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  1. #1

    Am I overthinking it?

    Hey folks, long time reader, first time poster lol.

    I need some advice. Weeks ago (probably like 5) my boyfriend and I had a bit of a breakdown. He told me he didn't think he loved me the same way he used to and that he didn't know if he wanted to keep living with me after I finish college and move away for work. After talking about it it boiled down to me being lazy and slobbish (which is fair enough - I am!) but I have changed my ways now. We're all good now but I can't help worrying he is starting to feel the same way again. To me this is silly because when he was feeling them originally he barely spoke to me and looked quite upset, which he isn't now but I can't help worrying!

    How do I stop worrying about it all? Every single day while he is at work i'll get worried in case he is starting to feel the same way or if I've done something to upset him. HOW DO I STOP THIS?! It is no way to feel in a relationship.

  2. #2

    Re: Am I overthinking it?

    How long have you been together?

    Being lazy and slobbish shouldn't make someone love you less...

  3. #3
    Once Again Given Flesh. MoufOfKhaos's Avatar
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    Re: Am I overthinking it?

    You can try to keep some self improvement going - sorry, but being lazy and slobbish are not attractive qualities in a life mate, especially when they cause a direct strain(I'm talking beyond not showering because you're binge watching Mad Men - more like you're skipping work because you're binge watching Mad Men... the former is forgivable on occasion, the latter is not). If you've changed and gotten back on track, and you still feel nothing has changed, talk to him - he may be projecting because he's looking for an excuse, or there may be something else going on.
    "As anarchism rears its face,

    They are answered by an iron fist..."

  4. #4
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: Am I overthinking it?

    ^ Great advice on self-improvement! Unless you have a fucking hot body, then laziness and slobbishness can be overlooked in a relationship for some people.

    Focus on being the best version of yourself. Be considerate of your partner's needs. In a relationship, you two need to be team players for the same team...look out for each other.
    Last edited by HunterM; June 30th, 2014 at 02:22 PM.

  5. #5
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Am I overthinking it?

    The thing to watch out for here is having a lopsided relationship and not communicating. It shouldn't have gotten to the point if a breakup before he told you if his resentments. Couples need to check in frequently to talk about feelings and resentments. I'd also caution you not to be jumping through hoops to keep this relationship. It ought to be give and take with both people willing to accommodate where they can. Good luck.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  6. #6

    Re: Am I overthinking it?

    If someone loves you, they shouldn't love you less because of bad habits you're showing.

    They should bring it up and help you improve. You love someone for who he is despite his flaws. And you work to show him those flaws and help him change for the better.

    Otherwise the result is being overly self-conscious and constantly worrying which character trait or bad habit a bf might leave you over instead of simply voicing frustration.

  7. #7
    Kein Ayin Hara JUB Admin KaraBulut's Avatar
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    Re: Am I overthinking it?

    The question for the two of you is whether you're BOTH in it for the long haul. If you are, then you might want to get into couple's therapy to work on communication and trust. If you're not both ready for a long-term commitment, then you may want to get into therapy to work on some of your own issues.
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  8. #8
    On the Prowl Ninjato's Avatar
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    Re: Am I overthinking it?

    Ask him if he thinks you're being lazy and slobbish.

  9. #9
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    Re: Am I overthinking it?

    Is he your first boyfriend/lover?
    As has been already said, communication and honesty are essential in any loving relationship, not just in times of strife, but on a frequent basis.

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