Hey guys... I'm looking for some advice as I don't feel I really have anyone to talk to about this. I spoke to friends and even family a bit about it at the time, but as far as they're concerned i'm over it.
I guess it's natural to feel really down on yourself after being dumped ? But how do you snap out of it.
Last year I was in a relationship which ended very messily. I don't even really want to go into great specifics.... but he ended up finishing with me without really explaining or talking about it. I guess he thought by being cool and distant I'd 'get it'. We had pre-booked a holiday and couldn't get it of it as we'd spent a lot of money..... I kinda hoped that seeing me again would smooth things over.... but on the contrary, it ended very badly. Without going into details, there was a fight and he ditched me totally.
I was actually really hurt. I really loved him..... I had no choice but to accept the situation but the problem is I've still not been able to shake the hurt. I've kind of internalised it i think... I took it very personally and I let it get me pretty down. When I was growing up my self esteem was a bit shit, I don't even know why. I always felt pretty inadequate and I often channeled it toward my body or looks..I was a bit of an ugly duckling or late bloomer. My confidence grew in my early 20s after I came out and started meeting guys and having some relationships. I even became confident in my looks back then because I would get a lot of compliments.
But since I came out of a long term relationship, the guys I have met....and the guys I have fallen for...have ended up leaving me feeling heartbroken and worthless. I know we're not responsible for how others treat us, and we can only do our best, but why has it shattered my self esteem so much ?
I don't feel I can trust guys anymore. My confidence is gone. I've started fixating on my appearance, focusing on this flaw or that flaw, and thinking I'm somehow not attractive enough. This is maybe just a focus for a feeling of not being good enough ? I know I'm fairly photogenic I don't have a problem getting attention from guys if I go onto social media or dating sites. But I've kind of convinced myself that maybe I'm ugly in person. I avoid going onto such sites and meeting guys now because I feel unattractive and kind of unlovable right now. It doesn't matter how many compliments I get.....I'm having a hard time imagining I'll ever find someone who loves me and doesn't just want to use me.
I'm sorry for the wallowing self pity....I just wondered if anyone else had felt similar? How did you pull yourself out of it?