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  1. #1

    I don't know anymore

    So, i have posted in this forum before. I am having problems accepting who I am being gay and all, but the funny part is that my parents are accepting and most of my friends dont really care. One bad thing is I live in the bible belt and you can only guess what thats like. The reason I am posting this thread is I feel useless anymore that I have no purpose. Over the past 9 months to year i have went downhill in mental and physical health. This makes me sound really bad but i have tried to date 4 different guys over this time, i guess because i am lonely. In this time I have attempted suicide, been placed in a behavioral hospital. After all of this i have lost a bunch of friends that i miss dearly. The bad thing is, I've kinda met someone but all I can think about is those other guys and where my future is going... questions like what if i move away, etc. I don't know what to do anymore or where to turn. I drive myself up the wall per say in worrying. I feel numb an empty anymore and bad things is, there is no purpose, suicide thoughts keep reoccurring. Any advice from any of you... have you been in my situation? Thanks for reading my crazy post, I promise you this is not for attention.

  2. #2
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    Re: I don't know anymore

    So move. You could do that, no?

  3. #3

    Re: I don't know anymore

    financially unstable i wish

  4. #4
    FEAR THE LIBERAL DETENTE! TX-Beau's Avatar
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    Re: I don't know anymore

    Go back to your doctors, suicidal tenancies are not something we are qualified to deal with.
    ATTACK OF THE LIBERAL ELITE

  5. #5

    Re: I don't know anymore

    I know I just want some opinions of people that don't know me

  6. #6
    Do I dare to eat a peach?
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    Re: I don't know anymore

    Thoughts of suicide and worthlessness mean you should seek counseling from a professional qualified to deal with those thoughts. Perhaps the "behavioral" institution you were in can be of some help.

  7. #7
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    Re: I don't know anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by joshw222 View Post
    So, i have posted in this forum before. I am having problems accepting who I am being gay and all, but the funny part is that my parents are accepting and most of my friends dont really care.
    ^ You have that going for you. Those are two huge pluses in your favor and, frankly, that's a hell of a lot more than a lot of people have going for them.
    Talk to a pro.
    There's more going on than being gay.

  8. #8
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    Re: I don't know anymore

    As long as you are alive, there is hope. Pick yourself up. Things get better. Much better.

    Save up. Try to become independent then move to a better place. Do you think you have it tough? Try being gay in Iran, or Afghanistan or Saudi Arabia.

    You have people who love you. That counts for a lot. Keep that in mind.

    Just living here in the United States alone, give you such a huge advantage over other gay men living in other parts of the world. Ever think about that? Given the chance, they would trade places with you in a heartbeat.

    Relax. Put yourself together. You have people and parents who love you. Use that to better yourself and your standing, then, move to a more accepting place in the country to live freer and accepted.

    Keep calm and carry on, as the WWII motto says. Be brave. Things will get better. But never give up.

  9. #9

    Re: I don't know anymore

    I guess I'm embarrassed to be gay... Always thought about the perfect life with a wife and stuff....but one of my problems is I was crushed by four seperate people four times in a row, I gave my all to them and I got nothing in return except sorrow and hate. I can't stop thinking about them, they won't go away. I can't even have sex without thinking of them. How fucked up is that...
    Last edited by joshw222; March 17th, 2014 at 11:10 AM.

  10. #10
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: I don't know anymore

    Stay connected with mental health professionals until you stabilize your feelings. Unless you are in danger I wouldn't recommend moving because your problems will follow and you won't have your support system in place.

    Sometimes the hardest person to come out to is ourself. Try not to use the gay card to explain your problems. You're more than your sexual orientation and any personality traits would be there regardless. Straight people have relationship issues and suicidal thoughts. There is no magic number of hook ups or boyfriends that lead to a long term relationship. Some people chose supermarket produce with more care than a boyfriend. Don't settle. Be selective and choosy and don't rush.

    People with issues oftentimes look outside themselves for relief. That often is a perscription for bad relationships and/or using addictive behaviors. Stick with a plan that will allow you to feel good about yourself. Best wishes. I'm glad you posted.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  11. #11
    On the Prowl checkinthingsout's Avatar
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    Re: I don't know anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by joshw222 View Post
    I guess I'm embarrassed to be gay... Always thought about the perfect life with a wife and stuff....but one of my problems is I was crushed by four seperate people four times in a row, I gave my all to them and I got nothing in return except sorrow and hate. I can't stop thinking about them, they won't go away. I can't even have sex without thinking of them. How fucked up is that...
    I think many here go through something similar about not being fully ok with ourselves. It takes time, you just have to remain positive about your outlook on life. This positivity will also attract the right guy for you and you both can benefit off one another's positivity I am not sure why they broke up with you, but your life outlook might have something to do with it. In terms of having the perfect life, best to just get over it soon and sculpt a new vision of the perfect life and strive for that.

    I would first suggest working out. Hard. And eating healthy. When your body is in a good physical state you start to build self esteem. Also, maybe start going back to church? I started doing this recently and I just feel so much better, but find a church that isn't so homophobic, obviously.

  12. #12

    Re: I don't know anymore

    The thing was I was never in a relationship they never gave me a chance talked to me and lead me on for a while then dropped me after four times that's awful. I'm in college I'm failing my classes. I'm just lost I don't know what to do anymore.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by joshw222 View Post
    The thing was I was never in a relationship they never gave me a chance talked to me and lead me on for a while then dropped me after four times that's awful. I'm in college I'm failing my classes. I'm just lost I don't know what to do anymore.
    See this here - that you don't know what to do - is confusing to me, because people here have given you good advice. Both on how to deal with some of this stuff, and to talk to professionals. After having seen the advice given, and you coming back as if nobody has said anything, I have to wonder - are you posting here for advice or for an audience?
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  14. #14

    Re: I don't know anymore

    If I wanted an audience I would have already killed myself. I really am lost for actions and words.

  15. #15
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    So, you have advice now. What do you plan to do with it?
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  16. #16

    Re: I don't know anymore

    Have you ever seen those kids toys called a "Spirograph" ???



    That's how life can be sometimes... You're stuck in this circle, get up, eat, go to school, go shopping at a certain time, come home, go to bed... and it eventually kinda turns into a rut you feel like you can't get out of just spinning endlessly in the same pattern.

    The thing is, you need to change up your routine, and try new stuff. Go to different stores, go at different times, get new hobbies, meet new people ... change your patterns. It isn't just you. Everyone has their own "Spirograph". The more you change up yours, the more odds on your patterns interconnecting with other peoples' patterns.

    Ruts are easy to fall into, and sometimes amazingly hard (if you let it be) hard to get back out of with no clear view of how to change.
    http://www.justusboys.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic216959_1.gif

  17. #17
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    Re: I don't know anymore

    I think there is a way out of your predicament that would make it easy for you.

    You say you are in school. As far as I'm concerned, this should be your first priority. Others are secondary because a lot depends on the outcome from graduating from school.

    Don't look for a relationship while you are studying. Hookups, sure. But I wouldn't go into a serious relationship unless I know I'll graduate.

    Then, look for a job and become independent. And move out.

    Your problem is that you're not prioritizing the most important things first.
    1. School
    2. Job and financial security
    3. Independence
    4. Long term relationships

    Solve one catastrophe at a time. One problem at a time. Do that and you will gain peace of mind

  18. #18
    On the Prowl checkinthingsout's Avatar
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    Re: I don't know anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by joshw222 View Post
    The thing was I was never in a relationship they never gave me a chance talked to me and lead me on for a while then dropped me after four times that's awful. I'm in college I'm failing my classes. I'm just lost I don't know what to do anymore.
    Quote Originally Posted by joshw222 View Post
    If I wanted an audience I would have already killed myself. I really am lost for actions and words.

    If you are in school I would agree with Bruce. You don't need to date anyone. Go buy a big box of condoms or download some good porn and stop getting attached, because thats what most of they guys you will meet in college are doing as well. Focus on School work, Friends, and enjoying the college experience. The party will be over very soon and you at the very least want memories, some lifelong friends, and a respectable GPA. I would seriously suggest taking a semester off or studying abroad. Especially this latter one will help you take your mind off of social pressures of your current environment so you can become centered again.

    And as a side note, if you are failing all your classes, you might consider changing majors. Seriously a bad GPA in college looks worse than no college to some employers. If you are depressed now, think about how you will feel working next to high schoolers after completing college because you didn't perform well.

    In Summary:
    1. No boyfriend...dont even think about it...casual fun
    2. Focus on school, friends, and getting your GPA up!!!
    3. Semester off or study abroad to get centered, or transfer somewhere new for fresh start
    4. Start working out and being active. bible belt=flag football, x-fit, wrestling, etc. no excuse to not achieve this one
    5. Visit the school psychologist...Id say once a week for now. 30 minutes talking does a lot.
    6. Change up your routine(see 3 and 4 for easy ways to do this)


    Please heed this practical advice and complete at least 3 things on the list and report back to this thread.

    And strike the words depressed, kill(ed,ing) myself, and suicide from your vocabulary. #YOLO<--seriously. And you gotta admit being gay and alive is much better than being gay and dead.
    Last edited by checkinthingsout; March 18th, 2014 at 08:36 PM.

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