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  1. #1
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    Met a daddy..BUT.

    OK here's the story. Met a man online, we've got a pretty big gap in our age but we really have many many things in common. Dont worry it's all legal. :P We've gone out for a coffee a couple of times, and had that kind of fun too, which was AMAZING! He already has a relationship which i totally respect. Thing is this man makes me feel so good when being around him, we can talk about everything, and i like it that hes older because i can learn new things from him. i keep thinking about him 24/7. We have talked about us a bit and we totally agree that we can stay friends. I've been very honest with him (i really am scared to share info with people but this man makes me feel safe so i did, and im glad. we've both been honest which i love) but i already am scared of losing him. And thats my question, is it ok to feel like this?????? I dont mind the sex (which was great that one time) but i do mind losing him from my life since i believe he is a great person. I want to text him, but im afraid of disturbing him, so he might lose interest (im not in love i just admire him so so so much)

  2. #2
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    He cheated on his boyfriend with you. How's that kind of person amazing?
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
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  3. #3
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    Re: Met a daddy..BUT.

    Let me add, he's in an open relationship. My mistake.

  4. #4
    Lascivious Lush altlover85's Avatar
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    Re: Met a daddy..BUT.

    I would try and hang out with new people to get him off of your mind. It sounds like you are investing a lot of energy into this guy and it seems like you might be getting a little too attached because it doesn't sound like you can have a fulfilling friendship if you're focused on more romantic feelings for him and don't have a strong foundation to build upon.

    I hope that makes sense.

  5. #5
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Met a daddy..BUT.

    What's he getting out of your friendship? Is he liking the attention from a younger man? Do you have any idea what the ground rules are for his open relationship? Are your sure he's in an open relationship? Emotional entanglements are tricky and while he appears to have other outlets you seem overly invested in him. Friendships can be quite varied but if this one is causing a "tingle" or "butterflies" you've moved past friendship in my opinion and that makes this relationship lopsided.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  6. #6

    Re: Met a daddy..BUT.

    I am literally in the same position. The only thing was, I didn't find out he was in an open relationship until 9 months in. It hurt at first, but you just have to change your perspective on the relationship and know it's just going to be a friends with benefits type situation. It took me a while but I finally got to that point and accepted it. You can enjoy that while it lasts, until you find the guy who wants to be with you and only you. Good luck

  7. #7
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    Re: Met a daddy..BUT.

    He's in a relationship, open or not. He's good for a chat, hangout maybe, sex. But that's all, if you're going to be hooked onto him, like beginning to develop feelings for him, I would say you should steer well clear of this. Because I am not sure if he would break up his current relationship for you.

  8. #8
    nerd of prey hylas's Avatar
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    Re: Met a daddy..BUT.

    What altlover sais seems about right. You come across as a little infatuated. I'd be especially careful if you are still in your teens, and/or don't have many gay friends, and/or are new to gay life. I don't mean to be condescending, it's just that I was in similar situations when I was young. I got infatuated easily because I was very isolated, and there were older men who would take advantage of that. I would recommend you to make as many platonic gay and lesbian friends as possible, especially your own age. Being isolated will make you vulnerable to predators. Having a strong social net will make you more level-headed, and you will be able to tell the predators and users from sincere folks.

  9. #9

    Re: Met a daddy..BUT.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rolyo85 View Post
    He cheated on his boyfriend with you. How's that kind of person amazing?
    Quote Originally Posted by tiesilk View Post
    Let me add, he's in an open relationship. My mistake.
    I'm not sure what you're asking...

    You want to know if it's ok to be infatuated with someone who is already taken?

    You want to know if it's ok for him to have sex with you while in another relationship?

    You want to know if he might be using you for sex?

    You're scared to lose something that's not really "yours" to begin with?

    ... what happens in your ideal world with this man? He dumps his other BF and starts dating you? ... and then what? Are you in an "open" relationship? Is he cheating on you with others behind your back?

    I've been infatuated.
    I've been with married men.
    I've been attracted to guys who weren't good for me in the long run because they had too much baggage.
    ... it doesn't work.

    If I were to give you advice, I'd say this planet is FULL of available people that will be great for you.
    You should spend your time finding one of them before you waste much more time with this guy.
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  10. #10
    FEAR THE LIBERAL DETENTE! TX-Beau's Avatar
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    Re: Met a daddy..BUT.

    You don't know if he's in an open relationship until his boyfriend tells you.
    ATTACK OF THE LIBERAL ELITE

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    Re: Met a daddy..BUT.

    Let me qualify that. I'm suspicious of any guy who's in an open relationship who spends time dating you. Which is what it sounds like you're doing. Even if he's in an open relationship I can't see his BF being OK with him dating you.
    ATTACK OF THE LIBERAL ELITE

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    Re: Met a daddy..BUT.

    Some replies really helped while some other ironic ones dont do the work at all.

    Ive seen his partner. I can't really get into detail about their relationship because it is not my business. He's been very open with me, with details I have seen. He is not lying to me. Also, im not in love. I am just saying that i admire him for being so open to me from the first minute. I know where he works, where he lives, who he spends time with etc. We've been honest since the first moment.

    What im saying is, i really like his friendship even without the 'benefits', and wouldn't like to lose it. Chats with a cup of coffee with him are very interesting since we can talk from silly and funny things to serious talks. I dont think he's taking advantage of me, since ive been in the situation with people wanting to be in my pants and then leave. Lastly yes, I have been meeting other people too, so i can socialize, I think it was my mistake to share my worries, since some of you seem to be very ironic. All the best,

    -J.

    PS: Could a Mod delete that thread?
    PS2: Could some of you decide if you like honesty? I think it was great of him to be honest. Maybe you like to live with lies.

  13. #13
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    Re: Met a daddy..BUT.

    I'm sorry but you really sound like you do have feelings for him, you do want to be his BF, you do think that's possible, and are really just looking for permission to pursue that.

    Sometimes it's better to hear the things we don't want to hear, even if they don't turn out to be true, because we all have the unfortunate ability to see through the eyes of want, and not the eyes of reality.
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  14. #14
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    Re: Met a daddy..BUT.

    Quote Originally Posted by TX-Beau View Post
    I'm sorry but you really sound like you do have feelings for him, you do want to be his BF, you do think that's possible, and are really just looking for permission to pursue that.

    Sometimes it's better to hear the things we don't want to hear, even if they don't turn out to be true, because we all have the unfortunate ability to see through the eyes of want, and not the eyes of reality.
    As i said, i like him. That is true. But i respect the fact he has a relationship. (wish i could go into more detail about that, but as i said, not my business.) Once again, i am worried about the FRIENDSHIP. Hopefully this time you get it.

  15. #15
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    Re: Met a daddy..BUT.

    It's a choice you make. I have a great friendship with someone, who is in a relationship with a woman, that I have a crush on because he's just fantastic to me like no one has ever been to me and all that. Sometimes it is hard because of the feelings I have for him, but I made a choice and still want to be friends with him. I don't have sex with him though, I wish, lol.

    But like TX-Beau said, sometimes it's better to hear the things we don't want to hear, even if they don't turn out to be true. But I think you just react irritated over here because of that whil they are being honest.

    If you want to keep the friendship, I think you just have to follow your instincts and/or be honest with him in everything (although I think you already do that in some ways) for example your feelings.

  16. #16

    Re: Met a daddy..BUT.

    Have you or will you meet his boyfriend?

    That is a way to improve or keep the friendship.

  17. #17
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    Re: Met a daddy..BUT.

    Quote Originally Posted by LuckysRevenge View Post
    Have you or will you meet his boyfriend?

    That is a way to improve or keep the friendship.
    I am planning to ask, since it has been in my head for a while.

  18. #18
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    Re: Met a daddy..BUT.

    Quote Originally Posted by tiesilk View Post
    As i said, i like him. That is true. But i respect the fact he has a relationship. (wish i could go into more detail about that, but as i said, not my business.) Once again, i am worried about the FRIENDSHIP. Hopefully this time you get it.
    You keep saying the terms of his other relationship is not your business. You are a willing satellite of it and wish to be a greater part of HIS life. It may not be our business but it is yours. Your position avoids a major defining element.

  19. #19
    FEAR THE LIBERAL DETENTE! TX-Beau's Avatar
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    Re: Met a daddy..BUT.

    Quote Originally Posted by tiesilk View Post
    As i said, i like him. That is true. But i respect the fact he has a relationship. (wish i could go into more detail about that, but as i said, not my business.) Once again, i am worried about the FRIENDSHIP. Hopefully this time you get it.
    If all you want is his friendship, why are we having this thread, what's so angsty and difficult about being a friend? Everything about this points to you feeling and wanting more than you're admitting.
    ATTACK OF THE LIBERAL ELITE

  20. #20
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    Re: Met a daddy..BUT.

    [QUOTE=TX-Beau;9349657]Let me qualify that. I'm suspicious of any guy who's in an open relationship who spends time dating you. Which is what it sounds like you're doing. Even if he's in an open relationship I can't see his BF being OK with him dating you.[/QUOTE

    There used to be a JUBber here who was in an open relationship who claimed to love and date his sex partners. He believed it was natural. I cannot remember his name.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  21. #21
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    Re: Met a daddy..BUT.

    Quote Originally Posted by sixthson View Post
    There used to be a JUBber here who was in an open relationship who claimed to love and date his sex partners. He believed it was natural. I cannot remember his name.
    Are you talking about me? I'm currently in a poly relationship, I might have mentioned it.
    Last edited by hylas; February 23rd, 2014 at 07:14 AM.

  22. #22
    nerd of prey hylas's Avatar
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    Re: Met a daddy..BUT.

    Quote Originally Posted by tiesilk View Post
    Ive seen his partner.
    Quote Originally Posted by tiesilk View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by LuckysRevenge View Post
    Have you or will you meet his boyfriend?
    I am planning to ask, since it has been in my head for a while.
    So, have you met his partner or not? Not to be snarky, but you're here asking for advice, and it would be easier to say something useful if you were more clear about details that matter.

  23. #23

    Re: Met a daddy..BUT.

    Quote Originally Posted by tiesilk View Post
    I am planning to ask, since it has been in my head for a while.
    I think that would make everything easier. I would talk to the guy about it. And if you can't meet his bf, are you really his friend?

  24. #24
    Lascivious Lush altlover85's Avatar
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    Re: Met a daddy..BUT.

    Quote Originally Posted by LuckysRevenge View Post
    I think that would make everything easier. I would talk to the guy about it. And if you can't meet his bf, are you really his friend?
    I agree wholeheartedly.

  25. #25
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    Re: Met a daddy..BUT.

    Quote Originally Posted by altlover85 View Post
    I would try and hang out with new people to get him off of your mind. It sounds like you are investing a lot of energy into this guy and it seems like you might be getting a little too attached because it doesn't sound like you can have a fulfilling friendship if you're focused on more romantic feelings for him and don't have a strong foundation to build upon.

    I hope that makes sense.
    This is GREAT advice and speaks to me on a personal level, thank you!
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  26. #26
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    Re: Met a daddy..BUT.

    Quote Originally Posted by thenewkcm View Post
    This is GREAT advice and speaks to me on a personal level, thank you!
    Right. We both had the same idea about meeting him. We have been in contact on daily basis. He is a great human. He supports me through some difficulties i am facing (i dont mean money) and he's really standing there as a true friend. Last day we almost spent it together. Met for a coffee and had some delicious dinner as well as a very nice talk, clearing things out, getting to know more about each other. Im meeting his bf soon, and im invited for a chill evening at their place. Things are getting clearer.

    As for the advice on meeting new people, you know that websites are full of weirdos,. It is just too hard to find something which can just be a coffee than just a fuck n go.

  27. #27
    On the Prowl checkinthingsout's Avatar
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    Re: Met a daddy..BUT.

    Quote Originally Posted by tiesilk View Post
    Right. We both had the same idea about meeting him. We have been in contact on daily basis. He is a great human. He supports me through some difficulties i am facing (i dont mean money) and he's really standing there as a true friend. Last day we almost spent it together. Met for a coffee and had some delicious dinner as well as a very nice talk, clearing things out, getting to know more about each other. Im meeting his bf soon, and im invited for a chill evening at their place. Things are getting clearer.

    As for the advice on meeting new people, you know that websites are full of weirdos,. It is just too hard to find something which can just be a coffee than just a fuck n go.
    I think you should meet some friends closer to your age. Yes it is fine to have older friends, but part of the bonding power of friendship is that you are going through similar experiences at the same time so you grow with that person. You miss out on this experience when the friend has already gone through a situation several years ago that you are going through currently. I.E. me and several friends are all going through quarter life crisis right now (are we on the right path, what should we be doing with our lives, etc). It is stressful, they are challenging questions to answer, but we are answering them together. in 20 years, we will be able to look back and reminisce about those times we stayed up til 3 A.M. eating chicken fingers and talking about businesses we need to start while still struggling to pay bills. You cant do that with your older friend, because he has already gone through that with people his own age.

    He sounds more like a "gay mentor" to you than anything, and like a previous poster said, I would question what he is getting out of it. I wouldn't be surprised if you get recruited to their open relationship (only in bedroom capacity)after meeting his bf, because that is where it sounds like it is heading.

    Go join a club, recruit friends from work, or something in the community and meet friends your own age. Remember, they don't have to be gay.

    Also, there are a lot of weirdos on the net, but you met this guy on the net right? He isnt the only sane person on the internet. Maybe utilize better screening processes for people you meet on there? Make sure your profile doesnt suggest sex?
    Last edited by checkinthingsout; March 1st, 2014 at 08:46 AM.

  28. #28
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    Re: Met a daddy..BUT.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rolyo85 View Post
    He cheated on his boyfriend with you. How's that kind of person amazing?

    Nice that he makes you feel amazing but if he did to his man or woman--he'll do it to you!

  29. #29
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    Re: Met a daddy..BUT.

    Why is the net the only place you can meet people?
    ATTACK OF THE LIBERAL ELITE

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