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  1. #1

    NEED HELP!! First Date Experience

    So I mentioned this first date I was gonna have with a guy I met online in another thread. Now I'm back from the date...

    Short version: We met at a coffee shop and went back to my place.

    Detailed version:
    I suggested meeting at a coffee shop and go for a lunch. However, it was rainy that day and was supposed to be a thunder storm. Thus, he suggested that we should hang out at my place and watch a movie (reason being he was driving to me because I dont drive). However, although I was debating, I did not want to invite a stranger over without meeting him in public. So I said it's not pouring down yet, I prefer to meet at the coffee shop and even joked about him being a possible bad guy and I might be a pervy (just trying to make my point without being awkward). Anyway he said he was fine with it. So we met at the coffee shop and talked. He was really nice and kinda cute. So after he said if I wanna go to my place afterwards and I agreed. Because I know if we keep dating it's gonna happen anyway and I was not gonna agree to have sex anyways.

    Hot part:
    So we were watching a movie while he was holding me in his arm. I could tell he had an erection through his pants. It was just too cozy and I suggest playing a game that is kinda naughty..... Finally we were both naked and he mentioned he wanted to have sex. I turned him down with the excuse of not having condom. He then said he was clean and got tested twice couple month ago and never had sex since. He then suggested several times and I still said no. It ended up him grinding/humping my lower back and cumming on my back.

    My worries

    He seems genuine in general and was being specific about getting tested and having clean results. So should I worry about STDs? I even gave him a lecture on HPV when he asked me to blow him and I turned him down.
    some key points:
    1. We had lots of body contact including kissing mouth to mouth, on the body
    2. He blew me for a very short time
    3. He ejaculated on my back
    4. While he was giving me hand job, he kinda pulled the foreskin bit hard and it hurt a bit but no visible open wound. It does not hurt during shower afterwards. But it does feel a bit itchy/irritating sensation.

    Other than the STD part...I do not really know what to ask at this moment. I'm being a bit messy at this moment. So I just typed these details... I will post more of my observation later if anyone cares to read...

  2. #2
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: NEED HELP!! First Date Experience

    Have fresh condoms at all times and ask him why he doesn't. To me this is a red flag.

    Teach him how to handle your penis. Sexual activity ought not cause injury.

    Never be talked into or cajoled or blackmailed into doing anything. Barebacking with strangers is never a good idea, nor is it smart with someone you are casually seeing.

    There is a risk of STDs such as herpes and it will be up to you to educate yourself and weigh the long term consequences against your sex life options.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  3. #3

    Re: NEED HELP!! First Date Experience

    Quote Originally Posted by Seasoned View Post
    Have fresh condoms at all times and ask him why he doesn't. To me this is a red flag.

    Teach him how to handle your penis. Sexual activity ought not cause injury.

    Never be talked into or cajoled or blackmailed into doing anything. Barebacking with strangers is never a good idea, nor is it smart with someone you are casually seeing.

    There is a risk of STDs such as herpes and it will be up to you to educate yourself and weigh the long term consequences against your sex life options.

    I think I made both a mistake/good choice of doing something sexually with him on the first date.

    To me, if you read my first thread which is about how to find a bf, I'm in a bit of "desperation" of finding someone. This urge kinda clouded my judgement but I'm glad I did not go too far by agreeing to have bareback sex.

    The reason I think it's a bad idea is obvious that I don't know him that well.
    The good part of doing that is my mind is more clear now and I think I know more about what I want. This is my first time doing something like this.

    Here's something I did and felt:

    1. Because he drove here to meet me at the coffee and parked there, I memorized his car plate. We walked to my place since I did not want him to drive me to my place for many safty reasons. But I think there's is a big chance of him knowing where I live. But I kinda let him know I do have security system installed and my parents are always around and I have a friend living next door.

    2. He really seems like a nice kid. He is my age, we both just finished college. He works at a day-care center and he loves kids. He lives with him family still and seem nice in general.

    3. When he asks to go to my place, I said "Will you be mad if I can't today", he reacts nicely, at least he seems he is cool with that. But I said I was joking.

    4. When I have boundaries such as refusing to have sex and oral sex, he was being polite although I could tell he really wanted to.

    Some potential red flags:
    1. First one being him wanting to have sex unprotected.
    2. When he told me he drives a blue car and will be wearing a green shirt, I took the chance to ask him his plate number, he said he doesn't know.
    3. I could tell he tried to memorize or at least observe the surrounding when I walked him from the coffee shop to my home. I can understand that since he would be walking to his car from my place and also I could be a bad guy leading him to some place he doesnt know.


    Anyway, you really think I should go to the clinic and get tested? I'm a bit worried now.

  4. #4
    JUB Addict Craiger's Avatar
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    Re: NEED HELP!! First Date Experience

    All this happened within the last day or so, so I wouldn't be concerned or go to any clinic. Watch over the next couple of days and if you find anything different, then consider having it checked. Don't work yourself up into a frenzy. Enjoy the experience you had, but be aware of any changes.

    Kudos for not having unprotected sex. However, you know now that acting in the heat of passion can lead to some form of sex. Be on your guard not to allow that passion to cloud your mind. A lot of your worries may end if you continue to see him. Did you arrange for another meeting? Do you think he is interested enough to see you again? He sounds like a nice guy from what you have posted. Don't be too hard on him for not knowing his license plate, I don't know mine either. And it sounds as though you were thorough enough to memorize it. Unless you had weird vibes about him, don't keep thinking of him as someone that is out to stalk you. He is your age and probably going through many of the same feelings you have. Try to look at this experience through his POV. Keep us posted and be safe.

    Craiger

  5. #5
    Kein Ayin Hara JUB Admin KaraBulut's Avatar
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    Re: NEED HELP!! First Date Experience

    Quote Originally Posted by Seasoned View Post
    Have fresh condoms at all times and ask him why he doesn't. To me this is a red flag.

    Never be talked into or cajoled or blackmailed into doing anything. Barebacking with strangers is never a good idea, nor is it smart with someone you are casually seeing.
    ^This

    Any guy who hints he wants to go back to your place on the first date and pressures you to have unsafe sex is probably not a good candidate for dating.

    It's good that you didn't completely fall for it but you need to be assertive and learn to say, "No" without the other excuses.


    Quote Originally Posted by Shyboyjoy View Post
    To me, if you read my first thread which is about how to find a bf, I'm in a bit of "desperation" of finding someone. This urge kinda clouded my judgement but I'm glad I did not go too far by agreeing to have bareback sex.
    Guys give messages in what they say and what they do. If a guy is planning ways to get to your place and have sex with you on the first date, then it's not really a date- it's a hookup.

    A guy who is interested in dating wants to spend time getting to know the other person and isn't in a rush to have sex. There are cases where long-term couples have had sex on the first date (including a few here at JUB) but if sex is the focus of the date, it's probably not going to play out into a "boyfriend".

    Quote Originally Posted by Shyboyjoy View Post
    The reason I think it's a bad idea is obvious that I don't know him that well.
    The good part of doing that is my mind is more clear now and I think I know more about what I want. This is my first time doing something like this.
    It doesn't matter if you "know him that well". Risky behavior is risky behavior. And there are guys out there who know they are HIV+ and who don't have any qualms about exposing other people.

    It is you who is control. Don't fall into the trap that sex is the way to find a boyfriend. And don't fall into the traps that unsafe sex is okay with some guys because they seem "clean" or nice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shyboyjoy View Post
    Anyway, you really think I should go to the clinic and get tested? I'm a bit worried now.
    Yes. Everyone who is sexually active should be tested for STDs.
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