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  1. #1
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    Married couples, how long did it take you to get there?

    I'm curious when you realized that your relationship had reached maturity and you were ready for lifetime commitment? How long had you been in the relationship? Did you have a second thought?

    I want to know your story because my boyfriend and I are considering getting married at the end of the year. We've only been together for 9 months, and we love each other a lot. I know a lot of you will jump the gun and say that the relationship is too short to make any serious commitment, but I actually put a lot of thoughts into this. I've been in a couple of serious long term relationships before (3 years and then 2 years), and he was in a relationship for 3 years and a half, but I've felt a deep connection with him not just on the physical or personality level, but also in the ways we think and look at the world. He's changed me in so many ways, and I guess I can say the same about me to him.

    We both understand that getting married this early at this age may not be the best idea (I'm 25 and he's 26), but due to our nationalities and our distance, I can't go to his country and stay and he can't work in the US (I'm not American by the way - just in the process of moving there). We are deeply in love, and after doing long distance for three months, we realized that we can't just end the relationship abruptly at this stage. We both made plans to be visit each other before I leave for America, but then from there on the only way for us to be together is to get married (yes, I've looked into all options and talked to immigration lawyers already, so that's really the only choice). He's not gonna be able to work in the US, but thankfully my job pays well enough for me to support us both.

    We're both excited at the prospect of getting married, but at the same time, the idea scares the shit out of us. When we started dating, we even thought that the relationship would end after my boyfriend left the country. Apparently he's more committed to the relationship than I'd thought, and the idea of finally living together makes it easier for us to go through this temporary long-distance.

    I guess what I'm looking for here is some... positive experience? It's not like we have any alternative here (besides breaking up, which neither of us is willing to). I guess only time can tell if we're making the right choice or not, but any advice is appreciated. I've read a lot about marriage, but they're mostly for straight couple (though the differences are not that much), so I would love to hear from gay couples

  2. #2
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    Re: Married couples, how long did it take you to get there?

    I think it is different for everyone so maybe ask yourselves why exactly you want to get married? I am not really sure there are any right answers but maybe there is a right answer for the both of you..

    We will probably get married this year...quietly and without telling anyone...and we have been together for 28 years. One reason...legal protection of our assets... and some other legal issues. Obviously...marriage was not necessary for our commitment or love to be any stronger....

  3. #3

    Re: Married couples, how long did it take you to get there?

    I don't have any answers for you as I haven't been in these shoes yet, but I hope it works out for you guys! Best of luck to you

  4. #4
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Married couples, how long did it take you to get there?

    Go for it. Work closely with the immigration lawyers and find out what the ramifications are if you divorce. I'd do this while the Democrats have the White House because policy could change with a Republican president unless the Supreme Court recognizes same sex marriage throughout the US.

    I'm unclear as to why he won't be able to work here. Temporarily or forever? Of you're supporting him and you divorce could he be awarded maintainence for life?

    I'm always hopeful regarding relationships but I always advise friends and relatives to be practical and careful. I wish you and your boyfriend the best.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

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    Re: Married couples, how long did it take you to get there?

    Every couple is different obviously, just look at yourself your partner to see where your at and what the goals are for the both of you, can you achieve success together?
    *⁂⁑* The Lonely Snow Queen, Elsa *⁑⁂*

  6. #6
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    Re: Married couples, how long did it take you to get there?

    We were 18 when we met and he was not yet a naturalized citizen. He is from Greece. That was a non-issue for us because he never planned to live there again, but if he had, I would have gladly moved there. In six months from meeting, we knew we were in love and made plans to move off campus into an apartment that fall. We were young and in love and didn't plan out our future in great detail, but in the first year of living together we talked about our careers, the kind of home we would want, etc. Our state only legalized marriage this last year, but we were ready for marriage by 21.
    I think some people romanticize relationships to the point of losing all reason. They want the relationship or marriage more than they want the person. And I would imagine that risk is ever greater when you have a long distance relationship. My suggestion to you would be to not worry so much about marriage and wait until you are living in the same area and spending much of your time together. No need to be in a rush even though I do do not believe you are too young. You have a lifetime together as long as it is not long distance. Good luck, buddy.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  7. #7
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    Re: Married couples, how long did it take you to get there?

    Quote Originally Posted by Seasoned View Post
    Go for it. Work closely with the immigration lawyers and find out what the ramifications are if you divorce. I'd do this while the Democrats have the White House because policy could change with a Republican president unless the Supreme Court recognizes same sex marriage throughout the US.

    I'm unclear as to why he won't be able to work here. Temporarily or forever? Of you're supporting him and you divorce could he be awarded maintainence for life?

    I'm always hopeful regarding relationships but I always advise friends and relatives to be practical and careful. I wish you and your boyfriend the best.
    I'm planning to work in the US for a few years and then move to his country later so both of us can work. He's willing to sacrifice a couple of years or more of his career so I can get a green card in the country. There are various reasons that led us to this decision, but basically the job is not something I can find in his country, and I will boost my career in the future (big tech company).

    He won't be able to work in the US as he's gonna be on nonimmigrant dependent visa. Only if I could get a green card, but that would take too many years and I don't plan to stay in the US that long. With regards to the ramifications if we divorce, it's complicated since our marriage won't be recognized in either of our countries, but we hope we won't be anywhere close to that point.

    Quote Originally Posted by sixthson View Post
    We were 18 when we met and he was not yet a naturalized citizen. He is from Greece. That was a non-issue for us because he never planned to live there again, but if he had, I would have gladly moved there. In six months from meeting, we knew we were in love and made plans to move off campus into an apartment that fall. We were young and in love and didn't plan out our future in great detail, but in the first year of living together we talked about our careers, the kind of home we would want, etc. Our state only legalized marriage this last year, but we were ready for marriage by 21.
    I think some people romanticize relationships to the point of losing all reason. They want the relationship or marriage more than they want the person. And I would imagine that risk is ever greater when you have a long distance relationship. My suggestion to you would be to not worry so much about marriage and wait until you are living in the same area and spending much of your time together. No need to be in a rush even though I do do not believe you are too young. You have a lifetime together as long as it is not long distance. Good luck, buddy.
    Your story is so sweet. I wish we could have the same option. Luckily for us, the US recognizes same-sex marriage (well, at least in California) so we can get married there. Luckily the marriage will be recognized without the requirement of residency/citizenship. Of course being a dependent on non-immigrant visa, my partner won't be able to work but we hope to fill in his free time with classes and volunteer activities. Our long term plan is to finally settle in his country, but for the time being, San Francisco is actually a very exciting destination for both of us.

    We actually had lived together for a number of months before he left the country where I'm living (not my country of citizenship), and I'm planning to visit his hometown in March. Afterwards, he's gonna visit me here and then we'll travel in my home country for a couple months before moving to the US and get married there. So no, we are not rushing into a marriage, we still have nine months to change our mind. And yes, we hope to spend our lives together - the idea was unimaginable when we first met but it seems so real now.

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