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  1. #1

    I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Looking at gay tube videos gets me so horny, but the last 4 days I've been looking at them nonstop. So much that it's effecting my contact with my family (the only people left in my life). I feel so ashamed that I sit back in my room and look at gay porn and masturbate. I feel so embarrassed that this is what my life has become.

    And then I have all these concerns when I think about gay sex - STD's, "bottom problems" (bleeding), etc.

    I could've died months ago when I stuck a plunger up my butt with no lube, causing me to bleed a ton and feel weird for a while. If I could take back 1 thing in my life, it would be that. I still can't believe I did something that stupid.

    Then there's always that feeling when I see my underage cousin that I want to have sex with him. This right here is so frustrating. Fighting the powerful urges I have, the attraction I have for him. I know it's wrong, but we have so much in common and I feel he's the only one who "gets" me. I want him so bad, and it hurts knowing I can't have him.

    Actually, every guy I see I have sexual urges for. This is pretty out of hand, and I feel pretty horrible about it. That could just be the lonely virgin in me that's talking - that's so desperate for attention from a guy. But it's still an awful feeling.

    I just wish my sexuality could just go away so I wouldn't have to deal with all these things. I just don't think I can take being gay anymore when my life is on the line.

  2. #2
    CE&P Secret Police xbuzzerx's Avatar
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    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by trustie View Post
    I could've died months ago when I stuck a plunger up my butt with no lube, causing me to bleed a ton and feel weird for a while. If I could take back 1 thing in my life, it would be that. I still can't believe I did something that stupid.
    ..... I just don't think I can take being gay anymore when my life is on the line.
    Seriously? This is not a prerequisite of being gay.

  3. #3
    JUB Addict Harke the Boeotarch's Avatar
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    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Are you sure you're telling the truth?

  4. #4

    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by xbuzzerx View Post
    Seriously? This is not a prerequisite of being gay.
    If I wasn't gay, and liked women instead of men, I would have never done that. I did that after seeing guys stick all sorts of objects up their butt on gay tube sites. If I wasn't gay, I would've never been exposed to that and I wouldn't have risked my life just to see what having a dick up there felt like.

  5. #5
    JUB Addict Harke the Boeotarch's Avatar
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    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by trustie View Post

    I could've died months ago when I stuck a plunger up my butt with no lube, causing me to bleed a ton and feel weird for a while. If I could take back 1 thing in my life, it would be that. I still can't believe I did something that stupid.
    My boyfiend had to use a disc grinder to remove a cockring from my penis...

  6. #6
    Impish and Mercurial Rolyo85's Avatar
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    None of your problems has anything to do with being gay.

    "I didn't choose to be gay. I just got lucky."
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  7. #7
    Do I dare to eat a peach?
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    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    I would seriously suggest that you consider counseling. Your heightened anxiety and depression need to be evaluated.

  8. #8
    Porn Star xboxfan34's Avatar
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    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by trustie View Post
    If I wasn't gay, and liked women instead of men, I would have never done that. I did that after seeing guys stick all sorts of objects up their butt on gay tube sites. If I wasn't gay, I would've never been exposed to that and I wouldn't have risked my life just to see what having a dick up there felt like.
    It's called "starting small"

  9. #9

    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by Rolyo85 View Post
    None of your problems has anything to do with being gay.

    "I didn't choose to be gay. I just got lucky."
    Really. If I was straight, would I have sexual thoughts about my underage (male) cousin that I have a deep connection with? If I were straight, would I have stuck something up my butt after seeing guys on tube sites do it? Would I have sexual feelings about all the guys I see in public? Would I have thoughts about bleeding and bottoming?

    I don't think so.

    I want my SEXUALITY to go away completely. It's making a mess of me.

  10. #10

    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by xboxfan34 View Post
    It's called "starting small"
    When you're as desperate, and sex-craved as me, "starting small" is not an option. And in a way I was just following the guys in the videos that I saw.

  11. #11
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    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by trustie View Post
    When you're as desperate, and sex-craved as me, "starting small" is not an option. And in a way I was just following the guys in the videos that I saw.
    THAT is your problem. Not the fact that you're gay - your loneliness has given way to frustration, desire, and lackluster self control.

    You sticking a plunger up your ass was your own decision - you decided to take it further than masturbation, you took something plastic(or worse, wooden), did not lube it, and jammed it in your hole. That's not the fault of your being gay, that's you being incredibly careless. This says nothing of you being weak-willed(sorry, I don't know how else to phrase it) enough to see someone use a dildo(or whatever substitute it was) and decide to do the same without taking the same precautions to get the same pleasure.

    You lusting after your cousin is a thing you need to speak to a therapist about, and until then, you shouldn't be around him. You've already exhibited that you have no self control, and the last person that needs to be hurt is him.

    You need counseling. Point blank period.

  12. #12
    Kein Ayin Hara JUB Admin KaraBulut's Avatar
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    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by trustie View Post
    Really. If I was straight, would I have sexual thoughts about my underage (male) cousin that I have a deep connection with? If I were straight, would I have stuck something up my butt after seeing guys on tube sites do it? Would I have sexual feelings about all the guys I see in public? Would I have thoughts about bleeding and bottoming?

    I don't think so.

    I want my SEXUALITY to go away completely. It's making a mess of me.
    Actually, the majority of statutory rape and child sexual abuse cases involve female victims. If you have impulsive sexual thoughts, you're going to have sexual thoughts whether you are gay or straight.

    The issue that you have isn't about gay or straight- being straight wouldn't cure you of impulsive thoughts or an addition to porn.

    The members who have suggested that you seek counseling are correct. The issues that you need to work through are something that a trained therapist can help you with.
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  13. #13
    Impish and Mercurial Rolyo85's Avatar
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    It's easy to blame being gay, but since that's not something you can really change, you should focus your energy in finding the actual problems and resolve them. Counseling is the first step.

    Unless you'd rather just whine and be miserable of course...
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  14. #14

    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    I'm afraid if I talk to a therapist about my cousin they will do something I'd rather them not do - like tell my family. Or even make me go to a mental hospital. I want to avoid things like that at all costs.

  15. #15
    Impish and Mercurial Rolyo85's Avatar
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    If you haven't acted on it, they won't send you anywhere, and as for your family - they're bound by confidentiality agreement.

    How old are you really?
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  16. #16

    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by Rolyo85 View Post
    If you haven't acted on it, they won't send you anywhere, and as for your family - they're bound by confidentiality agreement.

    How old are you really?
    I'm 20 years old.

  17. #17
    Kein Ayin Hara JUB Admin KaraBulut's Avatar
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    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by trustie View Post
    I'm afraid if I talk to a therapist about my cousin they will do something I'd rather them not do - like tell my family. Or even make me go to a mental hospital. I want to avoid things like that at all costs.
    Quote Originally Posted by Rolyo85 View Post
    If you haven't acted on it, they won't send you anywhere, and as for your family - they're bound by confidentiality agreement.
    There's two different types of therapists- one is a physician (e.g. psychiatrist) and the other is a licensed therapist (who are not physicians). And one detail that is not necessarily relevant in this case- the confidentiality laws vary by state in the US but in most cases, physicians have tighter confidentiality laws than other healthcare workers. A nurse or licensed therapist may be compelled to reveal information that a physician is legally protected not to reveal.

    Therapists can't make you go to a mental hospital. And there's very few conditions where they would even encourage you to go to an inpatient facility- conditions that would warrant sending someone "to a mental hospital" are conditions like intent to harm yourself or other people, extreme problems that require medication management (e.g. schizophrenia) or medical detox (e.g. treating drug/alcohol withdrawal). You're nowhere near that level of problem.

    The issues that you've described aren't the kind of problems that qualify for inpatient stays. Your problems can be helped with outpatient therapy.

    You're never required to give any details that you're not comfortable giving- for example, you can talk about your attraction to another male, however you're not required to detail that this is a relative. Your issues are about you and how you're coping, not about the person(s) that you're attracted to.

    What you're experiencing is a very common problem for people who are dealing with coming out and acceptance of their sexuality. And the anxiety that you have at the prospect of dealing with the issue is equally as common.
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  18. #18
    Come again? dereperez's Avatar
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    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Don't blame it on being gay. I think you mean that you don't want to be silly or impulsive anymore. If what you say is true, then you need to seek help STAT. Don't change your sexuality (not that you can). Change your behavior.

  19. #19
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    1. C-a-l-m...d-o-w-n

    2. Educate yourself on safe sex. Follow this link for a good start.

    3. Use common sense when watching porn. Porn is a movie. And like watching a movie, just because you see Superman jumps off of a building and flies across the sky does not mean you should do the same.

    4. Go get professional counseling to help you deal with your anxiety ASAP.

    5. Start dating adult guys.

    Good luck!
    Last edited by HunterM; February 25th, 2014 at 02:07 AM.

  20. #20
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    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Find a healthier habit instead of all that plunger porn you're watching.

    But seriously, listen to these guys. They are giving you the best advice I've ever seen on a forum.
    Last edited by Daximus; February 25th, 2014 at 02:11 AM.

  21. #21
    Oranje rareboy's Avatar
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    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Dear OP.

    The problem isn't that you are gay.

    Stop blaming the porn. I watched tons of it and never felt the urge to stick anything other than a cock in my ass.

    As for your underage cousin....you could have been straight and had the same thoughts if it was a female.

    And you don't need therapy to deal with your guilt over this. You desperately need therapy to deal with your guilt about being a homo. And to learn how to be a happy man.

  22. #22
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by rareboy View Post
    Dear OP.

    And you don't need therapy to deal with your guilt over this. You desperately need therapy to deal with your guilt about being a homo. And to learn how to be a happy man.
    Well said!

  23. #23

    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Thanks guys! I really appreciate all the help and advice you've given me. Normally I wouldn't tell anyone these things - especially the thing about my cousin - but I'm glad I did open up about it because it did make me feel better about myself.

    As for the plunger thing, I really wish I had been more informed before doing it. I thought it would be a fun way to fulfill my desires, and make me feel good. But it turned out to be more trouble than it was worth. For one thing, I did take it too far and was too rough with it especially when I'm a virgin (and then no lube on top of it). I guess that was just my willingness to feel what bottoming is like. I do realize I shouldn't have blamed the porn, or me being gay, on it because in the end it was my stupid decision.

    Thanks again, I really needed to hear these things! I think all of my problems would be solved if I just had a loyal boyfriend. But my shyness and anxiety definitely gets in the way of that. These are things I definitely need to overcome.

  24. #24
    Sex God MrRochesterNY's Avatar
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    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    You are probably right that a loyal boyfriend will be a calming influence in your present turmoil. But if you are shy (read "self-esteem/self-image problems"), you have to overcome that obstacle, which stands between you and any potential boyfriend. Possibly you can do that by yourself, but a counselor you can trust would speed the process along immensely.

    Good luck. Loneliness and lack of love are terrible things for a 20 y.o. to bear alone.
    Last edited by MrRochesterNY; February 25th, 2014 at 07:26 AM.

  25. #25
    On the Prowl thenewkcm's Avatar
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    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by palbert View Post
    I would seriously suggest that you consider counseling. Your heightened anxiety and depression need to be evaluated.
    I agree with this opinion. You're dealing with a heavy plate of emotions and need an outside view of the bigger picture.

    Having a loyal boyfriend isn't going to erase any problems. Before you even get into a HEALTHY relationship, you have to love and take care of yourself. Only you can make you better.

    I wish you well!
    Last edited by thenewkcm; February 25th, 2014 at 08:14 AM.
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  26. #26
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    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    I am curious...what part of the world do you live in? The reason I ask...perhaps some unique outside influences have contributed to and helped shaped your view of yourself?

  27. #27

    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by thenewkcm View Post
    Having a loyal boyfriend isn't going to erase any problems. Before you even get into a HEALTHY relationship, you have to love and take care of yourself. Only you can make you better.
    But I feel having a boyfriend will give me someone to talk to, I'd give my attention to him instead of looking at porn. It would even calm my sexual desires for other guys because I'd have a boyfriend to project those sexual urges onto.

  28. #28

    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by eastofeden View Post
    I am curious...what part of the world do you live in? The reason I ask...perhaps some unique outside influences have contributed to and helped shaped your view of yourself?
    USA - California

    I don't think outside influences are the problem, it's most likely myself getting in the way.

  29. #29
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    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    If your family are the only people in your life, that might be why you fixated sexually on one of them. You already have a loving relationship with them, so your fantasies have crossed the line into something sexual. Odds are if you had a broader base of friends and acquaintances you would focus more appropriately on one of them.

    I don't think it is unusual for porn to create a psychological problem for some guys, leading them into obsession.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  30. #30
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    A boyfriend won't solve internal problems. You'd be we'll served by exploring sexual addiction issues with a therapist. Best wishes to you.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  31. #31

    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Believe me... having a BF isn't going to solve your problems. They're a LOT of work, and it isn't all unicorns and fluffy bunnies and rainbows. You can feel just as, or more alone in a relationship as you would single. Relationships take time... a LOT of time... to build, develop, and grow. He's probably not going to be this mega-compatible soul mate from the start, and it usually takes people several attempts/relationships before they find the "perfect" guy.

    You're looking for someone else to make you feel better. That's a lot of baggage to thrust on someone else, and frankly, impossible for them to do, especially when you don't even seem to know exactly what you want. Ideally, you should be comfortable enough with yourself, and like yourself before you can even hope for someone else to like you.

    Watching porn and getting yourself all worked up into a frenzy, and then feeling guilty about it afterwards is probably a pretty good sign that you're probably not in an emotional state at the moment to be offering yourself out to someone else. There's nothing wrong with being gay, having urges, or watching porn for that matter. All things in moderation, with a pinch of sensibility and insight.

    Basically... Learn to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to.
    ... oh... and ideally, you should go into a relationship with thoughts of what you can add to it/offer, not just what you can get out of it.
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  32. #32
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    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by trustie View Post
    USA - California

    I don't think outside influences are the problem, it's most likely myself getting in the way.
    I am trying to break it down a bit....

    A component of your angst seems to be your attraction to your cousin and his age...and it is good that you recognize the problem...but I am curious how big of a problem is it?

    You said you are 20...so if he is say 16 or 17...that is not really as big of a problem as if he were 9 or 10...and they are quite different problems.

    The cousin thing...may be a problem I guess but I don't think it is that uncommon to be attracted to a cousin. Also...your attraction might have a lot to do with him "getting you"....

  33. #33

    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by eastofeden View Post
    I am trying to break it down a bit....

    A component of your angst seems to be your attraction to your cousin and his age...and it is good that you recognize the problem...but I am curious how big of a problem is it?

    You said you are 20...so if he is say 16 or 17...that is not really as big of a problem as if he were 9 or 10...and they are quite different problems.

    The cousin thing...may be a problem I guess but I don't think it is that uncommon to be attracted to a cousin. Also...your attraction might have a lot to do with him "getting you"....
    Um it's definitely on the "bigger problem" side.

  34. #34
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    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by trustie View Post
    Um it's definitely on the "bigger problem" side.
    Ahhhh...OK..

    I am not really sure how to go about giving advice for that one but if that is the case maybe you really aren't gay?

  35. #35
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    You really need professional counseling for your sake before the problem gets worse...and before other people get hurt.
    Last edited by HunterM; February 25th, 2014 at 06:22 PM.

  36. #36

    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by eastofeden View Post
    Ahhhh...OK..

    I am not really sure how to go about giving advice for that one but if that is the case maybe you really aren't gay?
    I am gay. Though I've never dated or had sex with a guy, I'm pretty sure. I've had high school crushes on guys, I love gay porn, and I can only envision myself with a guy not a girl.

  37. #37

    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Oh and I lose my erection everytime I see straight porn (or any kind of porn with a woman). So there's that too.

  38. #38
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    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by trustie View Post
    I am gay. Though I've never dated or had sex with a guy, I'm pretty sure. I've had high school crushes on guys, I love gay porn, and I can only envision myself with a guy not a girl.
    Ahhh...OK...maybe that will help. I am assuming the guys in HS you had crushes on were around the same age as you? ...and the gay porn...do you like gay porn with guys your own age or older?

    You said you have urges for every guy you see...hopefully most of them are age appropriate? If so...you are a normal anxiety ridden sexually frustrated 20 year old because there are certainly a lot of straight 20 year olds that have similar urges for every women they see...yes?

    Are your fears about disease and bottoming maybe preventing you from seeking a boyfriend or an actual experience with another guy?

    Perhaps your attraction to your cousin has more to do with him being "safe" or "disease free" than him being a relative...or his age?

  39. #39

    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by eastofeden View Post
    Ahhh...OK...maybe that will help. I am assuming the guys in HS you had crushes on were around the same age as you?
    Yes.

    Quote Originally Posted by eastofeden View Post
    ...and the gay porn...do you like gay porn with guys your own age or older?
    Both, but mostly my own age.

    Quote Originally Posted by eastofeden View Post
    You said you have urges for every guy you see...hopefully most of them are age appropriate? If so...you are a normal anxiety ridden sexually frustrated 20 year old because there are certainly a lot of straight 20 year olds that have similar urges for every women they see...yes?
    Um not so sure. I really like the guys on Disney Channel...Ross Lynch is my ideal guy. He just turned legal lol. But I am sexually attracted to younger guys on Disney Channel too. But out in public I'm more attracted to older guys and guys around my age.

    Quote Originally Posted by eastofeden View Post
    Are you fears maybe about disease and bottoming maybe preventing you from seeking a boyfriend or an actual experience with another guy?
    Um it's mostly my shyness, but that may be part of it too.

    Quote Originally Posted by eastofeden View Post
    Perhaps your attraction to your cousin has more to do with him being "safe" or "disease free" than him being a relative...or his age?
    That might be part of it, but I think it's mostly because he's like the only male I see lately lol. And the only guy I have serious bonding with.

  40. #40
    nerd of prey hylas's Avatar
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    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    There seems to be a lot going on here, I'll just write down some of my thoughts, hopefully you will find some of them useful.

    - Being gay can be very hard, I won't deny that. But it's important to keep in mind that what makes gay life so hard are all the bigots out there. Being gay, per so, is not a problem; bigotry is. This may seem like an academic distinction - after all, a hard life is a hard life, right? - but I think it would be an important shift in perspective for you. Yes, you may be facing hardship because of your sexuality, but there is nothing wrong with you. It's a cliché, but it's true: learn to love yourself, as you are. You will find a world of other LGBT folks who've also accepted themselves and are here to embrace and support you.

    - I don't see pornography per se as a problem either, but I will say that it can be very hard to deal with porn if you're prone to mental problems like depression or anxiety (and it seems you are). I know that because I've had problems with this myself. This is what's currently working out for me: I made this rule for myself that I'm not allowed to use tumblr (which is my main source of porn) before 17:00. So far I've had the self-discipline to maintain that rule, and it's really helped. Maybe you can make your own rule regarding porn. Make sure to only make rules for yourself that you know are realistic; nothing is more demoralizing than making a rule and then breaking it.

    - On your buttplug-adventure and fear of STD's: just inform yourself, man. And recognize that those disasters and anxieties are expressions of your troubled mind. Pull yourself together mental health wise (easier said than done, I know), and those "problems" will turn out to be no problems at all.

    - On being attracted to your cousin: Perhaps your attraction is a way for your currently anxious and troubled mind to express itself. Sometimes, if we are troubled, we tend to seek out inappropriate objects of attraction - be it a straight and therefore unavailable friend, an abusive man, or in your case, somebody underage. The fact that you're also attracted to men your own age seems to point in that direction. I would try to not obsess over it as far as that's possible, and focus on the sexual feelings you have towards men your own age and older.

    - That being said, it's also possible that you have pedophile urges. Here is a podcast that discusses this subject in a way that I thought was very empathic, kind, and reasonable. You can start listening at 10:50 (there is lot's of other stuff before). They also discuss very practical options, and what people who have such urges should and shouldn't do, including the legal aspect of the issue. http://www.savagelovecast.com/episodes/183

    - Overall, I think you sound very troubled, and I'd urge you to seek professional help. I really, really mean that. I hope I could help and wish you all the best!
    Last edited by hylas; February 27th, 2014 at 05:08 AM.

  41. #41
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    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    If you would've been straight, , you would still have crushes on people, you would still have sexual fantasies and you would still watch porn on the internet. Would you have a girlfriend? I don't know, because getting a girlfriend is almost as hard as getting a gay boyfriend.

    These seem like some "normal" problems to me. So many (gay) people have/had crushes on poeple they NEEDED to be with but couldn't be (yes, me to), soo many people watch porn (more than you would think) and I also have sexual urges for so many people but if you want something you need to search for it, which I don't.
    The plunger thing is just a mistake you made, you just need to learn from that and move on.

    Life is one big challenge and you need to "complete" it. If you can't do it on your own, go find counseling like many people above here said, it's really great when your stuck.

    Sorry if there is something out of this already said

  42. #42

    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by trustie View Post
    That might be part of it, but I think it's mostly because he's like the only male I see lately lol. And the only guy I have serious bonding with.
    ^^^ THIS right here is a major part of your problem, IMO.

    Your gay desires are going to manifest themselves, weather you like it or not... and they're going to eventually make you make some bad decisions ... like the toilet plunger for instance. You really need to get out and socialize with other gay men to form friendships and relationships with that you can express your gay side in some kind of quasi-"normal" fashion that isn't going to be detrimental to you before you end up doing something you're going to really regret with some household appliance or your cousin.
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  43. #43
    Kein Ayin Hara JUB Admin KaraBulut's Avatar
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    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by trustie View Post
    But I feel having a boyfriend will give me someone to talk to, I'd give my attention to him instead of looking at porn. It would even calm my sexual desires for other guys because I'd have a boyfriend to project those sexual urges onto.
    No, this would be the worst reason to want a boyfriend. The person that you need to talk to is a licensed therapist who can actually help you.
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  44. #44

    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by borg69unimatrix View Post
    You really need to get out and socialize with other gay men to form friendships and relationships with that you can express your gay side in some kind of quasi-"normal" fashion that isn't going to be detrimental to you before you end up doing something you're going to really regret with some household appliance or your cousin.
    I definitely agree, but it's pretty hard for me to socialize with people as myself having social anxiety, shyness, and such. I wish I could, I really do, but I have so many things getting in the way. There's also no way for me to meet gay men when I have no friends and no way to get anywhere.

  45. #45
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    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by trustie View Post
    Really. If I was straight, would I have sexual thoughts about my underage (male) cousin that I have a deep connection with? If I were straight, would I have stuck something up my butt after seeing guys on tube sites do it? Would I have sexual feelings about all the guys I see in public? Would I have thoughts about bleeding and bottoming?

    I don't think so.

    I want my SEXUALITY to go away completely. It's making a mess of me.
    You do realize that there are straight people who have incestuous relations right? In fact in Islamic countries cousin marriage is a normal thing and sometimes in the ancient world it wasn't considered taboo. Now we know the harms it causes. As for your plunger incident my aunt had to get a dildo removed from her vagina because she stuck it in too far. None of these problems are unique to being gay. If you stick something too long and unlubed up your ass you are bound to have problems. Start small and for god's sake don't use something wooden.

    Oh and as it has been said before part of your problem is you feel guilty for being gay for whatever reason and are internalizing this guilt. This guilt probably is what is making you do these risky behaviors because suppressing sexuality does nothing but just makes a person more perverted and depraved. I think you need therapy to deal with your issues.
    Last edited by Mariatenebre; February 27th, 2014 at 05:36 PM.

  46. #46
    Sex God Mariatenebre's Avatar
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    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    However as for the cousin thing I think your main problems are that he is the only male you are bonding with and your gay thoughts are going to manifest themselves someway especially if you are not having healthy dating and sex life. It is kind of like the thing with pedo priests or people who are celibate. Suppressing your sexuality just makes it that much worse. Get out and meet other guys

  47. #47
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    Re: I don't wanna be gay anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by trustie View Post
    I definitely agree, but it's pretty hard for me to socialize with people as myself having social anxiety, shyness, and such. I wish I could, I really do, but I have so many things getting in the way. There's also no way for me to meet gay men when I have no friends and no way to get anywhere.
    I have no idea as to the age of your cousin, however from what I have read a person who has not matured might not feel comfortable with people in his own age group, the feelings of shyness and anxiety might have the effect of leading you towards younger guys where you feel like you are on a level playing field.

    Please seek some professional help, let your cousin become who he is meant to be with no influence from you, you are only 20, you don't need to screw up both your life and his. Don't place yourself in a position where you have any opportunity to act on your desires.

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