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  1. #1

    Hurting just need to talk

    G'day Guys,

    Feelings... dealing with hurt over someone you care about. And the silent treatment.

    I am new to this and am grateful I have the opportunity to come here to talk.

    I'm a 44 year old guy been married and divorced. And am a father.

    I was bi curious, so in March last year I ended up meeting another bi curious guy from a dating site, to explore and work out the sexuality.

    The guy ended up being the same age, same situation, and a father too.

    The intention was just curiosity and sex drive. But I met him, we got along well as we have similar situations and at the same point in life.

    After that first night at my house, he started coming once a week. Then sometimes twice a week, then months down the track it became three nights, and sometimes four, and spending days off work with me. All of these were weeknights because he lives hours away so he came to stay after work.

    During the past 17 months it has felt wonderful. There have been great times. There have also been a few problems, recurring problems. Those problems are only as bad as the mind allows it though. I know that.

    I will explain the type of guy he is first:

    He is a good looking guy.
    A tradesman, an attractive one too.
    He is masculine, like a strong man, but a soft teddy bear on the inside.
    It is his softness that makes him block his feelings in. I believe he is easy to hurt.
    He is gentle. He protects himself by putting up barriers.
    He has a fear of love. He has been hurt by women.
    He was similar to me in that he wanted a good secure home for his wife and kids. He would do anything to ensure that, as I would too.
    He does not express his inner feelings often. And I am the opposite.
    If he gets hurt, he goes and will be silent with no contact or response. That hurts me. I do the opposite, and want it done sorted and buried straight away. Unless of course I want to be difficult.
    He is bright. Very independent. Very switched on.
    But does not like getting deep.

    Yes I love him. The way he is ended up sucking me in. I could not help it and I now feel like I committed a crime almost in his eyes. As it scares him. He likes it though.

    I suspect the reason it scares him is because love is staring him in the face. Love with a male. This love for a male does not conform to his mental image of the strong family man that has a good home, a woman and kids.

    So I have had some great times with him, actually every minute I spent with him over the past 17 months was.

    On and off little, or what seems little, issues arised. The issues were always from ones that I had with him and mostly from the early days when I met him as a mate. As it was early days and meeting up with a fellow bi curious guy, we were both totally open about other people. He was seeing a woman. And he had a few others briefly in those early days. He remained on the dating site that I met him off and would go in daily or more.

    Fair enough, but as time grew on, and feelings grew on my part, it gradually became an issue in my head. Four months after meeting him I had fallen in love. Like a school girl.

    And he had told me around that time that he has some sort of feelings for me. I told him I was the same.

    I felt so into this guy of whom I did not meet up with to have a boyfriend or relationship. But at the same time I did not put thought into that anyway. It was a desire and curiosity.

    From day one there was a great bond, a mateship that became very valuable to me. He only wanted mateship. He would often give the hints and make sure that 'mate' was pointed out to keep things 'under control'.

    So what should the mind make of things. I had feelings for him. He apparently had them in return. I would express mine at first by way of kissing and touch and never spoke it, to not let it make things possibly awkward for him. I always wanted him to come back.

    So in the time I have known him, it felt like a silent rollercoaster, while I sensed him wanting me, then backing away, wanting me, backing away.

    Problems started on my part over three things: The dating site, Texting, Silence.

    He remained on and regularly visited the dating site until February this year. Texting - it was clear that it was not his thing, he did not want to hear from me at anytime we weren't in my house. And in periods of family commitments there would remain no contact.

    But once the weekdays came around, he be wanting to come down to play.

    I'd cook him dinner and have him stay each time. I enjoyed that completely.

    So during those issues that I had, it started by me trying to approach it now and then. It caused a slight hiccup at first. But as the months went by, it became an issue in my head. At the same time my feelings grew more. Crazy.

    I really thought the sun shines from his rear. It felt good to feel this way. And it would have felt good had I been able to feel that way and remain secure about it.

    But I am not secure anymore when I once used to be.

    This is because at times of minor issues they never got sorted with me. There was never a response. So I carried on and slowly gained insecurity over it. At the same time I still felt the same way about him.

    It got to a point where a number of times now I have hurt him, lashed out at him over it in text. The insecurity was becoming anxiety too. He would just be silent.

    Then we'd always be spending nights together again and all was great, or seemed it to me.

    Then same issues, my approach to it, waste of time, got frustrated and lashed out again. He I guess felt hurt.

    By late December I felt mixed up. Over the loving feeling in his company. Then the pushing away and distancing from his subtle reminders of mateship.

    So I text him saying I am mixed up and need time out. I text him after four weeks, and he ignored me. I tried again telling him I was worried so he replied and was being sweet. Then same issues again. Then him feeling hurt. But in February after seven weeks not seeing him we caught up again. It was back the same as it always was, great times.

    A number of weeks later, same issues again, the dating site and being ignored. I phoned him, and told him he needs to tell me to move on. It was clear to me that I loved him, but he was into me for sex. He would not do it. So back again, the normal nights together.

    Around this same time he stopped going on the dating site. And the ignoring of text eased off on the most part. When I say texts I rarely text as I was afraid to get the lack of response.

    April 2014 and similar issues. I had ended things with him when that is not what I wanted. I hurt him. I then tried to contact him but wouldn't answer the phone, or acknowledge me for about ten days.

    Then the nights were back on. All has been good. He is more chilled with me. The was a deep night though, where he told me we are on different levels. I can't remember what was said, but I remember him yelling at me the words "what do you want, you want a full blown f#####g relationship don't you".

    I didn't, I hadn't gone that far. I loved him and wanted any of those times with him.

    He gets very agitated if he thinks somebody wants a relationship with him. Some of the women in the early days I knew him, wanted a relationship from him. As he was telling me, I could see his agitation. Often when I first met him he had said to me "she wants a relationship" trying to start on the subject.

    So he has been single for some time and not met anybody from that dating site. He had said that in last nights "fight" and I believe him fully.

    Monday night - great. Tuesday night - tired. Wednesday night - first big fight happened.

    In the fight things got said that were untrue. It was hurtful on both parts. When raised that we should part, his response was 'ok'. He says there's no point saying anything. If somebody wants to do that, they do it. We both started to get angry and said a few hurtful remarks, and he left. Today he is giving me the silent treatment. He is not talking to me. When somebody gives the silent treatment, is that a clear indication that they do not care?

    Not sure of what my mind set should be. I'm told if I don't like it or am not happy then I need to go. By me feeling as though he can take it or leave it, then it's not going to last, so why continue.

    I don't know whether it is a mateship, a fuc# buddy, a friend with benefits, a mate with love, a lover, or if at all it is actually some sort of relationship. It is hard because I only know how I feel about him. I love him.

    I think he wants a friend with benefits but with the pampering as well, and I want to feel like I belong with him in some form. And I am committing a crime by feeling that way.

    I know this is long winded but it has helped me to let it out.

    Thanks guys.
    Last edited by Shawn33; August 7th, 2014 at 05:10 AM.

  2. #2
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    Re: Hurting just need to talk

    It has been clear from near the beginning that the two of you have not been on the same page and that you are holding on hoping for something he's unwilling or unable to give. By now, your thoughts ought to be focused on you not him.

    You have described a very typical dysfunctional relationship. There's a hook, be it sex or sex plus something else, that keeps bringing you back together, only to soon be back in the same place. One definition of insanity is to keep repeating a behavior with known consequences and expecting a different outcome. A "perfect" potential partner is only perfect if he wants what you want. It's long past time to either move on or to learn to be content as a fuck buddy. Best wishes. I know it's not easy.
    Last edited by Seasoned; August 7th, 2014 at 11:01 AM.
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  3. #3
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    Re: Hurting just need to talk

    Quote Originally Posted by Shawn33 View Post
    ....
    So in the time I have known him, it felt like a silent rollercoaster, while I sensed him wanting me, then backing away, wanting me, backing away.

    ....
    Not sure of what my mind set should be. I'm told if I don't like it or am not happy then I need to go. By me feeling as though he can take it or leave it, then it's not going to last, so why continue.
    ....
    The above pretty much says it all.

    It is apparent that the strain of trying to make this work - when it obviously won't - is not worth it.

    Keep him as a fuck buddy if you want, but I would recommend a total break rather than try to keep FantasyLand going.

  4. #4
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    Re: Hurting just need to talk

    It is clear he don't want a "full blown relationship".
    Therefore a full blown relationship won't be happening until both parties wants it.


    NEVER LISTEN TO A ONE SIDED STORY AND JUDGE.

  5. #5
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    Re: Hurting just need to talk

    Reading through your post, it sounds almost like something that could be written by someone who is involved with a married man. You want more from him but ultimately, you're not his first priority.

    What is happening in the relationship is real- it's not just sex- unfortunately, it is just a case of the right thing at the wrong time for both of you.

    There is no clear right or wrong to the issues in your relationship. Both of you have a part in the short-comings of this relationship. And there's not enough commitment in the relationship to make the changes that you both need to make in order for the relationship to survive.

    You are wanting him to make the move to end the relationship. But the reality is that you are the one who needs to let go and move on. This relationship is preventing you from finding another relationship with a man who is ready to be in a relationship with another man.
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    Re: Hurting just need to talk

    Ultimately this is not a healthy situation for either of you.
    You want something which he is unwilling to provide, and he in turn isn't willing to go the extra steps required to settle down.

    You're not happy with the state of affairs and you need to be honest with yourself they aren't going to improve, it's well past time to move and find someone who is willing to give you the relationship you want.
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  7. #7

    Re: Hurting just need to talk

    Hi all of you thank you for your views. I take them all on board.

    There is a whole lot more to it.

    This guy has some sort of issues that I guess I have been in denial of.

    I don't think I should mention those, as I am clear of them and what they mean, but if anyone would like and has time to private message me then I can tell you and see what you think of it?

    What has happened since I wrote the post above is this. I have text him again asking if he has any intentions to catch up anymore. Of course he puts the ball back in my court by saying "are you ok catching up I don't want you to be upset with how I am in life".

    I told him that it is ok to say no and that I would not be offended and that he doesn't have to feel guilty by doing so (I just was trying to extort the truth from him).

    The reply I finally got was "I am happy with who I am can you be happy with that".

    Basically I told him I have no idea what I am supposed to do or think. So I had to put the choices to him ie fuck buddies, a bond, mates with benefits, reassurance, or nothing at all.

    Now the reply I got was this...lol... "I was happy being a fuck buddy mates, you need to tell me if that suites you as I think it doesn't and that's the big ????? ".

    So of course my thoughts are this... I was being exploited ie being kind loving and accommodating and he taking it because he could. I was also questioning for 17 months where I stood and he'd get irritated over it and not answer he'd dodge it, go silent, then come back.

    So I reply with yes I will be fuck buddy mates, and I then set the ground rules firmly! lol

    I told him if he comes here for sex, then to eat before he comes (I was cooking all the time and paying for it). I also told him I will be having sex elsewhere so condoms will always be used. I also said if he hurts me physically down there then he is out the door. I told him as long as he is happy with this then all is good and that I was glad he could finally tell the truth after all this time, and that I feel the same way - sex only.

    I also told him I am now on the same page and that if he cannot accept me sleeping with others then to ask himself why he needs exclusivity. And that I am more than happy with the situation.

    I asked him to let me know when he wants to come for sex.

    And he is now ignoring me...

    I text again saying when you are horny you know where I am and that it is all up to you now...

    Ignoring me...

    So how was it?

    Please you bright guys how did I go? It sort of hurt but was ok as I know I am losing "nothing at all".

    Please let me know what you make of him???? And why now I get onto his page, he is like this? What is his mentality?

    Thank you )))
    Last edited by Shawn33; August 11th, 2014 at 04:31 AM.

  8. #8
    Kein Ayin Hara JUB Admin KaraBulut's Avatar
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    Re: Hurting just need to talk

    ^You skipped the part where you say what you want. Not just what you want from him but what you want from a relationship with a man.
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  9. #9

    Re: Hurting just need to talk

    "I was happy being a fuck buddy mates, you need to tell me if that suites you as I think it doesn't and that's the big ????? ".

    So is he some sort of moron.

    I went with that and now he is ignoring me...lol.

    I am wondering maybe he has feelings for me, and that is what the whole problem is... fear. He does seem to have some sort of fobia over love as I detected that over his women when I first met him. They wanted a relationship, so he was very agitated at the time. If you get pushy with him over feelings he goes into his shell.

    Regards

  10. #10

    Re: Hurting just need to talk

    Hi KaraBulut,

    Since I found out today of him wanting just fuck buddy mate, I don't care really what he does. I would have no less to go and meet somebody else, if anything, something more.

    I am not looking for any relationship, I met him and things just happened and I would have gone with it had he been on the same page.

    Thank you,

  11. #11
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    Re: Hurting just need to talk

    Two words.

    Closet issues.

    What you have here is a dysfunctional relationship. It is not "fuck buddies."

    And I would bet that a bunch of it has to do with closet issues. You haven't said what your status is, from what you wrote, I'm betting neither of you is out. First rule of two men in relationships - closet issues will fuck you up every time.

    Frankly things with this guy sound like they have gone too far for either of you to have a casual "fuck buddy" thing. You need to walk away, expecting him to make all the choices is just a tactic you're using to avoid making the choice YOU need to make.

    Work on yourself, are YOU a good relationship prospect? Are you willing and able to introduce a man as your partner to your friends and family? Are there things about you than you know you need to work on?

    There is nothing you can do about him, he is right, he will be who he is, you can't change that. That will be true for every man you ever date - so the trick of it is choosing the guy who's the guy you want already, not dating by random chance and hoping he'll become someone else.

    Through it all though, you need to make yourself the best guy you can be, and chasing the closet chimera isn't going to help you there. Grab your nuts, and end it.
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  12. #12
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    Re: Hurting just need to talk

    Quote Originally Posted by Shawn33 View Post
    Hi KaraBulut,

    Since I found out today of him wanting just fuck buddy mate, I don't care really what he does. I would have no less to go and meet somebody else, if anything, something more.

    I am not looking for any relationship, I met him and things just happened and I would have gone with it had he been on the same page.

    Thank you,
    Well, if you read through your post, there's a passivity to what you're saying. More like you're letting him call the shots.

    Most guys who have been in the dating game for a while have a clearer idea of what they're looking for- whether it be superficial traits like a hairy chest or whether it be personality traits like someone who is ready to settle down or whether it's just that the guy is "relationship material".

    You're not being assertive about is what you want. You may have gone into this as a NSA fuckbuddy kind of thing but it's becoming clearer that you want more. It just seems like you're settling for less than you want in the interest of keeping this guy around.

    Sometimes it's important to sit down, think for a moment, "What am I looking for?". When you're clear in your own mind about that, then it's easier to admit to yourself that this guy is falling short and shows no signs that he's going to be able to provide whatever it is that you're looking for.
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  13. #13

    Re: Hurting just need to talk

    Quote Originally Posted by Shawn33 View Post
    Hi all of you thank you for your views. I take them all on board.

    There is a whole lot more to it.

    This guy has some sort of issues that I guess I have been in denial of.

    I don't think I should mention those, as I am clear of them and what they mean, but if anyone would like and has time to private message me then I can tell you and see what you think of it?

    What has happened since I wrote the post above is this. I have text him again asking if he has any intentions to catch up anymore. Of course he puts the ball back in my court by saying "are you ok catching up I don't want you to be upset with how I am in life".

    I told him that it is ok to say no and that I would not be offended and that he doesn't have to feel guilty by doing so (I just was trying to extort the truth from him).

    The reply I finally got was "I am happy with who I am can you be happy with that".

    Basically I told him I have no idea what I am supposed to do or think. So I had to put the choices to him ie fuck buddies, a bond, mates with benefits, reassurance, or nothing at all.

    Now the reply I got was this...lol... "I was happy being a fuck buddy mates, you need to tell me if that suites you as I think it doesn't and that's the big ????? ".

    So of course my thoughts are this... I was being exploited ie being kind loving and accommodating and he taking it because he could. I was also questioning for 17 months where I stood and he'd get irritated over it and not answer he'd dodge it, go silent, then come back.

    So I reply with yes I will be fuck buddy mates, and I then set the ground rules firmly! lol

    I told him if he comes here for sex, then to eat before he comes (I was cooking all the time and paying for it). I also told him I will be having sex elsewhere so condoms will always be used. I also said if he hurts me physically down there then he is out the door. I told him as long as he is happy with this then all is good and that I was glad he could finally tell the truth after all this time, and that I feel the same way - sex only.

    I also told him I am now on the same page and that if he cannot accept me sleeping with others then to ask himself why he needs exclusivity. And that I am more than happy with the situation.

    I asked him to let me know when he wants to come for sex.

    And he is now ignoring me...

    I text again saying when you are horny you know where I am and that it is all up to you now...

    Ignoring me...

    So how was it?

    Please you bright guys how did I go? It sort of hurt but was ok as I know I am losing "nothing at all".

    Please let me know what you make of him???? And why now I get onto his page, he is like this? What is his mentality?

    Thank you )))
    This sounds like you're trying to manipulate and blackmail him with threats of no dinners and jealousy acts of sleeping with other people.

    You clearly want more from him than he's willing or able to give. You've asked, he said no. Obsessing over what his reasons and frame of mind might be changes nothing. No is still no. He can't give you what you want in the way you want it. Jealousy, manipulation, games, coercion, flattery, all the love in the world won't transform him into what you want him to be.
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  14. #14

    Re: Hurting just need to talk

    Hi Borg69,

    No that's not the case.

    I have been 'paranoid' of being exploited because I have been paying for, and cooking for him, and doing the dishes, accommodating him, sometimes four nights a week and he has never contributed. He never says thank you.

    He has agreed to friends with benefits, surprise surprise.

    Should I cook for him? Pay for him? Be faithful to him? Would I be setting myself up for being used?

    It is a case of I have finally put my foot down after 17 months it has gone nowhere and I have a fear of if I was to continue that that would be the rest of my life.

    Yeah he agreed to being fuck buddy mates on those terms, that is his choice. And yes he has some sort of strong attraction to me, be it some fantasy he is living out by using my body (yes I have reason for believing that).

    No I am not looking for a relationship with him, that would not work. But what I do or did have were feelings for him, unintentionally, after 17 months and I feel punished for it.

    So why would I not set the ground rules finally after being too passive. I went wrong by not setting those at the beginning. That is where I screwed up. And also I went wrong three months into it, when he went overseas with a g/f for five weeks and made no contact. That is also my mistake. I am not experienced with such non sense and yeah I have learnt my lesson.

    Thanks for your views they are appreciated.

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    Re: Hurting just need to talk

    Ok now you're just repeating yourself. If you have no intention of actually moving on, there is no point in discussing it.
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  16. #16
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    Re: Hurting just need to talk

    I know that people have already said these things before and I am only repeating what others have already told you, but you need to be honest with yourself.

    By the looks of it, he has been stringing you on all this time knowing that you wanted something that he doesn't want to provide, in exchange of some domestic comforts and the possibility of getting part of his emotional needs met without having (or caring) to give anything in return. He is a selfish pig and you are deluding yourself if you think that holding onto this very dysfunctional relationship or trying to manipulate him will finally lead to a healthy, equal and happy relationship. It won't. He is happy ignoring you and you are always the one who ends up contacting him. I know that you don't want to hear this, but he is only coming back because he knows that he can both exploit and fuck you before moving on to live his life as he pleases. He is comfortable using you now, and your "friendship" will last until he finds someone even more accommodating to his needs. You don't matter to him, and you never will. The time to move on arrived a long time ago, but you keep pretending that what he once vaguely told you is an indication that your aspirations will become a reality somewhere down the line. Sadly, they will not. And make no mistake: if you continue down this road, this will end and you will be left used, mistreated, denigrated and unloved.

    On the other hand, Borg69 is right: you are using rather transparent blackmailing techniques to try to get him to declare his love for you, or to at least confess that he needs you. And he needs you indeed, because he has found someone he can take advantage of. Everything else is irrelevant and, if you disappeared tomorrow, he would look for someone else in the same dating site where you found each other (supposing that he hasn't opened a new profile somewhere else already). Thus, I must repeat again: you do not matter to him in any way whatsoever. Stop behaving like a clingy teenager and go out there to find someone who actually deserves you, because there will be people who will want the same things you want, and they will be able to love and respect you in return.

    I think that maybe you are confusing a "first time" infatuation with actual love, and are a bit frightened of letting go and going out there to look for something else, because this experience has been rewarding in some levels. Still, you are the one who is suffering and he seems just as fine without you and he is when you trip over your own two feet to contact him and satisfy his needs. I don't want to tell you how to live your life, but you do deserve better and I am sure that you want this to go well so badly because you haven't met someone else. Thus, why don't you try to actually date a few other people on the side, just to see how things are and what opportunities you have? I think that this will open your eyes to a whole new world of possibilities, and you will realize that this individual is an emotional parasite.

    Again, sorry if I sounded preachy, but I have been in this situation before (twice, to make matters more embarrassing), and I can assure you that, if you sever all ties with him, YOU will be better off, among other things because you will be free to pursue what you crave for with people who can actually give it to you.

    Well, my response has been overlong. Just allow me to finish by saying that I wish you all the best. Good luck! Oh, and by the way... He has been seeing other people and you're having sex without condoms? Get checked as soon as possible for STDs! As I have said before, you do deserve so much better.
    Last edited by Adrusek81; August 13th, 2014 at 08:15 AM.

  17. #17

    Re: Hurting just need to talk

    Quote Originally Posted by Shawn33 View Post
    Hi Borg69,

    No that's not the case.

    I have been 'paranoid' of being exploited because I have been paying for, and cooking for him, and doing the dishes, accommodating him, sometimes four nights a week and he has never contributed. He never says thank you.

    He has agreed to friends with benefits, surprise surprise.

    Should I cook for him? Pay for him? Be faithful to him? Would I be setting myself up for being used?

    It is a case of I have finally put my foot down after 17 months it has gone nowhere and I have a fear of if I was to continue that that would be the rest of my life.

    Yeah he agreed to being fuck buddy mates on those terms, that is his choice. And yes he has some sort of strong attraction to me, be it some fantasy he is living out by using my body (yes I have reason for believing that).

    No I am not looking for a relationship with him, that would not work. But what I do or did have were feelings for him, unintentionally, after 17 months and I feel punished for it.

    So why would I not set the ground rules finally after being too passive. I went wrong by not setting those at the beginning. That is where I screwed up. And also I went wrong three months into it, when he went overseas with a g/f for five weeks and made no contact. That is also my mistake. I am not experienced with such non sense and yeah I have learnt my lesson.

    Thanks for your views they are appreciated.
    I'll keep it short. It's tough, but you have to move on. This situation is in no way healthy physically, emotionally, mentally.

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