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  1. #1
    On the Prowl BelovedEnigma's Avatar
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    Using my last nerve to lace my boots

    Hello,

    I've decided to post here to vent and ask for any advice that might help me deal with the stress I'm going through. Okay, I have been married for 13 years to my best friend from high school and we have three children together. We have had our share of problems, like coming to terms with my sexuality, but we always seemed to figure things out together. And for the most part we have had a happy life together. But this past year has been exceedingly rough for us. My wife lost her father unexpectantly in an accident 8 months ago and everything seems to be spiraling downhill ever since. My wife took his death very hard and has been stuggling with depression and anxiety, coupled with some medical problems. Two months ago I quit my job of 10 yrs because my employeer and BIL was saying ill things about my wife, children, and myself. At first I thought that I would have more time to take care of my familys personal needs. Of course that didnt last long before my wife quit her job sending us into financal hardship. This sent my wife into an alcahol and drug abuse spiral that made me give her an ultimatum of no drinking and drugs or I was leaving with the kids. While this is going on Im also dealing with her bank to get her car back from repo and deal with her wreaking her mothers car, and picking her up from work because she sounds baked out of her mind that gets her fired from her second job. She swears it was because she was exhausted and I knew she wasnt and still isnt sleeping well to this day although she lays in bed until 12 everyday and falls asleep on the couch the rest of the day. After this all happened things seemed to level out and we both recieved calls for job interviews. When it seemed like we might be pulling through we get papers in the mail for allegations of misconduct for my wifes professional license. So this has been my life for the past months. I am completely drained and feel like I'm barely keeping my familys heads above water. My house looks like a war zone because three kids and two barely functional parents doesnt go well together although its not like she helped clean before.

    Idk... I feel like a failure as a father and a husband...
    You're just ugly enough to be wise.

  2. #2
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: Using my last nerve to lace my boots

    I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. Your family needs you to lead to get through this. BUT...you need help. You cannot do all of this by yourself.

    Go get counseling for your wife for her drug and alcohol abuse and her depression. Get counseling for the whole family for emotional & financial support. Hopefully, these professionals would be able to help you manage the situation better. Look back to learn from it so you can move forward for the better. Don't look back and start placing blame on yourself or anyone else. This is not the time to do that.

    Wish you the best, buddy!
    Last edited by HunterM; July 30th, 2014 at 11:15 PM.

  3. #3
    Lascivious Lush altlover85's Avatar
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    Re: Using my last nerve to lace my boots

    It sounds like things are very difficult for you right now and I'm very sorry to hear that.

    I second HunterM's advice and one thing I would suggest that might help is to just google "breathing exercises" as I've found that taking a deep breath and/or just being more aware of my breathing can help me get out of the negativity that I can feel at times.

    The most important thing for me to tell you is that you shouldn't feel like a failure at all. You are doing the best you can and sometimes bad things happen to good people. I think it's commendable that you are able to keep things going given the circumstances.

    Best of luck and thanks for having the courage to post here and ask for some advice. I think it's a great first step!

  4. #4
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    Re: Using my last nerve to lace my boots

    you can do it alone.


  5. #5
    On the Prowl BelovedEnigma's Avatar
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    Re: Using my last nerve to lace my boots

    One day at a time I guess. Today was one of the better days I've had in awhile. Don't know if it was the venting, advice, or the pot of coffee I consumed this morning. I had much more energy today and took the wife and kids out to the park. Heres to hoping tmrw will be just as good.

    Thanks for the advice so far! I am currently reasearching counselors in our area. Hopefully I can find a good one thats not too expensive. I am also a believer of meditative exercises and breathing techniques but I think it's something I've done instinctively. As for taking the kids and calling it quits, I have concidered it I just don't want to give up just yet. Even if our romantic relastionship is at an end, she really is my best friend. I would want to get her to a better place before we go down that road.

  6. #6
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: Using my last nerve to lace my boots

    Sounds like a good plan!

    Lead your whole family toward meditation. If everyone around you is more relaxed, you will be more relaxed as well.

  7. #7
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Using my last nerve to lace my boots

    She'll need to tackle her depression. A drug and alcohol assessment also seems to be in order. Don't make threats you won't keep. It will put you in the dark hole of co-dependency.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  8. #8

    Re: Using my last nerve to lace my boots

    You never failed. You're the only one there trying to keep things together, and you must be a pillar of strength now. I know this must be hard, andwe can't even imagine what's going on, but you must really take the job. Your wife needs help, and if she can't have a job, she really should take care of the house at least. Is there anyone who can help with the kids? Grandparents maybe?

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