So a few weeks back, I wrote on this forum about this experience I had at this bar. Long story short, I had had a few drinks and this guy came up to me and started hitting on me. One thing led to another and before I knew it, he was giving me a blowjob in the bathroom.
The responses I got back were mixed but I got a lot that said that it was no big deal because it was a blowjob. So I viewed those comments and realized they were right. I accepted that I might have some homosexual feelings but realized that there was no way I was gay.
To even prove this to myself, I hooked up with a couple girls that I really liked and it was great. Unfortunately, over the past week, I've been having some issues. It begins when I am preparing to go to sleep. I'll be laying in bed and all of a sudden I'll start fantasizing about having crazy sex with different guys. After an hour of fantasizing, I have to masturbate but I cant without touching my ass or fingering myself. Once I have done this, then I'm able to fall asleep but then my dreams are continuations of my fantasies that I'm having before I can fall asleep.
When it comes to porn, I've pretty much given up on straight porn because the only thing that has turned me one for the past week has been gay porn. On top of that, I find myself looking a lot at of pictures of the outlines of guys dicks. Even when I'm walking on the street, the first thing I look at is the guys pants to see if i can see the outline.
For me, the thing is that I got a bj from a guy but I don't think I could ever actually have sex with a man but I'm unsure because all the signs tell me that I'm gay. I know a lot of people say don't concern yourself with labels but the thing is, I don't think I will ever be truly honest with myself until I can label myself. Once I can be true to myself, then I can live my life without having these questions that just seem to float around my brain 24/7.
Thanks for reading. Any advice would be helpful.