My partner and I were planning on getting married on March 3rd. We have been together for 4 and 1/2 years. I sat so many lonely nights wondering when I would meet the one and then we met and the time has flown by. He has been my best friend and support through many hard times and I love him for that and am very grateful.
Now I am torn.
I am finishing up my degree and he is retired, and we had recently bought life insurance just in case something happened. No he didn't die, but something has happened that has changed the relationship for me and I feel lost.
We are on a very tight budget since I am not working and we are living off my savings and his pension. He has wanted a new Jeep for sometime now and we had planned on buying one once I had my degree and a new job. He has many great qualities but he is also very selfish and absolutely terrible with money. I manage ALL of our finances.
We had a plan, and he decided to go against the plan and buy a new Jeep now without my knowing and has destroyed my trust and confidence that we can ever have any long term goals. Not only that, he has done this before when it comes to money and lied to my face about it. But, I forgave him and moved on and now he has done this.
I was so angry at him and now I want to pull him close and push him away at the same time. Our finances have not been affected to bad but it's the principle behind our plan that he has betrayed. Betrayed us for his wants.
I haven't officially called off the wedding but I have told him I am not sure anymore of our relationship as I feel we have no trust. When I look at him I just feel sad and feel like the momentum has left our relationship. Floundering. Listless. Un-Tethered.
I could really use some advice or something to help understand my feelings. I am 33 and he is 59 so we are miles apart in age and in life, but we have love. It's been a week like this.