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  1. #1

    The same old story.. Longer read, but worth it!

    I have been dealing with that 'Crush' issue since June of 2013 (well, longer than that, but it started to get quite heavy since June.. You have all heard the story before, and I have read many other stories on here to get some form of validation for what I am about to do.. as relatable as the stories are, there hasn't been much luck finding something comparable to mine. I apologize in advance for the length, but I feel like getting this off my chest will help clear my mind, and give me an answer...

    I have a wide variety of friends, one of them being a middle-aged woman (Trisha). her and I have been close friends for years. In June, she brought a mutual friend (Mark) over to my house un-expectedly (one whom I have fooled around with on a previous occasion). There was tension between him and I, but I tried my best to mask it with simple conversations of work and weather. Shortly after they arrived, another friend came over.. Jordan. Jordan and I worked together previously, and became good friends since then. He is adorable in everything he does and is the focal point of this post.

    He arrived, and kept me company while I struggled to keep the tension between Mark and I unknown. This lasted for a few hours until finally, Trisha and Mark left. Immediately after they left, Jordan asked me "So, whats the story between you and Mark?" After prying the story from me, He respond with "So.. You're a bottom...?"

    Jordan considers himself straight, and after hearing an erotic story that had nothing to do with penetration, just me sucking him off and some foreplay; he drew the conclusion that I was a bottom. I thought to myself.. "That only really happens in porn.. Wait.. Has he watched gay porn before? Interesting.."

    Immediately after that, he told me stories of how his parents assume him to be Gay, and how he denies it. He included his parents questions about me, and wondering if I was his boyfriend. He assured me that his mother would accept him if he were, and told me that he is shocked I am still single. That night finished on that note, and the next day he came over, I noticed a glimmer in his eyes that I never seen before.

    There were numerous moments for the next several meetings that made my stomach flutter, and caught my attention as 'flags'. He described to me what he finds attractive in men; although once he caught himself, Jordan left in a hurry to go home and shower. Within moments of him leaving, I received a Snapchat of his shirtless torso, and a sexual innuendo at the bottom. He mentioned one evening that he finds women to be intimidating, and how he finds me to be comfortable and relatable.

    We watched numerous movies over summer, and during them, he would flicker his toes on my feet, we would cuddle a bit, and he showed me his world in pictures and videos. I brought the idea of dating up to him, but he reminded me that I wasn't his type.. His next phrase caught me off guard when he said "But if/when I decide to be Gay, you are definitely my first choice.. If thats how it works." After that, Jordan and I were inseparable.

    4-5 times a week, we would lay in his convertible to watch the stars, smoke, and talk about life with slow music mumbling in the background. I always liked those nights, because I would introduce him to new music styles that he would reference at later days, tell him stories of how I plan to become a happy and authentic person, and he would tell me how his future is TBD.. I like listening to his talk, so I tried to let him do most of the talking. I tried not to let my mind wander, but it would occasionally.

    By the end of summer, we would finish each others sentences, he would bring me food and drinks to my work where he would stay for hours to visit, and when he wasn't working or with me, my phone would constantly be buzzing with text messages and snapchats from him. I received a few more shirtless pictures, and heard many of his secrets. We would joke about 'in-laws', and finally near the end of summer, I broke down and told him my thoughts about 'Us'.

    I originally was typing out as a reminder to myself on what to say, so I wouldn't get flustered. Instead, I hit 'Send' instead of 'Copy'.. So he got the rough draft, and responded with confusion and after many messages back and forth, said
    "I am the same person you know me as.. Or, maybe there is a side to me you haven't seen yet? You just haven't asked the right questions yet.. If you want those hundred of doors to be opened, you have to ask the right question, and my 'lil' mind stars to process, and then you can explore each one. I know, I am a mystery. Also, that song that you referenced by Cheap Trick.. Its called 'I want you to want me', not 'I don't want to want you'.. I know what you meant, but it was bugging me all day".

    At the end of August, he left for school. I changed the song lyrics to match my thoughts.. I said "I don't want to want you.. Like that Cheat Trick song, Because my need for you to be in my life as you are right now far outweighs my want for something more..."

    Between September and now, he has driven 100 miles from school to surprise visit me without warning 3 times, send me numerous explicit snapchats, and flirted countless times via text message. Just this past weekend though, is where it gets interesting..

    Jordan came back home with me on wednesday, (Since he had the rest of the week off from school. Thats how his schedule is set up.) He neglected to mention to his parents that he was home, and stayed at my place. Thursday night, we watched some 'drunk challenges' on Tyler Oakleys youtube channel. We then got extremely drunk.. to the point of where I don't remember majority of the night.. All I remember was him telling me he loved me, his shirt being off, kissing his arm, cuddling, Touching his inner thighs, his hands (which were very warm) being on my back, and his nipples being extremely perky. That's all I remember.

    I was awakened by him crawling out of my bed wearing black underwear and seeing the outline of his package, getting ready to have a shower, and looking back at me with the most adorable smile as I lay in bed with my eyes barely open. I wake up while he showers, and he asks me after how I am feeling, and if I remember anything from the previous night. I said "Not much.. Well, after we finished the Cherry whisky and took some shots of Absinthe its all a blur.. What happened?" He refuses to tell me, and acted as if nothing happened, yet I know something did.

    I messaged him last night to say thank you for the company over the weekend. His response was "Ooh no problem, just try not to mount me next time, lol."

    Please guys, what is your opinion of what is going on? I would like some input before I ask him to come to the Cher concert with me, (since he has constantly asked me who I am bringing, and hints that he would enjoy the experience.) or I just continue being his friend...

  2. #2
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    Re: The same old story.. Longer read, but worth it!

    It sounds to me as though he has a crush on you as well...and your time together sounds like a type of courtship...or dating. It also sounds like you both have alot of chemistry and sexual tension together so basically you need to ask the "right question"....and hundreds of doors and a side you haven't seen will be open?

    Maybe he wants a marriage proposal?

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    Re: The same old story.. Longer read, but worth it!

    i think he likes you very much. invite him to stay over whenever he likes or whenever you can. you might even take this to the next level depending on how receptive he is and what the body language is.

    have you two kissed? you can usually tell by the kiss if there is something there.

  4. #4

    Re: The same old story.. Longer read, but worth it!

    I should have also mentioned that after countless talks, he has mentioned about 4 times that he is straight.. Although he has not mentioned that since my birthday in September. What really threw me in a loop was telling me he loved me.. it wasn't the way you tell your friends after coffee, or how you tell you parents. It was just different.. I have asked Trisha what her opinion of it is, since she has been involved in his life for numerous years and all she can tell me is that he sees me differently than the rest of his friends, notes the chemistry, and mentioned that Jordan adores me.

    I want people to tell me I am just reading too much into it, and I should get over him.. but there is also a part of me that is seeking that validation that I am on the right track to something amazing. I remember how I felt when I was on the cusp of coming out, and listening to his stories and his thoughts brings me right back to my denial and willingness to accept it. I had noone who was there for me when I came out, and it feels like I might be that person to him. Considering the fact that he has called me his 'Superman' occasionally..

  5. #5
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    Re: The same old story.. Longer read, but worth it!

    Quote Originally Posted by looneyspoon View Post
    I should have also mentioned that after countless talks, he has mentioned about 4 times that he is straight.. Although he has not mentioned that since my birthday in September. What really threw me in a loop was telling me he loved me.. it wasn't the way you tell your friends after coffee, or how you tell you parents. It was just different.. I have asked Trisha what her opinion of it is, since she has been involved in his life for numerous years and all she can tell me is that he sees me differently than the rest of his friends, notes the chemistry, and mentioned that Jordan adores me.

    I want people to tell me I am just reading too much into it, and I should get over him.. but there is also a part of me that is seeking that validation that I am on the right track to something amazing. I remember how I felt when I was on the cusp of coming out, and listening to his stories and his thoughts brings me right back to my denial and willingness to accept it. I had noone who was there for me when I came out, and it feels like I might be that person to him. Considering the fact that he has called me his 'Superman' occasionally..
    Sorry...I would usually think exactly that and try to avoid saying it if I could...but I don't think you are reading too much into it unless you have misspoken somewhere.

    It isn't uncommon for gay men who are having a sexual identity crisis or haven't yet come to terms with their sexual identity to insist they are straight.

  6. #6

    Re: The same old story.. Longer read, but worth it!

    And no, we have yet to kiss. Aside from maybe Thursday night, but I don't remember much. Since I was sexually abused in my late teens (Which he knows about), I don't want to put him in any situation that he wouldn't want to be in. I refuse to be the person who makes someone feel like I did. Even if it just a kiss, it is just something I do. :/

  7. #7
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    Re: The same old story.. Longer read, but worth it!

    It does sound like he has feelings for you, perhaps he is still trying to work out his own sexual identity. Reading your original post, which was really lovely..
    There were many pointers, showing that he thinks of you as more than just a friend (in a straight way). I cannot imagine many "just" mates, driving hundreds of miles to see you, on the spur of the moment, and not even letting his family know he is in the vicinity.

    Also, again from your OP, you both seem to have spent many hours of "quality" time, chatting, exploring new "fields" of thought, and really opening up with each other.
    You are making the right decision when you say that you do not want to force any situation on him.
    My feelings are, that he is trying to work out himself, if he may be gay or bisexual, and his feelings for you, "romantically".

    I agree with eastofeden, i too do not think you are reading too much into your situation.
    My advice would be to carry on as you are doing, though perhaps turn the tables a little, and ask him to ask you the right questions.
    Wishing you both well. Adam.

  8. #8
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    Re: The same old story.. Longer read, but worth it!

    ^yep. you are reading too much into it. take it at face value. he likes you. it seems the feedback from other people have the same conclusion. i think there is a meaningful relationship in the cards if you play it right. and the 'dating' game seems to be going well.

    if he tells you he's a german shepherd, then, let it be for now. let him be comfortable with himself. although that kind of a profession for a german is quite a rare breed nowadays

    ok. you said you were abused when you were younger. this might be a little complicated but you might need to reassure him he can make the first moves if he likes or it might be better if you make the first moves on him just because of the psychological barrier to climb over for him and the mind games playing in his head: do i kiss him? won't that give him panic attacks? etc.

    does he know you're gay? didn't you say you slept together already when you were drunk? it would be nice if he can sleep over again next to you. but how does he feel about it? is he comfortable with the idea? i don't know if trisha might be able to be the go-between sometimes in telling him how much you like him and vice-versa. another friend of yours might be valuable to find out the same thing just to make sure it's not being manipulated by the first go-between.

    and follow your own advice. don't put him in a situation he is not comfortable with. test the waters but if you are serious about a relationship with him, you might have to go beyond your comfort zones in a reassuring kind of way: 'hey, i'd like to kiss you', 'come watch this with me. closer ', etc.

    i wish you the best. there is something good to build on with him. go for it!

  9. #9

    Re: The same old story.. Longer read, but worth it!

    I really do appreciate your thoughts, and yes he knows I am gay, I have been out for over 3 years, and he was one of the first dozen people I told. And yes, we did sleep together, and we are 'supposed to do the whole night over again', since he enjoyed it very much.

  10. #10
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    Re: The same old story.. Longer read, but worth it!

    The important thing is, if he said he is straight, you have to assume he is straight.
    But just fool around sucking his cock ... etc is ok if he is ok with it.


    NEVER LISTEN TO A ONE SIDED STORY AND JUDGE.

  11. #11
    FEAR THE LIBERAL DETENTE! TX-Beau's Avatar
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    Re: The same old story.. Longer read, but worth it!

    hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.........................


    If what you say is accurate - he's in an identity crisis or a game playing asshole neither of which is in any way romantic let alone a good relationship prospect, and in either case, you are being used.
    ATTACK OF THE LIBERAL ELITE

  12. #12
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: The same old story.. Longer read, but worth it!

    This will probably end up being more an issue about you, not him. Just how much physical and emotional teasing can you handle?
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  13. #13

    Re: The same old story.. Longer read, but worth it!

    You make a good point Seasoned, and I do appreciate the responses.
    I like hearing other responses from other people.. I admit to my over-analyzing of situations, although I think I will just put the logical side of my mind away for the time being and judge it on how it feels (Something that I am unfamiliar with doing). It has all felt 'right' so far, so I will keep you guys up to date on anything massive that might happen.
    Thanks again!

  14. #14
    Are u haleloo ya ? Telstra's Avatar
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    Re: The same old story.. Longer read, but worth it!

    Is it going to be anything like "Lost Vegas" ?
    i can barely remember that thread now.


    NEVER LISTEN TO A ONE SIDED STORY AND JUDGE.

  15. #15

    Re: The same old story.. Longer read, but worth it!

    Looks like I will have to find that thread. I have yet to read that one

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