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  1. #1
    JUB Addict erobert's Avatar
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    Feeling a Bit Insecure Dating Again

    I'm ready to start dating again after nearly 4 months of getting over the breakup with my BF though I feel like I should change a few aspects of my life first before I start dating again and put myself out there.

    Namely getting a higher paying job and a better place to live (it's an a marginal area a bit of a ways away from "trendier parts of the city and I'm not too crazy about my roommate...) I'm worried my type of guy won't want to be with someone is a low paying job living in a marginal neighborhood. I know I shouldn't feel this way since you should fall in love with the person and not their bank account or which neighborhood they live but NYC is a city where everyone seems to have very high standards about who they want to date... sometimes unrealistically high.

    Also, part of me feels like my former BF broke up with me in part because I don't have a well paying job (yet) which would be superficial if that's the case since the recession has put a lot of people in rough situations.

    Though, it takes about 6 months to find a new job, in this economy probably longer. Shorter if you know the "right" people which I don't unfortunately. Finding a new apartment is a good start but cannot come without having a better paying job.

    I'm going back and fourth with this. Thoughts?

  2. #2

    Re: Feeling a Bit Insecure Dating Again

    Why is your type of guy someone who only dates those with a high income and the right zip code? Maybe you're also this type of guy? I think everyone should have very high standards... just in other areas.

  3. #3
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    Re: Feeling a Bit Insecure Dating Again

    Sorry to hear that erobert. Moving on after a breakup is always hard. There is always a period of grief.

    Of course, eventually you'd have to move on with your life. I guess it depends on what your values are and his and if he is accepting of your deficiencies. Who wouldn't want a rich bf? But money isn't everything on my book. Not everyone can be bill gates.

  4. #4
    Sex God AstareGod's Avatar
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    Re: Feeling a Bit Insecure Dating Again

    I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to better yourself, and if that means getting a higher-paying job and a nicer place to live, I say go for it! I made the first change for myself about a year ago, and I'll be making the second in a couple months, though I've been planning on doing this for about two years already. A few places I'm looking at are on the pricey side, but they look nicer than the others I've seen, and I want it to be a place that I and any future dates or boyfriends will feel comfortable in.

    It would be nice if people didn't put too much emphasis on income and the quality of someone's living conditions, especially if, by-and-large, that's out of the person's control, but a lot of that factors in with other things, such as physical chemistry, a good personality, and value systems. Some people place more emphasis on certain factors than others. If you feel it's a change you need to make, I'd suggest making it only if you want to make it, and not strictly because you think it'll make someone else want to date you more. The latter can be a contributing factor, but it shouldn't be the only one.

    By the way, the two times I've visited NYC, I agree with your observation that everyone there has high standards. Everyone seemed to dress really fancy and always be rushing from place to place. I don't think I'd want to date anyone like that. I need guys who are able to tone down and relax a bit, too. Those guys didn't seem like they are able to stand still.
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  5. #5
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    Re: Feeling a Bit Insecure Dating Again

    Yep. The only time I get to stand still is if some clueless tourist keeps blocking my way!

    Haha, it's funny that I'd have to punish myself living here in NYC. Or Brooklyn for that matter. There's never enough unaffordable housing to go around! But hey I love NY.



    I think one reason the cost of living is so high in NYC are the frequent apocalyptic events that plague the city constantly every year. From King Kong to Godzilla and Extraterrestrial aliens. Sheesh. But I have to admit, our Sanitation Department is the best cleaning up in record time year after year.


  6. #6
    JUB Addict maxpowr9's Avatar
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    Re: Feeling a Bit Insecure Dating Again

    I live pretty humbly and it baffles so many of my friends. I make enough money but don't spend it at all. I do enjoy some of the finer things but I don't need the latest stuff. I find it in particular with gays that they can be very materialistic and I tend to cast off those guys pretty quickly.

    You should of course try to better yourself. I personally feel when dating a guy that they should be able to support their own lifestyle. If you have a champagne diet on a light beer budget, you are gonna be in serious trouble.

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