I've been on the forums for a while, but this is my first post. I've been struggling with this for a long time, and I'm finally coming to terms with it. I am not exactly sure what I believe myself to be. For the majority of my life after hitting puberty, I've watched and been interested in gay porn. Before I got to college, I never really had the opportunity to experiment with other guys, and quite honestly, I've never been attracted sexually to guys I know. But, on the other hand, I've never been openly sexually attracted to girls I know either. I dated a little bit in high school, and the one intense relationship I had (we never had sex), I was always really attracted to her. We just never progressed to a sex level. After getting to college, I still watched gay porn, had a few hookups with girls, and then I went abroad to Germany for a few months. I traveled around, hooked up with a few girls, and then went to a few gay bars and a few glory holes when I traveled alone. I didn't hook up with a guy, but I did try sucking someone off for the first time. Honestly, I really didn't enjoy it. I enjoyed getting sucked off myself as always, but I didn't like sucking. My dilemma is this: as I'm getting close to graduation, even though I'm going on to grad school, I'm starting to think about the future after that. I am not completely sure what I am or what I believe myself to be. Quite honestly, I am probably still sexually attracted to guys, possibly a bit more than girls, but emotionally, I can't imagine my life with anyone but a woman. I know some will say that I am just following what society has put in front of me, but I don't think that's the case. I love having sex with women, but I just don't find straight porn exciting. I do, however, find gay porn attractive. But that's about the extent. But, I still don't find guys I know to be attractive. But I also don't find myself to be sexually attracted to girls I know, except for one or two. I don't go out of my way to check out a girl. I will definitely notice if I put forth the effort, but it's not automatic. I do check out guys every now and then, but for the most part, I'm in my own world a lot. I've tried to think of myself as bisexual, but for some reason it doesn't seem to fit. Gay doesn't seem to fit, in my mind, either. I'm somewhere in the middle. I feel like the conflict is mostly between my sexual side and my emotional side. I'm not exactly sure how I should proceed. Should I just go with the flow? Right now I'm so concentrated on my schoolwork that I don't have time to think about dating or hooking up. It doesn't really bother me all the time, but sometimes I'd like my dick to meet something other than my hand.