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  1. #1

    Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    So, I met this gorgeous doctor and we have gone on six dates. The chemistry is great and we clicked. He text me the other night because he was horny and drunk. Up until this point, we have only done oral It was late at night and I told him I had work the next day but kept asking and so I decided to go. I'm a bit more endowed than he is so I told him I'd be right over after I stopped to buy some condoms. His response: Oh, can we please do it w/o a condom. I want to feel you and for you to feel me. I told him that I only play safe unless I'm in an exclusive relationship. He told me he was clean but finds it a bit of mood killer if condoms are used.

    I politely declined and he said he understood. That was Wednesday night. I noticed since then our communication has dwindled. I just don't get it. In this day and age...why would a person want to bareback? Is it that much of a difference for the bottom?

    It just sucks. I like him and I know he likes me. But I think things shifted with the condom thing. It might have derailed us. He did text me yesterday to say hi. We were supposed to hang out this weekend and see a movie. It wasn't set in stone. But he was supposed to let me know if he was free. I text him 2 hours ago and no response.

    I am not sure what my next move should be

  2. #2
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    Re: Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    Stick to your guns...no bareback sex for you.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  3. #3
    Sex God jdbadboy's Avatar
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    Re: Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    A doctor should know better.

  4. #4
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    Re: Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    You've had a lucky escape, he an arsehole.

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    Re: Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    Next!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. #6
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    Re: Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    Move him out Rawhide.

  7. #7

    Re: Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    It does suck, but it sounds like he wasn't quite as great a guy as you originally thought. If the need for unsafe sex derailed the start of your relationship, you're probably better off, even if you don't think so right now. The guy has his priorities messed up. He turning down a chance to spend time with you for his immediate desires. Beyond the initial chemistry you want someone that shares your values.

    I don't know about you but when someone tries to push me to do something that I don't want to do, I get stubborn. You're right, and as someone said above, stick to your guns. As far as your next move, it sounds like it's time to find a new guy. Good luck.

  8. #8

    Re: Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    Yeah, move on. If he cares about you and your health OVER his risky bareback behavior, then u have someone that sounds like a keeper. But if he doesn't respect your health which is obviously important to u, time to move on!

  9. #9

    Re: Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    Thanks for all that took the time to reply. I appreciate it. We've talked since and he told me he does Truvada for prep and is selective in who he sleeps with. He still wants to be friends and said he respects my stance on it. I must admit I got caught up in his looks and charm. We did click right away and had some nice dates and hanging out before we started fooling around. Dude has mad oral skills.

    But ultimately, he's never gonna work. He said he's turned off by the use of a condom which is alarming to me. Oh well.

  10. #10

    Re: Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    So sad! Sucks when ur into a guy and he has such a major flaw.

  11. #11
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    Re: Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    I've done that a LONG time ago back when I was in my teens, early 20s, and now with my babe...but we're both clean, monogamous, and have been together for YEARS. However, in this day and time, that would most certainly be a NO. And yes, there is a physical, emotional, and psychological difference when you fuck bareback, but I wouldn't risk it for the cute doctor you just met.

  12. #12
    The King of Sorrow... sweet_taboo's Avatar
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    Re: Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    Quote Originally Posted by mooki33 View Post
    ...I must admit I got caught up in his looks and charm. We did click right away and had some nice dates and hanging out before we started fooling around. Dude has mad oral skills.

    But ultimately, he's never gonna work. He said he's turned off by the use of a condom which is alarming to me. Oh well.
    Yes, I would probably just move on because if you continue to hang out with Dr. Charming Mad Oral Skills and do sexual things with him, sooner or later you'll get caught up in moment and his raw dick will be inside you...and you'll be wondering what the fuck just happened.

  13. #13

    Re: Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    Quote Originally Posted by sweet_taboo View Post
    Yes, I would probably just move on because if you continue to hang out with Dr. Charming Mad Oral Skills and do sexual things with him, sooner or later you'll get caught up in moment and his raw dick will be inside you...and you'll be wondering what the fuck just happened.
    He's actually a bottom and wants me to go in him BB. But you are right. When we are together....we always end up kissing like crazy and that is my trigger LOL.

  14. #14
    The King of Sorrow... sweet_taboo's Avatar
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    Re: Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    I feel you! Kissing is definitely a weakness of mine.
    Quote Originally Posted by mooki33 View Post
    He's actually a bottom and wants me to go in him BB. But you are right. When we are together....we always end up kissing like crazy and that is my trigger LOL.

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    Re: Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    Quote Originally Posted by mooki33 View Post
    Thanks for all that took the time to reply. I appreciate it. We've talked since and he told me he does Truvada for prep and is selective in who he sleeps with.
    Truvada accounts for one STD. There are many others.

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    Re: Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    Is he nuts? Good for you in sticking to your convictions.

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    Re: Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    If it makes you feel uncomfortable, don't do it. Otherwise, consider the risk.

    In your place, I would have fucked him bareback, but I don't advocate this kind of behaviour for obvious reasons.

  18. #18
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    Re: Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    Anyone that wants to engage in bareback sex right off the bat is not someone you want to be with.
    The fact he isn't responsive to your wishes abot safe sex is just a sign of things to come.
    End the relationship now and move on to someone who will respect you and your limits.

  19. #19
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    Re: Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    consider it a case of syphilis dodged if PrEP is his only layer of safe sex.

    if a great guy was truly onto into barebacking, he'd be willing to wait until the two of you are in a committed relationship and have been tested.

  20. #20

    Re: Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    If he wants to bottom BB with, there are others. He is a tragedy waiting to happen. And he thinks if he holds out you will cave in and go along.

  21. #21
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    Re: Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    It's unfortunate, but you're wise and much better off being with someone who values your health more than a moment of pleasure.

    Kudos to you for sticking to your guns.

  22. #22
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    Re: Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    Hmmm... a doctor who gets drunk in the middle of the week, wants to bareback and claims he's on Truvada for PrEP...
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  23. #23
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    Re: Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    He presented you with a dealbreaker...so say goodbye and find someone who does not present you with a dealbreaker.
    Brainwash yourself before someone nasty beats you to it

  24. #24

    Re: Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    Quote Originally Posted by shane82 View Post
    It's unfortunate, but you're wise and much better off being with someone who values your health more than a moment of pleasure.

    Kudos to you for sticking to your guns.
    Thanks man

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    Re: Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    Quote Originally Posted by mooki33 View Post
    Thanks man
    You did the right thing. It was clear he didn't respect your wishes about your health to wear a condom. And someone who doesn't respect your wishes on a issue as important as that is someone you don't need.

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    Re: Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    Quote Originally Posted by KaraBulut View Post
    Hmmm... a doctor who gets drunk in the middle of the week, wants to bareback and claims he's on Truvada for PrEP...
    Doctors tell their patients lies all the time, no?

  27. #27
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    Re: Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    Quote Originally Posted by Harke the Boeotarch View Post
    Doctors tell their patients lies all the time, no?
    If anything, they are more likely to be brutally honest when it comes to their patients.

    But they are human and they have a much higher rate of self-harm than the general population- depression, prescription drug abuse and suicide.
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    Re: Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    Quote Originally Posted by KaraBulut View Post
    If anything, they are more likely to be brutally honest when it comes to their patients.
    I have no professional relation with anyone in the medical profession (except tenuously for that lousy factory job back in 2011 I posted a thread about once), but Dutch general practioners tend to be full of shit.

    Quote Originally Posted by KaraBulut View Post
    But they are human and they have a much higher rate of self-harm than the general population- depression, prescription drug abuse and suicide.
    Intelligent and socially aware people can do all kinds of self-destructive things, it doesn't necessarily mean that they do a bad job... unless of course Truvada isn't actually remotely meant for the purpose mentioned.

  29. #29
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    Re: Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    Quote Originally Posted by KaraBulut View Post
    But they are human and they have a much higher rate of self-harm than the general population- depression, prescription drug abuse and suicide.

    Quote Originally Posted by Harke the Boeotarch View Post
    Intelligent and socially aware people can do all kinds of self-destructive things, it doesn't necessarily mean that they do a bad job... unless of course Truvada isn't actually remotely meant for the purpose mentioned.
    There have been some studies of this. Pediatricians tend to have lower rates than the general public. It's the specialties that are in constant contact with medications (e.g. psychiatrists, anesthesologists) and the high stress areas (e.g. emergency medicine) that have the highest rates. It's more a statement of availability of the drugs and how people cope with stress that are the problem. And having seen a few cases over the years, some are quite functional at work... however when it goes bad at work, it goes really bad.
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  30. #30
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    Re: Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    That's so gross, just think about how many people he's done it without protection. If he's indeed clean then it's just luck not because he's actually responsible. And to think he's a doctor, wow.

  31. #31
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    Re: Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    Quote Originally Posted by mooki33 View Post
    So, I met this gorgeous doctor and we have gone on six dates. The chemistry is great and we clicked. He text me the other night because he was horny and drunk. Up until this point, we have only done oral It was late at night and I told him I had work the next day but kept asking and so I decided to go. I'm a bit more endowed than he is so I told him I'd be right over after I stopped to buy some condoms. His response: Oh, can we please do it w/o a condom. I want to feel you and for you to feel me. I told him that I only play safe unless I'm in an exclusive relationship. He told me he was clean but finds it a bit of mood killer if condoms are used.

    I politely declined and he said he understood. That was Wednesday night. I noticed since then our communication has dwindled. I just don't get it. In this day and age...why would a person want to bareback? Is it that much of a difference for the bottom?

    It just sucks. I like him and I know he likes me. But I think things shifted with the condom thing. It might have derailed us. He did text me yesterday to say hi. We were supposed to hang out this weekend and see a movie. It wasn't set in stone. But he was supposed to let me know if he was free. I text him 2 hours ago and no response.

    I am not sure what my next move should be

    go on PrEP. that way you can safely enjoy bareback with a lower probability of infection. of course, the risk is there, just a lot lower. learn more about it if its right for you. i still recommend condoms though. if the two of you can be monogamous for a month and test negative, then bare back is a realistic option. but know what you're getting into.

  32. #32
    Kein Ayin Hara JUB Admin KaraBulut's Avatar
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    Re: Advice Needed: Met a Great Guy But He Only Likes To Bareback :-(

    Quote Originally Posted by bruce379 View Post
    go on PrEP. that way you can safely enjoy bareback with a lower probability of infection. of course, the risk is there, just a lot lower. learn more about it if its right for you. i still recommend condoms though. if the two of you can be monogamous for a month and test negative, then bare back is a realistic option. but know what you're getting into.
    Not to get too far off-topic, but the studies that have been done of men who have sex with men (MSM), showed a 45-75% reduction in infection. The media (and the manufacturer of Truvada) have been promoting the drug as a way to prevent HIV infection, but what they are not telling the public is that it's only recommended for couples where one person is known to be HIV infected or for persons who at high risk (e.g. sex workers, IV drug users). It was never recommended as the primary means of HIV prevention for casual sex outside of a relationship.

    Truvada is never intended to replace safer sex practices. The majority of people who are taking Truvada are taking it because they already have HIV, not to prevent HIV infection. It makes one wonder whether the doctor in this case is not telling the whole truth.
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