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  1. #1

    Open relationship/safe sex

    I've been seeing a guy for about a year and we've gone back and forth on having an open relationship. He's more interested in fooling around with other folks then I am

    I'm OK with it if we communicate clearly about what's going on and as long there is safe sex. The problem is we have different ideas about what safe sex. To me it's condoms every time you fuck or get fucked by anyone else. To him it's asking questions about HIV status and testing and if it sounds OK then bb is OK too.

    What are other folks doing about this?

  2. #2
    JUB Addict darden's Avatar
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    Re: Open relationship/safe sex

    To him it's asking questions about HIV status and testing and if it sounds OK then bb is OK too.
    no.

    just... no. that's the opposite of "safe."

  3. #3
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    Re: Open relationship/safe sex

    Any time barebacking is involved, you're taking a risk. Even if the guy says he's negative and shows you a test result, those tests have window periods and some of the window periods last 3-6 months. Recent transmissions may show up, but not always. Those results show you what his status was at most 3-6 months before, so if he unknowingly got infected in the last week or two, he wouldn't know.

    You would really have to trust your sex partner if this was the case, and with an open relationship, you have to trust that your sex partner trusts all of his sex partners if barebacking is involved.

    I'm not the type of guy who wants an open relationship, but if it ever came to that, if I really 100% trusted my partner, I would require that he be safe with all his other partners. The risk of transmission and not catching it early enough with today's tests is not worth the risk, in my opinion.
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  4. #4
    FEAR THE LIBERAL DETENTE! TX-Beau's Avatar
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    Re: Open relationship/safe sex

    I completely trust my BF which is why he (and I) insist condoms now condoms tomorrow condoms FOREVER!!!!


    I wouldn't trust him if he wasn't educated and careful about my safety, so I return the favor. Some things have long incubation periods and HIV is not the only thing out there.

    BTW we don't bareback even with each other.
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    Re: Open relationship/safe sex

    Hi I've been in an open relationship before. We both knew we fooled around with other guys and it's what made it fun for us. We would even do threesomes regularly. But we made sure we both fucked with condoms even with ourselves because we cared for each other's safety. There was one time he got bare backed but he told me about it. I never allowed him to bare back me or vice versa. I was understanding enough that this event would happen somehow and I made him aware also that I might slip up. Fortunately he tested negative. But even if he tested positive I would have still supported him because I knew the risk and I assumed the risk of an open relationship and everything it entailed.

    The sex was always fantastic. And the adventures were something to write about. We were both slutty and we knew that only an open relationship would keep us sane. Surprisingly, we never had a hint of jealousy with either of our sexual escapades. Sadly we broke up not because of the sex or jealousy or risk. He just became too much of a self centered asshole that's why we broke up.

    So kids, the lesson of the story is: an open relationship works if both partners are sluts and are not jealous of each other. They both thrive on the sexual adventures. And both assume all risks pertaining to infection but would still support each other regardless. Just don't go for an asshole bf. He's still my friend and we still hang out. I just won't be able to stand him if we were still together. And we still revel in each of our sexual escapades.

  6. #6
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    Re: Open relationship/safe sex

    One correction - the recent HIV tests show as recent as 1 month ago. Point stands though. Guys could lie. Even if they don't, they could just not know. My logic is "If he is ok to bareback with me after just meeting me and taking my word for it, how many other guys has he barebacked with?"

    Your bf is putting your life at risk, so there is only one truly intelligent choice - he agrees to never EVER bareback with anyone, or you leave him immediately. And honestly? If you have had this conversation and he hasn't agreed to do it, then I wouldn't believe him either way, and I'd leave regardless... sorry to say.
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  7. #7
    PerScientiam AdJustitiam bankside's Avatar
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    Re: Open relationship/safe sex

    Quote Originally Posted by ckryde View Post
    I've been seeing a guy for about a year and we've gone back and forth on having an open relationship. He's more interested in fooling around with other folks then I am

    I'm OK with it if we communicate clearly about what's going on and as long there is safe sex. The problem is we have different ideas about what safe sex. To me it's condoms every time you fuck or get fucked by anyone else. To him it's asking questions about HIV status and testing and if it sounds OK then bb is OK too.

    What are other folks doing about this?
    This person is likely to get a disease and give you a disease. What he wants might work if you have a closed relationship with a long-term third or another couple and no one goes outside that group. But I really don't think you could do open the way he is talking about.
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  8. #8
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    Re: Open relationship/safe sex

    Sounds very unsafe to me if you were to play by his rules. Is he really the guy for you? You don't seem to be on the same page.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  9. #9
    JUB Addict Luka's Avatar
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    Re: Open relationship/safe sex

    It sounds to me like he doesn't care if he brings back an std to you. If he really cared about you he would always wrap it up with others.

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