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  1. #1
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    Confused with Life

    I've ignored this for a long time now, and talking about it was never an option I thought I should consider. I'm a listener, not a talker. A person who people tell things to, not the other way around. To put it simply, I'm confused. I identify myself as straight, maybe curious, but I don't know if it's something deeper than that, or not. I'm not even sure if I should come out and say I'm a little curious or not. Emotionally, I feel a very strong connection to women. I envision myself happy and with a wife and kids. However, sexually, I feel more attracted to men, while my emotional connection with them is weaker. I'm not sure if that's a product of me not talking about this and shutting the idea of men out as a significant other, coupled with the backlash I'd get from my family, or maybe I just really am only connected with men sexually. I'm not sure what to do, I'm a virgin when it comes to both sexes, but I can say there is a girl that I really care about. Any help or thoughtful advice would be much appreciated.

  2. #2
    On the Prowl checkinthingsout's Avatar
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    Re: Confused with Life

    Figuring out your sexuality can be challenging. To me it sounds like you are gay, and just struggling with upbringing and societal pressures to envision a version of "happy" that isnt defined by a wife/kids/white picket fence.

    What I think you should do is stop thinking so much about it and start acting on something. Otherwise you will never be able to figure it out with this internal conversation you are having with yourself.

    You say there is a girl you really care about. Maybe ask her out on a date? If not find another girl and ask her out on a date. You cant know which sex (m or f) is right for you if you are not engaging with either on a romantic or sexual level. My suggestion is start with romantic and move to sexual. You will know depending on how that progresses what you really want.

    Once you can determine that you either do or dont have sexual and romantic urges for women it will be much easier to figure out if you even need to pursue romantic or sexual connections with men. Get off the side line, start with women, and see if if something works out!

  3. #3
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    Re: Confused with Life

    It's very challenging, but thanks for the help. I think I'll try that. I really want to take initiative, but I always over think things and discourage myself. But thank you!

  4. #4
    On the Prowl checkinthingsout's Avatar
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    Re: Confused with Life

    Quote Originally Posted by random67 View Post
    It's very challenging, but thanks for the help. I think I'll try that. I really want to take initiative, but I always over think things and discourage myself. But thank you!
    Sweet! Remember don't think just call her up and set a time and a place beforehand. Keep us updated on how it goes with her and then we can start advising you down the other road if necessary!

  5. #5
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    Re: Confused with Life

    Many guys do go through the emotional roller-coaster that you find yourself in, you do not mention what age you are. This can be a major factor when one is trying to work out their sexuality.
    Are you only emotionally attracted to females, or do you think this may ever change?
    Do you know any gay men that you can trust, to offer insight into being gay. though always keep in mind that divulging this to a gay man may end up with everyone finding out.
    It my well be that on the Kinsey scale you would fall in between a 2-3, which may well place you as a bisexual. Have you given any thought to that possibility?

    Many here would be very happy to offer support and/or guidance, plus answer any questions you may have or want to ask.
    This is a struggle that many members here have faced, and their experiences may be of great comfort and may even encourage you to decide. Whatever the outcome i wish you well. Welcome to JUB.....

  6. #6
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Confused with Life

    I think sexual orientation can be worked out on one's own or with the help of a therapist. After all, we all have an orientation whether or not we are sexually active. Be aware that humans tend to create boundaries in order to socially survive and some of the emotional connection issues may be in place because you, as well as the rest of us, are conditioned to be heterosexual just because society is hetero-normative.

    I married my ex-wife at age 23 knowing I had same sex attraction but,in the late 1960s, didn't realize it was possible to have a living relationship with another man. It's now a different world. Although we still come out alone and one at a time, people today are aware that there is a rich and healthy life for people who don't identify as straight.

    I suggest reflective self-thought and,if still troubled, therapy.

    I started to experiment at age 31 while still married. A couple of guys became attached to me. That's when I realized that I needed to make some decisions. I also learned that "casual sex" isn't always so casual and that others were being affected by my behavior.

    Feel free to pm. Try to be fearless while you figure things out and remember that often the most difficult person to come out to is oneself.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  7. #7

    Re: Confused with Life

    Rent a gay dvd, no women, and a lesbian dvd, no men. Play them both to see which turns you on. Do not try to be what you are not. Many young men can function with a woman, get married, have children, and then realize that they are really gay and are unhappy. It is not fair to the woman or kids. Figure it out now.

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