Hi I ve been with my bf for 8 years and I love him a lot. However few years ago we decided to move abroad and star a new life together. That's where it started going wrong for me. I found that I struggle financial and socially where we live now. And this has added stress to our relationship. I feel as my life has no productive value and that only thing I have is my relationship. Work isn't coming in and I constantly struggle to pay my way. This has led me to deep depression. However the problem is this: twice now I found myself on cruising grounds and i have had cheated on my bf ( both times safely) .
I am ashamed about it but I cannot understand what had made me do it. I am versatile and my bf is bottom so I ve mostly acted as top in our relationship . Where years ago I woudn't even look at other guys I am finding hard to come to terms with what i ve done. I understand that what is done is done but does anyone have any advise on what should I do next?
May I add my bf is only relationship that i ve ever had i met him when i was young.