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  1. #1
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    WHY ME? why? why?

    I was a Buddhist (errr...not really) and hetero (not quite the truth) and now,
    I am an agnostic and a gay (or maybe bi, I don't know)

    Buddhism says absolutely nothing about homosexuality (apart from we should overcome sexual desire and become monks). I keep thinkin what Buddha will think of LGBT. Maybe I should talk to a monk but... People here think homosexuality is a myth and Gays are like Vampire or werewolf. Telling them you're gay is not much different from telling them you're a vampire.
    They'll either say 'you're kidding, right?' for like ten times and freak out (or just freak out).

    I thought of consulting a school counsellor but I live in a semi-Muslim country. All I'll get is brainwash.

    I screamed , yelled and prayed(sort of but not in a buddhism way) for countless nights. wondering why are there gays? why are there bisexuals? why? I searched the internet and there's 2 theories (that everyone already know) from scientists
    1) Genetic problem
    2) Mental disorder

    you know what? there's no scientific proofs for either yet. All the 'proofs' are under inconclusive debates. So, I get no answers from God(s) and Scientists (the two whom we seek answers for every questions) and I can't tell anyone (I tried twice but both ended up badly)

    so all I have is myself (and online friends who comfort me and hold me in one piece but can't provide the answer)

    after thinking for a long long time, I came up with a theory (which a lot of you already thought of ,apparently)

    In this world, there're always exceptions. like Every mammals give birth but platypus lay eggs; matters contract when temperature is lowered but water increases in size under 4'c.
    so maybe LGBT are the exceptions, the ones that are different. But then why would there have to be exceptions? why do we need gays? Is our existence necessary? What's our niche in human societies? or we're simply a consequence of some nature evolution or something.

    Maybe our existence balance this world of hetero? that's what I believe for now.

    then why THE HELL, am I among the minority that is chosen(or whatever) to be different to be the ones that keep the scale in balance? and worst of all, why make me a CHINESE!

    I'm like a captain steering a boat between two tides each forcing me to follow their course. the cultural conflicts within me is killing me.

    *I just want to express my thoughts. say anything you want~
    [sorry if I post in the wrong section.]

  2. #2

    Re: WHY ME? why? why?

    There is also evidence that gayness is caused congenitally, that is, some thing happens following conception, possibly in the womb. The mother's hormone balance may have an effect. It is also possible, even likely, that here are more than one causes, which would explain differences among gays: submissive or dominant, feminine or masculine. Some gays seem to be physically different as shown by the voice, such as Truman Capote.

  3. #3
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    Re: WHY ME? why? why?

    Quote Originally Posted by edstark View Post
    I was a Buddhist (errr...not really) and hetero (not quite the truth) and now,
    I am an agnostic and a gay (or maybe bi, I don't know)

    Buddhism says absolutely nothing about homosexuality (apart from we should overcome sexual desire and become monks). I keep thinkin what Buddha will think of LGBT. Maybe I should talk to a monk but... People here think homosexuality is a myth and Gays are like Vampire or werewolf. Telling them you're gay is not much different from telling them you're a vampire.
    They'll either say 'you're kidding, right?' for like ten times and freak out (or just freak out).

    I thought of consulting a school counsellor but I live in a semi-Muslim country. All I'll get is brainwash.

    I screamed , yelled and prayed(sort of but not in a buddhism way) for countless nights. wondering why are there gays? why are there bisexuals? why? I searched the internet and there's 2 theories (that everyone already know) from scientists
    1) Genetic problem
    2) Mental disorder

    you know what? there's no scientific proofs for either yet. All the 'proofs' are under inconclusive debates. So, I get no answers from God(s) and Scientists (the two whom we seek answers for every questions) and I can't tell anyone (I tried twice but both ended up badly)

    so all I have is myself (and online friends who comfort me and hold me in one piece but can't provide the answer)

    after thinking for a long long time, I came up with a theory (which a lot of you already thought of ,apparently)

    In this world, there're always exceptions. like Every mammals give birth but platypus lay eggs; matters contract when temperature is lowered but water increases in size under 4'c.
    so maybe LGBT are the exceptions, the ones that are different. But then why would there have to be exceptions? why do we need gays? Is our existence necessary? What's our niche in human societies? or we're simply a consequence of some nature evolution or something.

    Maybe our existence balance this world of hetero? that's what I believe for now.

    then why THE HELL, am I among the minority that is chosen(or whatever) to be different to be the ones that keep the scale in balance? and worst of all, why make me a CHINESE!

    I'm like a captain steering a boat between two tides each forcing me to follow their course. the cultural conflicts within me is killing me.

    *I just want to express my thoughts. say anything you want~
    [sorry if I post in the wrong section.]
    It's been quite some time since it was established that being gay just doesn't fit the parameters for a mental disorder, and there are too many studies that poke holes in the genetic hypothesis for it to be in the running much. The leading hypothesis at this point has to do with hormones, the female immune system, and time in the womb-- specifically having to do with whether there have been previous offspring.

    "Thirty-one* states allow all qualified citizens to carry concealed weapons. In those states, homosexuals should embark on organized efforts to become comfortable with guns, learn to use them safely and carry them. They should set up Pink Pistols task forces, sponsor shooting courses and help homosexuals get licensed to carry. And they should do it in a way that gets as much publicity as possible. "

    --Jonathan Rauch, Salon Magazine, March 13, 2000

    *the number is now forty

  4. #4
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    Re: WHY ME? why? why?

    First, take a deep breath.

    Number one, you're not alone. There are millions and millions of gays on the planet, and everyone--gay, straight and everything inbetween--goes through part of their life feeling completely hopeless and alone. I would suggest seeking some comfort in our Coming Out and Relationships forum. There are more people looking in there than can be of some help.

    Number two: your science and internet research is bogus. Sexuality is largely, or completely, genetic. Science has supported that notion, and been able to defend it for several decades. It's not a mental disorder, that was debunked in the 1960s, but didn't gain much legal weight until the 1970s-1980s. Nor is it a 'problem'. Being gay is totally normal. Just because heterosexuality is more prevalent doesn't make it normal. Evolutionary biologists have more than a few probable explanations for homosexuality--reasons why natural selection didn't extinguish the non-breeding population. What's more, it's no insignificant group either. Over 10% of people identify as LGBT--there are many more that aren't quite there yet.

    Furthermore, there is no contradiction in being gay and Chinese--their may be social stigma, but there's nothing wrong. You simply happen to have the genetic background to be both ethnic Chinese and (possibly) gay. Buddhism (and I doubt the Buddha would care anyway) doesn't reject LGBTs--that's like the prejudice of the area. There have even been cases made where being an agnostic is not totally contrary to Buddhism. Buddhism is often seen in a more philosophical light than a religious one--thus facilitating the odd predicament of considering oneself both an agnostic and a Buddhist.

    If I might ask, what country do you live in? EDIT: Nevermind, I checked your profile. Malaysia.

    Well, remember this: There's absolutely nothing wrong with you being gay. NOTHING. Don't let anyone tell you differently.

    As for your family, (personal opinion), if you tell them and they don't like it, screw them. If they don't like their son as he is, they're the ones in the wrong. Maybe they'll see the error of their ways and recant later. But don't just wait around--you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends. You need friends that accept you as you are. If not family, friends; maybe even totally new ones--then things will start looking up.
    Last edited by mightbe; January 15th, 2014 at 08:24 PM.

  5. #5
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    Re: WHY ME? why? why?

    Quote Originally Posted by mightbe View Post
    Number two: your science and internet research is bogus. Sexuality is largely, or completely, genetic. Science has supported that notion, and been able to defend it for several decades. It's not a mental disorder, that was debunked in the 1960s, but didn't gain much legal weight until the 1970s-1980s. Nor is it a 'problem'. Being gay is totally normal. Just because heterosexuality is more prevalent doesn't make it normal. Evolutionary biologists have more than a few probable explanations for homosexuality--reasons why natural selection didn't extinguish the non-breeding population. What's more, it's no insignificant group either. Over 10% of people identify as LGBT--there are many more that aren't quite there yet.
    The most recent research strongly suggests that genetics is insufficient to explain the occurrence of homosexuality. Hormonal influence in the womb is a strong contender, but the fact that it isn't universal strongly suggests that the issue is definitely complex and that environmental factors make the difference, though it may only be triggering an otherwise neutral gene. The strongest case for a genetic tie is twin studies, but those suffer from the problem that both twins being homosexual can also be explained by factors in the womb, since both twins experience much the same environment.

    Additionally, the best figures for percentage of homosexuality in the general population land around 3.5% as exclusively homosexual. Counting reported experiences, there are another 4% to 7% who have at least occasionally been active with both genders -- but not nearly that many people self-identify as bisexual.

    Putting these two together, edstark, means that being gay is the result of some wonderful and rare interactions in the biology of human beings. From more than one point of view, that means you're special -- something a number of human societies have recognized by giving gays honored status.

    "Thirty-one* states allow all qualified citizens to carry concealed weapons. In those states, homosexuals should embark on organized efforts to become comfortable with guns, learn to use them safely and carry them. They should set up Pink Pistols task forces, sponsor shooting courses and help homosexuals get licensed to carry. And they should do it in a way that gets as much publicity as possible. "

    --Jonathan Rauch, Salon Magazine, March 13, 2000

    *the number is now forty

  6. #6

    Re: WHY ME? why? why?

    Hi edstark. I saw some shocking pictures of China yesterday online. AWFUL pollution. The air is grim and terrible. I heard HOW many people there are there and I had this image of all the crazed fucking and making babies with no thought about the degradation of the land and resources and the children, and children to come.

    I think of the NERVE of heterosexual people who point the finger at gay people when it is THEY who are shagging all over the fukin place and making too MANY babies!!! Thank the HEAVENS FOR Gay people!!!

    Don't listen to Buddhists, or Christians, or scientists, or shrinks who tell you whether you are authentic. Feel how you feel. You are just fine. Desire freely, and enjoy sex with other males. LOVE earth and love yourself and who you fall in love with. That is all that matters.
    This section of the forum is completely right for you because you are spiritual.

    I am not mad on traditional western religions (though they really come from the East), nor on Buddhism, nor atheism, nor scientism--they are all world denying belief systems that make you feel shit about yourself, and the natural world. I am more drawn to Goddess religion which accepts that people are bisexual. I feel we are diverse beings and creativity which includes sexuality is like s spectrum of possibility and potential and which is dynamic. Don't let these state-heads get to you and kill your spirit.

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