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  1. #1

    My partner is awesome but this really disappoints me!! (Anal Sex)

    Hi everyone, I love the input on this site and the honesty of the people so I decided to post.

    I was really frustrated for a while and now i really need you guys to help me.

    I am in an amazing, monogamous, stress-free relationship for a few years now. I am 25 and my partner is 49. I am a total top and he is a bottom. We will get married soon.

    We always have the hottest sex. I didn't sleep around with many men before the relationship, everything I did involved getting "serviced" only.

    So after he came into my life, I really really had an immense urge to try and plow his ass when we play together. I felt he is the right person for me to do so, but I was too embarrassed to ask!

    One day, we were playing together and things got really heated up and he wanted me to fuck him! So we did that and all, he loved it - I took my time - - it was my first time fucking someone and this was amazing.

    Now, my problem is......

    We had anal sex for a few times after that, but later on he won't allow me to do it anymore, he said he doesn't enjoy it as it hurts like fuck. He used to be "slutty" before the relationship but we settled down after that, I knew he got fucked a few times by guys and he enjoyed it. I saw some of his chats with guys he met from previous years, he really wanted to get fucked mainly.

    I love giving it to him, but he doesn't like it slow or hard, I try to be as gentle as I can with him but he just doesn't seem to enjoy it in anyway. I am quite frustrated about this, I tried it for a few months and he doesn't really respond well to it. The thing is, he told me he hates "unnatural" things up his ass, so I can't finger him for example. By unnatural he means fingers or dildos, toys etc. He usually says that maybe the "positioning" is not right, but I tried every position possible through my porn-watching experience. Slow,hard, anal strokes but still none work. I am as gentle as it can get.

    I don't want to to hurt him, but at the same time I am really, really addicted to giving him a good fuck everytime, but it hurts he says and he can't take it, i try my best to please him as it pleases me. I am a total top but I want to make sure he gets pleasure before me as it is important to me that my partner enjoys himself as much as me if not more.

    So here is my problem, any advice anyone can offer please?

    How do I get him to enjoy it? what can I do?? I just LOVE giving it to him, but I don't want to hurt him or be selfish. Is he playing hard to get?

    How do I get the positioning right? I would love to do it for hours with him but he can't take it for sometimes a MINUTE or two even!!


    For the record, my penis is average.

    I would greatly appreciate your help! Will wait your feedback!


    Thanks all

  2. #2
    Impish and Mercurial Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: My partner is awesome but this really disappoints me!! (Anal Sex)

    Ok, you say you love our honesty, so I am going to assume you want me to be honest. Here is some honesty you won't like.

    You are NOT "in an amazing, monogamous, stress-free relationship". Well, I take your word for the monogamy, but that's as far as accuracy goes. A relationship is neither amazing, nor stress-free if one party is sexually frustrated, and if you've gotten to the point of posting a topic asking for advice here, then clearly you are sexually frustrated. It is a common mistake young gay guys make - "Oh, everything is perfect, it's just that sex sucks". Sex is just as important a part of a successful relationship as all the feelings, companionship etc. In fact, in some ways it's more important, because it's a physical need. There are no norms for what's right and wrong as far as sex goes, but there is one absolute rule - both parties in a relationship have to be sexually satisfied. If that isn't possible, the relationship will not survive.


    Now, some things don't exactly add up in your topic. On one hand, you've been with this guy for years. On another, you make it seem like you only had anal sex a few times. On the third, you say how much you love "giving it to him", as if it's a common occurrence. So which is it?

    As for his problem, I am not sure what to tell you. If he used to be a total bottom and had lots of sex, but now can't have it with you, it's more likely that something has changed physically for him. Has he explored medical reasons? Have you tried different positions? Have you really talked about this at all?

    It's hard to give you specific advice because there is information missing. However, one piece of friendly advice would be this - do NOT get married until this is resolved. I know it's not what American Christian culture says, but sex IS a major factor in a relationship, and if you can't reach a point where you are both sexually satisfied, the resentment WILL build up and it will ruin the relationship. This is not a threat, a possibility or anything like that. It's what WILL happen. So work on this situation first, and make sure you have figured it out before you commit to marriage.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  3. #3
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    Re: My partner is awesome but this really disappoints me!! (Anal Sex)

    Lube, man. More lube!

    I think you're too modest. Average? On grindr everyone's 8in - that's big!

    But seriously, 69 for now, face fuck him if he can take it. You know what? I think you should explore bottoming too. I never considered bottoming during the early stages. And I also hate getting fingered until now but a lubed finger covered in a condom is quite a different story . Try fingering yourself covered in a lubed condom and you might be surprised what you're missing. Start with a finger and when you're comfortable, two fingers is quite better but get used to it first and stretch slowly. Let your BF finger you later and progress from 1 finger to 2 to 3 then the real cock. Guys don't bottom because some guys make the initiation painful and unpleasant - which shouldn't be the case.

    Open your physical sexual horizons with your BF in a slow, and pleasant way. The best way is practice with yourself first. Open your mind, you'll like it.
    Last edited by bruce379; November 2nd, 2013 at 01:08 AM.

  4. #4
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: My partner is awesome but this really disappoints me!! (Anal Sex)

    This might best be approached in coupl's counseling. I write that because the obvious solution is foreplay to which he's opposed.

    Healthy relationships are voluntary with constant communication with no issues off the table. Conflict, compassion and compromise are necessary components as well. Not getting what I want is one thing; not getting what I need is a deal breaker.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  5. #5
    JUB Addict Craiger's Avatar
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    Re: My partner is awesome but this really disappoints me!! (Anal Sex)

    One thing I noticed in your post was the age difference. Not that there is anything wrong with it, but your partner is 49 and as was suggested above, there may be a medical/physical reason the anal sex is now painful. I would suggest that your partner be examined by his physician. There may be the beginning of an enlarged prostate which could cause an uncomfortable or painful response. If this is not the case, then I think Seasoned has the right answer and that would be couple counseling. Good luck.

    Craiger

  6. #6
    JUB Addict mikey3000's Avatar
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    Re: My partner is awesome but this really disappoints me!! (Anal Sex)

    How about an Anal Pleasures workshop for gay couples? Many large cities offer these and many other kinds of intimacy based classes. Check your local LGBT community paper or local adult toy shops for information.
    Inspired - but too tired.

  7. #7
    JUB Addict maxpowr9's Avatar
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    Re: My partner is awesome but this really disappoints me!! (Anal Sex)

    Before jumping to conclusions, have his prostate checked out. He's no spring chicken so it is important to have that looked at as you get older. Once his health report comes back, then it becomes a personal issue between you two.

  8. #8
    of the 99%
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    Re: My partner is awesome but this really disappoints me!! (Anal Sex)

    Please see the sticky thread on "Sex is a Need."
    #439th oldest member on JUB.

  9. #9

    Re: My partner is awesome but this really disappoints me!! (Anal Sex)

    Do either of you ever smoke pot? Surprisingly, smoking pot before bottoming helps many guys enjoy bottoming. It helps you relax (so your ass isn't so tight) and it reduces pain. On the other hand, some people can get paranoid and more uptight from it, so it might have the opposite of the desired effect.

  10. #10

    Re: My partner is awesome but this really disappoints me!! (Anal Sex)

    I really appreciate everyone's input!

    He is on travel and it has been 2 months, 2 months to go. waiting for him to come back to settle this with some rape.

    Truly, he told me when I talked to him a few days ago that it hurts like fuck and "I got to make him want it" rather than just go straight for the ass. Should I slow down and have a long cuddle first? His ass just so fine, it is that addicting that's why I flip him over shortly after we play. Do you think this is bothering him?

  11. #11
    JUB Addict shaneripley81's Avatar
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    Re: My partner is awesome but this really disappoints me!! (Anal Sex)

    I think you just need to take it slow and give him more foreplay.
    Take your time and eat his ass properly before jamming it up there.
    Tease him with your cock, and let him glide it into his own ass with his hands.
    If even after extended foreplay, he doesn't want to bottom, be patient with him,
    and maybe do some other things with him (perhaps you could bottom?)
    I do know that as people age, they want different things sexually,
    and maybe he just isn't into bottoming anymore or maybe just not like he once was.
    Being a supportive partner means being receptive to your partner's needs and even exploring other options
    if bottoming is something he no longer enjoys.
    I mean, you weren't always into topping...maybe it's your turn to offer up your ass
    and give bottoming a try.

  12. #12

    Re: My partner is awesome but this really disappoints me!! (Anal Sex)

    Quote Originally Posted by shaneripley81 View Post
    I think you just need to take it slow and give him more foreplay.
    Take your time and eat his ass properly before jamming it up there.
    Tease him with your cock, and let him glide it into his own ass with his hands.
    If even after extended foreplay, he doesn't want to bottom, be patient with him,
    and maybe do some other things with him (perhaps you could bottom?)
    I do know that as people age, they want different things sexually,
    and maybe he just isn't into bottoming anymore or maybe just not like he once was.
    Being a supportive partner means being receptive to your partner's needs and even exploring other options
    if bottoming is something he no longer enjoys.
    I mean, you weren't always into topping...maybe it's your turn to offer up your ass
    and give bottoming a try.
    As I said, his ass is just so fucking fine. I rim it as much as I can but he doesn't seem to enjoy it even though I know damn well how to do it, I do ask him if it helps him relax and feel good, but he always says he is "nervous" that's all.

    I take my time before shoving it. I go slow and steady with in and out strokes. Maybe as you said I should let him glide it with his hands, but he is always gripping his ass as it shows nervousness or fear, I really can't explain it...

    I have always been a top, I got a finger up my ass for a few seconds, when my man pulled his finger out it felt like he was pulling a cannon out of my ass LOL, so I am not really sure I enjoy it...

    I only started Anal with him because I did feel the one he was the one, I have never done it with anyone else, but when I tried it he was the one who wanted it. Do I have to figure a way out to drive him to that point of "wanting it"?

    I am greatly supportive and patient trust me. I love making him happy and satisfied..... I am not sure if I would offer my ass, kind of scary. :S

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