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  1. #1

    Did anyone here NOT get over an old relationship, crush, etc? Am I doomed?

    I'm in my 30's and its been a year and a half that I cannot get over a certain guy, I feel I cannot mentally move on, I constantly think of him. Every guy I date never measures up to him. I literally feel blue everyday that I'm not with him.

    I really thought that "time heals all wounds", but I simply can't move on with my life. He absolutely 100% was perfect for me and it kills me that I cannot be with him. I remember thinking that I can't wait for time to just do its thing and make me get over him, but that hasn't happened. Don't know why! He is such a wonderful person that I cannot have.

    It kills.......

    Anyone else here stuck too? Or is there hope for me?
    Last edited by fallinlove; February 24th, 2014 at 06:22 AM.

  2. #2
    JUB Addict Harke the Boeotarch's Avatar
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    Re: Did anyone here NOT get over an old relationship, crush, etc? Am I doomed?

    No. Just no.

  3. #3
    Dejavudoo
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    Re: Did anyone here NOT get over an old relationship, crush, etc? Am I doomed?

    Hi there.

    Who moved on?

    You should explain more about the breakup.

    In general, the fact that it broke up usually means that it was not the ideal regardless of how much you want it to have been.

    It is clear that you are not healing on your own. Please consider getting the counseling you need to deal with the issues, both your projection of your desires and why you cannot give others the chance to be themselves.

    You're facing it, so you are on your way.

  4. #4

    Re: Did anyone here NOT get over an old relationship, crush, etc? Am I doomed?

    It didnt want to get into details of the relationship in my post because I just wanted to focus on people's experiences with getting over heartache/ not getting over heartache. I just don't understand why I can't move on.

    What if I'll never find anyone like him, and I'll always look at my future partner and think "you're second best..." It scares me.

  5. #5
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    Re: Did anyone here NOT get over an old relationship, crush, etc? Am I doomed?

    Well...No...I have never been in that place more than the usual time frame in the past......however...

    I know if my current lover ever leaves or dies that will be "it" for me and I will never get past it. I have always known that. I wouldn't want to get past it either. I had a good run.

    I think my boyfriend is my soulmate...do you have that same feeling about your ex?

  6. #6
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    Re: Did anyone here NOT get over an old relationship, crush, etc? Am I doomed?

    With any luck, you'll never forget him, but you will get over him... eventually.

  7. #7
    The nice guy from Nice. dpnice's Avatar
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    Re: Did anyone here NOT get over an old relationship, crush, etc? Am I doomed?

    Quote Originally Posted by gsdx View Post
    With any luck, you'll never forget him, but you will get over him... eventually.
    I would agree here unless, of course, you have become obsessional over him; should this be the case then my answer would be that you need to work on yourself or get professional help.

    It took me a long time to rebuild my life after my last partner and I split up and I am not 100% certain that where I am now is the best I could have done. But I am 'over him' emotionally. Mind you it was 30 odd years ago so don't start worrying yet as you have a few years left in which to forget him.
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  8. #8

    Re: Did anyone here NOT get over an old relationship, crush, etc? Am I doomed?

    Quote Originally Posted by eastofeden View Post
    Well...No...I have never been in that place more than the usual time frame in the past......however...

    I know if my current lover ever leaves or dies that will be "it" for me and I will never get past it. I have always known that. I wouldn't want to get past it either. I had a good run.

    I think my boyfriend is my soulmate...do you have that same feeling about your ex?
    Yes, absolutely soulmate. Who is lucky enough to find the perfect guy, personality, attraction level, etc? It was a total win. The devastation continues 1.5 years later and I just want the pain to subside already. I don't know why it doesnt.

  9. #9
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    Re: Did anyone here NOT get over an old relationship, crush, etc? Am I doomed?

    Quote Originally Posted by fallinlove View Post
    Yes, absolutely soulmate. Who is lucky enough to find the perfect guy, personality, attraction level, etc? It was a total win. The devastation continues 1.5 years later and I just want the pain to subside already. I don't know why it doesnt.
    Well...if you are comfortable enough to do so...maybe you could talk it out here in this thread and tell us about the dynamics of the relationship...why you broke up...what you think were the issues.

    The reason I ask...sometimes getting it out in the open helps to understand things better and you can maybe see things differently...and if you get enough people who have different opinions it can help you take the next step?

  10. #10
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    Re: Did anyone here NOT get over an old relationship, crush, etc? Am I doomed?

    i totally understand you. i met this guy 1,5 year ago i was 22 he was 19, my first guy ever, i fell so deep in love with him i was the happiest person on earth definately my soulamate, i loved everything on him, his voice his eyes his smile his hands, everything, amazing personality very smart very nice made me laugh.i was like ''this is it, i am going to be with him for ever, i felt complete i felt happy''he seemed very much into me too, he even said ''i love you'' i did anything i could possibly do to make him happy.this lasted for 3 months as he had to leave for studies in another city just 2 hours away from here...we kept talking on the phone every day and i was about to visit him soon.
    i got a call from him one day ''i'm in a relationship'' just this.the other guy was right next to him listening to the conversation..he was dating someone else behind my back.
    i was devastated, i did fall in deep depression for several months,i cried couldnt sleep i lost weight i just wanted to die.
    i run into him several months later and we talked.he said he was very sorry, that he made a mistake and that they had broke up.i was still very much in love with him,i gave him a second chance.what he wanted was sex, we did had sex twice and when i was starting feeling better, just a week after we had sex he called and said ''i'm back with my ex''
    broken heart again, it was ridicoulous i decided not to contact with him again no matter how much i missed him...no contact for several months until this christmas..he visited me at my work he just said ''merry christmas'' and left. as soon as i saw him i realised how much i missed him and how much i still love him...i texted him a few days later,we talked again on valentines day he said that he feels terrible for what he did to me and how he treated me and just a sorry is not enough to say...i knew he had broke up again with the other guy again.i thought he wanted me back..i asked him, he said that he really likes me and respects me but doesn't feel anything sexual for me...

    i still feel sad, i miss him every day for 1,5 year now...i keep crying now and then..no idea how to deal with it cause i've been with 2 other guys in this year thought it would help me forget him, just made me miss him more... i am just so confused... i love him to death but i hate him for torturing me for 1,5 year now... why is it so difficult to forget?
    Last edited by chace1617; February 24th, 2014 at 08:39 AM.

  11. #11
    The nice guy from Nice. dpnice's Avatar
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    Re: Did anyone here NOT get over an old relationship, crush, etc? Am I doomed?

    You do realise that the way he treated you was really quite despicable and certainly proves that he wasn't the perfect guy that you thought he was.

    I think most people would be angry about that treatment and that anger would help them get over the guy.

    For you it obviously hasn't which is why I tend to think that you have become obsessional about him.
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  12. #12
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    Re: Did anyone here NOT get over an old relationship, crush, etc? Am I doomed?

    Last edited by dpnice; February 24th, 2014 at 08:49 AM.
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  13. #13
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    Re: Did anyone here NOT get over an old relationship, crush, etc? Am I doomed?

    Quote Originally Posted by fallinlove View Post
    Yes, absolutely soulmate. Who is lucky enough to find the perfect guy, personality, attraction level, etc? It was a total win.
    As long as you still believe this guy was your soulmate, there's really no reason for you to get over him, is there?

    Lex

  14. #14
    Last Chance Jubber justsimon's Avatar
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    Re: Did anyone here NOT get over an old relationship, crush, etc? Am I doomed?

    It took me about two years to get over my last relationship, but I did. You will, too.

  15. #15
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    Re: Did anyone here NOT get over an old relationship, crush, etc? Am I doomed?

    i''m a nice person. i did not deserve that...

  16. #16
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    Re: Did anyone here NOT get over an old relationship, crush, etc? Am I doomed?

    Quote Originally Posted by chace1617 View Post
    i''m a nice person. i did not deserve that...
    Sometimes, people just need a swift kick in the butt to realize what is actually going on around them.

    Any who, I still think about some of my exes as it is important to remember the past but not dwell in it.

  17. #17

    Re: Did anyone here NOT get over an old relationship, crush, etc? Am I doomed?

    Quote Originally Posted by G-Lexington View Post
    As long as you still believe this guy was your soulmate, there's really no reason for you to get over him, is there?

    Lex
    You're right. But the fear I have is that I will never again find someone like him. I'm in my 30's, looks are fading (well they were never there LOL), and the pool of people I can attract is diminishing. If I find someone like him, great, but what are the chances that will happen. We were definitely perfect for each other.

    Bottom line, I just wish I wasnt such an emotional person and can just MOVE THE FUCK ON - but i can't.
    My uncle always switches girlfriends like nothing happened, i wish i knew how he emotionally did that!
    Last edited by fallinlove; February 24th, 2014 at 11:05 AM.

  18. #18
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    Re: Did anyone here NOT get over an old relationship, crush, etc? Am I doomed?

    Quote Originally Posted by fallinlove View Post
    You're right. But the fear I have is that I will never again find someone like him. I'm in my 30's, looks are fading (well they were never there LOL), and the pool of people I can attract is diminishing. If I find someone like him, great, but what are the chances that will happen. We were definitely perfect for each other.
    And until it happened then, you probably thought it wasn't going to ever happen at all. And yet you were wrong then, weren't you? Why can't you be wrong again here?

    There's a saying among astronomers - "One is the most unlikely of numbers." In other words, when they stumble across something they've never found before, they don't think "well, this is obviously the only one in the universe". They simply have (finally) found something they haven't found before, and they're likely to find another one now that they know what to look for.

    Your relationship proved that somebody COULD find you appealing, and you COULD get into a relationship. It sure as hell didn't prove that that guy was the only one who fit the bill.

    Lex

  19. #19
    TheSpectatingLoner
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    Re: Did anyone here NOT get over an old relationship, crush, etc? Am I doomed?

    Man, I feel for you. That sucks. I couldn't even imagine.

    Don't give up on yourself, though. That's ridiculous. I'm sure there's some special for you out there if you want it.

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    Re: Did anyone here NOT get over an old relationship, crush, etc? Am I doomed?

    I think you should focus on strenghthening yourself and becoming a stronger you (especially mentally)
    Try to understand Love, attachement, etc and what they mean energetically. Get some different perspective,
    love yourself first and then you can get over him (& anyone).

    I've had the same problem before. I don't fall in love easily,but when I do... MAN! I really DO!
    It was TOO difficult getting over my first and second love... But then I did some research and I understood why I was
    feeling like that. And believe me, it helped me alot! I'm not there yet (best version of myself) but I'm getting closer each day.

    Much love ! <3

  21. #21
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    Re: Did anyone here NOT get over an old relationship, crush, etc? Am I doomed?

    Quote Originally Posted by fallinlove View Post
    Yes, absolutely soulmate. Who is lucky enough to find the perfect guy, personality, attraction level, etc? It was a total win. The devastation continues 1.5 years later and I just want the pain to subside already. I don't know why it doesnt.
    OP, at least based off this answer, I don't think you have experienced a soulmate yet. I think you were in love with this guy and it sounds rather strongly like he may have been your first, or at least the first you fell in love with. I don't mean to barge in on Eastofeden but I think he would very likely agree with me when I say soulmate is about a lot more than "perfect voice, perfect personality, perfect appearance for me." But soulmate or not your feelings are obviously real and strong. Many people say you never quite get completely over the very first person you fall in love with, though of course you do move on and fall in love again. But by your own description, what you are experiencing trying to not think about him has become very counterproductive and unhealthy for you-- still having very strong and borderline compulsive thoughts about him a year and a half later probably means you would benefit from some therapy to help you cope and move on.

  22. #22
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    Re: Did anyone here NOT get over an old relationship, crush, etc? Am I doomed?

    You'll get over it but it takes time hoevr nobody knows how much time it's gonna take...

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    Re: Did anyone here NOT get over an old relationship, crush, etc? Am I doomed?

    There's this guy I can't help to think from time to time. I know I could get completely over it if I would start dating again and that's what I'm trying currently.

    ^Another kicking English grammar post

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    Re: Did anyone here NOT get over an old relationship, crush, etc? Am I doomed?

    I fell in love once. I'm still not over him. I whined about him on here a lot too. But he didn't want me. So now I don't date anymore, I just sleep around. But don't follow my lead, it's way too lonely sometimes. :/
    I make my bed with the stars above my head and dream of a place called home.

  25. #25
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    Re: Did anyone here NOT get over an old relationship, crush, etc? Am I doomed?

    Don't allow one person's past control your wellbeing for so long. Like someone already mentioned, it's time for counseling and group therapy. Breakups are draining and devastating for some, but people are meant to move on with life eventually. Jacqueline Kennedy found many soul-mates after JFK and so can you.

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    Re: Did anyone here NOT get over an old relationship, crush, etc? Am I doomed?

    Quote Originally Posted by fallinlove View Post
    I'm in my 30's and its been a year and a half that I cannot get over a certain guy, I feel I cannot mentally move on, I constantly think of him. Every guy I date never measures up to him. I literally feel blue everyday that I'm not with him.

    I really thought that "time heals all wounds", but I simply can't move on with my life. He absolutely 100% was perfect for me and it kills me that I cannot be with him. I remember thinking that I can't wait for time to just do its thing and make me get over him, but that hasn't happened. Don't know why! He is such a wonderful person that I cannot have.

    It kills.......

    Anyone else here stuck too? Or is there hope for me?
    I do believe that time heals all wounds....are you romanticizing it a bit ? Was he always so wonderful ?
    " For all there is to feel, let it be felt"
    ― Emeli Sande

  27. #27
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    Re: Did anyone here NOT get over an old relationship, crush, etc? Am I doomed?

    Quote Originally Posted by MissAnne View Post
    I do believe that time heals all wounds....are you romanticizing it a bit ? Was he always so wonderful ?
    I think that's a good point too. The people we knew only for a short time, or not long enough to know "all about them", we have the luxury of assigning to them a level of perfection that undoubtedly wasn't actually there... especially if things seemed to be going well and the relationship ended suddenly.

  28. #28
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    Re: Did anyone here NOT get over an old relationship, crush, etc? Am I doomed?

    You move on, but sometimes, you remember, because you never really forget....

    My last bf, Dave, was supposed to be THE ONE for me, but he had other ideas. The trust was broken, and it was over.

    A part of me will never let him go. A part of me hasn't let go of my first love, Vincent, either (and Vincent has been deceased for almost 30 years).


    The Three Musketeers... Bashful, Chrisglass, and Ronboy!

  29. #29
    Dejavudoo
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    Re: Did anyone here NOT get over an old relationship, crush, etc? Am I doomed?

    Quote Originally Posted by fallinlove View Post
    It didnt want to get into details of the relationship in my post because I just wanted to focus on people's experiences with getting over heartache/ not getting over heartache. I just don't understand why I can't move on.
    But that is just it -- it didn't happen in a vacuum. You want to talk about where you are, but not how you got there. If you wound up in a dark cave, it well may be important to remember the path that led you there if you are serious about leaving the cave.

    Maybe you don't want to divulge excruciating details, but something happened that ended it, and that event may well contain the roots of why YOU haven't moved on but he has.

    Try writing down what happened. It may even help to write down just a simple series of events describing how you met, what you shared, and why it all ended. Another tool may be to use a T-chart, listing on one side the pros and on the other, the cons of your relationship.

    At any rate, your comment posted later about being too emotional suggests that you recognize the need to step back and be a tad more objective about your affairs of the heart. You can still be a feeling and caring person, but bring to the mix an analytical eye that helps you gain control over feelings rather than living on a diet of them.

    Quote Originally Posted by fallinlove View Post
    Bottom line, I just wish I wasnt such an emotional person and can just MOVE THE FUCK ON - but i can't.
    My uncle always switches girlfriends like nothing happened, i wish i knew how he emotionally did that!
    Be honest. You don't wish you were like your uncle. You fell headlong in love and you want to do so again despite your disavowal. Your goal isn't to start a serial dating life, but to date to find the next Mr. Right. That's ok, as that's who you are, but don't kid yourself about it. Own it. Understand it. Doing so will help you move on.

  30. #30
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    Re: Did anyone here NOT get over an old relationship, crush, etc? Am I doomed?

    You'll be ok fallinlove. I've experienced something similar. My ex and I were together for almost 7 years before my drinking destroyed the relationship. I thought we'd be together forever but I was wrong. It hurt so bad to be dumped while I was away at rehab. I lost EVERYTHING pretty much. But, time keeps clicking away and it gets a little easier each day. I still think about us but all we will ever be is friends from this point. And even that is a challenge. I keep finding myself wanting to try to talk him back into a relationship but I can't. As much as I still love him we just won't be good for each other that way. So I keep hoping someone new will come along.

    You can move on slowly as I did fallinlove. You'll find another great guy that makes you feel special again. You'll love again. Just stop beating yourself up and find the courage to get back out in the world.

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