So im a long time JUB viewer but I have never posted anything. This is my first post and is about something which i've been struggling with for a while now. Sorry if this is long.
Basically, a year and a half ago I met a guy online, and he was the most amazing guy I'd ever met. We had loads in common and we started talking to each other every night on skype for a year. Throughout the year it was complicated and hard. He is a 26 year old out guy and I was a 20 year old closet case. Although we were talking every day, sometimes he would reveal to me that he had had sex that day with some online hookup, but still said he cared about me and would always call me. It used to hurt me so much, and it only got harder as time went on. Due to university I had no plans to travel to meet him since he lived in another country, so I felt like I couldnt be angry at him for having sex with others. How could I ask him not to do that, when I couldn't offer it to him instead? So a year passed and I was still head over heels, and he said to me that he cared for me too. Sometimes he would start to say things, leading to 'I love you', but I would tell him to stop and only say what he really meant - and he did stop. I made a decision that I would refuse to have my first love be someone that id never met, and so I flew across countries to meet him. And we had the best time, we had a road trip and I had sex for the first time. After two weeks with him, i had to leave and it was sooo hard. I cried alot. We stopped talking as much after the trip, but we still talked alot. He came on skype less and told me he was trying to move on and forget about me, and that hurt alot too. 4months later, he was leaving hints that he wanted to travel, and Id always told him he was welcome to visit me here. I was starting to give up, and was even moving on, when he told me he was going to come here for 5days before Christmas. And so it came around. I saw him again in my home environment, and it was better than the first time I met him. We went to a concert and did so many fun things in London, and went back to holding hands, kissing, sex, and being great friends again. When he left, it was really hard AGAIN, i really didnt want it to end this time.
Im writing this now just over a month after his visit, and I really feel broken in two. We havn't any plans to meet again, and when I bring the subject up he says he doesn't know if he wants to. The distance is hard, and he is saying that it may be easier for us to give up and to stop continuing missing each other constantly. He has a high libido, and is having sex with others. He says sorry for hurting me, he's not invested in his "dates", but he is too stubborn for a long distance relationship with me. Again, it hurts like hell, and i even understand! I had a hookup with someone else, but in honesty I didnt enjoy it because I know I love someone else. I finish university in 5months, and I feel like I could move there. But that is still a long time. I dont know what to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!