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  1. #1

    Am I top or bottom? I'm very confused.

    I'm 32 years old but I still get confused so I want to learn the opinion of other people. Until I was 21 years old, I thought I was heterosexual but I never had sex with anyone. When I was lying at night at 21 years of age, I imagined myself being bottom and having sex with a guy just out of curiosity. I realised that this turned me on more than any girl and from that point on, I mostly fantasized about males.

    A few months later I had sex as a bottom and I didn't like it. I've had sex with around 15 guys until now, I was top only once and I liked it a lot although I came very quick. The problem is that psychologically I usually feel soft and feminine, I even like wearing female clothes. But I don't enjoy sex as a bottom much although a few times it was nice. I've always thought that the reason I don't have much sex and prefer to masturbate is because I'm not comfortable with being gay but I think it's mainly because I don't enjoy sex much. After having sex as a bottom, I realise that it's not worth all the trouble and I don't have sex for a long time. When I masturbate, imagining being bottom turns me on a lot because since I have a feminine body, I think that I should have a feminine role in sex. When I look at pictures of my body, I see a body that should be fucked instead of a body that should fuck and sometimes it's hard to masturbate while imagining myself as top since I don't feel manly, even though I just love male butt.

    However whenever I look at webcam websites to see naked people showing themselves, I usually look for guys showing their butt instead of their dick because I just love male butt and the thought of fucking it. But somehow I don't feel masculine enough to be a top or even versatile. The fact that I have a small penis(13 cm or 5 inch) doesn't help and it's not easy to make it hard when I'm with someone. Also I noticed that whenever I have low self esteem and feel depressed(which is a lot of the time), I want to bottom but when I'm confident and at least not feeling bad, I want to top. Should I meet with bottoms despite my small dick and feminine body because I love male butts and the thought of fucking them, or should I stick to being a bottom because that's how I feel psychologically? I live in Turkey and here at gay dating websites, it's very easy to find lots of tops with a place of their own to have sex mainly because guys who can't find females to have sex prefer feminine looking gays like me, but it's very hard to find bottoms since they all want a manly body and a big dick on their partners and I think that may be influencing my decisions. Thanks for reading.

  2. #2
    JUB Addict aaggii's Avatar
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    Apr 2012
    Madrid, Spain

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    Re: Am I top or bottom? I'm very confused.

    Boy oh boy, where to start, huh? :P

    First of all, you might be versatile. The good thing about gay sex is that roles can be switched whenever you feel like it. You feel you want to bottom? Bottom. You feel you want to top? Top.

    There might be some internalized homophobia in you, even if you realize it and try to change it. For that, personally, I advice to seek professional help, itīs absolutely the best for you. A real doctor who can ask the right questions and can change your thinking without making any damage.

    Female clothes? So what, if it does it for you and your sexual partner(s), ok. You are not the only one. Stop trying to think so much about what is feminine and what is masculine. Your body shape has nothing to very little to do with being a top or a bottom. There are feminine twinks topping and masculine daddy bears bottoming, itīs their own business and yours is yours.

    Bottoming for the first time (or first few times or even quite a big number of times - depends on the person) feels weird and hurts. In time, you get used to it. Make sure to use plenty of lube (itīs never too much) and TELL the top to go slow at first. 13cm is not small, itīs average. Even if it was small, there are guys into that, so no worries. Besides, a small penis hurts less and itīs more fun to play with :P

    And topping, of course you came quick, it was your first time. Experience makes it better and you gain experience by doing it.

    When you prefer masturbating to having sex, then you know it became a bit of a problem, though in your case it might just be fear or performing. Get to know your sexual partner, if it helps you, get a coffee before sleeping together or something like this, something that makes you comfortable.
    Last edited by aaggii; July 12th, 2014 at 06:12 AM.
    ĻBeware the fury of a patient manĻ - John Dryden

  3. #3
    sixthson's Avatar
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    Oct 2004
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    Re: Am I top or bottom? I'm very confused.

    I wouldn't even ask my husband if I am a top or bottom. That is for me to decide. Since I am versatile, sometimes I only want to top and other times only bottom.

    Don't let others dictate what you are, either. And don't let the size of your dick be the deciding factor in what form of sex you like. Not everyone wants a big one up their butt. The fact it feels good to you and you fantasize about it shows you what you need to know. There are feminine tops and masculine bottoms. Be your own man and let us know how things work out, Sammael.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  4. #4

    Re: Am I top or bottom? I'm very confused.

    I think I'm versatile. I might even be bisexual because there have been some girls that I like in the past but I think the same insecurities that stop me from being a top also stopped me from pursuing the girls that I liked in the past. The reason I created this topic was because I decided to register on some dating/hook-up websites but I couldn't decide what to choose as sexual preference since I can't change it later. Now I know that I'll choose versatile Thanks very much for the replies.

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