Even though I'm taking a sabbatical from sex due to my health and taking care of mom, I seem to be losing guys that I am interested in getting together with on occasion. My twink that I had over twice blocked me on Grindr awhile ago and never came over one Saturday when he said he would and after I gave him $80 for both Friday and Saturday that week. The reason I gave him money is because he needed it for gas and weed allegedly, even though I knew it was more like prostitution, but I couldn't resist that boy and his perfect body. I feel ashamed for giving him money now and not being able to fuck him anymore. I wanted him all the time, but he doesn't know that.
A straight guy I sucked and rimmed in his van on a country road blocked me on Meetme and ignored my texts today. Not sure what caused that sudden change, but it alarmed me a bit, especially since he enjoyed it and said I did it better than the girls he's been with and we talked about a lot of different things. Straight guy problems on his part I guess?
Am I a fool for wanting these guys for good sex? I don't have to have sex with them all the time, and I've told them that we can just hang out, but that's not good enough and they go and block me and cut me out. Who else has this kind of bad luck where EVERY single guy you've been with doesn't come back for more and doesn't even consider friendship either? I guess it's awkward to be friends after fucking, but it's even more strange to do it once and never come back, leaves an unpleasant feeling inside you. I feel selfish for wanting sex and the company of a guy, though it helps with my anxiety to be near a guy and I can relax and enjoy being with one.
I deleted my accounts on Adam4Adam and Grindr, but might go back once I am well again and when mom is better. What bothers me is that if and when I go back, the guys I had sex with from there won't want anything to do with me and the guys I talked to on a friendly level or wanted to talk to will just ignore me. So difficult for me to make friends anymore and/or to find guys I want to hook up with, since my preferred ones are ignoring me and my "options" are dwindling. What does a guy like me do?