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  1. #1
    On the Prowl Studdly's Avatar
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    How do you explain to your boyfriend your not in the mood for sex at that moment?

    A problem I'm faced with my boyfriend, while I love him and he is a very sexy younger guy, I'm finding while I enjoy the sex we have, that I am not always in the mood for it at any given moment. Maybe its my age now at 33 and him being 24, buy while i like sex and doing other things on a day to day, he's in the mood for sex, almost constantly.
    And when I tell him i'm not in the mood at any given time, he gets sad, almost like he's rejected.

    He's sensitive, and I love him for it, but it sometimes leads to some rainy situations of me not being in the mood every moment.

    How do you deal with such a problem?

  2. #2
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: How do you explain to your boyfriend your not in the mood for sex at that moment?

    Viagra Viagra Viagra

  3. #3
    On the Prowl Studdly's Avatar
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    Re: How do you explain to your boyfriend your not in the mood for sex at that moment?

    Quote Originally Posted by HunterM View Post
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    don't have erectile dysfunction, just not in the mood for it 24/7

  4. #4
    JUB Addict briefs4me's Avatar
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    Re: How do you explain to your boyfriend your not in the mood for sex at that moment?

    I would talk to him about it. Not everyone wants it all the time. Maybe surprise him when you are in the mood!

  5. #5
    Sex God aaggii's Avatar
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    Re: How do you explain to your boyfriend your not in the mood for sex at that moment?

    I understand the frustration, but getting mad over this is beyond stupid. You are not obligated to do anything sexually if you don´t want to, boyfriend or no boyfriend.
    ¨Beware the fury of a patient man¨ - John Dryden

  6. #6

    Re: How do you explain to your boyfriend your not in the mood for sex at that moment?

    Quote Originally Posted by aaggii View Post
    I understand the frustration, but getting mad over this is beyond stupid. You are not obligated to do anything sexually if you don´t want to, boyfriend or no boyfriend.
    No one got mad over anything, we simply have a very young and sensitive boyfriend who feels like he is being refused.

    In my opinion the best way to remedy that is that you initiate intercourse when you are in the right mood.
    That will make him feel wanted and appreciated.

  7. #7
    On the Prowl Studdly's Avatar
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    Re: How do you explain to your boyfriend your not in the mood for sex at that moment?

    Quote Originally Posted by Disturbance View Post
    No one got mad over anything, we simply have a very young and sensitive boyfriend who feels like he is being refused.

    In my opinion the best way to remedy that is that you initiate intercourse when you are in the right mood.
    That will make him feel wanted and appreciated.
    Exactly, I'm not getting mad. He's my baby and I love him, and want to make him happy, but can't always because.. well, not always in the mood as actively as he is. Btw he is mostly the top between us.

  8. #8

    Re: How do you explain to your boyfriend your not in the mood for sex at that moment?

    Quote Originally Posted by Studdly View Post
    Exactly, I'm not getting mad. He's my baby and I love him, and want to make him happy, but can't always because.. well, not always in the mood as actively as he is. Btw he is mostly the top between us.
    Ahhhhh to be that in love, young and want it every hour on the hour....LOL...Just talk to him, if he is that sensitive ( by the way i love that it can be a good thing) just let him know what is going on with you at that moment that you don't feel like having sex...do you have to have full blown sex? is that what he expects? or would you be happy blowing him, or giving him a hand job...to make up for your lack of drive at that moment? I believe all it will take is a hug, or just tell him that you love him and that you will make it up to him...and then later on surprise him by getting on your knees in front of him..( he will get the hint) and i assure you his smile will be a wide one...just come up with something that you think he will like... Wish you good luck buddy...

  9. #9
    Slut
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    Re: How do you explain to your boyfriend your not in the mood for sex at that moment?

    babe I'm not in the mood, problem solved

  10. #10
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: How do you explain to your boyfriend your not in the mood for sex at that moment?

    ^This. If this continues to be ongoing and if it keeps causing tension some therapy may be in order. Also, it may be a difference in sex drive or it could be a sex addiction issue. You may want to take a look at the SCA (Sexual Complusives Annonymous) website. Although it's not up to you to determine anyone else's addiction issues, it may give you some insight.

    Hopefully, it's just a horniness issue, but sex addiction is real and treatable.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  11. #11
    JUB Addict maxpowr9's Avatar
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    Re: How do you explain to your boyfriend your not in the mood for sex at that moment?

    Sex is not everything in a relationship as much as some people say it is [we are on a gay porn site after all]. Instead of full blown intercourse, offer intimacy instead. If he can't handle "romance", then kick him to the curb.

  12. #12
    Kein Ayin Hara JUB Admin KaraBulut's Avatar
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    Re: How do you explain to your boyfriend your not in the mood for sex at that moment?

    Quote Originally Posted by Studdly View Post
    Exactly, I'm not getting mad. He's my baby and I love him, and want to make him happy, but can't always because.. well, not always in the mood as actively as he is. Btw he is mostly the top between us.
    It's difficult to answer this without knowing the context. Often the problem with younger guys is that they can't separate affection from getting off. So, what he may be looking for is affection and some attention, but the way that he's expressing it is by wanting to have sex.

    If the situation is that you're busy or tired or the timing is bad, you just have to say, "Not now, maybe later".

    In the bedroom, it's a little bit more difficult. Sometimes, working out an agreement about signalling "Yes, I'm in the mood" instead of being put in the position of having to say, "No, I'm not in the mood". And maybe the compromise might be a handjob or a blowjob or other ways of lending a helping hand instead of just saying "No" to everything.

    The question you always have to ask yourself is, whether you're controlling the where/when all of the time or whether it's just a matter of accepting that sometimes one or the other of you may not be the mood when the other person is. Spontaneous, "I want to fuck you now" sex is hot but when you're living together, it's reasonable to expect that some sex isn't always spontaneous.

    Also give some thought to what your partner is really looking for- there may be times when a massage or a shared bath or just getting into bed and cuddling might be the attention that he's looking for. It's up to him to be honest about whether he's looking for hotbuttsex versus just wanting you to pay some attention to him.
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  13. #13

    Re: How do you explain to your boyfriend your not in the mood for sex at that moment?

    I'm not in the mood right now. Later

  14. #14
    Sex God aaggii's Avatar
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    Re: How do you explain to your boyfriend your not in the mood for sex at that moment?

    I misread ´sad´ as ´mad´ in the first post, mea cupla, guys! Just like everyone said here, he should understand you are not his age anymore, just like you understand he is young and his sex drive is as high as it will ever be.
    ¨Beware the fury of a patient man¨ - John Dryden

  15. #15
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    Re: How do you explain to your boyfriend your not in the mood for sex at that moment?

    I think Kara is right. He might want more from you affectionately than just sexual. Are you affectionate with him.

    Does he know you are cool with him jerking off by himself?
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  16. #16
    Are u haleloo ya ? Telstra's Avatar
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    Re: How do you explain to your boyfriend your not in the mood for sex at that moment?

    Quote Originally Posted by Studdly View Post
    A problem I'm faced with my boyfriend, while I love him and he is a very sexy younger guy, I'm finding while I enjoy the sex we have, that I am not always in the mood for it at any given moment. Maybe its my age now at 33 and him being 24, buy while i like sex and doing other things on a day to day, he's in the mood for sex, almost constantly.
    And when I tell him i'm not in the mood at any given time, he gets sad, almost like he's rejected.

    He's sensitive, and I love him for it, but it sometimes leads to some rainy situations of me not being in the mood every moment.

    How do you deal with such a problem?
    I'm assuming he can cum 5 times a day and you can only cum once a day or once a week.
    Why not give him a quickie or a quick hand job blow job ?


    NEVER LISTEN TO A ONE SIDED STORY AND JUDGE.

  17. #17

    Re: How do you explain to your boyfriend your not in the mood for sex at that moment?

    I'm in the same situation as your boyfriend! I'm the one with the higher sex drive.

    Do you two live together? My boyfriend and I don't, and I only see him once a week. Sometimes it's frustrating when he says no to me. I'm the bottom, so I come "prepared" to his house by cleaning myself out, "just in case" we have sex... and when we don't, sometimes I feel like I wasted my time cleaning myself before sex.

    It's good to be clear about it. I appreciate it more when my boyfriend flat out tells me that he's not in the mood right now, instead of saying vague things like "oh my back is sore" or "I'm too full from dinner" or whatever.

    What KaraBulut says is right, be clear about the kind of attention he's looking for. I absolutely love cuddling with my boyfriend and sometimes that's all I really need to do with him... and sometimes, that leads to sex! haha. Communication is key.

  18. #18

    Re: How do you explain to your boyfriend your not in the mood for sex at that moment?

    My fiancé and I are both 25, ans we barely hhave sex. It's also Ok for you to say no.

  19. #19
    On the Prowl mcbrion's Avatar
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    Re: How do you explain to your boyfriend your not in the mood for sex at that moment?

    There is a difference between "sensitive" and "touchy." Sensitivity turns itself to the outside world, to the feelings of others. "Touchy" means people with a rejection issue, which most likely occurred while in childhood. Sometimes it turns into passive-aggressive behavior as a way of getting back.
    Ask your boyfriend what he tells himself when you are not in the mood. Is this another way of him being close to you, or is he just so sexual that he cannot see other ways of feeling loved?

  20. #20
    JUB Addict racer2438's Avatar
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    Re: How do you explain to your boyfriend your not in the mood for sex at that moment?

    It's called communication, the main thing that any LTR needs to have.

    Jus talk it out and express your views on it, and listen to his.
    You cant change the way the wind blow's, but you can change the angle of your sail to take you somewhere else!!

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