My sister once told me that she felt sorry for me -not because I wasn't straight -but because I did not have anyone in my life who understood what I was going through.
Although I come from a very liberal and proactive city on the west coast, the LGBT community is pretty small. The kind of small where everyone has dated everyone... or if you haven't dated someone directly, you have through the degrees of separation. There is a girl named... 'Dawn' who works downtown at a bar (the downtown night life is essential for young adults in this city). I will admit that I have known Dawn for years, and am actually a friend of hers (through school). She has made it her mission in life to gather as many LGBT male friends as possible: she even downloaded Grindr to seek out and collect them into her entourage. Dawn is the first to know who is moving in and out of the city. When a new LGBT male is coming to town, she will honestly have a "Fresh Meat Party" to introduce the newcomer to her crew. The point of this part of the story (although Dawn is quite the character), is that the community is so small that everybody knows everybody -especially if you're a guy who likes other guys.
I didn't realize I liked guys until I was in my early twenties. My friend and I were playing Playstation on my bed in the middle of the night: his leg drifted over toward mine. It didn't freak me out. It was something that just clicked within me. This friend of mine and I continued to hang out with a strange tension between us, until we drifted apart. It wasn't until later I started dating this other guy (who was my first actual boyfriend). This guy was not a member of Dawn's following, but instead it turned out he was famous around town in his own ways. Of course, during this time, I was young and naive. He broke my heart.
Since then I have had a couple of other love interests. More recently, however, have tried online dating. I have not had the best of luck with online dating -it normally goes like this: guy messages me saying something along the lines about "how hot he thinks I am" , asks me if I want to skype, or to send me a dick pic. I also don't think I have one more awkward first date meeting left in me. I think online dating will have to be put on the back burner for now.
It's been about five years since I realized I am not straight. I am 27 now. I just got my Masters degree, and I am searching for a position in my field. I come from a big family. I am the youngest of a multitude of siblings. My oldest brother is technically old enough to be my father, so there is a whole generation dividing us. Some of my family is supportive of me, while others aren't, but I still have a great support system.
My life is full of crazy adventures and stories that I couldn't even make up if I wanted to. Sometimes, though, I go back to what my sister said to me about not having anyone in my life who understands what I am going through -I guess that is why I am here... writing this awkward display about myself. I guess I just want to see what it will be like to write on this forum and see if anyone else can relate to anything I am going through.