Hello, well this is my problem and I hope you could help me out: (sorry for the long post)
I’m 20 years old, and I really like daddies (older men) and bears, but especially older men. Only my two best friends know this and I’ve never been in a relationship with anyone. Even though I’ve had a huge crush for an old teacher (60 years old) in my school for 6 years so far, it was just impossible: he is married and he’s got grown up sons, besides I don’t think he was gay or even bisexual. So, I really want to move on and I’m tired of being lonely and sad for thinking of the feelings remaining through all this years.
Therefore, since I can’t be with this teacher and I’m starting to calm down about him, I wanted to be with someone else and try to be happy. So, 4 or 5 years ago there was this famous theater actor/director in my country (I’m from South America) who caught my eye. He’s also 60 years old and heīs a big theater reference here:
-he appears in the local newspapers regularly
-he’s done some soap operas for TV.
-and heīs constantly acting or directing new plays.
The thing is that I really like him, he’s very handsome, and he seems to be very nice and kind in the interviews that I’ve seen.
Although he has claimed on TV that he didn’t have time to form a family because he is very shy and due he was constantly working on his only passion (which is theater) but rumors about him being actually gay begun to spread a few years ago after he responded affirmatively to a question which referred if homosexuality was part of his life. He only said yes to that question but he never admitted to be gay, he could’ve been referring to a character that he played or to the fact that theater is considered to be “heaven” for gay people, but he never explained more. So for me he was just a fantasy, I didn’t have a real proof about his sexual preferences and didn’t think about making a move. But this changed the last week, when I found his Facebook account and I discovered some clues that confirmed my suspicions:
1) He had a photo promoting one of his plays in which he appears hugging a young man, and between the comments there was one that said: “I’m sure you like to play that part” and the actor gave it a like to this comment. (I know it’s very silly but there’s more to come).
2) He posted a red equal sign of The Human Rights Campaign about supporting gay marriage. But not only that, because I know that even a straight man can support that initiative, but he wrote “Pride” in the publication, and that’s a word you just don’t drop as easy as that.
3) His Facebook account doesn’t have his name on it, he has a weird nickname and after searching a little bit I found out that the nickname belonged to a character that he had played in the past. This character was a repressed homosexual who, in a moment of the story, confesses his sexual frustrations of his married life.
So, those are my reasons to believe that he could be gay. But the second part of the case is this: Due to the Holidays I was seriously thinking about sending him a caricature of him that I’ve done a long time ago for a drawing workshop as an excuse to tell him how I feel, not saying that I love him or anything as such (because I don’t know him) but to open myself up to him and try to build something if he’s willing to do so.
I know that I may sound like an obsessed fan, but believe me, I’m not acting on an impulse, there has been literally hundreds of times that I’ve thought about declaring my love to my school teacher but I haven’t because I knew it was useless, so I know how to control myself. I just happened to like this actor and if there’s a possibility to start something in which we could both be happy, why shouldn’t I try it?
So I sent him the caricature this past Wednesday (I’m good at drawing and despite I don’t like flattering myself I think it came out very good) and I tried to write really nice things about his work and being as sincere as I could. I don’t like to use words as “sweet” or such but I did to express what I felt and to sound caring. I tried to search for the right words so he could realize that I was not only a fan, but that I wanted something else…yet I think I wasn’t that obvious. So this is what I wrote to him:
“Greetings Mr. (Last name)
I hope you had a happy holiday and wish you a happy New Year filled of good health and success for both professional and personal life.
You do not know me, but the reason I am writing to you is because I am a young man who admires your work and your great skill to be able to perform so naturally and convincingly. It costs a lot to believe you when you say you’re shy haha. Although I have not seen all your works, the few that I have witnessed and the series that you’ve made seem brilliant and I think your work is really admirable. Your intense passion for the theater and that great endearment and dedication that you put into each work is noted and it seems quite inspiring because the results are felt every time you step on the stage or in the warmth that people have towards you.
Also you seem to me a very affable and kind man, which exalts you more as a person and, despite not knowing you, you have generated a lot of sympathy in me. That's why I wanted to give a sign of affection with a little caricature I made of you some time ago in which I wanted to portray that sweet countenance that you always show. I hope you like it and it does not seem offensive to you as it is made with the best intentions and I apologize for having taken the audacity to write to your personal Facebook.
I waited till the next day and I was afraid of the fact that he might not get the chance of receiving the message. But when I saw that he had seen it and that he responded it I was so THRILLED… yet he just answered this:
“Hello, (name). Many thanks for your words and for the caricature, which I think is accurate and funny. I wish you a very happy 2014. A big hug.”
I thought that, considering the length of my message, the nice things I said and the effort of making a drawing for him, he was going to write more than just two lines…that really disappointed me and made me sad because his message felt so succinct and cold…
I was planning that If he answered the message I would respond with something more direct by telling him that I’m gay and that I was inspired by a gay role that he played (he is currently in the middle of a season of 2 plays together and in one of them he plays an older gay man who didn’t had the courage to be with his lover when he was younger, and the two plays turn around the theme of all the things we regret not doing so it would be JUST PERFECT to write him about how was I inspired by that character and that I don’t want to let things pass) but I did not feel ANY interest on his part so I don’t know if it would be a good idea to continue with the plan…
So, Do you guys think that I should continue with this and take a chance? This is really important to me and I’m terrified about this. The fact that he’s a public person is a big deal too and I’m very intimidated because he is also a university teacher and he’s very smart and knows a lot about everything, which makes me feel that I couldn’t keep up with him in a conversation… but it’s been a long time since I felt so good about something and the only fact of thinking about having a relationship with him makes me happy. Any ideas of things I could say to him would be really well received.
Thanks a lot in advance.