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  1. #1
    Slut MEP2491's Avatar
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    Am I really gay?

    So a few weeks back, I wrote on this forum about this experience I had at this bar. Long story short, I had had a few drinks and this guy came up to me and started hitting on me. One thing led to another and before I knew it, he was giving me a blowjob in the bathroom.

    The responses I got back were mixed but I got a lot that said that it was no big deal because it was a blowjob. So I viewed those comments and realized they were right. I accepted that I might have some homosexual feelings but realized that there was no way I was gay.

    To even prove this to myself, I hooked up with a couple girls that I really liked and it was great. Unfortunately, over the past week, I've been having some issues. It begins when I am preparing to go to sleep. I'll be laying in bed and all of a sudden I'll start fantasizing about having crazy sex with different guys. After an hour of fantasizing, I have to masturbate but I cant without touching my ass or fingering myself. Once I have done this, then I'm able to fall asleep but then my dreams are continuations of my fantasies that I'm having before I can fall asleep.

    When it comes to porn, I've pretty much given up on straight porn because the only thing that has turned me one for the past week has been gay porn. On top of that, I find myself looking a lot at of pictures of the outlines of guys dicks. Even when I'm walking on the street, the first thing I look at is the guys pants to see if i can see the outline.

    For me, the thing is that I got a bj from a guy but I don't think I could ever actually have sex with a man but I'm unsure because all the signs tell me that I'm gay. I know a lot of people say don't concern yourself with labels but the thing is, I don't think I will ever be truly honest with myself until I can label myself. Once I can be true to myself, then I can live my life without having these questions that just seem to float around my brain 24/7.

    Thanks for reading. Any advice would be helpful.

  2. #2

    Re: Am I really gay?

    just have a bisexual threeway

  3. #3

    Re: Am I really gay?

    It really sounds like you're afraid to admit that you like sex with men, in some form or other. You're past the point of curiosity now, so now you need to own it. It's no big deal. IF that makes you gay, SO WHAT. If it makes you BI, SO WHAT. One thing for sure is that you're sexual, it's nothing wrong with that. Be comfortable with whatever title you choose for yourself, don't be afraid of what others will think of you. Being honest with yourself is what's right, not what others think.

  4. #4

    Re: Am I really gay?

    No point coming here to ask people if you're gay or not. Answer that for yourself. You got head, liked it and are considering trying more. You won't know until you do it. So do some more thinking and either give it a shot or don't. But only you can figure out your sexuality.

  5. #5
    Queer enough
    EJMichaels's Avatar
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    Re: Am I really gay?

    Quote Originally Posted by MEP2491 View Post
    ...[many] said that it was no big deal because it was a blowjob. So I viewed those comments and realized they were right. I accepted that I might have some homosexual feelings but realized that there was no way I was gay.

    ...For me, the thing is that I got a bj from a guy but I don't think I could ever actually have sex with a man but I'm unsure because all the signs tell me that I'm gay. I know a lot of people say don't concern yourself with labels but the thing is, I don't think I will ever be truly honest with myself until I can label myself. Once I can be true to myself, then I can live my life without having these questions...
    It's complicated and I certainly can't answer for you, but a few things:

    "All the signs tell you" that you like at least some sort of sex with men and/or looking at and thinking about their sex parts. That is not the same as being gay. Being sexual in general can mean you get turned on by a wide variety of things, especially new ones. Liking a bj from a man may mean little more than you're not homophobic (and for some it doesn't even mean that much).

    You could like getting fucked or the idea of it without actually desiring men. Women and straight men have discovered technological ways to deal with that. You haven't mentioned attraction to whole men in your list here.

    I can understand the need for a label. While often problematic, labels can be very helpful in organizing your life. For example, if you want to meet people and you don't have endless free time, you'll have to pick straight, non-straight, or mixed places to go or things to do. It also helps structure interactions with people -- friend, fuck buddy or real relationship material. Many people don't want to hear that there's a "gay lifestyle", but there is a certain choices you make in your life if you consider yourself gay that are somewhat different if you don't.

    Many straight people also dislike straight porn and turn to gay porn for something sexier. Something new can also be more exciting, but it's usually more than that -- the way the sex is portrayed is different. It's not a huge clue to your orientation.

    Relating sexually to women doesn't mean you aren't "gay". I use "gay" to include what some people might call bisexual, but I'm talking about the Kinsey 5 sort, when sex with the opposite sex is "incidental". Or, you could be basically straight but finding your sexual urges are expanding to consider sex with men. Again, that's another sort of "bi".

    With all the controversy and confusion, I hesitate to use the term "bisexual" for anything meaningful. I use it for myself because I generally don't care what sexual equipment the person has and I could be in a serious relationship with either. I've been with a man for 15 years but have been in relationships with women and still consider them more attractive physically. I don't look at men's bodies and think of having sex with them (although I do think of them having sex with each other), but I do look at women that way.

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