by LostVegas
    anyway we are having just about one of the worst snow storms ever here in NYC ..so Ill be in all day catching up on the forums...look foward to talking with some of you today..peace..Bri
    Talk about snow! Just finished shoveling for the past 2 hours. Not much fun, but at least its a good workout.

  16. #116
    JUB Addict LostVegas's Avatar
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Ok the snow was fun a all pretty for a little while now its old and I want it out of here!!


    Ok small update..has major problems with family today that in some way affected my bro.I gave him one of my credit cards to have in case of an emergency and he used it for some gas and groceries and the card company called my old house where my parents are and my mom found out and went ballistic...see my family hates my buddy and is jealous over how close I am to him, they think he uses me based on stuff they heard...and this news didnt help..yeah yeah im 29 but yes my mother still gets all over me! specially with money issues..we were raised to be very fiscal and responsible with anything regarding money and credit ratings and securing a good job..whole family works for the City of NYC...but anyway I went through hell today then went through more hell trying to track him down..finally did and he was upset..I told him my mom freaked and cancelled the card cause she thought it was stolen..he called me back 3 times saying hes sorry for the trouble he caused..and said hes so mad that my mom doesnt see him as a good person..he said I miss you brian and I wish you were here..he also said that he was very upset..I told him "bro..take a look outside...see that palm tree? smile dammit! you're in vegas.." he goes "fuck all of this if your not here..ill try and call you later and if not Ill speak to you tomorrow"...I then hung up, between shoveling and this drama Im bout fixing to relax..Brian

  17. #117
    ok455
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    wow thats just an amazing story. i had goodfriends in the past but i would love to have a friend like yours like larwance im like that i would get jealous of a friend when they meet someone and try to get rid them. but my question is how do u manage with a guy u really like and put up with him and his girlfriend?

  18. #118
    JUB Addict LostVegas's Avatar
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Quote Originally Posted by ok455
    wow thats just an amazing story. i had goodfriends in the past but i would love to have a friend like yours like larwance im like that i would get jealous of a friend when they meet someone and try to get rid them. but my question is how do u manage with a guy u really like and put up with him and his girlfriend?

    Hey...it is very hard and very tricky ...hard because hes obviously attached to this girl and talks about the future they will have etc...and so it seems hes very straight I guess...and then there is the tricky part..the mixed signals I get...and the mind games and the head games and the fact that even though Im into him, I have to respect his relationship..because thats what I would want someone to do for me if I was with someone I loved....i don't know.....its still hard everyday..I still have a thing for him and I suspect I will have one for quite some time..brian

  19. #119

    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Well...right now..my concern is...Why did he use your credit card? And why did you give him one...but since you did, and it was for emergencies...now he used it. It didn't sound like an emergency. What is he going to do about this?

  20. #120
    JUB Addict LostVegas's Avatar
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Quote Originally Posted by mike0501
    Well...right now..my concern is...Why did he use your credit card? And why did you give him one...but since you did, and it was for emergencies...now he used it. It didn't sound like an emergency. What is he going to do about this?
    Oh hes def gunna pay it back..hes just worried bout using up all his money..he had asked me prior to doing it if he could...but now the card is gone anyway..they have about 4100 dollars left as of now they have their first month there paid..they better get work soon, supposedly she has a job lined up as a teacher which I find odd because she doesnt even have her B.A. yet and I almost have my M.A. and couldnt find fast work out there..plus hes got no education after 10th grade..so Iim hoping he does ok..I can no longer help him financially, I have to hope hes does his best out there and focus on myelf in some aspecst now..BRIAN

  21. #121
    colinstone
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Great thread. Just read it all and if I have missed this out please forgive but I have to say that I've read in so many post have lucky you are brian and how lucky you both are - well I just have to say that I think your bri and his girlfriend are the real lucky ones to have someone as kind, generous, giving, intelligent and caring as you. Your type of unconditional love comes only from the best of parents and pets - and I think your bro is so lucky to know that whatever happens he will always have some great guy rooting for him and watching his back. With knowledge like that a guy can't fail - so I am sure (and rooting for them both) that Las Vegas will go great for them.

    As for you Bri - I know your bro treats you like you do him, but I truly hope that you get someone to complete you, whether it be your bro in the future or someone else.

    You truly deserve it guy.

  22. #122
    JUB Addict LostVegas's Avatar
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Hey it is about 5am here on the east coast in NYC..and Im just about to eat some breakfast and hit the shower..Just walked Dante and it is cooooooooooold out..going to leave round 530 to get the bus..public schools will always be open even if Nuclear war happens I suppose...anyway just wanted to say a quick good morning to my fellow JUBers and also to say thank you to all the people who have been readingthis and all the people just finding this thread...talk to you all in the afternoon..peace..Bri

  23. #123
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    LV, I was gone for the weekend, but from the looks of your messages, you seem to be doing a lot better. Good for you man! (I normally use the word 'buddy' but since I know how much it means to you, I'll use 'man' instead).

    Enjoy the snow! I hope it stays until June. j/k.

  24. #124
    JUB Addict LostVegas's Avatar
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Hey guys..how is it going...I am a little sad tonight...


    I called my bro up...we went through our usual sh*t of how thing are not the same without each other...he said today hit him hard because him and his girl were driving down the strip looking for stuff to do and she said "Damn if Bri was here we wouldnt be driving around aimlessly, we would be in the mountains and shopping and looking at stuff.."..this kind of got him down...I tried to take his mind off of things and I told him bro, everything happens for a reason..and he goes "Bri you are sounding strong tonight and positive...Im getting more down now.."

    Me and my buddy are weird in a way...When one of us is down..it makes us more down if the other one sounds or is more positive...I guess it makes us feel that no one is in our depression with us....something which we both have acknowledged as a problem but also something we laugh at...

    I told him I am taking things day by day and that school is taking stuff off my mind and that it only really hits me at night now...I asked him what he and his girl were up to..hoping to change the topic for a few.and he said they got free tickets to see a show at the Wynn Hotel later tonight and I said cool...and he goes "no..not cool..I feel bad even doing these things without you..you should be here" I told him that was silly and that he needs to live his life and have fun...

    Boy was I jealous and sad ...maybe that they were having a good time...or possible maybe that they will learn to have a great time even when I am not there....I asked what hes doing for work and he said that some guy saw his license plate(still NY plates) and struck up a conversation with him about his real estate business..and that the guy gave him his card....See..my buddy has ALWAYS been the type of person to have luck and it doesnt hurt that he talks to everyone..hes got a great personality....I was always jealous of this...Im human and I freely admit the emotions and feelings that come along with that..we had always talked of doing real estate together and this news just made me sad and in a way hoping he doesnt do it...I know..I sound like a bad friend...but maybe Im just writing out of jealousy and sadness...I mean your not supposed to be jealous of your bet friends right????? I feel so bad for writing this but at the same time its the only way I know to get things out of my system...

    We hung up with him saying "can I call you tonight?" and I said "sure" and we left it at that...

    I guess I am feeling left out of things..I guess hes living the life that I always pictured myself having and now thats delayed for me and hes moving on..maybe Im jealous of her..and what she has...and who she has...I do not know...do not crucify me here..Im just human..going through the motions..and emotions....talk to you guys soon, maybe tonight after I hear from him..peace..brian

  25. #125

    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    ^No one's going to crucify you. It's not wrong having certain feelings as long as you don't act on them I guess. But you've been strong and a good person. You have strenghtened you friend and his gf's relationship when you could have verywell destroyed it. You're a good person and no one is going to crucify you for feeling a little jealous. Who doesn't at times.

  26. #126

    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    ^ Totally in agreeance. No one is going to crucify you for being jealous for having the emotions you're experiencing. It's human nature to have those feelings.

    The fact that you and you're best friend talk on a daily basis is amazing and the way you verbalize your emotions with each other is . Glad to hear you've coped better without your friend and that you're helping him with the process of missing you too badly. Have fun too! (Although with the snow.. ) No one is going to crucify you for having your own fun either

  27. #127
    JUB Addict LostVegas's Avatar
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Hey..just got woken up with a phone call from my buddy they said they saw Avenue Q at the Wynn and that they ar staying there one night free of charge because of a guy they knew gave them a comp for the night for Valentine's Day.. I feel like life and everyone I care for is moving on without me...my buddy calls me every Valentines because he knows I am not with anybody and he always felt bad that I was spending it alone...tomorrow will be hard on me...I cried when I hung up the phone with him...it is hard to focus and go on here, it really is..I feel very lost and very empty...and Im finding it hard not to dump everything here and just go there now..but that would mean adbruptly quitting my job and bailing out of my Masters program...alot to lose right? but somehow when I think of being near by buddy, all that doesn't really matter and seem so big..Im so lost..

  28. #128
    JUB Addict LostVegas's Avatar
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    I had to write to you guys...I do no think I am holding up well...I do not think I am feeling all that good..in fact I know I am not..I cant get back to bed, Im in such a deep depression..I feel all alone..I am missing him so much that it literally hurts my gut...I know you guys have written great advice and i know some of you will keep telling me it will get better and to focus on me here and keep busy...but I cant..Im falling apart..I feel like a house thats built on quicksand..the foundation is very weak..I feel like I have been putting up a front and ignoring my feelings and that tonight my true feelings are hitting me...I hate depression and would not wish it on anyone..I figure after I told my bro that Im out that my depression would go away..it didnt...and my bro thought by going out there he'd be totally happy..hes not...I think we both miss each other on such an astronomical level that it cant be described...I miss his smile and his presence...anyway lata bri

  29. #129
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Please don't be too depressed Mr LV. It really saddens us(readers) too when you are down. Please do and try to be positive and look on the bright side. I know the snow does make the situation much worse but hey, that ain't mean it's gonna be an end to your friendship right? I am really so very glad to know that you two(or three) are still together and talking(through phone). But wouldn't it be too costy?Have you actually think of e-mailing them or go onto the net for a chat? Since u miss his smile(or face)veryyy much while not try suggesting him appearing on a web cam? This way u two might get to see each other and talk too.

  30. #130
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    All things happen in their own sweet time, and, I believe, for their own reasons. Though "You Guys" may be (physically) apart, for the time being, it does NOT mean your "Connection" has been broken! In fact, this "period" may serve to bring you closer together, in your realizations of what you both mean to each other, through your absences!

    An analogy, for your relationship, thus far, may be a strong rolling River, rushing downstream at exhilerating speeds. There have been Water Falls, Rapids, times of rolling, smooth, "Sailing", Languid Pools, and those stretches of Strong Currents roiling beneath a Calm Surface. And, now, you are each following separate, yet PARALLEL, courses, but still within "sight" of each other.

    Your "River" has been (temporarily) split by Present, Practical, Obstacles, but with the Knowledge that your individual "Streams" shall rejoin further along the Course of Time. (A Knowledge that is not always that certain in most other "Divided Relationships"!)

    And, now, eventhough you are each still aware of what the other is experiencing, coping with, it is also Important that you keep an eye on YOUR Present Course! You will each be going through your own periods of "White Water", so it is now Critical that you also concentrate on your own Navigation! Keep your focus on your (mutual) goals, though separate just for Now, and arrive at that Rejoining, in the best shape possible, to continue that Reformed, Co-mingled, "River", again, rushing downstream Together!

    I'm quite familiar with Depression. It can lead you into "false" directions. Resist the best you can! There IS a Point to Aim For!! Focus on that Most Worthwhile Goal! Do what you must, each, and every, day with that Purpose in mind! Positive DETERMINATION! The TIME shall pass quickly! Have No Doubt that you SHALL arrive there! The only question is how Well you will DO it!

    Easy? Hell No! Worth it? Hell YES!! And you have a Tremendous "Pool of Strength" to draw from! You can find it through your Faith in, Trust of, and Love for Your Friend! And ... your own inner desire to accomplish The Best you possibly can for Yourself AND Him! Afterall, who better Deserves a Happy, Confident, Accomplished Brian than Your "Bud"?? (Beside YOU, that is!)

    I'm wishing YOU The Very Best!! Take Good Care, Man!!!

    And, of course (Seriously!) ...

    Keep smilin'!!
    Chaz
    WISDOM is the Knowledge you've gained ... After you could have used it! _Me

  31. #131
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Quote Originally Posted by LostVegas
    I had to write to you guys...I do no think I am holding up well...I do not think I am feeling all that good..in fact I know I am not..I cant get back to bed, Im in such a deep depression..I feel all alone..I am missing him so much that it literally hurts my gut...I know you guys have written great advice and i know some of you will keep telling me it will get better and to focus on me here and keep busy...but I cant..Im falling apart..I feel like a house thats built on quicksand..the foundation is very weak..I feel like I have been putting up a front and ignoring my feelings and that tonight my true feelings are hitting me...I hate depression and would not wish it on anyone..I figure after I told my bro that Im out that my depression would go away..it didnt...and my bro thought by going out there he'd be totally happy..hes not...I think we both miss each other on such an astronomical level that it cant be described...I miss his smile and his presence...anyway lata bri


    Took me three tries to get myself to respond here -- that hits so close to home I can't stop the tears. If I could reach out and turn it off for you....
    Loneliness intense enough to make your gut hurt isn't funny. I get chest pains, constricted breathing, rashes... and the doc pegs it to the loneliness. That probably won't make you feel better, but, well, know that I understand and that it isn't "all in your head".

    There aren't any easy ways. Like my doc tells me, we can talk all I want, but the solution is buddies to fiull the hole -- in your case, that might just mean somehow being together with your best bud for a while. My first thought is, what's a round-trip to Vegas costs these days?

    "Thirty-one* states allow all qualified citizens to carry concealed weapons. In those states, homosexuals should embark on organized efforts to become comfortable with guns, learn to use them safely and carry them. They should set up Pink Pistols task forces, sponsor shooting courses and help homosexuals get licensed to carry. And they should do it in a way that gets as much publicity as possible. "

    --Jonathan Rauch, Salon Magazine, March 13, 2000

    *the number is now forty

  32. #132
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Hey guys...just got home and wishing for those who who are with someone or are seeing someone....Happy Valentines Day...and for those in my boat...try and watch a cool movie or lose yourself in some songs..and know Im right there in the same boat with you...



    When youíre standing on the edge of no where
    Thereís only one way up so your heartís got to go there
    Through the darkest nights
    You see the light shine bright
    When heroes fall in love or war they live forever

    Though love donít need a reason
    She can pick you up or leave you bleeding
    Iíve seen a strong man cry
    I know the reason why
    We all forgive, we all forget
    We just keep believing

    This is a song for the lonely, can you hear me tonight?
    For the broken hearted, battle scarred
    Iíll be by your side
    And this is a song for the lonely
    When your dreams wonít come true
    Can you hear this prayer
    Because someoneís there for you

  33. #133
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Quote Originally Posted by LostVegas
    Hey guys...just got home and wishing for those who who are with someone or are seeing someone....Happy Valentines Day...and for those in my boat...try and watch a cool movie or lose yourself in some songs..and know Im right there in the same boat with you...



    When youíre standing on the edge of no where
    Thereís only one way up so your heartís got to go there
    Through the darkest nights
    You see the light shine bright
    When heroes fall in love or war they live forever

    Though love donít need a reason
    She can pick you up or leave you bleeding
    Iíve seen a strong man cry
    I know the reason why
    We all forgive, we all forget
    We just keep believing

    This is a song for the lonely, can you hear me tonight?
    For the broken hearted, battle scarred
    Iíll be by your side
    And this is a song for the lonely
    When your dreams wonít come true
    Can you hear this prayer
    Because someoneís there for you

    Thank you, immeasurably much.

    "Thirty-one* states allow all qualified citizens to carry concealed weapons. In those states, homosexuals should embark on organized efforts to become comfortable with guns, learn to use them safely and carry them. They should set up Pink Pistols task forces, sponsor shooting courses and help homosexuals get licensed to carry. And they should do it in a way that gets as much publicity as possible. "

    --Jonathan Rauch, Salon Magazine, March 13, 2000

    *the number is now forty

  34. #134
    JUB Addict LostVegas's Avatar
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Hey guys so many songs can sum up what Im going through..here are two more..talk to you all later..


    Boulevard of Broken Dreams...

    My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
    My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
    Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
    'Til then I walk alone....



    Incomplete...

    Empty spaces fill me up with holes
    Distant faces with no place left to go
    Without you within me I can't find no rest
    Where I'm going is anybody's guess

    I've tried to go on like I never knew you
    I'm awake but my world is half asleep
    I pray for this heart to be unbroken
    But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

    Voices tell me I should carry on
    But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
    Baby, my baby
    It's written on your face
    You still wonder if we made a big mistake

    I've tried to go on like I never knew you
    I'm awake but my world is half asleep
    I pray for this heart to be unbroken
    But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

  35. #135

    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Hi Lost Vegas, I want you to know that I've been reading your thread since the first day, but I haven't had much time to respond. I finally got caught up with the last several days tonight.

    Wow, man. What an ordeal you've gone through!

    I have a couple of questions, though, and I'm sorry (in advance) if I didn't get all the details you wrote in your notes.

    Your best friend who's in Las Vegas...why did he go there? He seems to miss you as much as you miss him, but he didn't seem to have a job to go to, did he? I know you mentioned his gf might have a teaching job or something, but I can't for the life of me figure out why he went. Sorry if I missed that, but I can't get past that in my head to follow this story.,

    Secondly, he says he's straight. What's your best guess about that? Is he, you think? I feel silly second-guessing someone I've never met, so who am I to doubt him? But, I've had lots of straight guy-friends and never has one carried on with me the way he carries on with you. I've had straight friends say "I love you" and "I miss you" and that stuff, but it was rhetoric and compliments, without passion and without being repeated over and over. This guy sounds in love with you.

    But, given that he wants to perceive himself as straight, ok...where does that leave you in all this? In love with a "straight" guy? That must be very painful. Even if you moved out there, where would you fit in with the two of them--at least in a way that's fulfilling for you? Wouldn't that be painful and tormenting to be out there next door or something and watching them be husband/wife and popping kids and all that? And, could you find a guy for yourself when you're in love with him?

    I'd just hate to see you shooting for the unobtainable, and I fear he might be--either he's not gay or he's very closeted and not willing to BE gay. I worry about where that leaves you in all this.

    Take care and thanks for posting all this. I know you must be very upset. I hope it gets better soon.

  36. #136

    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Brian,

    Even if you have nothing to "report", please check in once a day (at least for the next few days) to let us know you're ok. I'm worried about you. You don't seem to be in too good a place right now. I just want to know you're ok. If I knew you personally, I'd move in for a week to keep an eye on you! Brighter days are ahead, my friend. And that's the truth. You just have to keep your head up, or you won't notice them!

    Mike

  37. #137
    Slut GayBoiJared's Avatar
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Hey Brian

    I know this has been said before, but I think I need to say it again.

    My best friend and I also have a very close relationship, he is definitely straight, but affectionate, but NOTHING like your friend!

    I really think you are not the only one coming to terms with your feelings.

    That being said, I don't think he would ever be able to be with you, because he doesn't seem to be able to accept who he is, and that is unfair to you. While he obviously doesn't hurt you intentionally, it is inevitable. I know it is a lot easier to say this beeing on the outside looking in, but you really need to get over him, before this ends up causing you even more hurt.

    You need to meet new people, there are a lot of guys who could return your feelings. Life is too short to waste on something that will never happen, I know it sounds like a clichť but it's true. If he loves you like he does then you are obviously a great guy. Maybe him moving to Las Vegas is a good thing, because you can't just fall out of love with him. So now would be the perfect time to meet someone, because you won't be distracted.

    And as said above, you need to check in, so we all know your ok!

    Hope you feeling better.
    J.

  38. #138
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Hey all just checking in here...thanks for your concern and some more of your great advice...just been busy with parent teacher conferences at school...its a sad state when most of my kids parents pull a no show and those that do are not even directly related to the kids..ie..not their father or mother...but I digress


    The past few days have been tough..Im getting kind of fed up with my job, nothing but backstabbers and the principal is really messing around with my pay and is pretty clueless...but anyway onto the reason most of you read this...


    My friend and his girl and I originally moved out to Vegas because we wanted a change....we wanted a new life...I think my buddy found ag great friend in me and me in him, so we kind of guessed that no other friend can top who we are to each other and as long as we got each other things will be ok...my buddy had no job going out there either time..but I know hes the type of person to get a really great job....this time going though he was really torn as to what to do..many a time he pondered breaking up with his girl and staying here or just me and him going out to vegas...


    I missed a call from him yesterday and didnt get back to him yet..this is the longest I have gone probably without speaking to him ever..going on 2 days now...and it is odd...he sounded very sad on the last message and I know he fully cant be happy there until I come, hes told me this countless of times...hes having trouble moving on with his life without me there with him by his side...

    Ii think Im a good piece of his life and I care for him and I am there for him than anyone in his life, his girl and parents included...I dont know what hes going through..I have said it before...if I had to guess...from all signs I would say hes straight and respect that..but then there are some things that make me question...but like I said at this point all I can do is think sometimes he might be..but ultimately I respect the feeling and the impression that he conveys..that hes straight...


    Dont know If I will hear from him tonight..I think me pulling away from him a little is really showing him how much I mean to him...Im not playing games..Im just letting him see on his own I guess his feelings and how much he misses me...god only knows I miss him very much....talk to you all soon..Bri

  39. #139
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Small update....just called my buddy...he had to to talk quick because the guy was there installing his new phone line and cable and computer stuff...he said he misses me and getting the phone set up will be cool as it will give him more time to talk to me, since hell have long distance now....he told me that it looks good that he will be getting a job at a paper company or something and that it makes 14 an hour plus benefits..Im proud and glad for him but at the same time sad in a way..I cant explain why ....maybe because hes making it out there without me? Maybe because things are becoming easier and easier for him and eventually it might even get easier to gorget me here and the friendship die or at the very least get weird like most long distance friendships/relationships do?

    I don't know...I hope whoever is reading this responds I can sure talk to someone tonight..brian

  40. #140
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    LV, thanks for checking in. I've been in an odd "mental state" for the past few days, so I haven't really been posting. Anyway, things are back on track again.

    Your buddy will never forget you. He cares too much about you to do that. Will you grow apart? Possibly, but I doubt it...considering that the two of you are in fairly constant communication.

    I'm not an expert on LD friendships, but I do have many of them. But unlike you and your buddy, we don't actually talk that often. But I know that they're always going to be there for me. ALWAYS. When I head to Ottawa, I drop a line to my buddies a few days before and I've got my social life for the weekend. And it truly feels like I had never left. The same is true for when I head back to my home city.

    I've said this to a friend before...Good friendships, unlike good relationships (romantic) don't require a lot of effort to keep alive. Anyway, I hope things get easier for you emotionally.

  41. #141

    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    It sounds like your having emotions similar to what happens when parents have children move out on their own (Empty nest syndrome or something like that) and you end up constantly worry about what is going on and how your children are doing without your help or support. And if they are doing well, you end up being mad, sad, happy, and a combination of other emotions at once because you want them back in your house, but at the same time, you are happy they are doing fine without the physical support. He maybe having the same emotions.

    I don't think you ever need to worry about your buddy ever forgetting about you. There is too much history between you two for that to happen .

    Similar to Halabutsi, when I go visit my friends in Vancouver, my friends and I do stuff that we have done in the past and it's like nothing has changed. I don't think there would be any awkward moments between you and your buddy , unless you smell bad, have something stuck between your teeth, or have a booger hanging out of your nose . Cheer up, brighter days are ahead...and with computer access and a phone at his place, your communication with each other will increase.

  42. #142
    JUB Addict LostVegas's Avatar
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Hey guys whats up? I hope all is well with you guys..a small update for you...or me....


    My day at work went well...I found out today they corrected the money problem I have been having ...I came home to a message from my buddy saying that he got his phone and this is his number and to call him when I get a chance...

    I saved the message and signed on aol about 15 minutes later...I saw that his girls screenname was logged on..Ii didnt say hi because me and her rarely talk on aol..she IMed me "Hey whats up?" and I responded back "hey" and she then asked me to foward her some email I have been saving for her until they get their aol up and running again and I did...then he said "**** said to call the house at the number she gave"...I didnt respond..In fact Ii put my away message up...I logged off a little later..and then my buddy called...


    He said whats up and he was waiting for me to call and he got the phone up and running and now we can talk for a long time if we wanted to he said..I said cool and asked him whats up...whats new...how are things...he said he was applying to the job that that guy was helping him get..and that later on tonight they are going to a hockey thing and then out to dinner, all on comps that this guy got and so he just gave them to my buddy and his girl...

    This guy I am talking about is a friend of my buddys girl's mother...who I apparently found out was out there when we were out there last....so I asked him where were these people when we were out there last..and he said they were here but the mother in law said not to associate with them because they were bad people...truth be told, they are nice people and the mother in law just said that to be a prick....so anyway I just find myself getting more and more frustrated with what could have been if we gotten this kind of help last time when I was there, we would all still be together..anyway..he asked me what was wrong and I said, nothing at all...I wasnt even in a bad moo,d I was pretty happy because my pay at work as gone up...but maybe he noticed something in my voice???...He said it sounds like I am angry at him and I assured him that wasnt the case...I just said I wish that guy was fucking helping us out like he is helping you out now..maybe all this shit wouldnt have to happen....but anyway he asked me if I could come out there sooner, like this weekend, and I told him I couldnt...which I cant...he said he misses me and I said, yeah I know, I do too...we ended the call shortly after that...and he told me to call him later if I want...


    I don't know guys...I just see things changing already..I see myself staying here another year more, because my pay went up and I need to save money..It finally sunk in today that I have to get my shit together and my money and then move out there...but it hurts...It will hurt when he gets a job..when he finds new friends...when he gets married..when he has a kid ...all this stuff will hurt and also make me happy at the same time...Im going through several emotions right now...I just do not want things to mess up and deep down I know they wont mess up...I guess what I am afraid of is change...and I know with life comes constant change...but i never want to lose the feeling I have for him...this bond...brian

  43. #143
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Brian, you're right about life and change. Change is inevitable, yet there are always constants in your life. You determine what those constants are. For me, it's Faith, Family and Friends. But one thing I noticed, is that you can't force something to remain a constant in your life...You just have to put your trust in those constants, then weather the storm of life.

    A lot can happen in a year...and not necessarily bad things either. I realise that you'll be hurt when he "succeeds" without you, but ask yourself if that's really fair. Do you feel that your relationship is totally based on his dependency of you? Imo, that's not a good state for any friendship to be in. From what you've told us, your friendship goes much deeper than that. So...be happy for your friend. Be happy for yourself. I know it seems easier said than done, but look at it this way: If he's successful, he becomes more independent. You, being away from your buddy, become more independent as well. I mean, the two of you can either get depressed and weak from this experience, or you can use it to make yourselves happy and stronger. The choice is yours to make.

    As an optimist, I always look for the silver lining in everything. I moved to a village of 1000 people from a city of a million. ALL of my friends are elsewhere. My social life went from full weekends to nil. You want a shock? Come to rural New Brunswick. I'm sure Soilwork can attest to the amount social activities available to 20-somethings in rural NB communities. But did I sit and sulk in my room when I arrived in September? No. Did I miss my friends? Absolutely. But I also knew that they were always going to be there for me. I took advantage of the solitude to put my life in order. I've got no social life to speak of now, but I don't feel sorry for myself either. I make due with what I've got. And I find joy in everything that I do.

    What it all boils down to Brian, is perspective. The fact that you're going to be happy and hurt when good things happen to your buddy shows that you're looking at things from 2 perspectives. I suggest, forget the negative perspective and throw EVERYTHING behind the positive side. When you find yourself thinking about how you're going to feel hurt...smile. Force yourself to smile and then let yourself have happy laughter for your friend's success. Use your friend's success and happiness to propel your forward. In turn, your buddy can feed off of your happiness. I know it may sound absolutely ridiculous, but never underestimate the power of happiness and positivity.

    Take some of my happiness if you'd like. I've got lots. And have a hug. Hopefully, it'll give you a little warmth.

  44. #144

    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    I remember in 6th grade I had a best friend who went to a different school the next year. So i had to make new friends on my own, and he was at a completely different school. We used to talk at school and on the phone everyday, but once he changed schools we lost contact. I'm not saying thats what's gonna happen with your friendship, b/c my friendship with my old friend was nothing like that. But we lost contact and we haven't talked since. I tried calling and keepin in touch but our conversations never went anywhere so eventually i stopped trying, b/c he would never call me. Funny thing is I saw him, and stopped and we had a conversation(a good one) He gave me this excuse of why we never called me. I gave him the benefit of the doubt b/c our numbers changed over the years, but we exchanged numbers AGAIN and he still hasn't called me yet. I want to call, but I don't want to be the one putting all the effort in our friendship like last time.

    But I guess I said this b/c, he's on a different side of the country. I think, eventually you will not speak as often as you used to. It's natual, and i think thats what is happening. Your conversations are already becoming "hey hows it goin? nothing much, I miss you." But you seem to be fine. I hope you get to see him soon though.

  45. #145
    ok455
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    I guess you should start breaking ground and try to make some new friends and a possible boyfriend . you never know you might end up being happy in ny then moving down to lv. i feel if you move to lv with your bestfriend u might end up feeding you being inlove with your bf. and then your going to be jealous with him and his girlfreind. like i said and im always going to say this your a strong person for putting up with him and his girlfriend and being inlove with him. i think if i had a friend like that i would get away from him as fast as possible


    And are you sure u want to leave having a job and everything to move to lv and not have a job?

  46. #146
    JUB Addict LostVegas's Avatar
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Quote Originally Posted by ok455
    And are you sure u want to leave having a job and everything to move to lv and not have a job?

    Actually I am finishing up my Masters this spring/summer..plan on staying here till Summer 2007 to save more money up and then Ill go..Brian


    My family owns a house here so Ill be getting some of the rent money from the house also..Hopefully so I can eventually buy my own house in Vegas..talk to you all later tonight, enjoy your Saturday

  47. #147
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Wow. I am blown away by this thread. I couldn't stop reading. I am new here. I would like to give you my opinion, to you, Vegas.

    From all that I have read, I have to say that there is more here than meets the eye. I think he loves you in a way he's not ready for. You never know, he could tell you the same thing a year or 2 years from now. I am not trying to get this back on your mind or put thoughts in your head for you to obsess about.

    It's so engaging to read. I don't know. If it were me, I would assume that he was gay too. I mean, come on. He played Madonna songs for you. I don't know. I see all the mixed signals and even I can't give you anything to go on. I guess I just have to keep saying that there's something more.

    I experienced something like this, but with a childhood friend. I was a boy, she was a girl. It started in second grade. She just came up to me after I moved where I was and wanted to be my friend. I went over to her house every day and every weekend. We did everything together. I was invited to thanksgiving parties, christmas parties, etc... I remember one day we were in her basement (we liked to do role playing games). I don't exactly remember why, but she started crawling on her knees towards me looking provocatively. She came towards me, acting like she was going to kiss me. And then, she stopped and said, "I'm just kidding, I would never do that." Then, it got quiet. I wanted her to, but I told her, "yeah, that's crazy." I still wish she would have.

    God, I'm sorry for rambling. But, I know the type of relationship you're talking about. Everybody thought we were dating, but we weren't. I haven't spoken to her in 5 years.

    Anyway, it seems like you're struggling with a different secret. He knows but he doesn't know everything. I think your next move should be to admit your feelings to him. If you don't, can you really guarantee that you can move on? I mean, that sounds cold and that's NOT my intent, but just think about how great it felt to tell him the other truth. Think about how great you would feel if you told him this truth. He already told you he wouldn't be mad if you were, but if you don't tell him soon, he may resent you later (if you decide to tell him in the future) for keeping it a secret for so long.

    I've never read anything so complicated before. If it were me, I would just tell him that you had feelings for him. Ask him if he feels anything for you. Maybe you should be the one asking questions now. Ask him hypothetical questions, "what if..." I know it could be disastrous. It's up to you. But if you don't tell him or ask him why he feels so close to you, then you'll never know.

    I will keep reading anything you post here. I almost cried reading all of this.

    strangelittleboy

    P.S. If you want to send him a song, I suggest: "Don't Make Me Come To Vegas" by Tori Amos

  48. #148
    bob_dallon
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Hey LostinVegas, I think you should take into consideration the advice from strangelittleboy^ I have observed all your posts and never have I encountered such a turmoiled and confused person as yourself. This is not to be rude but you seem to be in excessessive anguish over your friend, and there seems to be an endless cycle of your friend calling you, causing you to feel depressed and jealous. This is further worsened by the mixed and unclear signals that he's sending you. I think, preferably sooner, you might have to tell him about your feelings. Either way if he rejects or accepts you, then at least you won't be thinking "what if?" in the future- that is the greatest pain, grief anyone can feel and is entirely irreversible.
    Anyway good luck and stay strong.

  49. #149
    Bammer's Papa
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    It's pretty clear you've invested a lot in him. Seeing that brings to mind what a doctor told me when I was in a similar situation -- invest in other people. THat's not a betrayal, because it won't change your love for him, but it's like having more feet on the ground -- think of a horse; it's almost like you're a horse with just one leg, so with that leg disturbed , you're threatened and scared. Making other friends will be like getting more legs under you, and give you balance.

    That's an important concept... and you are 'WAY out of balance! Don't take this wrong, but one way to approach it would be asking yourself, What would I be doing if he'd been killed in an accident going out there? I'm not saying write him off, it's just a way of looking at what you can do to keep your equilibrium right now.

    I really feel for you, since I'm in a very similar boat. With just three "pre-out" friends left, and none of them I can really talk to about this whoile new adventure, I'm 'way off balance myself. It isn't easy! And I don't see any way to go except make new friends and get my balance back.

    "Thirty-one* states allow all qualified citizens to carry concealed weapons. In those states, homosexuals should embark on organized efforts to become comfortable with guns, learn to use them safely and carry them. They should set up Pink Pistols task forces, sponsor shooting courses and help homosexuals get licensed to carry. And they should do it in a way that gets as much publicity as possible. "

    --Jonathan Rauch, Salon Magazine, March 13, 2000

    *the number is now forty

  50. #150
    JUB Addict LostVegas's Avatar
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    Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

    Hey guys, what's doing?

    Been a little while since my last update...just started a masters course today (I hate school)


    The past two days have been weird. I have not spoken to my friend. He has not called. And I have not called him. The last time we spoke was on Friday afternoon and I detailed that call on my last post or two....I miss him...I don't want to call him for some reason..I dont know what it is...I guess I just dont wanna be in pain and be sad and I also in some way want to show him I can be strong out here by myself...He knows sometimes I could be a loner and not call and distance myself and that always scared him about me because he always wants to be talking to me..I think he has not called because lately hes been the one calling and I guess he wants to see when or if I will call..plus I think in some ways he also wants to show me he has a life out there now too...Im so sad guys...talk to me..Im feeling alone tonight...Bri

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