Hello, well this is my problem and I hope you could help me out:
I’m 20 years old, and I really like older men and bears, but especially older men. Only my two best friends know this and I’ve never been in a relationship with anyone. Even though I’ve had a huge crush for an old teacher (60 years old) in my school for 6 years so far, it was impossible for me to start something with him: he is married and he’s got grown up sons, besides I don’t think he is gay or even bisexual. So, I really want to move on and I’m tired of being lonely and sad for thinking of the feelings remaining through all this years.
Therefore, since I can’t be with this teacher and I’m starting to calm down about him, I wanted to be with someone else and try to be happy. So, 4 or 5 years ago there was this famous theater actor/director in my country who caught my eye. He’s also 60 years old and he´s a big theater reference here, he appears in the local newspapers regularly and he´s constantly acting or directing new plays. The thing is that I really like him, he’s very handsome, and he seems to be very nice and kind in the interviews that I’ve seen. Although he has claimed on TV that he didn’t have time to form a family because he is very shy and due he was constantly working on his only passion (which is theater) rumors about him being actually gay begun to spread after he responded affirmatively to a question which referred if homosexuality was part of his life. He just said yes to that question but he never admitted to be gay, he could’ve been referring to a character in a play or to the fact that theater is considered to be “heaven” for gay people, but he never explained more. So for me he was just a fantasy, I didn’t have a real proof about his sexual preferences and didn’t think about making a move. But this changed a few days ago, when I found his Facebook account and I discovered some clues that confirmed my suspicions:
1) He had a photo promoting one of his plays in which he appears hugging a young man, and there was between the comments one that said: “I’m sure you like to play that part” and the actor gave it a like to this comment. (I know it’s very silly but there’s more to come).
2) He posted a red equal sign of The Human Rights Campaign about supporting gay marriage. But not only that, because I know that even a straight man can support that initiative, but he wrote “Pride” in the publication, and that’s a word you just don’t drop as easy as that.
3) His Facebook account doesn’t have his name on it, he has a weird nickname and after searching a little bit I found out that the nickname belonged to a character that he had played in the past. This character was a repressed homosexual who, in a moment of the story, confesses his sexual frustrations of his married life.
So, those are my reasons to believe that he is gay. But the second part of the case is this: Due to the Holidays I was seriously thinking about sending him a caricature of him that I’ve done a long time ago for a drawing workshop as an excuse to tell him how I feel, not saying that I love him or anything as such (because I don’t know him) but open myself up to him and try to build something if he’s willing to do so.
And I know that both Christmas and New Year carry a lot of nostalgia and sadness in people who don’t have families or a loved one, and given the fact that he’s said that he also doesn’t have a lot of friends, I believe that he may think about being lonely as well.
I know that I may sound like an obsessed fan, but believe me, I’m not acting on an impulse, there has been literally thousands of times that I’ve thought about declaring my love to my school teacher but I haven’t because I knew it was useless, so I know how to control myself. I just happened to like this actor and if there’s a possibility to start something in which we could both be happy, why shouldn’t I try it?
So I want you guys to tell me if I’m just mad, or if it’s worth the risk to do this. And if you think I should talk to him via Facebook, I want you to please help me out by telling me how I should write to him. This is really important to me and I’m terrified about this. The fact that he’s a public person is a big deal too and I’m very intimidated because he is also a teacher and he’s very smart and knows a lot about everything, which makes me think that I couldn’t keep up with him in a conversation… but it’s been a long time since I felt so good about something and the only fact of thinking about having a relationship with him gives me hope.
Thanks a lot in advance.